Well I guess it's my turn....
Up to this point in my life...I'm 37, I've only had (3) people I was close to die. When I was 19 my next door neighbor Amy, who was 18...was killed in a car accident.....and about 2 years ago I had a very close buddy of mine die in a car accident as well. My Great Grandmother passed away 4 years ago and it was sad obviously...she was a sweet lady.
But, I just found out my Grandmother of whom I am VERY close....has been diagnosed with Lung Cancer. She was one of the many folks who smoked for 50 years because they started when no one really didn't know any better. The thing about it is she's been crushed with physical issues for the past 3 years thanks to a severe bout of Shingles. A case of which has taken her all the way to the Mayo clinic and they can't figure out why she continues to have pain...or what to do to relieve it other than prescribe massive amounts of pain killers.
She's 73...and up until the Shingles hit you would have looked at her and guessed her to be mid 50's...just a spit fire little lady that would bound around. And if you were to look at a pic of her 4 years ago and one now...you would swear 15 years has passed. The amount of daily pain she's in from this Shingle anomaly is near unbearable to watch.
The first year she was on so much medication she couldn't articulate a sentence. At one time I had all the drugs she was on written down because it was insane...Oxycotin..percesete...they did morphene for a while. Anything and everything. She got down to 83 lbs!!!! Just wiped her out and she's never recovered.
so the past year or so she developed emphysema due to all the smoking...and sure enough her and my grandfather told us all the other night at diner. She started crying and apologizing to me for her not going to be around for my boys...
it was/is tough. She all but said she's not going to 'treat' it...that she doesn't feel like going through chemo and radiation and that she's just beat.
My Grandfather pulled me aside about three or four months ago and told me that Grandma wasn't on her 'deathbed' as he said, but that we should all start to really enjoy the time we have with her and spend more time with her. He's been on the forefront the whole time and had never said anything like that before..so I think I began to prepare myself for this news then....which has made it 'easier' to take...but I'll admit even typing this I've had a 'moment'.
I understand that I'm not the first or the last to go through something like this.....cancer sucks....and losing your Grandma sucks even more. She's not gone just yet and they have a DR's appointment Monday that should yield more answers....but this moment has just reminded me that I've entered a phase of life now that at one time seemed so far off.....now I find myself smack in the middle of it.
Sorry for the long post but I think it might have helped me a bit...