Relationships between young guys and much older women?

[WildRanger]

What are your views on this kind of relationships, whether they are emotional or just sexual? Are they OK to you or not?
And according to your personal knowledge, are they rare or not?

[Adami]

If it's legal, it's fine.

[The Walrus]

It's none of my business. Who gives a shit if they're healthy and happy.

[MirrorMask]

If it's legal, it's fine.

What he said.

If both they're consenting adults and no one is coherced, if a 20 years old kid has the hots for a 40 or 50 years old woman, and she returns his feelings, who am I to judge, and why my hypothetically not being OK with it should affect said couple in any way.

[MinistroRaven]

What are your views on this kind of relationships, whether they are emotional or just sexual? Are they OK to you or not?
And according to your personal knowledge, are they rare or not?

Are you in such relationship? If that’s the case, don’t give a f*ck to what anyone can say.

[Phoenix87x]

It depends on what you are looking for.

I was in a long term relationship with with a 37 year old when I was 26. I wanted to get married and have a kid with her and she already had 3 kids, one of which was 17 and she later down the line she told me she absolutely didn't want to have a kid and didn't want to get married again despite accepting my proposal. So we had two totally different exceptions for the relationship. And because of that and other typical relationship degradation BS, it fell apart and we went our separate ways. (which left me devastated at the time)

So I would recommend thinking about where you both are and what both of you are expecting out of the relationship before getting deeply invested. There's nothing wrong with it, just make sure you protect yourself from getting hurt.

 

[Indiscipline]

My wife is twelve years my major, we've been together for seven years, and things couldn't go better. We are even constant partners on stage (i.e. at work), so we really spend the bulk of our lives together.

If you're asking for advice on a similar situation, the only thing I can tell you is it's imperative both people involved know exactly and honestly what they want from each other and from themselves. Then age is not a factor.

[Adami]

Are we talking about 10-15 year difference or more Harold/Maude stuff? Cause he said "much older".

Either way, my original answer stands. If it's legal, it's fine.

[SystematicThought]

They don't bother me.

I myself have a somewhat complicated relationship with someone who is about 10 years older than me. It's complicated in the fact that we don't date, we work together, everyone thinks we date because we are always around each other. We've had dinner with each other outside of work, text and such, know quite a bit about each other. I'd say she's my best friend and someone who I really look forward to seeing everyday and miss her when we don't. The best way I can describe us is like Jim and Pam from The Office, with the will they or won't they tension. I feel like one day it'll work out.

Anyways, to get back to the question, no it doesn't bother me and nor should I care. It has no effect on my life. If they're happy, I'm happy

[jammindude]

It begs the question though....do any of you guys have a double standard on this?

Let's say your daughter was legal, but dating a guy your age.   Would you still be every bit as OK with it as most of you seem to be acting?

Just a "food for thought" question.

[SystematicThought]

It's an interesting question, for sure. I can't really answer it, since I'm not a parent. In my situation, I don't feel like her parents would really care that much, they're in their late 60s and would probably just be happy that she found someone--or at least that's the impression I get.

If I were a parent, I may have a problem if my 22 year old daughter starts dating a 42 year old man. Only because you're in such a different place in life. It'd probably be one of those points of contention that there are arguments about, but maybe would come around. I can only really answer from my perspective though, I'm 24 and she's 33, but overall I feel like we're in pretty similar places in life and I think we both don't really want kids. We both work in the same place, and don't see that changing anytime soon. She still lives with her parents as well, so she's not exactly independent, although they pretty much leave her to her own devices.

It's a tough question jammin. I can only say I don't really care about the age gap, but I say that because I'm living it and it doesn't bother me. If I were a parent, my answer would probably change or at least I'd have a different perspective.

I hope a gave a coherent response, I feel like I rambled and didn't really convey anything relevant.

[Adami]

It begs the question though....do any of you guys have a double standard on this?

Let's say your daughter was legal, but dating a guy your age.   Would you still be every bit as OK with it as most of you seem to be acting?

Just a "food for thought" question.

I think it's fine to not go to college and work at Wal-Mart. But if my kid told me they were going to skip college and work at Wal-Mart, I'd have an issue.
I think people should be free to do whatever drugs they want. But if my kid told me they wanted to get into drugs, I'd have an issue.

The standards to which we hold our children are not reflective of our general opinions and perspectives.

[Stadler]

It begs the question though....do any of you guys have a double standard on this?

Let's say your daughter was legal, but dating a guy your age.   Would you still be every bit as OK with it as most of you seem to be acting?

Just a "food for thought" question.

I think it's fine to not go to college and work at Wal-Mart. But if my kid told me they were going to skip college and work at Wal-Mart, I'd have an issue.
I think people should be free to do whatever drugs they want. But if my kid told me they wanted to get into drugs, I'd have an issue.

The standards to which we hold our children are not reflective of our general opinions and perspectives.

This.  Put a different way, the reason I'd not be that cool with my daughter dating someone my age isn't because "she can't" - she can do whatever the fuck she wants - but for other reasons.   

[Adami]

Dammit Stads, stop agreeing with me! My grasp on my reality is weak enough as is!

[The Walrus]

There's actually a lady in her 40s that I know who thinks I'm cute and I think she's hot. Wouldn't mind something going down even though I'm 27

[King Postwhore]

Dammit Stads, stop agreeing with me! My grasp on my reality is weak enough as is!

Let's talk about these feelings.

[MirrorMask]

Well, another more provocative question about "what if was your child"... have you ever thought, when you were a horny teenager, what the parents of the teen girl you were shagging or making out with were thinking? I guess not. Then why should a 15 years old kid worry about you as a parent when he'll be tongue kissing your sweet innocent daughter of the same age? 

[ChuckSteak]

If it's legal, it's fine.

Damn! Slavery and a lot of such good things in the past were legal too. I guess they were fine. 
People think that something being legal is the same as somthing being right...


On topic: When it comes to romantic relationships age doesn't matter, as long as it is consensual. I think such kinds of relationship are rare because people feel pressure from society, they don't think it is "right", they don't think it will be "well-seen" and that their families won't accept it. In short, people care more about how others will see the relationships than their own feelings for each other.

[Indiscipline]

It begs the question though....do any of you guys have a double standard on this?

Let's say your daughter was legal, but dating a guy your age.   Would you still be every bit as OK with it as most of you seem to be acting?

Just a "food for thought" question.

And good food for thought it is. Is double, triple, fourfold, etc. ad infinitum standard really something to frown at in the private sphere?

Doesn't each and every one of such complex personal matters involving life and feelings deserve its own reasoned standard?

[wolfking]

What are your views on this kind of relationships, whether they are emotional or just sexual? Are they OK to you or not?
And according to your personal knowledge, are they rare or not?

There is absolutely no problem whatsoever IMO.

[Adami]

If it's legal, it's fine.

Damn! Slavery and a lot of such good things in the past were legal too. I guess they were fine. 
People think that something being legal is the same as somthing being right...

In this specific context, where being legal includes mutual consent....yes. Context is pretty important.

[Stadler]

If it's legal, it's fine.

Damn! Slavery and a lot of such good things in the past were legal too. I guess they were fine. 
People think that something being legal is the same as somthing being right...

No, but what is "right" is different for every person.   The law isn't about what's "right", it's about "what is the lowest common denominator"?  What standard can we apply to EVERYONE, and hold them to it?   The point here is, for me - and I was in this position not long ago (I got divorced when I was 45) - what I thought was "right" or not isn't necessarily what is or should be right for someone else.  The one thing I CAN do, is hold them to the law.  Everything else is what I call "NY Beeswax" ("Not Your Business").

On topic: When it comes to romantic relationships age doesn't matter, as long as it is consensual. I think such kinds of relationship are rare because people feel pressure from society, they don't think it is "right", they don't think it will be "well-seen" and that their families won't accept it. In short, people care more about how others will see the relationships than their own feelings for each other.

I disagree with this.   Sort of a tangent from above, but when I was going through my divorce, for various reasons I didn't want to be home, so I would go to this local bar and hangout.  Not necessarily get "hammered", but I'd sit at the bar - i knew a couple of the bartenders - and nurse vodkas and do crossword puzzles.  As the night went on the crowd would usually pick up, law students from the local law school, etc.  LOTS of 20-somethings.  I didn't give a flip what "society" said, but I had a conscience, and I had enough conversations that made me feel old ("Kiss?  My dad likes Kiss!") that for me to be authentic (yes I said that) under 27, 30, it just seemed like a good line to have.   And while I'm no Kip Winger, one of the things I took from that experience is that anything is possible.   I remember one time that I was there, and this cute girl was waiting for her friend who was kind of off being a barfly and it turned out she was home from college on break, and let me just leave it that she made it clear she'd be interested in spending more of her break with me than with the girl flirting her way through the rest of the bar.  I politely, respectfully, passed. 

You made the distinction between "legal" and "right", and that seems to be for other people.  I made the distinction between "impulse" and "rational decision" and - in that instance anyway - opted for "rational decision".   It just wasn't for me. 

[pg1067]

What are your views on this kind of relationships, whether they are emotional or just sexual? Are they OK to you or not?
And according to your personal knowledge, are they rare or not?

When you say, "whether they are emotional or just sexual," I'm not sure what exactly you're including.

I've had lots of "emotional" relationships with older women in my life that weren't sexual.  I've had sexual relationships with a handful of older women, but none were significantly older.

When I was 20, I met an older woman (in the parking lot of a 7-11, where all great relationships begin!) and invited her to come see my band play.  We exchanged phone numbers and spoke a couple days later.  I thought she was maybe 5-10 years older than me.  At some point in the discussion, she invited me to a Halloween party.  It was a 21 and up party (and no, I didn't have a fake ID).  When I mentioned that I was 20, she said something like, "Wow!  My daughter is older than you!"  Apparently, that was a deal breaker for her....  Maybe I should've asked for her daughter's phone number.

I suppose if I weren't married, I'd be bothered by younger competition for women my age, but since I'm married, all I can say to any young guy who can score a "cougar" is congrats!

[TempusVox]

I think it depends on the individuals involved as to whether a relationship can last. Although I do think that age can play into it because of experience bias that everyone gains through life in general.

While I was in college, I had a purely physical relationship with a much older woman named Diane. I was 21, and she was 47. She was actually 5 years older than my own mother. I met her at a club in Seattle. I knew then that she was older, but not exactly by how much; but she was as hot as Hell. She had been married to a guy who owned one of the largest limo companies on the West coast, and was his trophy wife. He was out chasing younger women, and neglecting her, and she'd finally had enough- divorcing him, and taking him for almost everything.

She lived in a huge house with her daughter who was a year older than I was, in the very prominent neighborhood of Medina. We wound up in a hotel the first night, and then stayed there the whole weekend. When I left on Monday, she told me she didn't care if I was seeing anyone, she would like to keep having sex with me. During my college years, I played football, and took full advantage of all of the sex I possibly could get. So, I was totally into it.

Diane started buying me stuff. Lots of stuff. Watches, suits, work out clothes, etc. We started going to the nicest restaurants; concerts, plays, ballet. We had sex a couple of days each week. My roommates, Martin and Karl, and I used to hang at her house and swim in the pool all of the time. And if she called me and I was otherwise occupied, she was totally cool with it all. She didn't care who I slept with. In fact, she got into it. She'd ask me to reenact things I did with other women. And she taught me a lot sexually, and she was insatiable.

This went on for about 9 months, and during this time, she kept telling her daughter, Letty, that I was just a friend. I saw Letty so much that she and I started to take an interest in each other, and Diane knew this. At one point, she asked me to seduce her daughter and show her what great sex was like. Over the next few months Letty and I hooked up a few times, and one night afterwards, she told me, "My mom said you were great, but I had no idea just how much."

The next day, I was really just weirded out by the whole thing. My old roommate Martin, to this day, thinks I'm crazy as fuck, but I couldn't do it anymore. The gifts, sleeping with her and then her daughter, with both of them knowing and comparing notes- it was too weird, even for me!  I broke it off with Diane and actually dated Letty for a few more months, but her mom started getting jealous, and I was just wanting to hook up with lots of different women, so I ended that too.

When I was 35, I met a young model at a bar that I frequented. She was 26. It started on a purely sexual basis. We couldn't keep our hands (and other parts of our bodies) off of each other. We started dating and three months into it, we discussed her moving in with me. We were having a great time, and the sex was incredible for both of us. About two weeks after she moved in, I came home and she was in tears. Naturally, I tried to comfort her, and wanted to know what was wrong. She only cried harder and told me she loved me so much and didn't want to lose me. So, I asked, "What's this all about?" She told me that she wasn't 26, she was only 19! Then it all came into laser focus-outside of the bedroom we didn't really have much in common; and I swear to God, my brain immediately went to "Hey Nineteen", by Steely Dan. 

We had great sex, but we had nothing really else in common. She got very few of my references, and slowly it started to really frustrate me, because outside of the bedroom, her inexperence about 'life" was naturally profound. It was especially awkward when our social circles tried to hang out as well. About six months later, I asked her to move out.

I have friends who have made huge age differences work. One good friend is 14 years younger than his wife. Mrs. Vox is 8 years younger than me. There are times, of course she doesn't get a reference from my youth, but not too often.

But I think it can be a big deal for some people.

EDIT: I just reread my post, and realize I could have started it out with... "Dear Penthouse Forum".
Wasn't intentional. 

[cramx3]

Wow Tempus 

I have a double standard. I kind of think it's weird.  If I saw a grey haired old looking man with a teenage looking girl (girls in their twenties can often look much younger, so I am going for what you see here, it looks like a large age difference) I would think it's kind of odd.  However, if I were an old man and able to score a 19 year old, I think I would. 

However, I wouldn't stop it or go "that guys a pedophile" I would just think it's weird and yet would be OK being that weird too.  I also don't think I'd want me daughter involved with a much older dude.  But at the end of the day, as long as it's legal, it's not really my business.

[TempusVox]

I also don't think I'd want me daughter involved with a much older dude.  But at the end of the day, as long as it's legal, it's not really my business.

THIS. I met her father a couple of times. Turns out we had actually been to a couple of the same concerts when we were younger. 
He was only a few years older than me at the time. I never looked at it from the vantage point that when I was 18 she was only 2, but that's creepy as fuck! But, remember, she had actually lied to me about her age; and she was a grown, very healthy, adult woman when we met. 

[King Postwhore]

I just flashed back to my teen years reading those penthouse forums.

Thanks Dad!  Lol

[The Walrus]

I think I just shed a tear. Tempus is my hero.

[Dublagent66]

Much better news than 17 huh Vox?   

[eric42434224]

In my mid 20’s, I was a bartender on the beach in Ft Lauderdale in the late 90s.  Hooked up with a hot mid thirty’s dental assistant with a convertible Porsche.  It was a very entertaining and educational month.  I recommend every guy hook up with an older woman at least once.

Edit:  but I married a hot blonde 8 years younger than me.  Positives going younger too....especially 18 years later

[pg1067]

I think I just shed a tear. Tempus is my hero.

Damn....I'm both jealous and in awe!

[cramx3]

In my mid 20’s, I was a bartender on the beach in Ft Lauderdale in the late 90s.  Hooked up with a hot mid thirty’s dental assistant with a convertible Porsche.  It was a very entertaining and educational month.  I recommend every guy hook up with an older woman at least once.

Edit:  but I married a hot blonde 8 years younger than me.  Positives going younger too....especially 18 years later

The oldest girl I dated (only 5 years older) was easily the most sexual of the girls I dated.  My currently single friend said he's been dating older ladies and they are also by far the most sexual of the girls he has dated too. Seems to be a trend here...

And my current girlfriend is 7 years younger than me, so not far off from you as well.

[Stadler]

Cram I found that out, too when I was divorced.  There's a subgroup of women out there, say 37 to mid-40's that - to generalize - married their high school sweetheart when they were young, had hair, still had muscles, and were surrounded by bigger meatheads than they were.  Then these women grew up but found out they were married to an older, balder, fatter version of the same meathead and, well, for a couple years there I was the big beneficiary.

My current wife is seven years younger than me (and easily looks 10 years younger than she is).   Life is grand. 

[JayOctavarium]

One of my best friends was in a relationship with my mom's best friend for a few years. Like... he was maybe 18-19 and she was in her mid 40s. Her daughter was a close friend of mine, whom I actually was trying to hook up with..  It was weird.  My mother, who has issues, accused him of taking her best friend from her, and my friend's relationship turned to shit after a few years.

I never hooked up with daughter, but I think I might have had a chance with the mother... during their relationship. She had... fantasies. Come to think of it... my friend might have had a round or 2 with both of them separate, and together. I have seen photos that might suggest this.



Anyways... I would say that I have no issue with it... but recently a female interweb friend of mine, who was 18, hooked up with another interweb friend who was in his mid 30s. I had a huge issue with it. I didn't like the dude at all... After a few months, he flew her out to spend a week with her, took her virginity, gave her a possibly STD, and then dumped her. She is now in another relationship with a 30 something year old (shes 20). I wouldn't be surprised to see the same thing happen to her. She says "he's more mature than guys her age", but I think she just has developed a... thing for older dudes, who look at her like literal fresh meat.