Author Topic: Work / Life Advice  (Read 1275 times)

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Offline Nekov

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Work / Life Advice
« on: December 29, 2017, 10:17:50 AM »
Hi guys, I need some opinions in order to make a decission. Recently, as in a little bit over a month ago, my girlfriend moved in with me and I couldn't be happier about it. I thought it would be harder to adjust and live with someone else but so far it's been nothing short of great. We currently live in an apartment that belongs to my grandma and she only asks me to pay a "rent" to my brother each month since she used to split the rent she charged for it and give each of us half of that. My girlfriend and I can live a good life with our current salaries but recently we've been talking about getting our own home which is hard given the prices of the properties and the amount of money the bank will lend us given our current salaries. This is the context.
Recently, I've been looking for a new job that pays me more and just today I got a final offer for a proposal I have been considering which would mean that I would get paid almost double what I currently get each month which is huge, however this job requiers that I work in another state. The company pays for flight backs and stuff but obviously this means that from Monday through Friday I would be working in a place where I don't know anybody and for what I've been told is not very nice, and obviously this means being away from family and firends, and most importantly, away from my girlfriend just 1 month after we moved in together. We've been talking about this for quite some time but now that it's time to make a decission I'm torn and don't know what to do.
So, I'm pretty sure some of you have had experience with something like this and I was hoping I could get some good advice becuase I really don't know what to do.
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Offline bosk1

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Re: Work / Life Advice
« Reply #1 on: December 29, 2017, 10:30:55 AM »
It's complicated, but I can give you some thoughts on part of it.  First off, I know what it is like to be in a job you either like or are very comfortable with.  It can make you very afraid to make changes.  It is easy to feel like there just aren't that many good opportunities out there were you ever to leave that job or position.  But I think that is almost always a false perception.  It doesn't sound like the new job will be something you would want to do long terms, but might work for awhile perhaps.  So one question I have is:  As far as where you want to be, career-wise, would you have the ability to return to your current job/position at some point down the road if you want to, OR could you find something equivalent?  I am guessing the answer is probably "yes," especially for the latter.  If that is true, or if you have completely different career goals that would cause you to make a change at some point down the road, I would say that weighs in favor of taking this.  The time away from friends and loved ones is a sacrifice.  Believe me--I know.  I made a reverse change a couple of years ago, voluntarily taking about a 40% pay cut to change career paths in exchange for having more time with family.  I needed that, and they needed that.  But at this stage in your life, if the opposite type of move (less time, but more money) will bring about some long term benefits in terms of your career or your financial goals, don't be afraid to try it.  Just keep clear in your mind that it is temporary.  And here is where I will offer some (in this day and age) unconventional but sound advice:  Live like you are still making what you make now.  Save every penny you can save.  Don't buy that new home YET.  Sock away money and either pay down any debt you have or save it to get that new home later.  If you are doubling your pay, you can save a TON in just a couple of years if you live like you are living now, and your 5-years-from-now self will thank you for it.
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Offline Grappler

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Re: Work / Life Advice
« Reply #2 on: December 29, 2017, 10:32:25 AM »
What does she think?  Is the sacrifice worth it to put that extra money in the bank for a year?  How much could you save for a down-payment for a home in the span of 1-2 years, then look for a job closer to home?   Agreed with Bosk - my wife and I were able to save thousands this past summer by taking money that we were paying to loans that we had paid off and dumping it into savings.

My wife had some coworkers that commuted from San Diego to Chicago, and a lot of them got tired of the travel after 1-2 years.  When we were dating, we spent two years in a long distance relationship.  We were about 2-3 hours apart and would see each other on the weekends and talk daily/nightly on the phone.  We made it work because we were committed to the relationship and knew that in 2 years, she'd finish college and move back home.  Technology has improved since then with Skype and face-time.  Could you or she afford for her to fly out and visit you occasionally, which would lessen the burden on your travel schedule and give her some time away from home too.

Offline Nekov

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Re: Work / Life Advice
« Reply #3 on: December 29, 2017, 10:48:42 AM »
Thanks Bosk.

It's complicated, but I can give you some thoughts on part of it.  First off, I know what it is like to be in a job you either like or are very comfortable with.  It can make you very afraid to make changes. It doesn't sound like the new job will be something you would want to do long terms, but might work for awhile perhaps.  So one question I have is:  As far as where you want to be, career-wise, would you have the ability to return to your current job/position at some point down the road if you want to, OR could you find something equivalent?  I am guessing the answer is probably "yes," especially for the latter.

So, on the one side I'm comfortable at my curent job because I have a lot of freedom but on the other hand I feel like I haven't advanced in the past year. This new job sounds like a challenge and I think it would be a step in the right direction for me, but I still have some doubts about that. I think there is a chance that I could go back to my current job if things go south but this unncertainty is really complicating things for me. This is the first time I'm making a decission thinking several years ahead of time and that is not helping me much.

And here is where I will offer some (in this day and age) unconventional but sound advice:  Live like you are still making what you make now.  Save every penny you can save.  Don't buy that new home YET.  Sock away money and either pay down any debt you have or save it to get that new home later.  If you are doubling your pay, you can save a TON in just a couple of years if you live like you are living now, and your 5-years-from-now self will thank you for it.

This is what I'm planning to do, every extra penny that I make will go directly into savings in order to build for that home. Banks here won't provide loans for 100% of the property, just up to 70% so if you want to buy you need to have significant savings which is why I need a better salary.
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Offline Nekov

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Re: Work / Life Advice
« Reply #4 on: December 29, 2017, 10:54:49 AM »
What does she think?  Is the sacrifice worth it to put that extra money in the bank for a year?  How much could you save for a down-payment for a home in the span of 1-2 years, then look for a job closer to home?   

Well, she's standing in a similar position as I am. Economically this opportunity is very good, I could save a lot of money but she was the one that convinced me to move together so I know she would probably have a harder time than me being alone again.
The project won't last longer than 2 years so there is a maximum amount of time that I would spend there. There's also the chance that the company gets a new client and that I get moved before those 2 years.
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Offline bosk1

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Re: Work / Life Advice
« Reply #5 on: December 29, 2017, 11:17:49 AM »
What does she think?  Is the sacrifice worth it to put that extra money in the bank for a year?  How much could you save for a down-payment for a home in the span of 1-2 years, then look for a job closer to home?   

Well, she's standing in a similar position as I am. Economically this opportunity is very good, I could save a lot of money but she was the one that convinced me to move together so I know she would probably have a harder time than me being alone again.
The project won't last longer than 2 years so there is a maximum amount of time that I would spend there. There's also the chance that the company gets a new client and that I get moved before those 2 years.

You may want to sit down with her and just pencil out where this is likely to go in a few years on either path.  Maybe just pencil out the best case scenario and worst case scenario of each, and then ask questions like "Does the outcome of the best case scenario justify the risk of it not happening that way?"  "If the worst case scenario happens, can accept the risk and live content with the result knowing we gave it our best shot?"  "What are our long-term goals, both as a couple, and as individuals, and does this risk have a likelihood of advancing those goals?"  I think the answers to those questions and others like them will help you figure it out.  And I'm also willing to wager that I'm probably not telling you anything new.  But I mention it anyway because (1) maybe although you have likely had similar thoughts, maybe I've worded it in a way that is helpful, (2) maybe just hearing it from someone else kinda confirms what you knew already and helps you feel better about the process, and (3) ...as I was typing, I actually forgot what '3' is, but I'll go back and add it later if I remember.  :lol  But hopefully, this is helpful.  It is meant to be.

EDIT:  Oh yeah, 3:  Maybe even if you both have had these thoughts (which you likely have), you haven't sat down and talked about it in quite the methodical way I've presented it, and I personally think there is a lot of value in doing that.  I think the last question about goals and the second question about living with and being content with life if it doesn't go as planned are really good questions to discuss in very specific terms.  I think that conversation not only helps you make a good decision, but brings you closer as a couple and confident that you both have goals in mind that you can achieve.  Really, I hope this helps.
« Last Edit: December 29, 2017, 11:23:07 AM by bosk1 »
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Offline Nekov

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Re: Work / Life Advice
« Reply #6 on: December 29, 2017, 11:36:20 AM »
You may want to sit down with her and just pencil out where this is likely to go in a few years on either path.  Maybe just pencil out the best case scenario and worst case scenario of each, and then ask questions like "Does the outcome of the best case scenario justify the risk of it not happening that way?"  "If the worst case scenario happens, can accept the risk and live content with the result knowing we gave it our best shot?"  "What are our long-term goals, both as a couple, and as individuals, and does this risk have a likelihood of advancing those goals?" 

We've been talking about this but I think your suggestion of writing it down and really talking through it will clear things up a little bit. Thank you  :smiley:
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Offline Stadler

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Re: Work / Life Advice
« Reply #7 on: December 29, 2017, 12:08:39 PM »
I did this back in 2010.  I got laid off, and while I was doing okay freelancing, I got an offer to work for GE, but it required me to be in Erie five days a week (I lived in Philly).  This is about a 300 mile drive each way, FYI.   I took it.  I got an apartment and made do.   

Couple things: 
Plan for the travel.  If you come home every weekend, that's fine, but PLAN for it.   It's not an inconsequential expense or time commitment.   

Accept the outcome.   My marriage was going south anyway at the time, but this put the nail in the coffin for me.  I LIKED the time in Erie (no daughter notwithstanding) and it helped me come to grips with a relationship that is ending.  I hope, for you, that it gives you the time to reinforce the decision you made to move in with your girlfriend, and if you both handle the change like adults, maybe it makes you that much stronger.   Hell, after a year of "apart", changing a diaper will be NOTHING!

Be disciplined.  If you're doing this for the money, and you end up drinking the money away or buying big screen TVs, you kind of shot yourself in the foot, no?  You BOTH need to be on the same page with this.  I don't know your girlfriend (and I'm not implying anything here) but if you're banking a couple extra grand every paycheck, and she's bored and goes to Ann Taylor, you're kind of fucked. 

Even with all that (which happened to me) I don't regret that decision one bit.   I'm very much a "regret that which I DIDN'T do" kind of person, so you have to factor that in for yourself as well. 

Offline Nekov

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Re: Work / Life Advice
« Reply #8 on: December 29, 2017, 12:24:39 PM »
Thanks Stads.


Plan for the travel.  If you come home every weekend, that's fine, but PLAN for it.   It's not an inconsequential expense or time commitment.   
Quote

Luckily the company takes care of this and pays for everything so that takes a worry out of my mind  :smiley:

Accept the outcome.   My marriage was going south anyway at the time, but this put the nail in the coffin for me.  I LIKED the time in Erie (no daughter notwithstanding) and it helped me come to grips with a relationship that is ending.  I hope, for you, that it gives you the time to reinforce the decision you made to move in with your girlfriend, and if you both handle the change like adults, maybe it makes you that much stronger.   Hell, after a year of "apart", changing a diaper will be NOTHING!
Quote

First of all, sorry to hear about your relationship but if it was for the best then I guess it served you. And I do think this will be a test and I hope both of us come out of it stronger and that our relationship will improve because of this.

Be disciplined.  If you're doing this for the money, and you end up drinking the money away or buying big screen TVs, you kind of shot yourself in the foot, no?  You BOTH need to be on the same page with this.  I don't know your girlfriend (and I'm not implying anything here) but if you're banking a couple extra grand every paycheck, and she's bored and goes to Ann Taylor, you're kind of fucked. 
Quote

This might be the toughest one, I know that seeing that big paycheck will be a temptation but this is for the future. I know we may spend a little more, like paying for a gym so I have something to do there, or her going to an additional tennis class each week so she has something to do, but my plan is still to put most of that money into a savings account and keeping it locked.

Even with all that (which happened to me) I don't regret that decision one bit.   I'm very much a "regret that which I DIDN'T do" kind of person, so you have to factor that in for yourself as well.

This is another thing that has been drilling my head. I've regretted not doing a lot of things in my life and I'm thinking not taking this job might add to that, but on the other hand I may be too much into doing it so I don't regret it later. Life is hard  :-\
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Offline Nekov

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Re: Work / Life Advice
« Reply #9 on: December 29, 2017, 12:25:27 PM »
I didn't intend for that to come as a quote pyramid but since it looks kinda nice I will leave it as it is
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Re: Work / Life Advice
« Reply #10 on: December 29, 2017, 12:31:10 PM »
Would your girlfriend be willing to move with you? If as you say, she's also in a similar position, perhaps she could find another job wherever you guys go.
would have thought the same thing but seeing the OP was TAC i immediately thought Maiden or DT related
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Offline Nekov

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Re: Work / Life Advice
« Reply #11 on: December 31, 2017, 05:47:57 AM »
Would your girlfriend be willing to move with you? If as you say, she's also in a similar position, perhaps she could find another job wherever you guys go.

That would be ideal but the city I would be going to doesn't have much to offer  :-\
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Offline ReaperKK

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Re: Work / Life Advice
« Reply #12 on: December 31, 2017, 06:12:12 AM »
Something similar happened to my gf. We were about a year into our relationship when she got a job offer that required her to travel M-F, except she'd be going to a different city every week. It was double her pay. After some discussions she decided to take the job. That was two years ago.

Fast forward to now and she loves her job, she has seen places that she never thought of seeing and makes a killing doing it. We thought it'd be hard for our relationship but actually it's stronger than ever, during the week we talk often and we spend the weekends together. It works out pretty well considering we know the weekend time is what we have together so it's always quality time.

Each relationship is different, and each situation is different. There is a lot of great advice in this thread so I'll drop my two cents. Think about what the money will mean to you and your relationship. Don't let fear get in the way. If the opportunity seems interesting and it's something you'd like to do then don't let the comfort of your current job stop you from moving on. I worked at a job where I made decent money and a little over a year ago took a huge leap of faith to change career paths, I struggled for a bit but now I couldn't be happier.

Offline Nekov

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Re: Work / Life Advice
« Reply #13 on: January 02, 2018, 06:29:19 AM »
Guys,

I want to thank you all for the advice and support that you all provided. I ended up declining the offer. I went through the steps Bosk recommended, I considered Stads and Reaper's experiences and then I had a talk with my dad. As far as I can remember he has been travelling the world because of his work, at some point he lived in Bahrein for a year then another year in Singapore without us, just so that he could provide a better way of life for the family. And with all of that he was very adamant in telling me that doing something like this could really take a toll in my relationship and that I should consider what was more important to me. And the truth is I'm very much in love with my girlfriend and I didn't want to risk the beautiful thing we have, even if this opportunity was really good financially and carrer wise. I will keep looking for something new that doesn't require such a big sacrifice.

Thanks again guys, this is the kind of thing that makes me want to come back to the forum so often, I know this place is full of good people willing to help others  :smiley:
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Online TAC

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Re: Work / Life Advice
« Reply #14 on: January 02, 2018, 01:36:20 PM »
Yeah, that's why I asked if your gf could go with you. It's one thing to visit a college gf on the weekends, but as adults, when you guys move in and all that, it sounded like you were making a commitment. Jobs may come and go, but if you're truly serious about that relationship, it has to be a major component of the decision. I'm also glad you were able to speak with your father.
would have thought the same thing but seeing the OP was TAC i immediately thought Maiden or DT related
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Offline Nekov

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Re: Work / Life Advice
« Reply #15 on: January 05, 2018, 05:08:51 AM »
Update:

Interestingly enough, I got an email from the same company yesterday letting me know they have a position opening in my city soon and that they like my profile for it. I have an interview with them in a couple of hours. Probably won't pay as much as the other one but might be the change I need right now.  :smiley:
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Offline jingle.boy

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Re: Work / Life Advice
« Reply #16 on: January 05, 2018, 05:38:28 AM »
Update:

Interestingly enough, I got an email from the same company yesterday letting me know they have a position opening in my city soon and that they like my profile for it. I have an interview with them in a couple of hours. Probably won't pay as much as the other one but might be the change I need right now.  :smiley:

:fistpump:

Patience wins.  Didn't post earlier (others had better advice), but I was going to say that there are ALWAYS good opportunities available if you look for them.  I know what it's like to feel like your job is something you should feel ... grateful (?) for, even when it's a shit-ass situation.  It's hard to push yourself out of a certain level of comfort, and you don't have to settler for trading one unpleasant scenario for one that might potentially as bad - or worse.

Best of luck Diego!
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Offline Nekov

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Re: Work / Life Advice
« Reply #17 on: January 05, 2018, 06:16:20 AM »
Thanks Chad  :laugh:
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Offline Nekov

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Re: Work / Life Advice
« Reply #18 on: January 05, 2018, 11:52:31 AM »
Well, as I guessed, they're offering me a similar position but without the need to move. This means less money but still an interesting challenge and still more money than I'm making now. The formal offer will be sent to me next week and I think I'm gonna say yes this time.  :smiley:
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Offline jingle.boy

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Re: Work / Life Advice
« Reply #19 on: January 05, 2018, 01:26:49 PM »
 :tup
I didn't know I could handle another 10 inches and it was rough but in the end I'm glad I did it.
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Re: Work / Life Advice
« Reply #20 on: January 19, 2018, 07:38:50 AM »
Well, as I guessed, they're offering me a similar position but without the need to move. This means less money but still an interesting challenge and still more money than I'm making now. The formal offer will be sent to me next week and I think I'm gonna say yes this time.  :smiley:

How'd it turn out? I haven't had much to say towards this due to the advice you were given was really strong advice....but have remained curious.
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Offline Nekov

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Re: Work / Life Advice
« Reply #21 on: January 20, 2018, 08:51:42 AM »
They made me an offer but because they need to sign a contract with a client there's still no official date for when i start working there. But I don't have to travel or anything so that's good. I'll the a couple of weeks off soon to recharge my batteries and start fresh.
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