Author Topic: Is it possible to legally disown a sibling?  (Read 2997 times)

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Offline The Walrus

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Is it possible to legally disown a sibling?
« on: February 26, 2018, 10:33:03 AM »
In the event that something happens to me, I do not want this particular sibling having any authority or chance of receiving anything of mine or having any access to private information. Essentially, I want them regarded as a stranger, as far as my family is concerned. Biologically I have 3 siblings, but I only consider two of them as part of my family. No, I will not talk about it, and respectfully, I do not want your opinions on whether or not this is "good." I just want to know if it's possible to legally disown them as a family member - say for example if I had to fill out a form about my family, if I could write '2 siblings' and not get legally punished for falsifying information - and if so, how I can go about it.

Thanks. Figured I'd ask here since we have a diverse and very intelligent community and I know at least a couple people are lawyers of some kind so maybe I can get some insight.
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Offline Destiny Of Chaos

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Re: Is it possible to legally disown a sibling?
« Reply #1 on: February 26, 2018, 10:51:43 AM »
I just google'd "Legally disown sibling". Seems to be some decent general information, specifically as it pertains to wording your will so that the sibling cannot claim anything of yours/gain power of attorney etc. But outside of that, I don't see anything that would legally erase them from what you consider to be your family, which is what I think you're going for here.  So yeah, I recommend trolling Google whilst waiting for one of the lawyers to reply.


Offline Stadler

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Re: Is it possible to legally disown a sibling?
« Reply #2 on: February 26, 2018, 11:09:55 AM »
In the event that something happens to me, I do not want this particular sibling having any authority or chance of receiving anything of mine or having any access to private information. Essentially, I want them regarded as a stranger, as far as my family is concerned. Biologically I have 3 siblings, but I only consider two of them as part of my family. No, I will not talk about it, and respectfully, I do not want your opinions on whether or not this is "good." I just want to know if it's possible to legally disown them as a family member - say for example if I had to fill out a form about my family, if I could write '2 siblings' and not get legally punished for falsifying information - and if so, how I can go about it.

Thanks. Figured I'd ask here since we have a diverse and very intelligent community and I know at least a couple people are lawyers of some kind so maybe I can get some insight.

I don't know about "legally disown" - that's a matter for your local jurisdiction - but in terms of having influence or receiving benefit, you can absolutely address that.   Write a last will and testament (that disperses your assets), a living will (that indicates your wishes for your care if you are incapacitated in any way) and a power of attorney.   You need not tell that sibling what you are doing, but if your wishes are clear, you can effect the kind of change you want to see.   Do you have an attorney you trust?   If not, go into your local probate court; they can't give you legal advice, but they can absolutely put you in touch with someone that can memorialize your wishes.   

I can't specifically help you since I am not licensed in your jurisdiction, but I can point you in the right direction if you need to talk. 

And no, no judgment at all.   I have enough experience in my life to know that sometimes "blood" ISN'T thicker than water.   

Offline The Walrus

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Re: Is it possible to legally disown a sibling?
« Reply #3 on: February 26, 2018, 12:13:04 PM »
Rad. Appreciate it, Stadler. I guess I should get on that whole 'last will and testament' thing at this point.
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Offline pg1067

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Re: Is it possible to legally disown a sibling?
« Reply #4 on: February 26, 2018, 01:35:01 PM »
In the event that something happens to me, I do not want this particular sibling having any authority or chance of receiving anything of mine or having any access to private information. Essentially, I want them regarded as a stranger, as far as my family is concerned. Biologically I have 3 siblings, but I only consider two of them as part of my family. No, I will not talk about it, and respectfully, I do not want your opinions on whether or not this is "good." I just want to know if it's possible to legally disown them as a family member - say for example if I had to fill out a form about my family, if I could write '2 siblings' and not get legally punished for falsifying information - and if so, how I can go about it.

For starters, I don't know where you are, but I'll assume you're in the U.S.  If not, then none of this may be applicable.  If you are in the U.S., things vary from state to state, but I don't think any of what I'm going to say varies.

When you say, "in the event that something happens to me," I assume you're talking about dying (which is obviously a matter of when, not if, but I digress).  The first thing you mentioned is "having any authority," but what do you mean by that?  If you're talking about having authority to administer your estate, the only person with such authority is the person appointed by the court as administrator or executor of your estate (or any person so designated by any small estate administration law in your state).  As noted, it's up to the court who gets appointed in this capacity, and the way you can influence this is to make a will that clear nominates one or more person and which expresses your desire that the sibling in question not be appointed.  If you're talking about something other than authority relating to your estate, then you'll need to clarify.

The next thing you mentioned is "having any access to private information."  Again, though, it's not clear exactly what you're talking about.  The administrator/executor of your estate will have access to lots of "private information," and no one else should have any such access (no different than when you're alive).

You can also include language in your will that expressly says you don't want this particular sibling to inherit anything (although that's arguably unnecessary as long as your will doesn't affirmatively leave anything for this person).

I also agree with Stadler's comments about a "living will" (which is not a will at all, but rather, a colloquialism that refers to a power of attorney for healthcare purposes).
« Last Edit: February 26, 2018, 03:21:59 PM by pg1067 »
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Offline The Walrus

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Re: Is it possible to legally disown a sibling?
« Reply #5 on: February 26, 2018, 01:56:19 PM »
Thanks pg. That's very helpful. If the questions were a bit unclear (I am in the USA, by the way), it's because I'm 27 and have never even thought about stuff like a will or sincerely taking action to 'disown' a sibling for lack of a better term, but am curious because I am serious about it.
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Offline TioJorge

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Re: Is it possible to legally disown a sibling?
« Reply #6 on: February 26, 2018, 01:59:03 PM »
Just chiming in to say that I'm sorry to hear you're in such a shitty situation. I did the same thing with my mother a year ago and went the simple route and got my attorney to write in some things in my own will in regards to who gets what, but also went a bit further and had an amendment to the health part of the clauses that says if no other family is around, she still has no say over my health if something happens to me. Which would pretty much be the end of my life anyway if all my other family had died, so I'll take death over the woman having say over pulling the plug if I'm in a coma or am a vegetable.  :lol

Good luck, and as it's been said, it's not a particularly difficult process to get done. I really doubt there's a way to show that a family member isn't legally a family member. I'd think that'd be almost impossible to do "in actuality" even if in the legal system it was legit given today's openness in information, regardless of if people think it's available or not. Frankly, if you're in such a tight spot that people need to find information about you, they'll find it. Keep the intrinsic values of who you consider family in your own family and within yourself and get the legal things done and be safe.  :tup

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Online lordxizor

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Re: Is it possible to legally disown a sibling?
« Reply #7 on: February 27, 2018, 06:20:11 AM »
Off the top of my head, I can't think of any legally binding documents I've ever filled out as an adult that had me list the number of siblings I have. The only things I can think of are health related things at the doctor where they ask if close family members have any health issues. You can leave him off those types of things without having to feel bad. Sorry you're going through all this.

Offline Stadler

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Re: Is it possible to legally disown a sibling?
« Reply #8 on: February 27, 2018, 07:12:34 AM »
Again, not an expert, not my area of practice, but...    the wife has worked in probate for almost 15 years (and has a consulting business related to probate).

I think the term "disown" is misleading.    There's nothing, technically to "disown".   But - and this is why it's impossible to give a definitive answer with the information given - each state has rules for the intestate distribution of assets (this is a lawyerly way of saying "where does your shit go when you die, and you do not have a will").   There are scenarios where a sibling (or siblings) could receive all or part of your estate.  The most obvious is when you and your sib are, literally, the last of the Mohicans.   

Generally speaking, you can only circumvent that prescribed distribution by having your own appropriately executed (signed) and witnessed (if required) will.   (Note: you mentioned SIBLINGS; in some jurisdictions you can't always disinherit spouses, and - notably Louisiana - you can't always disinherit children, at least entirely). 

Your best bet is to be clear with your intentions, put them down on paper, clearly (sorry, don't mean to be a dick about that, but humans - myself included - have a tendency to THINK they're clear and they're anything but).   Best is to have a lawyer read it, besides that, have a disinterested party (meaning, someone who isn't inheriting or isn't in a position to inherit from the will) read it and tell you what they think it says.   

Word to the wise:  if you have something in particular that you want passed (or not passed) to someone, specifically call it out, and if it isn't something like a car, that you use every day, put it somewhere safe, like a safe or a safe-deposit box.  Alternatively you might consider putting any major asset in both persons' names (though I wouldn't do that at your age unless you are in extraordinary circumstances, like deploying to combat or have major surgery or major illness).  Things like "lockets", "rings", and "bracelets" have a way of finding legs in situations like this.

Last thing:  DO NOT ASSUME YOUR KIN WILL ACT RESPONSIBLY OR MATURELY AFTER YOU PASS.  I have too many stories of families showing true colors after a death in the family.  My own mom's sister hasn't spoken to her in about 25 years because of the disposition of a shitty Buick Regal after their mom passed.   My wife's father and brother haven't spoken to several of their relatives after their sister passed, and when they went to the house to help distribute her stuff, the house was literally empty.  All the pictures, all the jewelry, all the mementos... gone.   

Offline The Walrus

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Re: Is it possible to legally disown a sibling?
« Reply #9 on: February 27, 2018, 07:41:14 AM »
Thanks for the info everyone.

I had a longer post written up but basically this particular sibling is a cancer on my family and has been ever since they could talk. It's sad but true. When I visit my parents, they are a ghost to me; I do not acknowledge them, I do not look in their direction even in the corner of my eye, as far as I'm concerned they're part of the wall. Fuck 'em. I left home in part because of them, and for the last two years my life has been so much happier without them in my life at all. I just want them to disappear and go away forever. My mother has told me (being a mom, as they tend to do) that forever is a long time - not long enough, in my opinion. Whatever familial ties were there are long gone, and it's at a point where even if they change their ways, I wouldn't believe they're genuinely turned around even if they were like it for years.

I'll look into getting a will taken care of, and believe me, my desires will be stated so clearly the pages will be dripping with clear intent. I don't particularly care how people behave when my time comes - I think that would be overstaying my welcome at that point - but I don't know if I'll have much to give anyway. I live a simple life, it does not take much to make me happy... anyone who thinks they'll be getting a big payday or mini Christmas will be sadly mistaken.
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Offline Harmony

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Re: Is it possible to legally disown a sibling?
« Reply #10 on: February 27, 2018, 08:31:26 AM »
I'm not an attorney, so forgive me Kattoelox.  I'm sorry to hear of your family situation but trust that you are doing what is best for you.   :heart

I'm sure others here will let me know if I have this incorrect, but if you ever get married or have a child, they automatically become your next of kin.  So even if you had no will, my understanding is that is the standard course.  State to state laws may vary.

Now I'm not suggesting you get married or have a kid for the sole purpose of disinheriting your current family - that would be unwise!  But if you are considering either such thing or are even currently in a relationship that has a good chance of leading this direction, I though you'd like to know that. 
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Offline Grappler

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Re: Is it possible to legally disown a sibling?
« Reply #11 on: February 27, 2018, 09:22:12 AM »
I can't speak for all states, but my family learned that in Illinois, any person with a blood relation to a deceased family member could file for and may have a chance at winning an inheritance in court - in the absence of a will.

Having a will/living will that specifies the exact situation could help prevent a situation such as that.  My cousin was killed in a car accident 25 years ago.  My uncle's children from a prior marriage sued him in an attempt to obtain the insurance payout from the accident that killed their half-brother.   My aunt and uncle then put every asset in my aunt's name and had their living will/will updated to fully exclude those that partook in the lawsuit against their own father.  Those children will not be left with anything when their father (my uncle) dies.

Offline The Walrus

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Re: Is it possible to legally disown a sibling?
« Reply #12 on: February 27, 2018, 09:35:02 AM »
Thanks for that, Harmony. I truly appreciate that. The last couple years I've accepted that due to who I am as a person I probably will not be getting married, at least not until I am much older, but that is something I'll keep in mind, hehe. :)

I can't speak for all states, but my family learned that in Illinois, any person with a blood relation to a deceased family member could file for and may have a chance at winning an inheritance in court - in the absence of a will.

Having a will/living will that specifies the exact situation could help prevent a situation such as that.  My cousin was killed in a car accident 25 years ago.  My uncle's children from a prior marriage sued him in an attempt to obtain the insurance payout from the accident that killed their half-brother.   My aunt and uncle then put every asset in my aunt's name and had their living will/will updated to fully exclude those that partook in the lawsuit against their own father.  Those children will not be left with anything when their father (my uncle) dies.

Wow. What a nightmare to deal with. That's something I would like to avoid just for the sake of my own family. Given that I'm an Illinois resident, that's highly relevant. I doubt this sibling would have the means to ever pull off something like that, but who knows - better safe than sorry.
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Offline pg1067

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Re: Is it possible to legally disown a sibling?
« Reply #13 on: February 27, 2018, 10:45:52 AM »
I'm sure others here will let me know if I have this incorrect, but if you ever get married or have a child, they automatically become your next of kin.  So even if you had no will, my understanding is that is the standard course.  State to state laws may vary.

This isn't really accurate, and there are a lot of permutations that could be discussed, but here are the basics:

First of all, "next of kin" isn't a term that has any legal meaning in any state.

If an unmarried person prepares a will and then gets married but never prepares a new will or changes the will, then the surviving spouse can claim against the estate as a "pretermitted" spouse.  If a married person prepares a will that fails to provide for his spouse, the spouse can "elect against the will" and receive a share of the estate.  Exactly what the surviving spouse gets in these situations varies from state to state, but it often is not the same as what happens under the intestate law (i.e., the law that dictates who gets what if you die without a will).

Children, on the other hand, can be left out of a will or "disinherited" in every state except Louisiana (which provides that children under the age of 24 are entitled to inherit a portion of their parents' estates).

What is correct is that, under the intestate law of every state, spouses and children stand in front of siblings when it comes to inheritance.  Stated differently, I don't know of any state whose intestacy laws would allow a sibling to inherit anything if there is a surviving spouse and/or surviving issue (i.e., direct lineal descendants).

The other point that's worth making is that folks often do not handle things as the law requires in a great many situations.  I've been posting on legal message boards for the better part of the last two decades and have ready some CRAZY stories.  Unfortunately, many of these stories involve folks who died years or decades earlier and issues that have arisen because no one bothered to administer the estate correctly.  This is why, for persons who own real property or other significant assets, having a good estate plan in place with a person (or persons) who will properly execute the estate plan is exceedingly important.
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Offline Harmony

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Re: Is it possible to legally disown a sibling?
« Reply #14 on: February 27, 2018, 04:27:53 PM »
I'm sure others here will let me know if I have this incorrect, but if you ever get married or have a child, they automatically become your next of kin.  So even if you had no will, my understanding is that is the standard course.  State to state laws may vary.

This isn't really accurate, and there are a lot of permutations that could be discussed, but here are the basics:

See what I mean!   ;D

The other point that's worth making is that folks often do not handle things as the law requires in a great many situations.  I've been posting on legal message boards for the better part of the last two decades and have ready some CRAZY stories.  Unfortunately, many of these stories involve folks who died years or decades earlier and issues that have arisen because no one bothered to administer the estate correctly.  This is why, for persons who own real property or other significant assets, having a good estate plan in place with a person (or persons) who will properly execute the estate plan is exceedingly important.

Totally agree.  My spouse and I just had our living trust drawn up a couple of years ago.  But it isn't affordable for everyone to pay an attorney to do this.  I was surprised how expensive it was.  I guess I shouldn't have been.  But it certainly would be cost prohibitive for a good many people.   :-\
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Offline pg1067

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Re: Is it possible to legally disown a sibling?
« Reply #15 on: February 27, 2018, 05:45:33 PM »
My spouse and I just had our living trust drawn up a couple of years ago.  But it isn't affordable for everyone to pay an attorney to do this.  I was surprised how expensive it was.  I guess I shouldn't have been.  But it certainly would be cost prohibitive for a good many people.   :-\

I don't disagree with you here (and I obviously don't know and am not asking how much you paid), but the folks for whom this sort of thing isn't affordable probably don't really need it.  Lots of folks (including the DIY legal service industry) will have you believe that, if you don't have a will or "living trust," then some state-employed flunky will decide who gets your stuff when you die by blindly throwing darts or something.  In my opinion, if you don't own real property or don't have significant assets, you probably don't need a trust.  You might not even need a will.  Most unmarried persons probably don't because most such people would be perfectly fine with having their estates disposed in accordance with the intestate succession law.  Also contrary to what a lot of folks seem to think, probate isn't necessarily a horrible and expensive process (also, having a will doesn't have any impact on whether an estate needs to be probated, but a trust might).
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