Poll

Which is you:

Want to have kids
15 (18.5%)
Don't want to have kids
34 (42%)
Already Have kids
32 (39.5%)

Total Members Voted: 81

Author Topic: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids  (Read 3178 times)

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Offline Phoenix87x

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Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
« on: July 10, 2017, 07:22:03 PM »
My whole life I thought I wanted to have kids, but after having my uncle and his girlfriend (And her Five boys age 5 to 13) visit where I live for multiple weeks, I really don't know anymore. I just honest to god think now that I just don't have the patience for it. The 13 year old and I get along great, since I am able to engage in that guidance, mentor aspect, which is fantastic. The others just want to run wild and twirl their fidget spinners all day long and its just not for me. And at the end of the day, I see myself being very strict most likely too strict and I don't want that.

Ultimately, I am incredibly grateful for this experience, since I don't think I should have a child unless I am truly ready and before this experience I was pretty gung ho, although naively.

So what about you guys:

Do you think you want kids, don't want kids or have kids. and thoughts on the matter.
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Offline kingshmegland

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Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
« Reply #1 on: July 10, 2017, 07:42:59 PM »
We wanted kids and never could.  Our one regret. Never say never.  I know friends that never wanted kids but did have them and never turned back.


On the other hand, I would never say you must have kids. Only you and your significant other must choose together.
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Offline Adami

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Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
« Reply #2 on: July 10, 2017, 07:47:48 PM »
I definitely want kids. Two ideally.

I'll probably name one Stadler, and one Kotowboy.
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Offline T-ski

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Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
« Reply #3 on: July 10, 2017, 08:03:45 PM »
Me and the wife planned on two, ended with one.

He just turned 10.  Smart little dude, in advanced classes in school. Goofy and carefree as well.  Couldn't be more blessed.

However, I can not stand being in a large group of kids, they drive me nuts.
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Offline gmillerdrake

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Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
« Reply #4 on: July 10, 2017, 08:48:40 PM »
I have three sons...11, 10 and 7 and I can't remember what life was like without them in it. And I mean that in a 'good' way. Although there is something to be said about the freedom that comes with not having children...that's for sure. It's a totally different life without kids. But for me, when I weigh the pros and cons of having kids the pros far exceed the cons.

My wife and I were fortunate that when we tried to get pregnant we did because we know several couples including family members that are having a very hard time getting pregnant. It seems to be a big issue these days...anyway....it's a HUGE decision to have kids because it literally changes EVERYTHING. First off, it ALL becomes about them and their well being. They didn't ask to be brought into this world and so it's your duty and responsibility to provide and protect, to teach,  nurture and guide. That is WAY easier said than done. So...what you once knew goes out the window because it's a whole new ballgame...one that I'm still eleven years later flying by the seat of my pants on  :lol

Your relationship with your wife/GF will change as well and it requires more attention than pre kids to make it work because of the fact that you two do take a back seat to the kids. But if you have a common goal for your family, love one another and give it the effort it won't destroy your relationship...only make it stronger. But kids do test it. You mentioned patience and that is something that you have to have because kids have an uncanny knack for sucking the patience right out of your soul.  :lol  I am still working on that one.
I've gotten better over the years but especially now that they are getting older, I don't have the patience for 'stuiped' choices. A quick example being....Why would you, when you come home to discover your dog has diaherrea'd all over itself in the kennel....open the kennel without grabbing and cleaning her up first to allow her to run around and track wet poo everywhere? My 11 year old did that two weeks ago. I don't have patience for that type of poor decision making. But again, guide and teach come in to play and I can guarantee he will never make that choice again.

Kids aren't for everyone though...I know that there is pressure from 'society' to have them, especially after one is married but again....it's a massive change of life and requires a total reboot of the way you do things and a reorganization of your life's priorities. Fortunately for me, I feel super blessed to have been able to be a dad because prior to kids I was an alcoholic (sober since 09') with pretty selfish ambitions and life outlook. But thankfully with the love of a good woman and the innocence of my young kiddos....they inspired me to become a better person, husband and father. I'm still working on it...everyday I hope to get better at those three things and know there's no finish line to say I've attained master status at them...but the fuel they give me as a man and Father help push me to keep going.

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Offline Cool Chris

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Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
« Reply #5 on: July 10, 2017, 08:57:10 PM »
We wanted two. We had one, and had one miscarriage. We went through fertility treatments, to no avail, then on our own are now expecting our second. All done after this!
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Offline lucky7

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Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
« Reply #6 on: July 10, 2017, 09:09:42 PM »
Don't want them .. I am an Aunty x 8, Great Aunty x 3.
A lot of it has to do with circumstance, there was a time in my 20's and 30's with a long term relationship where it might have happened.
But now, I am glad, I love kids ... in small doses. I love my furkid too, who pretty much dictates my life, but it is still different than a child.
In years I may look back with what might have been, but right now with travel, work, social life it is much easier than those tied down.
I don't mean that in a bad way, I can see how happy kids make some friends and family, and we all have one life to live be it no kids by
choice or circumstance or a house full of kids.

Offline gmillerdrake

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Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
« Reply #7 on: July 10, 2017, 09:16:13 PM »
We wanted two. We had one, and had one miscarriage. We went through fertility treatments, to no avail, then on our own are now expecting our second. All done after this!

So many emotions here. I'm bummed to hear you guys had to go through a miscarriage but very happy for you to hear you're expecting!
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Offline Cool Chris

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Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
« Reply #8 on: July 10, 2017, 09:43:53 PM »
Thank you. This miscarriage was hard, because we had just told our families, and then had to tell them we lost it. The fertility treatments were frustrating, because they either work, or they don't. Obviously since we had one already, things were working at some point. And of course I had the easy part of the process :notsurewhichsmileytouse
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Offline Kwyjibo

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Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
« Reply #9 on: July 11, 2017, 02:12:19 AM »
Till my mid-30s I didn't want kids, then I began to change my mind and really can't tell you what triggered that change. Now I have to lovely daughters and for my life wouldn't exchange that for everything else. Your whole life changes in ways you can't imagine, so you can never be really "ready" for kids but it's absolutely and totally worth it.


Offline Hyperplex

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Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
« Reply #10 on: July 11, 2017, 06:53:48 AM »
We wanted three. Had two, and after the second, my wife made the decision that she was never putting her body through it again. Cool with me, done with 2.

They are two of the greatest joys of my life and I love them more than I ever thought I was capable of loving anything.
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Offline mikeyd23

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Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
« Reply #11 on: July 11, 2017, 07:14:01 AM »
My wife and I have one, our daughter just turned two. We are discussing if/when we want to start trying again. I've always wanted kids and have loved being a father so far, it's a truly incredible experience. Like pretty much any other truly great thing in life, it takes a lot out of you, it's hard but totally worth it, IMO.

To the OP - I can't tell you whether or not to have kids, obviously that's totally up to you, but I will tell you this - my wife's brother and his wife have three boys all under the age of five and honestly they are nuts. Super crazy, don't listen, all over the place, into everything, etc... I had a similar experience to you where we went on vacation together and it drove me crazy. My wife and I have made a choice to parent differently than them, we are more strict with our daughter (only to a degree so far since she's still pretty young) and believe me, it doesn't always work, but largely our daughter is well behaved and listens because we are as consistent with teaching her those things as we can be.

Also don't forget, things are a lot less crazy if you only have one kid, or have a couple spaced out a bit. Just something to keep in mind.

Offline romdrums

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Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
« Reply #12 on: July 11, 2017, 07:28:41 AM »
When my girlfriend and I started dating, the only arguments we had were about kids.  I wanted them, she didn't.  Just as we were starting to talk about marriage and I was ready to give up the idea of having kids to be with her, we found out she was pregnant.  We ended up putting our wedding plans on hold to focus on our now 2 year old son, but it has been an amazing journey so far.  Our son is pretty laid back, and he's the perfect kid for us.  My girlfriend and I agree that we're one and done, especially because we're both older, but our son has brought a lot of joy into our lives, and it is fun helping him learn about and discover the world, especially when he's such a curious kid.  I wouldn't trade the experience for anything!
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Offline Hyperplex

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Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
« Reply #13 on: July 11, 2017, 07:34:36 AM »
To the OP, I wouldn't necessarily let the experience of someone else's kids, especially five of them, overly influence your decisions. First and foremost, no matter how cliché it is, nothing compares to your own kids. There is a connection and a love that, no matter how close you are to another's, is indescribable and makes a GIGANTIC difference on how you feel and nothing prepares you for it.

Secondly, you're mentally comparing 5 kids that aren't your own to potentially one that is your own. His or her disposition could be entirely different from the 5 you just experienced, so while you can file this away as maybe a reason to not have five, don't let someone else's gaggle of children influence your own plans too much. As has been said, what matters most are the plans you and your significant other have; don't let anyone else dictate your decisions.
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Offline gmillerdrake

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Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
« Reply #14 on: July 11, 2017, 07:34:49 AM »
three boys all under the age of five

Four years separates our oldest from youngest.....with the oldest two being only 17 months apart in age. It certainly was a bit crazy and nuts in the first few years but at this point it is pretty cool. They play well together, always doing things with one another....they are brothers so there are certainly moments of fighting and battling but me being the oldest of three brothers (unless it gets real out of hand) I let them have it out and typically within ten minutes they're playing again like nothing ever happened.

Parenting styles/techniques/methods vary and honestly IMO there is no 'right' answer. Only you and your spouse 'know' your kid(s) and the best approach to take with them in order to teach/discipline. With our kiddos....my wife and I's system has changed/evolved as they've gotten older....seems like we're always tinkering with it to maximize results. 
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Offline gmillerdrake

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Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
« Reply #15 on: July 11, 2017, 07:35:38 AM »
To the OP, I wouldn't necessarily let the experience of someone else's kids, especially five of them, overly influence your decisions. First and foremost, no matter how cliché it is, nothing compares to your own kids. There is a connection and a love that, no matter how close you are to another's, is indescribable and makes a GIGANTIC difference on how you feel and nothing prepares you for it.

this is spot on
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Offline mikeyd23

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Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
« Reply #16 on: July 11, 2017, 07:41:12 AM »
three boys all under the age of five

Four years separates our oldest from youngest.....with the oldest two being only 17 months apart in age. It certainly was a bit crazy and nuts in the first few years but at this point it is pretty cool. They play well together, always doing things with one another....they are brothers so there are certainly moments of fighting and battling but me being the oldest of three brothers (unless it gets real out of hand) I let them have it out and typically within ten minutes they're playing again like nothing ever happened.

Parenting styles/techniques/methods vary and honestly IMO there is no 'right' answer. Only you and your spouse 'know' your kid(s) and the best approach to take with them in order to teach/discipline. With our kiddos....my wife and I's system has changed/evolved as they've gotten older....seems like we're always tinkering with it to maximize results.

Oh wow, I didn't realize your boys were that close in age, that's cool man. That would definitely be nuts when they were toddler-ish age  :lol

You are right though, parenting style has a lot to do with it, and knowing how to get through to different personalities that each kid has.

Offline gmillerdrake

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Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
« Reply #17 on: July 11, 2017, 07:50:26 AM »
three boys all under the age of five

Four years separates our oldest from youngest.....with the oldest two being only 17 months apart in age. It certainly was a bit crazy and nuts in the first few years but at this point it is pretty cool. They play well together, always doing things with one another....they are brothers so there are certainly moments of fighting and battling but me being the oldest of three brothers (unless it gets real out of hand) I let them have it out and typically within ten minutes they're playing again like nothing ever happened.

Parenting styles/techniques/methods vary and honestly IMO there is no 'right' answer. Only you and your spouse 'know' your kid(s) and the best approach to take with them in order to teach/discipline. With our kiddos....my wife and I's system has changed/evolved as they've gotten older....seems like we're always tinkering with it to maximize results.

Oh wow, I didn't realize your boys were that close in age, that's cool man. That would definitely be nuts when they were toddler-ish age  :lol

You are right though, parenting style has a lot to do with it, and knowing how to get through to different personalities that each kid has.

It was/still is at times pretty crazy. It's just more manageable now because of their age. When they were younger though....whew. Crazy thing is we wanted to have our youngest sooner than we did but my wife had an insane bout with kidney stones where they told us to try and not get pregnant until it was cleared up....so we lost like 10 months during that. But we were going to just roll them out one after another....I guess we kind of did but it could have been a lot closer than what it turned out to be. 

the funny thing is that our youngest was SO "ignored" when he was younger. Our older two were all over the place and demanding a ton of attention so our little guy just basically learned to do a ton of things on his own.

He'd pull chairs over to get things off the counter because he got sick of hearing "just a minute"....he'd figure toys/games out on his own because of how distracted we were with the older two. BUT...this has turned him into a pretty self sufficient kid. He's 7 now and rarely needs (or asks for) our help with anything and another funny side effect of him witnessing us discipline our older two....he listens to everything we ask. We ask him one time to do something and he does it. No questions...no whining...just does it. Our older two it's a battle at times to get them to do something we've asked. Not our youngest though...

Birth order is a strange thing.....and we're definitely witnessing first hand some of the 'stereotypes' that come with it.
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Offline Stadler

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Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
« Reply #18 on: July 11, 2017, 07:55:43 AM »
To the OP, I wouldn't necessarily let the experience of someone else's kids, especially five of them, overly influence your decisions. First and foremost, no matter how cliché it is, nothing compares to your own kids. There is a connection and a love that, no matter how close you are to another's, is indescribable and makes a GIGANTIC difference on how you feel and nothing prepares you for it.

this is spot on

I second this 1000%.

We went through a miscarriage - one of the most painful events of my entire life; that feeling, standing in the doctor looking at an ultrasound, expecting to see the pulse, and...  it was 18 years ago and I can still remember it like it was yesterday - and then were blessed enough to have a second try.   My daughter was born 16 years ago and is the light of my life in every way.   I've since remarried, so now I am the dad of four kids (two with challenges of very different kinds) and I can unequivocally say that "someone else's kids over for the day" to "your own kids, in your house, with you every day" is like "bad AM radio during a thunder storm" versus "HDHD disks on a $15,000 Denon 7.1 in line system".   

I am not at all going to tell you what is right for you - some people just don't want kids, it's that simple - but I do believe that most of the reasons (and I say that either way) are ultimately bogus.   It's like touching a hot stove; people can tell you all day long "it's HOT!" but you never really know until you feel that sear and smell that burning... ok, I'll quit now.  :)

Offline Chino

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Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
« Reply #19 on: July 11, 2017, 08:45:10 AM »
I want kids sooner than later as their grandparents to be aren't getting any younger. One thing that always bums me out in life was never meeting one grandfather (died before I was born) and having the other one die when I was barely 13. I never got to do adult things with them or have a legitimate conversation with them. Victoria isn't ready yet to have kids and wants a few more years to be able to travel places she doesn't think she'll be able to once a kid is in the mix. I selfishly find myself often hoping that her birth control fails.
« Last Edit: July 11, 2017, 08:52:24 AM by Chino »

Offline cramx3

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Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
« Reply #20 on: July 11, 2017, 09:04:56 AM »
I have little interest in having kids.  I didn't vote though because I haven't ruled out the possibility of wanting them, but I am 32 and have little interest so I'm thinking it's not terribly likely.  I told my current gf that when we officially became a couple.  I wanted to make sure that starting a relationship with me could mean a childless future. 

Why don't I want kids? I'm a selfish dick.  Seriously.  I am very selfish.  People have told me I'd make a good father, and maybe so, but I enjoy my life as it is for now.  I also most certainly wouldn't be interested in having a kid with someone I was not completely in love with and married to.  If I do start a family, I want to do it the right way.

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Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
« Reply #21 on: July 11, 2017, 09:07:23 AM »
Why don't I want kids? I'm a selfish dick.  Seriously.  I am very selfish.  People have told me I'd make a good father, and maybe so, but I enjoy my life as it is for now. 

There's nothing at all selfish about not wanting kids. You're not obligated to sploosh your DNA around.
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Offline El Barto

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Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
« Reply #22 on: July 11, 2017, 09:07:53 AM »
Where's the option for people who already have kids but don't want them?
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Offline cramx3

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Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
« Reply #23 on: July 11, 2017, 09:09:59 AM »
Why don't I want kids? I'm a selfish dick.  Seriously.  I am very selfish.  People have told me I'd make a good father, and maybe so, but I enjoy my life as it is for now. 

There's nothing at all selfish about not wanting a kid.

Tell that to my parents  :lol actually my sister is due in a couple weeks so that'll make my parents grandparents and then they will get off my ass about getting married and starting a family, I think.

Offline Grappler

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Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
« Reply #24 on: July 11, 2017, 09:10:47 AM »
I was really awkward around kids until my brother in law had two boys.  The more time I spent with them, the more I enjoyed them.  We felt like we were missing out on something and decided to have kids a few years ago - I don't regret it one bit. 

Yes, life has changed, and will change again soon (baby #2 is due in October and we will officially become a one-income household, which scares the crap out of me).  But my 2 year old daughter has taught me so much about myself - that I am capable of raising my kids and that sometimes it's ok to just sit on the floor, eat cheerios and have fun, rather than being so serious and productive all of the time. 

It's very stressful, tests your patience, and can drive you crazy, but I can't imagine not having my daughter at home.  Seeing her light up at the things that make her happy, or hearing her say that she's happy when I'm taking her for a walk in her stroller makes my day (and my job/commuting time worth it).

Offline El Barto

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Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
« Reply #25 on: July 11, 2017, 09:11:57 AM »
Why don't I want kids? I'm a selfish dick.  Seriously.  I am very selfish.  People have told me I'd make a good father, and maybe so, but I enjoy my life as it is for now. 

There's nothing at all selfish about not wanting kids. You're not obligated to sploosh your DNA around.
He's not selfish because he doesn't want kids. He doesn't want kids because he's selfish (which I totally get).
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Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
« Reply #26 on: July 11, 2017, 09:14:59 AM »
Why don't I want kids? I'm a selfish dick.  Seriously.  I am very selfish.  People have told me I'd make a good father, and maybe so, but I enjoy my life as it is for now. 

There's nothing at all selfish about not wanting a kid.

Tell that to my parents  :lol actually my sister is due in a couple weeks so that'll make my parents grandparents and then they will get off my ass about getting married and starting a family, I think.

Some people are just old fashioned and dare I say narrow minded in that regard. There's a lot more to life than simply propagating the human species, it's just what we're programmed for. It would actually benefit the world if we stopped cranking 'em out so fast, so forget what anyone else tells you.


Why don't I want kids? I'm a selfish dick.  Seriously.  I am very selfish.  People have told me I'd make a good father, and maybe so, but I enjoy my life as it is for now. 

There's nothing at all selfish about not wanting kids. You're not obligated to sploosh your DNA around.
He's not selfish because he doesn't want kids. He doesn't want kids because he's selfish (which I totally get).

Yeah, I get it, I just don't like the two being equated.
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Offline TAC

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Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
« Reply #27 on: July 11, 2017, 09:20:10 AM »
I had always felt that I would've been OK not having kids.  That I didn't need them to be fulfilled. I actually feel like that would've been the case.


I went through a few changes after having kids. I suddenly became a worrier. Pre kids TAC was definitely NOT a worrier. Also, I cannot and will not watch ANY story that has a kidnapping or a child's murder as a plot line. It literally makes me sick.
« Last Edit: July 11, 2017, 09:35:20 AM by TAC »
would have thought the same thing but seeing the OP was TAC i immediately thought Maiden or DT related
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Offline ChuckSteak

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Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
« Reply #28 on: July 11, 2017, 09:38:33 AM »
"I'm not having any children. Why? First of all, I wouldn't feel good. I would feel utter negligent and irresponsible at this point in time to bring in another human being. Most people when they give birth to children... it's a traditionalized, self-serving established notion where "We're going to have kids and have a family.", to hell with the carrying capacity of the earth, to hell with the fact that we might be impoverished. You see this in trailer parks all the time. People don't have any relationship to anything, they have no education as far as to what makes society work, as far as to what processes are that feed them. So they continue to have kids over and over and over again or they could do many, many things that have no relationship to anything, but let's focus on the children aspect.

For me to bring in a child is for me to actually say "I believe the world will be in good shape for the duration of my child's life." And then the question becomes "What if my child has a grandchild?". Should the world have the integrity to maintain stability for that child as well? This is the question. This is what all parents out there should be asking themselves. They should't be having children for their own self-serving needs, so they can "have a family and be traditional and show up at church and have their two kids". No. It has to relate to something real. Humanity has to start thinking about its relationship to the earth."


Pretty much sums up what I think.
"And their musical lifespan is in direct proportion to the interest that the audience has in the way they look, because the whole thing is based on a visual merchandising. So... what happened to music?"

Offline cramx3

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Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
« Reply #29 on: July 11, 2017, 09:48:30 AM »
I think about that too, like "what kind of world would my child be growing up in?" but that question is always going to be there and I don't think I can let it affect my decision.  Who knows, maybe it is your child that makes the world better.  However, the part about people who just have kids to have kids and know little to nothing about the rest of the world and how their decisions impact it also bothers me too.

Offline TAC

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Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
« Reply #30 on: July 11, 2017, 09:51:01 AM »
It's a legit worry. See, I worry!  ;D

would have thought the same thing but seeing the OP was TAC i immediately thought Maiden or DT related
Winger Theater Forums................or WTF.  ;D

Offline Tick

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Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
« Reply #31 on: July 11, 2017, 09:52:00 AM »
I definitely want kids. Two ideally.

I'll probably name one Stadler, and one Kotowboy.
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Offline gmillerdrake

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Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
« Reply #32 on: July 11, 2017, 09:53:22 AM »
I suddenly became a worrier. Pre kids TAC was definitely NOT a worrier. Also, I cannot and will not watch ANY story that has a kidnapping or a child's murder as a plot line. It literally makes me sick.

this was my biggest change as a person. Any 'fear' I have revolves around my kids....all the usual parent stuff (i.e. kidnapping, childhood cancer, choking to death, drowning...and so on) I don't parent out of fear....they still ride their bikes in the subdivision and run out to the creek and woods all out of sight....but as I mentioned, the worry is there always lurking and there are times when it can get the best of you.

 And, as you mentioned....ANYTHING to do with something horrible happening to a kid is magnified 1000 times now whether it be fictional or not.... It's brutal.
Without Faith.....Without Hope.....There can be No Peace of Mind

Offline Stadler

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Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
« Reply #33 on: July 11, 2017, 10:00:00 AM »
Where's the option for people who already have kids but don't want them?

I didn't even need to see the avatar to know who wrote that. :)    :tup :metal

Offline Stadler

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Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
« Reply #34 on: July 11, 2017, 10:02:21 AM »
I had always felt that I would've been OK not having kids.  That I didn't need them to be fulfilled. I actually feel like that would've been the case.


I went through a few changes after having kids. I suddenly became a worrier. Pre kids TAC was definitely NOT a worrier. Also, I cannot and will not watch ANY story that has a kidnapping or a child's murder as a plot line. It literally makes me sick.

As much as I love both Stephen King and Liam Neeson, the scene in "Pet Sematary" with the little shoe bouncing across the road is unwatchable for me now (I'm getting choked just typing this, no lie) and "Taken" had me arming myself for combat in the living room while I watched it.