At some point, the majority of stuff I post on my Facebook page became pictures of me playing music. Pretty much the same as here, I guess, at least as far as pictures go. I play games online, but pictures of me doing that would not be very interesting. I get together with friends, but pretty much all of them are fellow musicians, so pictures of these meet-ups are almost always pictures of us playing. And really, Facebook is already too full of pictures of food and people eating food, or their pets that you don't care about, so... no.
It occurred to me that if there was one word I would pick to describe myself, "musician" is closest to what I think I "am". I love playing music; it's what I do, it's what I am. And of course it's gratifying to see people enjoying what I do, and hear people say good things about what they've experienced. I've never quite figured out if I enjoy making music more because I enjoy the process itself, or because of the pleasure it seems to bring to others. Maybe it doesn't really matter, but I've often wondered.
So since my Facebook page is basically my online vanity project, there's me playing the piano, me playing the saxophone, playing the flute, playing keyboards in the band, singing in the choir, and recently I got to add that picture of me playing in a recorder quartet. I love the fact that I was apparently blessed with a gift that allows me to play a lot of different instruments and thus get to experience creating music in different ways. And since I think that's pretty cool, I want to share it, so here they are, pictures of me doing all these things. If it was someone else, I would think it was just as cool, seeing pictures of one person creating music in all these different scenarios. But since it's me and not someone else, it occurred to me that it's really nothing more than vanity. "Look at me, I'm so cool, I can do all these things!" And that would be wrong. Right?
This past Sunday, I got to do something else for the first time, playing with the Chimes. They're like Bell Choirs, where a group of people each play one, maybe two (or more) bells; each bell is pitched, so to play a whole song takes a group of people playing the different notes. Larger and more talented groups can play more complex pieces. But instead of actual bells, we have these weird pitched things called chimes, so when the group performs, it's not the Bell Choir, it's just called Chimes. Chimes are playing a song this Sunday, Chimes will be playing again next month, etc.
I thought that it would be cool to get a picture of me playing with the Chimes, so I asked my daughter to take some pictures. I'm already thinking ahead to posting the best one on Facebook as something else I've done musically. Add it to the collection. Unfortunately, my daughter took my request literally, and got three pictures of me playing the chimes. Just me, with the people on either side of me partly visible.
To me, the whole point of the ensemble is
the ensemble. I wanted at least one picture of all eight of us up there, but she didn't get a shot like that, and I didn't specify what kind of pictures I had in mind.
I was bummed. I can't post this on Facebook or DTF. It's just me, with Carter to my right and part of Michael to my left. If I post the picture, it's pure vanity, it's all about me. And then I wondered, okay, if I'm this bummed about it, then it
is vanity. I not only wanted to share something about me, but it also had to be just the way I wanted it. If that's not being vain, what is?
So how much of playing music is because you enjoy playing, how much of that enjoyment is getting off on making people happy, and how much of it is making people happy and them telling you how awesome you are and how good that feels and going "Yeah, I'm fucking awesome, aren't I?"
And again, I'm not sure how much it matters, but I've often wondered, and now I wonder what other musicians think about it, too.