I swear, you could not make up better drama and general clusterfuck than this.
So, John had announced that he'd expanded the search to include transvestites. If you knew John, you'd know that this is way out of character for him. He's a very straight-laced guy, never swears or tells off-color jokes. This is his frustration and anger showing.
Our drummer JT says "Wasn't that the last singer?" Does this on a Reply All, and I'm thinking "whoa, dude..."
Mike jumps in a gives JT some shit about checking the list of recipients before hitting Reply All and saying things about someone's wife, mother, daughter, etc.
JT says "Wait, what? I'm talking about that other chick (the one who never called back)!" John had forwarded everyone links to her page on BandMix.com and to her personal page so we could check her out, so we'd seen pictures of her. One of JT's friends said she looked like a guy in a wig (which she kinda does) so that's what JT thought of when John made the transvestite joke. He explained as much.
Backpedalling? I honestly don't think so. JT is a straight-shooter, ex-military, and had previously confided to me that he thought Karen was pretty hot (which she is) so I believe him. But he's not particularly eloquent, especially in email where expression is limited, so it did come off as a somewhat lame attempt to save face.
Mike seems to buy it, apologizes for jumping to conclusions, etc.
Two days later, Karen sends a Facebook message to "the group", to the band's Facebook page. Word has gotten back to her, she's upset, disappointed and saddened that people would say things like that about her, for the record, she is and has always been a woman, etc. But I'm the one who set up the band's Facebook page, and as admin, I'm the only one who can even read the message. That put me in the position of having to clear the air, explain how it all went down, and try to calm her down. At this point, I honestly don't care whether or not JT's comment was a bad joke about Karen (which I still don't think it was), I'm gonna say whatever it takes to convince her that it wasn't, and that it was all a misunderstanding. Why? Because Karen's my friend, and I might be in a band with JT, but I still care more about Karen than JT saving face.
So I explain it all to her, sprinkled heavily with reassuring things about how JT would never say that (which is true) and that he actually thinks she's hot, and how I really shouldn't share that because it goes against the guy code, but it's true and relevant here. She writes back. She buys it. It all makes sense now, especially how Mike would specifically tell her the part that hurts her the most, and downplay JT's explanation as a lame attempt to save face, because he's like that. So abusive, so disrespectful of her feelings, and a bunch of other shit that I have no business getting into the middle of. I consider both of them friends, and I met them together, played with them together, and this is super awkward for me. Karen goes on about how facing the prospect of being single at our age and at this point in her life is scary, and she's just feeling vulnerable and overreacting to everything, and feels really stupid now. I say all the right things like how it sucks how this went down, but she's a great person, talented, attractive, and she'll be fine, but yeah it's kinda scary and I'm there for her if she ever needs someone to talk to, etc. She writes back, I'm a good friend, yay.
John sends another email to the group. The last chick, the one who took the gig with the other band, called him back. Yeah, they gig regularly, which was the big draw to her. They actually work every weekend, and practice twice a week (which is probably why they're so good and work so much, but not everyone has time for that) and that's actually too much for her. So she called them back and said she changed her mind and now wants to try out with us again.
Desperation sucks. Yes, this is a good thing, because we still need a singer, so if she's figured out that the other gig was actually too much and she'd just like to get together once or twice a month and rock and roll, then that's cool. But she didn't actually talk to this other band first? They didn't tell her that they practice twice a week and have gigs booked every weekend from now until next year? They thought they had a new singer, and now they don't. We thought we were auditioning a new singer, then we weren't, but now we are again?
So much drama, so much pain, so much daze and confusion.