The Saga of Orbert's Band (now with A New Development)

[Orbert]

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Nice! I can't wait to actually do a live show.

[Orbert]

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Congratulations! Glad things finally worked out.

[Orbert]

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Great news, Orbert!  Congrats!

[Orbert]

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congrats, orbert! make sure when u start touring the world to come to ct.

[Orbert]

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Ok I'm way behind but Orbert next time you have a gig let me know where you are playing! If it's not too far let me know and I'll (hopefully) make it out to see you (to return the favor for seeing me like 5 years ago!)

[Orbert]

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It's a deal.  It looks like we might be playing 210 in Highwood (formerly The Alley) the day after Christmas, which should be interesting, and way the hell down to Sheffield some time in January.  It sucks just starting out.  You have to take what you can get.

[Orbert]

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It's a deal.  It looks like we might be playing 210 in Highwood (formerly The Alley) the day after Christmas, which should be interesting, and way the hell down to Sheffield some time in January.  It sucks just starting out.  You have to take what you can get.

Yep. Develop a following and report and it will get better.

Highwood I can't do because I'll be likely out of town for the holidays, and Sheffield is way out there. Keep me posted.

[Orbert]

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It has begun.  The agent dude who John was talking to, the same guy who asked if we could do the day after Christmas, offered us a one-nighter at a place we eventually want to get into anyway.  December 18, a Friday night in the middle of Christmas craziness, $500.  Even for a fraction of that money, this is a place we want to play.  The owner is actually a neighbor of John's, and when John asked him about playing at his place, he had to talk to the agent dude.  Agent dude just offered us the place.  If we do well, we play there again.

But we don't have four full sets of tunes.  We've got a couple hours, and are adding a third batch now.  Agent dude suggests we play three 45-minute sets, with 25-30 minute breaks in between.  His idea.  Shit, we could do that right now.  So anyway, we're in.  Then if we do well there, and the thing on the 26th, he says he's got some stuff to look at in Q1 2016.  He tends to book a quarter at a time.  Very businesslike.

So... things are happening.  Gigs booked, promise of future gigs with the agent dude who basically owns this county.  We keep him happy, he keeps us working, and everybody's happy.

[Orbert]

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Sounds great! Looking forward to hear how it all turns out!

[Orbert]

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Good luck Orb! Hopefully you can keep one lineup through it all!

[Orbert]

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Thanks.  In a weird way, I kinda miss writing about all the band drama, since most of it is apparently behind us.  Saying "We practiced on Saturday and nailed down two more songs" just isn't as exciting and provacative.  But we practiced on Saturday and nailed down two more songs.  Starting two weeks hence, we're gonna try to "bulk up", adding half a dozen cheap 'n' easy songs that everyone knows.  We jammed on "Cocaine" for a while warming up, so that one's in.  Apparently we all know "Sweet Home Alabama" so that's in.  That kind of thing.

At the one gig we played, someone yelled "Freebird!" (because there's always someone who does) and since John was still in the process of switching guitars, I started playing Freebird just for the hell of it.  JT came in on drums and Steve played the whiny lead and we got through the intro.  Then John was ready and we started the next song, but we got a brief round of applause.  I suggested to John that we actually play the song next time, another ten minutes on the clock.  He seemed to consider it.

[Orbert]

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Okay, you knew it was too good to be true.  You knew that this band couldn't actually start gigging regularly and making money.  You might not have any idea why not, other than that it's pretty much how it has always been with this band, but it had to happen.

Steve (lead guitar, lead and background vocals) has quit the band.  Over something completely stupid.  Completely over-reacting to something, because it's his way, because he's a fucking misogynist who told us right up front that having a girl in the band is "poison" and that no band he's ever been in with a female has lasted more than a year.  Well, we now know why.  It's not because girls are poison, and it's not the girls themselves.  It's Steve.

John had tried, as manager, to get some gigs for us, and scraped up some crummy little gigs, one of which we even played, but the reason why we didn't get anything better was because they all book through the same company, which comes down to the one guy, agent dude.  Well, we're in with agent dude.  Agent dude sent some stuff to John, needs names, phone numbers, website and/or social media pages, and a secondary contact.  John forwards this out to all of us, just keeping us in the loop, letting us know what's going on.  But we need a volunteer to be secondary contact.

JT (drums, and also a personal friend of agent dude) says he's just the drummer, but he does know agent dude.  I say that that sounds to me like someone volunteering.  It's a joke, son!  A joke!  Anne says she votes for JT.  Just innocuous little messages via email, right?

Steve sends a text to Anne, asking her what her problem is.  Anne is confused.  Steve asks what gave her the right to start the voting.  He wants to be the secondary contact, he has the most experience out of all of us, blah blah blah.  Anne isn't even sure he's serious.  Has he actually gone off the rails over this?  She asks if he's going to make a bigger deal out of this than it has to be, or something like that.  Steve says Fuck this, I can't be in a band with you any more.  He then calls John and tells John the same thing, that he can't be in a band with Anne any more.  John can't believe he's serious either.  Are you quitting the band?  Steve says Yes.  John accepts his resignation.

John calls JT, who has known Steve for many years and is the reason he (JT) is in the band, and asks him to call Steve, and find out if this can be saved.  Ten minutes later, JT calls John back.  Steve is out, he ain't coming back.

If we could've held it together for six more weeks, we'd have those two gigs behind us, be on agent dude's list of groups he can count on, and we'd be on our way.  But the underlying problem in the band, Steve Who Cannot Get Along With Females, would still be there.  If we survive this one, we'll end up better off.  Harmony within the band is still more important than raw talent.  Finding a guitarist who can sing is nothing.  Finding one who you can get along with is the trick.  And we're back to Square One.

[Orbert]

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Jesus Christ. 

[Orbert]

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Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan seriously? That sucks. It would be funny if it weren't real. I'd expect this kind of drama from a teenage band (no offense, teenagers), but not from adults.

[Orbert]

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This is so ridiculous that it defies believability.  It truly does.  Couldn't Steve have kept his assholic tendencies in check just a little longer?  We were on the fucking brink.  Paying gigs booked, promise of plenty more where that came from, as long as we don't suck (and we don't).

Steve and Anne have apparently never really gotten along.  John shared this with me.  He's actually talked to both of them, many times, and things seemed to be getting better.  I've noticed little snipes at each other during practices and stuff, and while we all joke around and give each other shit, I've often suspected that these were actual barbs.  Mostly Steve giving Anne a hard time over something stupid, and just not backing off.  Overreacting.  Anne would eventually get tired of his shit and strike back, but I've never seen her start it.  Steve, on the other hand, is like a teenager, so yeah, all this drama.

I wouldn't blame Jerry, JT, or Anne if any one of them decided that enough is enough, this band is just plain jinxed.  I don't know if we could survive a second departure at this point.  It would vastly increase the odds that a third would occur, and at that point, I think everything would collapse.

Personally, I'm still in.  I mean, I don't have anything else going on, why not?  I have a bunch of holiday-related musical obligations coming up, but other than that, nothing.

[Orbert]

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This is so ridiculous that it defies believability.

Yyyyep!  Its like, how more fucking ridiculous could this get. 

Steve sounds like a raging douche, and you guys are certainly better off without him, though I understand that this is just more ass pain for you guys.  Hopefully you can find someone quick smart to fill in!

[Orbert]

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Tell Steve we think he's a prick.

[Orbert]

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lets start an official steve depreciation thread.

[Orbert]

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I got a text last night, after I'd stuck my phone in the charger for the night, so I didn't see it until this morning.  "Sorry Bob, I just couldn't deal with her anymore.  Her need to control everything, her constantly needing to have her way, even to the detriment of the band..." it goes on.  He's fucking psychotic; I never truly saw it before.  I wanted to ask him if he'd looked in a mirror lately.  Instead, I said that I never really understood what the issue was between the two of them, but I guess sometimes certain personality types just don't get along.  Like Steve and anyone female.  I didn't say that last part.  So after sending my reply this morning, he replied again, going on about all the horrible things he imagines she's done.  I just put the phone down.  I'm not continuing this conversation.

Last year's drama, with our original singer Karen, actually made sense compared to this, if that statement itself even makes sense.  Karen was a great singer if she liked the song, barely tolerable if she didn't.  She also missed practices and sometimes showed up obviously unprepared.  So Steve's complaining about her was legit, and I guess when he took the opportunity to rant about how females are always pulling shit like this and how it's just not worth it, I let it go because he was annoyed, as we all were.  When he started in on Anne, who is a much better singer, has infinitely more stage presence, and is just a much cooler person in general, I didn't get it.  It's like he's constantly looking for things to get annoyed about, and of course always finding them, because if they're not really there, he'll just make them up.

Or maybe I just looked the other way because he's a hell of a guitarist, one of the best I've ever played with.  But I'd rather have someone with half the talent if I can get along with them, and the whole band is better off without someone like that.  If we survive...

[Orbert]

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Orbert's Almost Band is starting to sound like Orbert's Teenage Grindcore Band.
I'm also starting to think you could make a soap-opera after this, called Orbert Street.

[Orbert]

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Tell Steve we think he's a prick.

[Orbert]

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Orbert, you may have answered this long ago, but where did you even find this guy?

[Orbert]

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Steve answered the ad for a singer way back when we lost one of our original singers, Dave.  Dave could sing high stuff like nobody's business.  Survivor, Journey, Toto.  He was amazing.  Steve doesn't have the same kind of range, but he can play a killer guitar, and we figured that would help make up for reduced song selection.  Eventually it became obvious that not only was our original lead guitarist Rick an idiot and a head case, but we also didn't need three guitarists, so Rick was let go and Steve took over lead guitar.

The original concept for the group was a male singer, a female singer, two guitars, keyboards, bass, and drums.  It's John's band, and while he is easily the least talented and least experienced of all, he's also a millionaire with a huge house and a studio/practice space in his basement and lots of top-shelf equipment.  His idea was to surround himself with great performers and just have fun rocking out in the basement.  Having both a male and female lead singer meant greater song selection and built-in strength with harmonies and stuff.  It was only after "accidentally" amassing a lot of genuine talent that we started talking about actually playing out.  Adding Steve while losing both Dave and Rick was a good move overall, and certainly a good move at the time.  Also, a band with seven people is just too big.  It's still tough with six of us, but it's workable.  After John and myself, Steve was next in seniority in the band.


John sent out an email this morning, assuring everyone that he intends to keep this band going, and reminding everyone that setbacks happen.  I made sure to reply quickly that I for one am still in, and pointed out that the band has been through many changes in the past, and each time we've gotten better people.  Better in terms of a better fit for the band (we get along better), and also more talented (doesn't hurt to toss in a compliment, especially since it's true anyway).

All three of the others are still in.  Jerry also expressed disappointment, but he's in.

It occurred to me that Jerry and Anne were the last to join the band, and therefore this is the first personnel change for them, so it's not like this is the final straw or anything like that.  I've been through all seven.  Two singers, a guitarist, a drummer, and three bassists.  And we have in fact gotten better people each time, and keep getting closer to our ultimate goal of playing loud music not just for our friends, but for hordes of drunk people in bars.  Dare to dream!

[Orbert]

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Where are you guys located? And what's the age group of the members?

[Orbert]

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If you guys would commute to North Carolina, I would totally jam with you guys.

[Orbert]

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If anyone of you guys came to my house in Wales - you'd hate me just as much IRL - if not MORE !!

[Orbert]

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Where are you guys located? And what's the age group of the members?

Chicago far northern suburbs.  We're all in our 50's.

Most of us played in bands back in the 70's or 80's, and have played on and off to varying degrees ever since.  John organized a reunion of friends at his house a few years ago, and they had a band back in the 80's which didn't really go anywhere but was fun, so when they got together, they brought their gear and played some songs.  The "Before" and "After" pictures are great.  John got bitten by the bug, and decided that he's got the time, he's got the money, and he's at a point in his life now where he can buy a bunch of gear and put a band together.  That's us.  He freely admits that he has the least experience of all of us and is probably the least talented (he's correct on both counts) but it's his band, and all we're doing is playing for fun.  Or at least that was the idea at first.  Once JT our drummer joined, it started becoming clear that we have some real potential, and we started talking about playing out, once we get enough tunes down.  That was nearly two years ago, but we've been plagued by personnel changes, each one of which sets us back in terms of time to find a replacement and time to get the new person up to speed.  But each change has ultimately helped the band because we've "traded up" each time.

It's different doing this now as adults with kids/wives/lives as opposed to when you're young and stupid and the band is everything.  It's just a hobby.  We have no delusions of grandeur; we're never going to get rich doing this, and we know it.  We just like to play.  That's all we're trying to do.

[Orbert]

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Get John to put up $50 and make a profile on The Musician's Contact Service and put an add on there. https://www.musicianscontact.com

[Orbert]

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Thanks for the suggestion.

The band was mostly put together via the Internet.  Various online want ad places, such as BandMix.com and ReverbNation.  Steve, Anne, and Jerry were all the results of web searches and subsequent auditions.  JT came in when we lost our first drummer, as he was someone Steve knew.  I came on board because the original singer Karen knew me, but otherwise the entire original lineup was formed via the net.

John's buddies have all scattered to the winds.  None of them lives close enough to play on a regular basis, so he used Internet searches to put the initial lineup together.  I guess that's why, from the beginning, there's been an attitude that if anyone doesn't work out, we try someone else.  The other big difference between this band and the kind of band you're in when you're younger is that back then, the band was all guys you knew from school, maybe even grew up with.  That was my first band, all guys from the neighborhood.  Later that expanded to include guys who knew other guys from somewhere, but there was always a personal connection.  Our band has more the feel of a business arrangement.  I like everyone well enough, but we're all from different towns, different walks of life.  I didn't know anyone in the current band before the band.  We're not quite friends; we don't hang out together on weekends or go hit the bars together.  We're more like co-workers who get along and have a good time, but when it's time to go home, that's it.  Well, we're all friends on Facebook.  We share jokes and memes and stuff, and we've met most of each other's significant others.  So I guess we're closer than just co-workers, but don't have tight personal bonds yet.  This whole experience has been very interesting.  And if nothing else, I've gotten to play with a number of different people, played songs I never would've played otherwise, and am a better musician for it.

[Orbert]

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To be honest, I'm just exceptionally surprised you can keep a positive outlook on this. I'd have told each individual member of the band where to shove their finger and left if all this had happened to me, so, good on you, man. 

[Orbert]

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Believe me, there's been a couple of times I've been tempted to just quit.  We've gone through a lot of personnel changes, resulting in a lot of lost time.  If we'd had the same lineup for two years, we'd probably be gigging by now.  But the original band did kinda suck, so there would be limited payoff in that.  And I'm serious when I say that every time we lost someone, the replacement we eventually found has been better, both in terms of talent and personality.

I like to rock, but I don't have any other rock bands to play in, and I don't have the time or energy to devote to starting one up.  I still get my musical rocks off on a regular basis singing in the church choir, and also leading the praise band, which gives me the opportunity to arrange tunes for some pretty esoteric ensembles, also sing and play piano, sax, and flute.  So I've stuck with the rock band, because it's still worth it for me.  John does all the organizing, web-searching, dealing with agents and bar owners and stuff.  All I have to do is learn my songs and show up for practice.  I like learning new songs, and I like getting together every other Saturday and playing.  The money is absolutely not a factor.  We got $10 each for that one crappy gig we did play; it paid for my dinner, eaten there at the bar before the show.  Burger and Coke was $8 or so; I gave the girl a ten and told her to keep it because she was hot.  When John came out of the office later with $10 each for us, I just chuckled.  I got dinner and got to rock and roll for a few hours, and broke even.  It cost me gas money, but it was a reasonable night's entertainment.

I would love to actually play gigs.  Rocking out in the basement is fun, but obviously playing for people is the goal for most musicians, myself included.  So these setbacks have been very frustrating, but there's not a damned thing I can do about them.  I still get to jam every other Saturday.  Quitting the band would mean giving that up, so I stick with it.

[Orbert]

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Well, at least you still find getting together to jam with them enjoyable. I'm wanting to start a band with people from my school (my school is pretty music-intensive) - we have a "band night" every year where bands with members from the school can gig, but to be honest it's difficult to find people with the same music taste as me. You don't get many 15-17 year olds who listen to prog. Plus, we don't get any money for it.
I'm looking at playing some of my ambient stuff outside of my school soon, though.
Just make sure you guys actually keep practising. I hope to see an Orbert's Almost Band debut album at some point. 

[Orbert]

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Do you guys have a name? Or do you just go by "Orbert's Almost Band" in the real world as well?

[Orbert]

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Do you guys have a name? Or do you just go by "Orbert's Almost Band" in the real world as well?

I really want them to, but I doubt it...

[Orbert]

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Somewhere in this thread, I think I mentioned that the original band went by the name Oh Zone and that the current band is called FlashDrive.  But maybe not.



Cheesy logo I whipped up in half an hour using Word.  John is currently trying to hire people to come up with a more "professional" looking logo.  So far, he's spent $300 and they've all sucked.  We haven't officially voted or anything, but Jerry and Anne have said that they like this one fine, and don't see the point in changing it.

So he's having one of his sons work on it.  Since his son is a graphic designer, it will obviously be much better (yeah right).  And since it's his son, it will be free.  Mine was free, too.  I don't really care that much; I just don't want our logo to suck, and while this isn't exactly "professional" quality, it's sharp and easy to read, which none of the "professional" ones were.