Anyone living with a partner and sleeping in separate beds?

[Chino]

Just curious if this is something people do. My girlfriend and I sleep like shit because we share a bed. We both squirm a lot when we sleep and are constantly waking each other up and not realizing it. I get maybe 5 hours of sleep a night if I'm lucky when we share a bed. While she was away in Ireland, I got the best 9 nights of sleep that I've gotten in a long time. Anyone?

[JustJen]

Certainly. I've been married almost 23 years now and splitting up the bedtime routine saved it two years ago. He snores. He can't help it. He had a sleep study, a surgery for deviated septum, a CPAP, but it is what it is. He can't help making that sound and I can't help that I can't sleep through it, yet humans require sleep for survival. So there was no choice but to sleep separately. As a result I am so much happier it's not even measurable. He hates it but it is what it is. It's either separate our sleeping routine while married or separate our sleeping routine while divorced, but we cannot sleep in the same room, period.

I've slept better the last two years than I had for the previous 10-15. It's truly more helpful than any anti depressant I"d ever tried while struggling to not murder him every night for 10-15 years.

[ReaperKK]

It's something my girlfriend and I are thinking of doing when we move to our new home. I move around a lot when I sleep and she is very light sleeper.

I sometimes sleep in the second bedroom or she does and we always sleep way better.

[JustJen]

PS - some people including my husband might say that it seems so wrong to sleep separate that we may as well divorce but I say lots of the best relationships happen between people who don't even live together, let alone sleep in the same bed. Why should it be required just because of a ceremony? It wasn't a "sleep in the same bed" ceremony, it was a "for better or for worse" ceremony. This is the solution for weathering the "worse" part when it comes to sleep.

And seriously, both people are unconscious during this time so who cares where they're located in relation to one another as long as they're in the same home?

[Phoenix87x]

Sleeping in the same bed with my girlfriend is a nightmare. We don't live together yet, so I am still enjoying my sleep most of the time, but when we do, I pretty much get no sleep.

She has a queen and I have a queen size, and that shit does not cut it, so the plan is to get a king when we move in together. The second solution that I came up with is two separate blankets. I get hot very easy so she has the big comforter blanket and I have a lighter blanket. This definitely helped a lot, but there's still the space issue, so I am praying that having the space of a king will make it easier. We'll see.

[Chino]

The size of the bed makes no difference with us. We end up gravitating toward one another regardless of the space between. We've tried a king several times and that doesn't seem to make a difference. The temperature fluctuation is a huge contributor to the shitty sleeps. My girlfriend is always freezing, and I'll sleep perfectly if I leave the AC at 60 all night. I constantly wake up drenched in sweat because she runs so hot when she sleeps.

[Prog Snob]

My ex-wife and I started to sleep apart from each other for obvious reasons. I slept better on the couch because she is an obnoxiously loud snorer, and I'm a light sleeper.

[Phoenix87x]

The size of the bed makes no difference with us. We end up gravitating toward one another regardless of the space between. We've tried a king several times and that doesn't seem to make a difference. The temperature fluctuation is a huge contributor to the shitty sleeps. My girlfriend is always freezing, and I'll sleep perfectly if I leave the AC at 60 all night. I constantly wake up drenched in sweat because she runs so hot when she sleeps.

Oh man, I totally forgot about the temperature thing. This drives me insane.

Both of us are way different in temperature too, which ruins everything. I have given up with arguing with her, so I just try and adjust to what ever temperature she's comfortable in, but to make matters worse, her temperature changes through out the night.  She's hot, then she's cold, then hot then cold. Fan goes on, fan goes off, window open, window closed.

I would ideally like sleep in the same bed, but the pragmatic answer would probably to just go separate.

[cramx3]

I couldn't sleep with my ex, or more accurately, she could not sleep with me.  I snore and she would hit me when I would sleep and snore.  It got really bad, she would hit me hard throughout the night meaning that now not only could she not sleep, but I could not either.  I would usually move to the couch and then she would get mad that I wasn't sleeping with her.  It became a big problem with our relationship and it slowly turned to me not even attempting to sleep in bed and then we broke up.  I don't think the sleeping in bed was the main reason or anything, but definitely a contributing factor because she wouldn't be happy regardless of where I slept and sleeping for most nights on a couch is not the best for getting good sleep either and that was wearing on me over time.

[Chino]

My ex-wife and I started to sleep apart from each other for obvious reasons. I slept better on the couch because she is an obnoxiously loud snorer, and I'm a light sleeper.

I'd sleep on a couch every night if I could. I love sleeping on couches. There's a sweet spot where the ass cushions meet the back cushions that I can sink into, and I won't move a muscle until my alarm goes off, or the cat walks on my face.

[Stadler]

I spent the last two years or so of my marriage on the couch, and it did wonders for my sleep. 

This is not at all uncommon, and as long as the partners have strength in other ways - communication, sex attraction/drive - it is not a hurdle at all, and can be made almost into something fun.

[Prog Snob]

My ex-wife and I started to sleep apart from each other for obvious reasons. I slept better on the couch because she is an obnoxiously loud snorer, and I'm a light sleeper.

I'd sleep on a couch every night if I could. I love sleeping on couches. There's a sweet spot where the ass cushions meet the back cushions that I can sink into, and I won't move a muscle until my alarm goes off, or the cat walks on my face.

I sleep on the couch in my apartment, even though I do have a bed. I find it rather comfortable.

[Stadler]

^^ I used to do that when I had my own place.   Sometimes it's easier and more comfortable to just roll over and sleep where you are.

[ReaperKK]

PS - some people including my husband might say that it seems so wrong to sleep separate that we may as well divorce but I say lots of the best relationships happen between people who don't even live together, let alone sleep in the same bed. Why should it be required just because of a ceremony? It wasn't a "sleep in the same bed" ceremony, it was a "for better or for worse" ceremony. This is the solution for weathering the "worse" part when it comes to sleep.

And seriously, both people are unconscious during this time so who cares where they're located in relation to one another as long as they're in the same home?

I thought that too for a little bit but then I had more experience living with my gf. We hang out in bed and watch TV and then I'll go to the other room or she will depending on who is going to work first in the morning.

The size of the bed makes no difference with us. We end up gravitating toward one another regardless of the space between. We've tried a king several times and that doesn't seem to make a difference. The temperature fluctuation is a huge contributor to the shitty sleeps. My girlfriend is always freezing, and I'll sleep perfectly if I leave the AC at 60 all night. I constantly wake up drenched in sweat because she runs so hot when she sleeps.

Sounds like my gf

She lets me set the ac to whatever, I keep it at 67. She sleeps in a hoodie, sweat pants, and 3 comforters.

[Kotowboy]

Why not have seperate bedrooms ?

If one person has insomnia and has to get up and walk around - or is sick and has to get up to be sick a lot - why should the other person not sleep either ?

[axeman90210]

My grandparents, who were happily married for many years, had separate beds in the same bedroom. I don't think it's all that uncommon.

[ReaperKK]

Well I or she goes into the second bedroom. I just prefer the master bedroom because it's much darker in that room.

[JustJen]

Why not have seperate bedrooms ?

If one person has insomnia and has to get up and walk around - or is sick and has to get up to be sick a lot - why should the other person not sleep either ?

I agree. usually the reason is because most people don't have an extra bedroom in their home just sitting there waiting for someone to find a use for it so the only other choice is the couch.

[Prog Snob]

^^ I used to do that when I had my own place.   Sometimes it's easier and more comfortable to just roll over and sleep where you are.

Exactly. I have the tv in the living room and I'm usually watching it as I fall asleep.

[ReaperKK]

I can sleep on the couch but I don't think I can just roll over and go to sleep. I'm a weird guy and I like the process of shutting everything off, lowering the ac, climbing into bed.

[cramx3]

I have no issues with sleeping on the couch occasionally, but after a few months I couldn't take it anymore and bought an air mattress.  I find my basement couch to be very comfortable too, but I like to roll around and spread out which you can't do on a couch.  I do have an amazing king sized bed all for myself now though which I love and every single girl who gets on it loves it too 

[Chino]

My grandparents, who were happily married for many years, had separate beds in the same bedroom. I don't think it's all that uncommon.

Seems like heaven

[hefdaddy42]

My parents always slept in the same bed when I was a kid.

As soon as my brother and I were out of the house, they started sleeping separately.  Their moods dramatically improved.

Not sure whether it was sleep-motivated or kids gone-motivated.

[JustJen]

I also thought of I Love Lucy initially. But wouldn't help a lot of us whose problem is snoring.

[ariich]

Not all the time, but quite frequently yeah. It's apparently very common, and generally seen as a good thing for being much better rested.

[King Postwhore]

I never sleep in a different room.  Our issues of lack of sleep is the damn cats!  It's all our fault letting them in the room.

[jingle.boy]

Mrs.jingle sleeps like shit most of the time, when I'm home, or when I travel.  I can snore sometimes, and she is a light sleeper.  Sadly, we don't have a spare room for either of us to use, so it's either couch or bed - and our couch's ain't all that comfy for sleeping.

[mike099]

My wife and I have slept in separate bedrooms about 5 years.  We have been married for 31 years.  We both snore, but the main reason is she is retired and stays up late and I still work outside the home and go to bed much earlier.  The dog alternates between my bedroom and her bedroom.

[Tick]

I am 51 and am working on 21 years of marriage. I can't imagine the day when I don't sleep in the same bed as my wife. Our king size bed is huge and I only snore when I drink too much.(so I'm told) Plus my wife sleeps like crap when I'm not in the bed with her. Imagine that...
As the far the hot cold thing goes I often throw an extra blanket on her when shes cold that doesn't touch me.Or if shes hot she flips the blanket off her into the middle of the bed. Never an issue for us.
To each his own but I hope I never see the day I'm in a separate bed than my wife.

[King Postwhore]

I hear that from my wife too.  She doesn'tdoesn't sleep well when I'm away.

[El Barto]

I am 51 and am working on 21 years of marriage. I can't imagine the day when I don't sleep in the same bed as my wife. Our king size bed is huge and I only snore when I drink too much.(so I'm told) Plus my wife sleeps like crap when I'm not in the bed with her. Imagine that...
As the far the hot cold thing goes I often throw an extra blanket on her when shes cold that doesn't touch me.Or if shes hot she flips the blanket off her into the middle of the bed. Never an issue for us.
To each his own but I hope I never see the day I'm in a separate bed than my wife.

Man, I was fixing to ask if there was anybody in this entire forum that actually shares a bed with their SO. Way to be the outcast, dude.

[King Postwhore]

 

[TAC]

I am 51 and am working on 21 years of marriage. I can't imagine the day when I don't sleep in the same bed as my wife. Our king size bed is huge and I only snore when I drink too much.(so I'm told) Plus my wife sleeps like crap when I'm not in the bed with her. Imagine that...
As the far the hot cold thing goes I often throw an extra blanket on her when shes cold that doesn't touch me.Or if shes hot she flips the blanket off her into the middle of the bed. Never an issue for us.
To each his own but I hope I never see the day I'm in a separate bed than my wife.

Man, I was fixing to ask if there was anybody in this entire forum that actually shares a bed with their SO. Way to be the outcast, dude.

I'm with Tick on this one.

[Cool Chris]

Sleeping in the same bed as my wife took a little getting used to, as she was the first SO I ever lived with. Add in a dog and a cat on the bed, and it gets crowded. And we have the same temperature issues as Chino. But we got used to it pretty quickly. One of us hits the spare bed due to sickness, or if one of us can't sleep and is tossing and turning all night. It is a nice option we have, despite not being utilized often.

[TheCountOfNYC]

I share a twin bed with my girlfriend. I love being next to her and if I can have it my way, I will never sleep in a bed without her again.