Funny things your kids say that you take a different way

[splent]

OK I need a place to post these things because I have no other place, I can't post this shit on facebook.

Just now I was hugging my wife who was laying down after taking a well deserved nap... my daughter was laying next to her. My daughter proceeded to push my face and tell me "Get out of my mama!"

Naturally my wife and I were giggling like 12 year olds.

This will not be the only time I post in this thread, but I need a place to keep this and laugh with people. Post stuff like this here.

[JustJen]

OMG. perfect. My 13 year old daughter recently paused the music in the car when we were driving alone, and then said to me "I don't think it's true what they say - once you go black you never go back."

I took a deep breath and said "uh.. what are we talking about here?" and she replied "my hair has only been dyed black for a few months now but I already want to change it again."

I just about had a stroke.

[Zydar]

[JustJen]

I don't know if I can recall this one precisely. Nick or axeman might be able to fill in some blanks.. but when my middle boy was maybe 12 or so there was a conversation about beavers. My boy stated that beaver hunting is too hard, beavers should be something that are easier to get when you want one, in fact it ought to be legal to buy beaver if you want to.. they should have beavers wandering the streets selling themselves, beaver shops, beaver salesmen making a cut of beaver sales. Because beavers are so elusive to men who want them so badly.

I was rolling.

[splent]

Copied from a text from my wife today. I am so fucked. "S" is my daughter and "me" is my wife

S: When I get big and get a husband we'll get a house, and then we'll get a baby, right?
Me: If you want one.
S: Don't you have to?
Me: No, not if you don't want to.
S: I want to. Well how do you get one exactly?
Me: .... it's kind of complicated. Maybe we can look for a book at the library.
S: Oh and then we can see the directions?
Me: ... sure.

[Chino]

Copied from a text from my wife today. I am so fucked. "S" is my daughter and "me" is my wife

S: When I get big and get a husband we'll get a house, and then we'll get a baby, right?
Me: If you want one.
S: Don't you have to?
Me: No, not if you don't want to.
S: I want to. Well how do you get one exactly?
Me: .... it's kind of complicated. Maybe we can look for a book at the library.
S: Oh and then we can see the directions?
Me: ... sure.

If I ever become a parent, this is the moment I look forward to most.

[jingle.boy]

I don't know if I can recall this one precisely. Nick or axeman might be able to fill in some blanks.. but when my middle boy was maybe 12 or so there was a conversation about beavers. My boy stated that beaver hunting is too hard, beavers should be something that are easier to get when you want one, in fact it ought to be legal to buy beaver if you want to.. they should have beavers wandering the streets selling themselves, beaver shops, beaver salesmen making a cut of beaver sales. Because beavers are so elusive to men who want them so badly.

I was rolling.

mmmmm.... beaver. 

[JustJen]

Copied from a text from my wife today. I am so fucked. "S" is my daughter and "me" is my wife

S: When I get big and get a husband we'll get a house, and then we'll get a baby, right?
Me: If you want one.
S: Don't you have to?
Me: No, not if you don't want to.
S: I want to. Well how do you get one exactly?
Me: .... it's kind of complicated. Maybe we can look for a book at the library.
S: Oh and then we can see the directions?
Me: ... sure.

If I ever become a parent, this is the moment I look forward to most.

oh dear.

[TempusVox]

When my son was four, he and I went to the Natural History Museum. As we were leaving the parking lot we had this conversation.
Him: Daddy, if our planet is Earth, and Mars is Mars, what's the name of the moon.
Me: That's a good question. Some people call the moon Luna, but I'm pretty sure it's name is just the Moon.
Him: But other moons have names.
Me: They do, but ours is just called the Moon.
Him: When I get big I'm gonna name it Big Loopy Moon.
Me: Oh yeah? But I think it already has a name.
Him: I know, I just named it Big Loopy Moon.

When he was 6, I had been traveling and picked him up from school one day. He was excited to see me, but was kind of bummed out otherwise. As we were driving, I glanced in the rear view mirror and he had his head propped up on his hand while his elbow rested on the edge of his car seat. He looked forlorn.
Me: Hey dude, you okay back there?
Him: *sigh* Yeah...
Me: What's going on? You seem sad.
Him: Dad, me and this girl Sarah like each other at recess, and she's moving away. Today was her last day at school. And she has blonde hair and blue eyes.
(He likes blondes...at SIX. Lol)
Me: Oh, I'm sorry buddy. That happens sometimes. People have to move away. But maybe someone new will move in and you can be friends with them. Or maybe Sarah didn't move too far away and you can see her when you get older and go to middle school. (We'd already had the discussion about how multiple elementary schools feed into middle school, then junior and senior high)
Him:Yeah...the winds of change.
Me: WHAT!?! Buddy, where did you hear that?
Him: I didn't hear it anywhere, hey Dad can we go to the park?
Me: Absolutely!
( I remember thinking, "Jesus, there's an old man living in there")

But the most glaring difference is my now 19 year old college student has a different interpretation as to what "I'm busy right now, I'll call you later" means. I take it that it means later that day. His interpretation is obviously later, whenever he gets around to thinking about it, after class and he gets off work, and oh yeah there's a party tonight, and damn  gotta work a double shift at the pizza parlour today, and my roommate and I are gonna shoot hoops, and I've gotta workout before we go to the next party, and I've gotta work again--later. Being a new "empty nester" sucks massive balls.

*sigh*  The winds of change, indeed.

[jammindude]

Now Playing: Cats in the Cradle

[King Postwhore]

My nephew at 15 years old at Thanksgiving.

"Dishes are a woman's job".

Women responses, "Oh no you dtn't"!

Men response, "Dead man walking ".   

[JustJen]

The other day my daughter was reading lyrics while listening to music and said "it would take Gandhi to translate these lyrics. Wait, that's the dude that said really deep stuff, right? Gandhi, Buddha, someone."

It was pop-punk lyrics...

------

another old time memory... my middle boy was about 13 and was in the back seat of the car as we drove home from a dentist appointment and we were passing corn fields and billboards and not much else and I heard from the back seat, softly "orn in the orn".... and I turned to ask "what?" and my eye caught sight of a billboard for an adult book store standing in the middle of a cornfield.

Child had said "porn in the corn" as we drove by.

[Orbert]

When my son was three or so, we were teaching him things like correct way to ask for something.  You do not say "I want...", you say "May I please have..."

Driving home from day care, I have Stone Temple Pilot's Core playing, and we're on the last song, "Where the River Goes":

♫♫ I want to be as big as a mountain
♫♫ I want to fly as high as the sun

As the song is fading out, from the back seat I hear him say "He's not going to get anything, because he said 'I want'"

[Orbert]

Orbert, Jr. was a clever little guy.  Another time in the car, we get to an intersection and he reads a sign that says "Turn on arrow only".  Since we're turning there, I hit the turn signal, and he says "You turned on the arrow!"

[JustJen]

so cute. that last one reminds me of my middle boy (again) when we drove past a sign that said "pass with care" and he asked me "but what if you DON"T care?"

[King Postwhore]

From my sister in laws Facebook page today.

My kid is in rare form today. First,  I gave him the wrong undies this morning.  God forbid I give him Olaf instead of minions!  Then, tonight we left his drawing at school.  Both events created break downs. He comes up to me while I'm making dinner.
Reid:I'm sorry.
Me: for what?
Reid: for being a brat.
At least he's honest.

[splent]

My brother in law is a beast of a guitar player.
Sabrina: Is Uncle Nathaniel one of my uncles?
Me: Yes...
Sabrina: Did he die?
Me: No!!!!

Also at Christmas:
Sabrina: I don't like Christmas! (starts bawling)
me: Why?
Sabrina: Because it's going giving people presents and not getting what you wa-a-ant! (starts bawling harder)

After we took communion at church:
"Your breath smells like blood and communion!"

[JustJen]

After we took communion at church:
"Your breath smells like blood and communion!"

I would expect that comment to be directed to Jackie.

[splent]

After we took communion at church:
"Your breath smells like blood and communion!"

I would expect that comment to be directed to Jackie.

Yeah I have a feeling she'll like that one

[splent]

OK so my daughter wouldn't get her pajamas on and I tried blowing a raspberry on her stomach and said "If you don't put you pajamas on I'm going to c- hunt you down" I was going to say catch you but ended up saying hunt you down.

Then she asked "Dad, what does cunt you down mean?"
I said "HUNT you down." She said "Oh" and put her pajamas on.

My wife and I proceeded to die laughing.

[Orbert]

In a few years, you won't be able to get away with that.