Author Topic: Presidential Candidates ranked on their usefulness in a bar fight  (Read 528 times)

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Offline Sir GuitarCozmo

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Despite the obvious left lean on this one, I thought it was damned funny.  Bonus points for use of the word "finks"

http://bitterempire.com/presidential-candidates-ranked-usefulness-bar-fight/

Offline Stadler

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Re: Presidential Candidates ranked on their usefulness in a bar fight
« Reply #1 on: February 12, 2016, 10:32:17 AM »
Yeah, having Bernie at number 2 is pretty partisan.  He's tied with Cruz at 14, for me.   Cruz is the guy that is standing behind the wall of friends jumping up and down pointing fingers, but as soon as the punches fly, is nowhere to be seen.

I'd take Santorum, Fiorina, Clinton and Rubio though.   

Offline Sir GuitarCozmo

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Re: Presidential Candidates ranked on their usefulness in a bar fight
« Reply #2 on: February 12, 2016, 10:34:36 AM »
As noted, I knew that the obvious partisan nature of the article would be a little off-putting to some, but for me, it wasn't about the order of the candidates, I just found it funny regardless.  I found the entry on Christie to be particularly funny.

Offline Stadler

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Re: Presidential Candidates ranked on their usefulness in a bar fight
« Reply #3 on: February 12, 2016, 12:04:05 PM »
As noted, I knew that the obvious partisan nature of the article would be a little off-putting to some, but for me, it wasn't about the order of the candidates, I just found it funny regardless.  I found the entry on Christie to be particularly funny.

Oh, the humor wasn't lost.  I think it'd be kinda cool to be in a bar fight with Hillary Clinton, or Donald Trump.  That would be a sign of a fun night all around!!!

Offline Chino

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Re: Presidential Candidates ranked on their usefulness in a bar fight
« Reply #4 on: February 12, 2016, 12:16:43 PM »
If you could pick a dead president to be your partner in a bar fight, who would you pick? I think I'd have to go with Teddy Rooselvelt. 

Offline Stadler

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Re: Presidential Candidates ranked on their usefulness in a bar fight
« Reply #5 on: February 12, 2016, 12:27:49 PM »
If you could pick a dead president to be your partner in a bar fight, who would you pick? I think I'd have to go with Teddy Rooselvelt.

Andrew Jackson.  He might have been a shitty President, and a racist mofo (he consigned a whole group of American Indians to "Indian Land" in Oklahoma), but he was ornery, and I don't think I'd want to fight against him.   The story goes, a reporter called his wife a "bigamist" (she wasn't properly divorced when they got together) and so Jackson called him out for a duel.  Knowing his opponent was an excellent shot, he figured he would rush the reporter by turning as quickly as he could, but without actually firing, letting the reporter get the first shot off on the theory that in his haste he would ruin his aim.  Jackson was shot in the chest, but remained standing, and under the "rules" of a duel, the reporter had to stand stock still while Jackson took his shot.  Jackson took aim and shot him to death. 

Offline Sir GuitarCozmo

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Re: Presidential Candidates ranked on their usefulness in a bar fight
« Reply #6 on: February 12, 2016, 12:36:12 PM »
Check out this article on who would win in a mass knife fight amongst all the presidents:

http://www.dreamtheaterforums.org/boards/index.php?topic=39927

Dude agrees with you on AJ:

Quote
Its already been said: The mans nickname was Old Hickory because he walked around town with a bludgeon that to the untrained eye was a walking stick. A man who can beat a would-be assassin within an inch of his life with a cane is going to be a murder machine when provided with an implement designed to end a mans life. I think of the Top Three hed be reckless enough to go down first, but hed also probably have the highest overall kill count.

Looking back, not sure why I posted that in GD and this here.  Oh well, the other one is a damn good read also.

Offline Chino

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Re: Presidential Candidates ranked on their usefulness in a bar fight
« Reply #7 on: February 12, 2016, 12:41:56 PM »
If you could pick a dead president to be your partner in a bar fight, who would you pick? I think I'd have to go with Teddy Rooselvelt.

Andrew Jackson.  He might have been a shitty President, and a racist mofo (he consigned a whole group of American Indians to "Indian Land" in Oklahoma), but he was ornery, and I don't think I'd want to fight against him.   The story goes, a reporter called his wife a "bigamist" (she wasn't properly divorced when they got together) and so Jackson called him out for a duel.  Knowing his opponent was an excellent shot, he figured he would rush the reporter by turning as quickly as he could, but without actually firing, letting the reporter get the first shot off on the theory that in his haste he would ruin his aim.  Jackson was shot in the chest, but remained standing, and under the "rules" of a duel, the reporter had to stand stock still while Jackson took his shot.  Jackson took aim and shot him to death.

Did Andrew Jackson ever ride a wild moose through freezing water....


...or kill a triceratops?



Offline El Barto

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Re: Presidential Candidates ranked on their usefulness in a bar fight
« Reply #8 on: February 12, 2016, 01:31:33 PM »
I like the rationale behind Sanders, but I doubt it'd play out like that in real life.

I think he underestimates Jeb Bush. Between his heartless ex-CIA father and an older brother who's both half-witted and crazed, he might well know more about taking care of himself then we'd expect.

I think I'd take Chris Christie. Assuming he doesn't drop dead of a heart attack climbing off of his bar-stool, I think he'd fare pretty well. He strikes me as the sort of guy that's been in a brawl or two, and I'll be he could take a beating.

As far as historical presidents go, LBJ would be a good pick. He's a drinker, a Texan, a cowboy and a giant.
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Offline theseoafs

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Re: Presidential Candidates ranked on their usefulness in a bar fight
« Reply #9 on: February 12, 2016, 01:55:23 PM »
I think Bernie's effectiveness in a bar fight depends on whether the bar is full of billionaires or not.

Offline hefdaddy42

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Re: Presidential Candidates ranked on their usefulness in a bar fight
« Reply #10 on: February 12, 2016, 02:06:09 PM »
Since Millard Fillmore is the greatest President of all time, I always pick him in any hypothetical contest involving Presidents.
Hef is right on all things. Except for when I disagree with him. In which case he's probably still right.

Offline portnoy311

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Re: Presidential Candidates ranked on their usefulness in a bar fight
« Reply #11 on: February 21, 2016, 02:52:01 PM »
Teddy gets a boost because he was in his physical prime as President. I mean, dude got shot and as an F U to both the shooter and death himself, he still got up and did his speech as intended before having it looked at. I think the guy wouldn't have a problem holding his own in a few rounds of fisticuffs.


Grant would have that mixture of alcoholic / war General / size / dude who's seen some shit. I could see him going beserk when it came to it, especially if someone was trying to mess with his drinking time.


Gerald Ford played O-Line at Michigan. Getting hit in the head would be nostalgic for him, he'd crack some skulls and laugh off a concussion.

Offline El Barto

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Re: Presidential Candidates ranked on their usefulness in a bar fight
« Reply #12 on: February 21, 2016, 06:01:54 PM »
Grant would have that mixture of alcoholic / war General / size / dude who's seen some shit. I could see him going beserk when it came to it, especially if someone was trying to mess with his drinking time.
Yeah, but he was honestly something of a pansy. Aside from the whole shower thing he was really squeamish about a lot of stuff. This is a guy who had to have his steaks charred, because the sight of a medium-rare steak would send him into hysteria.  As soon as somebody got a pool cue smashed over their head he'd spend the rest of the fight hiding underneath the bar.
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Offline bosk1

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Re: Presidential Candidates ranked on their usefulness in a bar fight
« Reply #13 on: February 22, 2016, 01:10:42 PM »
Check out this article on who would win in a mass knife fight amongst all the presidents:

http://www.dreamtheaterforums.org/boards/index.php?topic=39927

Dude agrees with you on AJ:

Quote
It’s already been said: The man’s nickname was Old Hickory because he walked around town with a bludgeon that to the untrained eye was a walking stick. A man who can beat a would-be assassin within an inch of his life with a cane is going to be a murder machine when provided with an implement designed to end a man’s life. I think of the Top Three he’d be reckless enough to go down first, but he’d also probably have the highest overall kill count.

Looking back, not sure why I posted that in GD and this here.  Oh well, the other one is a damn good read also.

It is no longer in GD
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