Author Topic: KOTOWBOY PRESENTS : THE BAD JOKE THREAD (Read 13765 times)

Kwyjibo · « **Reply #105 on:** November 13, 2015, 03:57:21 AM »

I always call my pet fishes "one" and "two".

If one dies I still have two.

tofee35 · « **Reply #106 on:** November 13, 2015, 11:05:56 AM »

Quote from: T-ski on November 03, 2015, 08:05:41 PM

Why were Indians the first people in America?

They had reservations.

What is it when you call to plan a vacation at a casino, but you aren't sure about it?

You have reservations about the reservation reservation.

Kotowboy · « **Reply #107 on:** November 13, 2015, 11:14:20 AM »

Which tastes better ? Earth rock or Moon rock ?

Moon rock - because it's a little meteor !

TheCountOfNYC · « **Reply #108 on:** November 23, 2015, 09:17:40 AM »

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Richard Pryor?

One caught fire on Pepsi while the other caught fire on Coke.

Lucien · « **Reply #109 on:** November 23, 2015, 11:15:22 AM »

What do you call a three-humped camel?

Pregnant.

Kotowboy · « **Reply #110 on:** November 23, 2015, 11:17:06 AM »

Quote from: Lucien on November 23, 2015, 11:15:22 AM

What do you call a three-humped camel?

Pregnant.

I thought you called it Humphrey !

TheCountOfNYC · « **Reply #111 on:** November 23, 2015, 08:55:15 PM »

Did you hear about the scarecrow who got an award?

He was outstanding in his field.

tofee35 · « **Reply #112 on:** November 24, 2015, 06:28:56 AM »

This is the dumbest joke of all time... brace yourselves

A man is sitting on his chair. He hears a knock at the door. He goes to the door, opens it and sees a snail. He kicks the snail. One year later the man is sitting in his chair and hears a knock at the door. He opens it and the snail says "what the hell was that?!"

Evermind · « **Reply #113 on:** November 24, 2015, 10:05:55 AM »

Quote from: tofee35 on November 24, 2015, 06:28:56 AM

This is the dumbest joke of all time... brace yourselves

A man is sitting on his chair. He hears a knock at the door. He goes to the door, opens it and sees a snail. He kicks the snail. One year later the man is sitting in his chair and hears a knock at the door. He opens it and the snail says "what the hell was that?!"

MajorBoobage · « **Reply #114 on:** November 25, 2015, 03:40:46 AM »

Two markets are flying in the sky and first market says - Dude, we should not be flying, what is going on?
Second market replies - No man, did you forget, we are Super Markets

Zydar · « **Reply #115 on:** November 25, 2015, 03:41:15 AM »

Kotowboy · « **Reply #116 on:** November 25, 2015, 06:00:27 AM »

Guy : Dude Ask Me If I Am An Egg ?

Dude : Are You An Egg ?

Guy : Nope.

Kix · « **Reply #117 on:** December 04, 2015, 11:40:12 AM »

Thanks for these, I now feel well equipped for Christmas.

I'll add these:

What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror? Halloumi!

Which cheese would you use to coax a bear down from a tree? Camembert!

How do you handle dangerous cheese? Caerphilly!

What do you call cheese that's not yours? Nacho cheese!

You're welcome.

Kotowboy · « **Reply #118 on:** December 04, 2015, 11:41:45 AM »

Quote from: Kix on December 04, 2015, 11:40:12 AM

How do you handle WELSH cheese? Caerphilly!

FTFY

Diloch Yn Fawr i ti.

Kotowboy · « **Reply #119 on:** February 08, 2016, 02:02:16 PM »

Doctor, doctor. I feel like i'm a pair of curtains..

fuck off.

chaossystem · « **Reply #120 on:** February 08, 2016, 07:26:57 PM »

A set of jumper cables walks into a bar.

The bouncer says "Hey! Don't you START anything in here!"

TheSilentHam · « **Reply #121 on:** February 09, 2016, 01:17:08 PM »

A termite walks into a bar and says, "Is the bar tender here?"

Kotowboy · « **Reply #122 on:** February 09, 2016, 01:19:57 PM »

well done.

gmillerdrake · « **Reply #123 on:** February 09, 2016, 01:59:45 PM »

Why did Adele cross the Road?

To say "HELLO FROM THE OTHER SIIIIIIIIIDE!!"

RoeDent · « **Reply #124 on:** February 09, 2016, 04:11:27 PM »

A look at some updates to the dictionary:

Twig - Yorkshireman's hairpiece

Bible - Purchase a male bovine

Culture - Ultravox singer's fan club

Chicken Caesar Salad - Poultry bird notices a cucumber

TheSilentHam · « **Reply #125 on:** February 11, 2016, 10:09:54 PM »

Why did the hipster burn his tongue on the coffee?

He drank it before it was cool.

TheCountOfNYC · « **Reply #126 on:** February 12, 2016, 09:34:51 AM »

Quote from: TheSilentHam on February 11, 2016, 10:09:54 PM

Why did the hipster burn his tongue on the coffee?

He drank it before it was cool.

Did you hear about the hipster who drowned in a tributary?

It wasn't mainstream.

Cool Chris · « **Reply #127 on:** February 12, 2016, 08:39:42 PM »

What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common?

Their last big hit was with the wall.

TheCountOfNYC · « **Reply #128 on:** February 12, 2016, 09:29:08 PM »

Quote from: Cool Chris on February 12, 2016, 08:39:42 PM

What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common?

Their last big hit was with the wall.

Zydar · « **Reply #129 on:** February 13, 2016, 08:15:03 AM »

Where did Noah keep his bees?

In the Ark hives.

lordxizor · « **Reply #130 on:** February 13, 2016, 08:47:50 AM »

What kind of train eats too much?

A chew chew train.

lordxizor · « **Reply #131 on:** February 13, 2016, 08:48:19 AM »

What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm in your apple!

dparrott · « **Reply #132 on:** February 13, 2016, 09:53:41 AM »

What do you call Japanese soup that tastes bad? Miso Sorry. Just made that up. Hah! I kill me!

dparrott · « **Reply #133 on:** February 13, 2016, 09:56:12 AM »

A man walks into a bar walking a crocodile attached to a rope. He asks the bartender "Excuse me, do you serve Englishmen?"
The bartender says "Certainly."
The man says "Great. I'll have a pint, and an Englishman for my crocodile."

Onno · « **Reply #134 on:** February 19, 2016, 11:33:16 AM »

TheSilentHam · « **Reply #135 on:** February 21, 2016, 02:21:50 PM »

Out in the field, one cow asks another "Did you hear about the mad cow disease outbreak?"
Second cow: "Good thing I'm a helicopter"

Randaran · « **Reply #136 on:** February 21, 2016, 03:39:58 PM »

I never knew that cows used Tumblr...

lordnafaryus · « **Reply #137 on:** February 21, 2016, 04:37:16 PM »

Has anyone been to that new restaurant on the moon?

Great food, but there's no atmosphere....

NunoTenniscourt · « **Reply #138 on:** February 22, 2016, 09:03:32 AM »

What did the Dalai Lama say to the hot dog vendor?

Make me one with everything.

TheSilentHam · « **Reply #139 on:** February 23, 2016, 02:10:32 AM »

^ nice ones

One of life's paradoxes: A broken vacuum cleaner. When it happens, it sucks, but it also doesn't suck.

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Author Topic: KOTOWBOY PRESENTS : THE BAD JOKE THREAD (Read 13765 times)