Author Topic: The DTF Old As Mold Club v. 40 IS The New 30! Kids Stay Out!  (Read 324730 times)

0 Members and 2 Guests are viewing this topic.

Online lonestar

  • DTF Executive Chef
  • Official DTF Tour Guide
  • ****
  • Posts: 29687
  • Gender: Male
  • Silly Hatted Knife Chucker
Re: The DTF Old As Mold Club ! Ages 30 and over
« Reply #665 on: December 04, 2010, 03:21:14 PM »
I can relate to a lot of the stuff posted here. I'm only 25, but I feel like I'm in between two generations, one like you guys and then the younger kids who have never known life without the internet, etc. I hate technology sometimes and I resent that people don't seem to connect as deeply anymore because they barely see each other. A lot of times I feel like an older person at heart. And I work with old people. So I may have to spend some time in this club :)
Jackie, DTF's resident middle child. :laugh:


And to Orbert, excellent points.  Even when a relationship is twenty years old, it is still a living and growing thing.  It is up to the partners in the relationship to accept that and themselves develop through the changes.

Offline AndyDT

  • Posts: 2229
Re: The DTF Old As Mold Club ! Ages 30 and over
« Reply #666 on: December 04, 2010, 03:21:25 PM »
So it's important to be able to enjoy or accept solitude and manage the time spent with the other person in a relatinoship but do you have any advice about how often to see them? And how often is healthy?

You can't control another person, you should be able to spend time alone, have your own things to do but it's balancing staying connected with not using them to avoid being lonely or "feel single". What's the key ingredient - patience? Asking constantly for feedback in the early stages could make the other person panic.

I understood that a relationship should ideally add to your life rather than be it. But at the same time don't you have to keep at bay the urge to use it to avoid being alone?

Because every person is different, every relationship is different because it's formed of two people.  Therefore there is no one answer that will be right for all situations.  That said, there are plenty of "general rules" which apply.

The answer to "How often is healthy?" is "Whatever works for the two of you."  You're not going to get an answer like "No more than once per week" or "At least twice a day" or anything concrete like that, and if you do, it will be from people merely saying what worked or didn't for them in the past.  It may or may not apply to your relationship at all.

Most people enter relationship with some uncertainty, even nervousness.  It's a new situation, and with any new situation, there are unknowns.  She may therefore look for a lot of reassurance.  Remind her that you like spending time with her; find things to compliment her on and do it.  Make it a pleasant experience for her, and you'll find that she enjoys your company as well, and pretty soon you're seeing each other more.  But because you're an unknown and she may be nervous, you don't want to smother her by constantly talking about these things, as it can make you come across as nervous and uncertain and having nothing else to talk about, and that can be a turn-off.
I've been coached to ask for feedback but straight away the feedback I got to trying to get feedback seemed that this would be a turn-off so asking if done has to be done very subtly or if critical maybe.
Quote

Maybe she's Some girls are fine with whatever, because she already likes you.  She doesn't want to hear you talking about her all the time; she wants to know you.
The occasional thing maybe but I get the impression women want to be "heard" in as full a sense as possible.
Quote

There is no one single answer that always works for everyone, every time.  You just have to learn to "feel" when you're doing it right, when you're doing enough, and when you're going too far.  That's why your first few relationships almost never work.  You don't know what you're doing.  But the only way to learn is by doing.  Getting advice can only help in the learning process; it cannot give you the experience to actually know and recognize the signs.
Ultimately I agree, but friendships have always been used for passing on advice and advice means every generation doesn't have to learn everything from trial and error which would surely be impossible.

Quote
And that's why it's easy to get discouraged.  If you try something and fail the first several times, it's easy to just say "Okay I suck at this, forget it."  But this isn't a sport.  This is someting humans are literally born to do.  Find a mate and procreate.  First things first, of course, but every person gets better at it, and everybody eventually finds someone.

So yes, the key ingredient is patience.
Thansk for the advice.

About telephoning - we've been emailing regularly. So phoning seems right only for practical necessity e.g. finding eachother, confirming at last minute etc. So I'm trying to "feel" what's right and at the moment it doesn't seem right to call. If I do, I can't help but feel I'd come across needy or controlling. I feel the best thing is to be relaxed, ease up but at the same time not let things slip away.

Offline bout to crash

  • Admiral Jackbar
  • DT.net Veteran
  • ****
  • Posts: 9052
  • Gender: Female
  • Instant Erection!
Re: The DTF Old As Mold Club ! Ages 30 and over
« Reply #667 on: December 04, 2010, 05:47:19 PM »
Jackie, DTF's resident middle child. :laugh:

:D

Even when a relationship is twenty years old, it is still a living and growing thing.  It is up to the partners in the relationship to accept that and themselves develop through the changes.
:tup

And if they're not willing to, it probably won't last.
Oh Jackie, always jumping to the most homoerotic possibility.

Online lonestar

  • DTF Executive Chef
  • Official DTF Tour Guide
  • ****
  • Posts: 29687
  • Gender: Male
  • Silly Hatted Knife Chucker
Re: The DTF Old As Mold Club ! Ages 30 and over
« Reply #668 on: December 04, 2010, 06:30:48 PM »

Even when a relationship is twenty years old, it is still a living and growing thing.  It is up to the partners in the relationship to accept that and themselves develop through the changes.
:tup

And if they're not willing to, it probably won't last.

Learned that one a little too late. :sadpanda:

Online King Postwhore

  • Couch Potato
  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 59284
  • Gender: Male
  • Take that Beethoven, you deaf bastard!!
Re: The DTF Old As Mold Club ! Ages 30 and over
« Reply #669 on: December 04, 2010, 06:53:57 PM »
Love is compromise.  I kill the mice that get in the house.  She cleans my underware.  Now that's love. :laugh:
I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'.” - Bob Newhart
So wait, we're spelling it wrong and king is spelling it right? What is going on here? :lol -- BlobVanDam
"Oh, I am definitely a jackass!" - TAC

Offline Orbert

  • Recovering Musician
  • EZBoard Elder
  • *****
  • Posts: 19225
  • Gender: Male
  • In and around the lake
Re: The DTF Old As Mold Club ! Ages 30 and over
« Reply #670 on: December 04, 2010, 09:04:12 PM »
About telephoning - we've been emailing regularly. So phoning seems right only for practical necessity e.g. finding eachother, confirming at last minute etc. So I'm trying to "feel" what's right and at the moment it doesn't seem right to call. If I do, I can't help but feel I'd come across needy or controlling. I feel the best thing is to be relaxed, ease up but at the same time not let things slip away.

Okay okay, I was being a smartass with the telephone remark.  I realize that texting and emailing are perfectly valid forms of communication.  They are also more convenient for a lot of people, and if you're used to it, I'm sure you don't feel like you're missing out on something.  But I really do believe that people today who use it more than actual voice communication are missing out on something that my generation had.  I've been in long-distance relationships a few times, and believe me, there's still nothing like actually talking to the other person, hearing their voice and speaking to them, in real time.

Offline Dr. DTVT

  • DTF's resident Mad Scientist
  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 9477
  • Gender: Male
  • What's your favorite planet? Mine's the Sun!
Re: The DTF Old As Mold Club ! Ages 30 and over
« Reply #671 on: December 04, 2010, 10:08:59 PM »
Love is compromise.  I kill the mice that get in the house.  She cleans my underware.  Now that's love. :laugh:

So...you're saying by not letting mice in the house and doing my own laundry, I'm doing it wrong?
     

Offline Orbert

  • Recovering Musician
  • EZBoard Elder
  • *****
  • Posts: 19225
  • Gender: Male
  • In and around the lake
Re: The DTF Old As Mold Club ! Ages 30 and over
« Reply #672 on: December 04, 2010, 10:30:01 PM »
Killing mice is fun, and when you kill invaders in your house, you get that great sense of accomplishment.  You're the man, and for the privilege of being your woman, she cleans everything including your underwear.


Compare that to the thrill of doing your own laundry, including your underwear.

Online King Postwhore

  • Couch Potato
  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 59284
  • Gender: Male
  • Take that Beethoven, you deaf bastard!!
Re: The DTF Old As Mold Club ! Ages 30 and over
« Reply #673 on: December 05, 2010, 05:33:54 AM »
Love is compromise.  I kill the mice that get in the house.  She cleans my underware.  Now that's love. :laugh:

So...you're saying by not letting mice in the house and doing my own laundry, I'm doing it wrong?

 :lol  She screams when a mouse finds a way into our house so I become, a mouse killer and what girl in her right mind wants to take care of skid marks.  That's love. :lol
I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'.” - Bob Newhart
So wait, we're spelling it wrong and king is spelling it right? What is going on here? :lol -- BlobVanDam
"Oh, I am definitely a jackass!" - TAC

Offline AndyDT

  • Posts: 2229
Re: The DTF Old As Mold Club ! Ages 30 and over
« Reply #674 on: December 05, 2010, 05:43:23 AM »
If she's somebody who's company you really enjoy, then find ways to hang out with her and to stay in touch.  With some time you'll figure out how much is too much, but probably want much more. 
Thanks again.

Offline AndyDT

  • Posts: 2229
Re: The DTF Old As Mold Club ! Ages 30 and over
« Reply #675 on: December 09, 2010, 02:16:23 AM »
When is it appropriate to sleep with a woman in a relationship, outside of "one night stands"?

Offline Ħ

  • Posts: 3247
  • Gender: Male
Re: The DTF Old As Mold Club ! Ages 30 and over
« Reply #676 on: December 09, 2010, 02:39:45 AM »
When is it appropriate to sleep with a woman in a relationship, outside of "one night stands"?
Culturally, you always hear about the third date.

For health reasons, some people wait a couple months and then check with a sex advisor (not sure what they are called) to make sure it's the healthy thing to do.

For moral/religious reasons, a lot of people wait til marriage.
"All great works are prepared in the desert, including the redemption of the world. The precursors, the followers, the Master Himself, all obeyed or have to obey one and the same law. Prophets, apostles, preachers, martyrs, pioneers of knowledge, inspired artists in every art, ordinary men and the Man-God, all pay tribute to loneliness, to the life of silence, to the night." - A. G. Sertillanges

Offline AndyDT

  • Posts: 2229
Re: The DTF Old As Mold Club ! Ages 30 and over
« Reply #677 on: December 09, 2010, 04:02:53 AM »
Interesting that you say moral reasons - what do you think they are?

What would a sex advisor say?

Offline Ħ

  • Posts: 3247
  • Gender: Male
Re: The DTF Old As Mold Club ! Ages 30 and over
« Reply #678 on: December 09, 2010, 04:14:31 AM »
From the posts I've seen from you, you seem like a conservative, traditional guy, so maybe you would be more comfortable waiting.  There's no serious harm in waiting, so if you are unsure if premarital sex is moral or not, it's safe to wait.

I have never been in a physical relationship, so I'm basically basing my input on other people's experience.  I don't think I have the right to comment on specifics.
"All great works are prepared in the desert, including the redemption of the world. The precursors, the followers, the Master Himself, all obeyed or have to obey one and the same law. Prophets, apostles, preachers, martyrs, pioneers of knowledge, inspired artists in every art, ordinary men and the Man-God, all pay tribute to loneliness, to the life of silence, to the night." - A. G. Sertillanges

Offline wkiml

  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 3925
  • Gender: Male
Re: The DTF Old As Mold Club ! Ages 30 and over
« Reply #679 on: December 09, 2010, 06:48:35 AM »
If she aint putting out on the first night shes going to the curb....Always wanted to say that....

But really its when your both comfortable, there us no real schedule to follow.
Quote from: senecadawg2 on July 17, 2012, 10:54:32 PM
In defense of peanut butter...

try getting the neighbor's dog to lick your balls with a spoonful of chummus.

Offline AndyDT

  • Posts: 2229
Re: The DTF Old As Mold Club ! Ages 30 and over
« Reply #680 on: December 09, 2010, 06:57:42 AM »
There's the quandary of trying to get balance between not wanting to disrespect the woman and myself and not appear asexual and uninterested.

Offline Ħ

  • Posts: 3247
  • Gender: Male
Re: The DTF Old As Mold Club ! Ages 30 and over
« Reply #681 on: December 09, 2010, 07:05:13 AM »
Then communication is key.  If you want to wait until marriage, you're going to have to have that conversation so she knows you aren't just uninterested.
"All great works are prepared in the desert, including the redemption of the world. The precursors, the followers, the Master Himself, all obeyed or have to obey one and the same law. Prophets, apostles, preachers, martyrs, pioneers of knowledge, inspired artists in every art, ordinary men and the Man-God, all pay tribute to loneliness, to the life of silence, to the night." - A. G. Sertillanges

Offline Orbert

  • Recovering Musician
  • EZBoard Elder
  • *****
  • Posts: 19225
  • Gender: Male
  • In and around the lake
Re: The DTF Old As Mold Club ! Ages 30 and over
« Reply #682 on: December 09, 2010, 08:08:17 AM »
Once again, every situation is different, and yet there are commonalities.

My basic philosophy is this: Humans are animals, and despite the development of our wonder brains and all the rules and laws and civilizations we've built that we like to think put us above the lesser creatures, we're still slaves to our biology.  When you're kissing her, the smell of her breath will be nice.  This will trigger a pheremonal response in you; in other words, you'll get turned on.  You will also emit pheremones which she, if she's ready, will also respond to.  Things escalate from there.  That's why in movies and on TV, the cliché is always physical proxmimity and contact, making out, then clothes start coming off.  Unless you're both already horny as hell, you have to work up to it.  This tends not to happen with couples who have not been intimate before.

The first couple of times you make out, you may enjoy it just fine but feel no twitching between your legs.  Don't worry about it; let it happen naturally.  Natural is always best; rushed and doing it because you think you should is not going to result in success.  If you're compatible, at some point Mother Nature will take over and you'll start feeling more than just "fine" and start feeling more than just physical attraction.  You'll harden up and feel the urge to stick it in her.  Crude, yes, but that's exactly what is happening at that point; your animal instincts have taken over.  The best thing you can do is guide them using your brain, which is slowly losing the battle for control of your actions, mostly because it's never had to contend with another part of your body for dominance before, and it isn't used to the competition.

If you're compatible, the same thing is happening to her.  She too has chemicals rushing through her body, telling her to use it, to receive you.  It's all biology.  But she's having a similar struggle.  Her brain is full of all the stuff she's accumulated over the years, telling her it's wrong, questioning whether you're the one, already thinking about tomorrow and if she'll feel guilty or fulfilled or a real woman or just a whore.  Your goal is to overcome all this, but actions speak much louder than words.  If you try to reassure her, you'll just sound like a guy feeding her lines to get her clothes off, because that's exactly what you are at that point.  Instead, do it physically.  Slow down.  Hold her a lot, kiss her a lot but don't smother her and don't try to turn her on.  Against everything you're feeling, it must happen on her schedule, not yours.  She must be comfortable.  If you do anything she's not ready for and willing to do, not only will the sex be bad, but you're a rapist and a bad guy, which is much worse.  There will be other women, but not in prison.

Offline Ħ

  • Posts: 3247
  • Gender: Male
Re: The DTF Old As Mold Club ! Ages 30 and over
« Reply #683 on: December 09, 2010, 08:10:05 AM »
God Orbert, you're making me lonely
"All great works are prepared in the desert, including the redemption of the world. The precursors, the followers, the Master Himself, all obeyed or have to obey one and the same law. Prophets, apostles, preachers, martyrs, pioneers of knowledge, inspired artists in every art, ordinary men and the Man-God, all pay tribute to loneliness, to the life of silence, to the night." - A. G. Sertillanges

Offline Orbert

  • Recovering Musician
  • EZBoard Elder
  • *****
  • Posts: 19225
  • Gender: Male
  • In and around the lake
Re: The DTF Old As Mold Club ! Ages 30 and over
« Reply #684 on: December 09, 2010, 08:11:52 AM »
Sorry dude, I'm married.  ;)

Offline El Barto

  • Rascal Atheistic Pig
  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 30560
  • Bad Craziness
Re: The DTF Old As Mold Club ! Ages 30 and over
« Reply #685 on: December 09, 2010, 08:22:47 AM »
You've been seeing the girl for a few weeks.  Culturally, you're in the clear.  As for morality, obviously I think that's all a lot of bullshit.  So at this point it's just a matter of whether or not you two are compatible, and if so, then as Orbert [far too graphically] described, nature will take it's course. 
Argument, the presentation of reasonable views, never makes headway against conviction, and conviction takes no part in argument because it knows.
E.F. Benson

Offline wkiml

  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 3925
  • Gender: Male
Re: The DTF Old As Mold Club ! Ages 30 and over
« Reply #686 on: December 09, 2010, 08:29:26 AM »
 :hat


I need a cigarette after reading Orbert's poct
Quote from: senecadawg2 on July 17, 2012, 10:54:32 PM
In defense of peanut butter...

try getting the neighbor's dog to lick your balls with a spoonful of chummus.

Offline bout to crash

  • Admiral Jackbar
  • DT.net Veteran
  • ****
  • Posts: 9052
  • Gender: Female
  • Instant Erection!
Re: The DTF Old As Mold Club ! Ages 30 and over
« Reply #687 on: December 09, 2010, 08:43:41 AM »
 :lol
Oh Jackie, always jumping to the most homoerotic possibility.

Offline YtseBitsySpider

  • **retired from DTF**
  • EZBoard Elder
  • *****
  • Posts: 5162
  • Gender: Male
Re: The DTF Old As Mold Club ! Ages 30 and over
« Reply #688 on: December 09, 2010, 08:52:30 AM »
orbert....play on playa....play on.


skid marks...in this thread...really?...can people just not wipe their ass..is it THAT difficult?
Take care everyone - Bet you all didn't even notice I was gone.

Happy Lives to you all.

Offline contest_sanity

  • Posts: 2346
  • Gender: Male
Re: The DTF Old As Mold Club ! Ages 30 and over
« Reply #689 on: December 09, 2010, 10:41:09 AM »
your animal instincts have taken over.  The best thing you can do is guide them using your brain, which is slowly losing the battle for control of your actions, mostly because it's never had to contend with another part of your body for dominance before, and it isn't used to the competition.
This is the difficult part.  Or, as my dad memorably put it to me when I was a teenager, "a hard penis knows no conscience."  He was an English major.

EDIT: by the way, I turned 30 this past August, so I guess I'm in the club.
« Last Edit: December 09, 2010, 10:47:45 AM by contest_sanity »

Online King Postwhore

  • Couch Potato
  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 59284
  • Gender: Male
  • Take that Beethoven, you deaf bastard!!
Re: The DTF Old As Mold Club ! Ages 30 and over
« Reply #690 on: December 09, 2010, 11:06:29 AM »
orbert....play on playa....play on.


skid marks...in this thread...really?...can people just not wipe their ass..is it THAT difficult?

Sometimes a man does a clenched cheek walk and it's not pretty.  Don't pretend it doesn't happen.  Marriage isn't all flowers and butterflies. :laugh:
I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'.” - Bob Newhart
So wait, we're spelling it wrong and king is spelling it right? What is going on here? :lol -- BlobVanDam
"Oh, I am definitely a jackass!" - TAC

Offline AndyDT

  • Posts: 2229
Re: The DTF Old As Mold Club ! Ages 30 and over
« Reply #691 on: December 10, 2010, 04:47:28 AM »
You've been seeing the girl for a few weeks.  Culturally, you're in the clear.  As for morality, obviously I think that's all a lot of bullshit.  So at this point it's just a matter of whether or not you two are compatible, and if so, then as Orbert [far too graphically] described, nature will take it's course. 
I don't agree that morality isn't involved, it's always involved in my view. What I don't udnerstand is in a Christian relationsjhip where you're not supposed to do anything that arouses the other, what on earth are you supposed to do as an adult couple? I can understand wanting to save the full act for a committed relationship but does that have to be marriage and can't you do anything else?

Offline El Barto

  • Rascal Atheistic Pig
  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 30560
  • Bad Craziness
Re: The DTF Old As Mold Club ! Ages 30 and over
« Reply #692 on: December 10, 2010, 09:17:28 AM »
You've been seeing the girl for a few weeks.  Culturally, you're in the clear.  As for morality, obviously I think that's all a lot of bullshit.  So at this point it's just a matter of whether or not you two are compatible, and if so, then as Orbert [far too graphically] described, nature will take it's course. 
I don't agree that morality isn't involved, it's always involved in my view. What I don't udnerstand is in a Christian relationsjhip where you're not supposed to do anything that arouses the other, what on earth are you supposed to do as an adult couple? I can understand wanting to save the full act for a committed relationship but does that have to be marriage and can't you do anything else?
Holy shit!  You're actually asking me about that are you?   :lol

To be clear, I'm a big fan of ethics.  I just think that basing personal ethics on relative social norms, i.e. morality, is a damn fool thing to do.  If a person feels the need to wait until he/she is in a committed relationship, bully for them.  That seems like a perfectly reasonable stance.  There's a big difference between a committed relationship and the permanence of marriage, though.  I'm pretty strongly of the opinion that waiting for marriage is a very bad thing to do.  Chemistry is damned important, and that includes sexual chemistry.  Nobody in their right mind would buy a TV without looking at a few different models, yet for some reason people seem to think that sex is something where you should just hope for the best.  I say that sexual chemistry is far more important than picture quality and contrast levels.
Argument, the presentation of reasonable views, never makes headway against conviction, and conviction takes no part in argument because it knows.
E.F. Benson

Offline Orbert

  • Recovering Musician
  • EZBoard Elder
  • *****
  • Posts: 19225
  • Gender: Male
  • In and around the lake
Re: The DTF Old As Mold Club ! Ages 30 and over
« Reply #693 on: December 10, 2010, 11:10:42 AM »
Andy, once again you are overthinking things.  You've heard that before.

True, there are important yet sometimes subtle differences between what is legal, what is ethical, and what is moral, all based on your personal value system.  Somewhere in with "ethical" and "moral" you may have the religious or spiritual aspect, or not.  Et cetera.  So yeah, it's complicated.

You can drive yourself insane trying to balance all the factors, or just go with what seems right, what feels right according to your definition of "right."  It's good that you ask advice, but ultimately it has to come down to you.

Online lonestar

  • DTF Executive Chef
  • Official DTF Tour Guide
  • ****
  • Posts: 29687
  • Gender: Male
  • Silly Hatted Knife Chucker
Re: The DTF Old As Mold Club ! Ages 30 and over
« Reply #694 on: December 10, 2010, 11:44:20 AM »
I have agree with my two fellow fogies above.  You are putting too many rules and regulations on this, and not allowing nature take its course.  Just enjoy her company, and let her enjoy yours, and see what happens.   

Online King Postwhore

  • Couch Potato
  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 59284
  • Gender: Male
  • Take that Beethoven, you deaf bastard!!
Re: The DTF Old As Mold Club ! Ages 30 and over
« Reply #695 on: December 10, 2010, 11:54:29 AM »
I have a feeling Andy is missing out on life by over analyzing every little minutiae.  You can't live life thinking if the loops on your sneakers are symmetrical.  Walk without looking down Andy.
I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'.” - Bob Newhart
So wait, we're spelling it wrong and king is spelling it right? What is going on here? :lol -- BlobVanDam
"Oh, I am definitely a jackass!" - TAC

Offline AndyDT

  • Posts: 2229
Re: The DTF Old As Mold Club ! Ages 30 and over
« Reply #696 on: December 10, 2010, 11:51:53 PM »
I have a feeling Andy is missing out on life by over analyzing every little minutiae.  You can't live life thinking if the loops on your sneakers are symmetrical.  Walk without looking down Andy.

To an extent maybe but I think back to job interviews where i thought I could just learn in the process. But I just wasn't learning from them, at least the key ingredient, until I actively solicited feedback. Then things suddenly improved, dramatically, but it took over 12 before I got the first job. I think it's important to gather as much information before blundering on in complex areas.

Andy, once again you are overthinking things.  You've heard that before.

True, there are important yet sometimes subtle differences between what is legal, what is ethical, and what is moral, all based on your personal value system.  Somewhere in with "ethical" and "moral" you may have the religious or spiritual aspect, or not.  Et cetera.  So yeah, it's complicated.

You can drive yourself insane trying to balance all the factors, or just go with what seems right, what feels right according to your definition of "right."  It's good that you ask advice, but ultimately it has to come down to you.
Andy, once again you are overthinking things.  You've heard that before.

True, there are important yet sometimes subtle differences between what is legal, what is ethical, and what is moral, all based on your personal value system.  Somewhere in with "ethical" and "moral" you may have the religious or spiritual aspect, or not.  Et cetera.  So yeah, it's complicated.

You can drive yourself insane trying to balance all the factors, or just go with what seems right, what feels right according to your definition of "right."  It's good that you ask advice, but ultimately it has to come down to you.
Thanks

You've been seeing the girl for a few weeks.  Culturally, you're in the clear.  As for morality, obviously I think that's all a lot of bullshit.  So at this point it's just a matter of whether or not you two are compatible, and if so, then as Orbert [far too graphically] described, nature will take it's course.  
I don't agree that morality isn't involved, it's always involved in my view. What I don't udnerstand is in a Christian relationsjhip where you're not supposed to do anything that arouses the other, what on earth are you supposed to do as an adult couple? I can understand wanting to save the full act for a committed relationship but does that have to be marriage and can't you do anything else?
Holy shit!  You're actually asking me about that are you?   :lol

To be clear, I'm a big fan of ethics.  I just think that basing personal ethics on relative social norms, i.e. morality, is a damn fool thing to do.  If a person feels the need to wait until he/she is in a committed relationship, bully for them.  That seems like a perfectly reasonable stance.  There's a big difference between a committed relationship and the permanence of marriage, though.  I'm pretty strongly of the opinion that waiting for marriage is a very bad thing to do.  Chemistry is damned important, and that includes sexual chemistry.  Nobody in their right mind would buy a TV without looking at a few different models, yet for some reason people seem to think that sex is something where you should just hope for the best.  I say that sexual chemistry is far more important than picture quality and contrast levels.
I've heard though that friendship is ultimately the most important thing in a long term relationship although the basis for finding a mate is the sexual aspect. Also, you said chemistry  not the actual sex act, assuming both are physically capable then the act could improve but if the chemistry isn't there then ideally you wouldn't get married?

Offline CountVoorhees

  • DTF.org Member
  • *
  • Posts: 682
  • Gender: Male
Re: The DTF Old As Mold Club ! Ages 30 and over
« Reply #697 on: December 11, 2010, 12:24:54 AM »
GO COOL OLDER PEOPLE! :metal

Offline El Barto

  • Rascal Atheistic Pig
  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 30560
  • Bad Craziness
Re: The DTF Old As Mold Club ! Ages 30 and over
« Reply #698 on: December 11, 2010, 09:34:51 AM »
I'd agree that friendship is the most important thing, but that doesn't diminish the importance of many other facets.  Best friends can result in a really shitty marriage if other things aren't working out, and sex is certainly a big one.  Furthermore, sexual chemistry isn't something learned.  Some things are ingrained into the individual which make up parts of that chemistry.  Now, two people might conceivably share a keen disinterest in sex, in which case everything is dandy, but what if only one person has no interest?  I'd call that a fucking disaster. 
Argument, the presentation of reasonable views, never makes headway against conviction, and conviction takes no part in argument because it knows.
E.F. Benson

Online TAC

  • DTF.org Alumni
  • ****
  • Posts: 74067
  • Gender: Male
  • Arthritic Metal Horns
Re: The DTF Old As Mold Club ! Ages 30 and over
« Reply #699 on: December 11, 2010, 12:34:04 PM »
 :facepalm:

WTF's going on with this thread? What is this, The Love Connection? When did Dr Ruth join DTF?


Love is compromise.    She cleans my underware. 

I don't even know where to go with this... :lol
would have thought the same thing but seeing the OP was TAC i immediately thought Maiden or DT related
Winger Theater Forums........or WTF.  ;D
TAC got a higher score than me in the electronic round? Honestly, can I just drop out now? :lol