So it's important to be able to enjoy or accept solitude and manage the time spent with the other person in a relatinoship but do you have any advice about how often to see them? And how often is healthy?
You can't control another person, you should be able to spend time alone, have your own things to do but it's balancing staying connected with not using them to avoid being lonely or "feel single". What's the key ingredient - patience? Asking constantly for feedback in the early stages could make the other person panic.
I understood that a relationship should ideally add to your life rather than be it. But at the same time don't you have to keep at bay the urge to use it to avoid being alone?
Because every person is different, every relationship is different because it's formed of two people. Therefore there is no one answer that will be right for all situations. That said, there are plenty of "general rules" which apply.
The answer to "How often is healthy?" is "Whatever works for the two of you." You're not going to get an answer like "No more than once per week" or "At least twice a day" or anything concrete like that, and if you do, it will be from people merely saying what worked or didn't for them in the past. It may or may not apply to your relationship at all.
Most people enter relationship with some uncertainty, even nervousness. It's a new situation, and with any new situation, there are unknowns. She may therefore look for a lot of reassurance. Remind her that you like spending time with her; find things to compliment her on and do it. Make it a pleasant experience for her, and you'll find that she enjoys your company as well, and pretty soon you're seeing each other more.
But because you're an unknown and she may be nervous, you don't want to smother her by constantly talking about these things, as it can make
you come across as nervous and uncertain and having nothing else to talk about, and that can be a turn-off.
Maybe she's Some girls are fine with whatever, because she already likes you. She doesn't want to hear you talking about her all the time; she wants to know
you.
There is no one single answer that always works for everyone, every time. You just have to learn to "feel" when you're doing it right, when you're doing enough, and when you're going too far. That's why your first few relationships almost never work. You don't know what you're doing. But the only way to learn is by doing. Getting advice can only help in the learning process; it cannot give you the experience to actually know and recognize the signs.
And that's why it's easy to get discouraged. If you try something and fail the first several times, it's easy to just say "Okay I suck at this, forget it." But this isn't a sport. This is someting humans are literally born to do. Find a mate and procreate. First things first, of course, but every person gets better at it, and everybody eventually finds someone.
So yes, the key ingredient is patience.
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