Author Topic: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip  (Read 279318 times)

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Online Lynxo

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #560 on: August 10, 2015, 10:43:50 AM »
I'd hate to go off on a tangent here but...what the fuck is up with hand jobs? I've only ever heard americans mention it. A hand job has gotta be the stupidest thing I've ever heard off. If I'm with someone, I'd rather have her do something to me that I can't do to myself. No thank you, I'd rather jerk off to a magazine. I mean, I've practiced all my life - I know what I like MUCH better than you, believe me! :biggrin:


I absolutely love handjobs. A good handjob/blowjob combo > sex.
Well yeah, but that's an entirely different thing. :lol I'm talking about hand jobs only.
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Online Chino

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #561 on: August 10, 2015, 11:04:15 AM »
I'd hate to go off on a tangent here but...what the fuck is up with hand jobs? I've only ever heard americans mention it. A hand job has gotta be the stupidest thing I've ever heard off. If I'm with someone, I'd rather have her do something to me that I can't do to myself. No thank you, I'd rather jerk off to a magazine. I mean, I've practiced all my life - I know what I like MUCH better than you, believe me! :biggrin:


I absolutely love handjobs. A good handjob/blowjob combo > sex.
Well yeah, but that's an entirely different thing. :lol I'm talking about hand jobs only.

I'm still completely content with handjobs only. I think they are fantastic. There's nothing wrong with a good old fashion every now and then.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #562 on: August 10, 2015, 12:07:41 PM »
I'm glad not all men think like Lynxo :yarr

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #563 on: August 10, 2015, 12:17:05 PM »
I'm glad not all men think like Lynxo :yarr

Just because I have the ability to get on a ladder clean my gutters out in the spring doesn't mind I don't mind kicking back and watching someone else do it for me.

Offline cramx3

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #564 on: August 10, 2015, 12:17:54 PM »
Nothing wrong with a good HJ, especially if the woman is really into it.  All depends on the technique, a good HJ is better than a bad BJ.  And a bad HJ is still better than no HJ. 

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #565 on: August 10, 2015, 03:03:16 PM »
I'd hate to go off on a tangent here but...what the fuck is up with hand jobs? I've only ever heard americans mention it. A hand job has gotta be the stupidest thing I've ever heard off. If I'm with someone, I'd rather have her do something to me that I can't do to myself. No thank you, I'd rather jerk off to a magazine. I mean, I've practiced all my life - I know what I like MUCH better than you, believe me! :biggrin:


I absolutely love handjobs. A good handjob/blowjob combo > sex.

Word.   

Offline cramx3

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #566 on: August 17, 2015, 08:47:15 AM »
Im pretty pumped.  Got myself a first date tomorrow night.  I found this girl on okcupid and her profile blew me away, so many similarities and had a lot of traits that I look for in a woman listed.  So when I messaged her, I was really hoping she would respond (I would say about 90% of my initial messages do not get a response).  She did and we were able to hit off the conversation and have been texting regularly for the last week.  So many things in common and she has a great sense of humor.  So we agreed to meet at a bar tomorrow night and we will see how it goes, but I do not think I have yet met someone with such similar interests.  She told me that she is bigger than her pictures make her come off as.  I appreciate her honesty with that, I have met a few girls who's pictures really distort their looks.  I told her that her personality is awesome and that her looks aren't important because I'd rather spend my time with someone that I enjoy being with than someone who is all about looks.  I also am not the greatest looking so who am I to judge someone for their looks.  Either way, I still find her pretty (and I do think it is important that there is some physical attraction) and she finally sent me a picture of herself that isn't from her profile so I guess I got her to be a bit more comfortable. 

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #567 on: August 17, 2015, 08:54:54 AM »
... she finally sent me a picture of herself that isn't from her profile so I guess I got her to be a bit more comfortable.

Pics or it didn't happen.








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Offline cramx3

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #568 on: August 17, 2015, 09:02:43 AM »
... she finally sent me a picture of herself that isn't from her profile so I guess I got her to be a bit more comfortable.

Pics or it didn't happen.

lol it wasnt a naughty pic, but just her with her friends at the Mets game yesterday.  I sent her a few pictures over the week, no selfies or anything weird.  Just things to get her to feel comfortable with me and realize I'm just a normal dude, not some creepo.  I finally got one back so i felt like that may have worked.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #569 on: August 17, 2015, 09:23:27 AM »
... and realize I'm just a normal dude, not some creepo. 

Yeah, but as with any relationship that starts online, you're going to have to come clean at some point.



HAHA, kidding.  Good luck. 

Offline cramx3

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #570 on: August 17, 2015, 10:29:02 AM »
... and realize I'm just a normal dude, not some creepo. 

Yeah, but as with any relationship that starts online, you're going to have to come clean at some point.



HAHA, kidding.  Good luck.

haha, like anyone else, I have my own set of problems.  But being a creep is not one of them.

One of the things with girls I meet online, I always like to ask what it's like from their side of it.  I hear all the stories about creepy guys and whatnot.  I can imagine it is difficult for a female to weed out all of the creeps, especially since many don't come off as creeps upon initial contact.  I usually try very hard to make it clear I am not like that without saying it and therefore coming off as creepy.  Just to make the person comfortable, I have no idea how scarey it might be for a female to meet some guy online.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #571 on: August 17, 2015, 01:06:18 PM »
... and realize I'm just a normal dude, not some creepo. 

Yeah, but as with any relationship that starts online, you're going to have to come clean at some point.



HAHA, kidding.  Good luck.

haha, like anyone else, I have my own set of problems.  But being a creep is not one of them.

One of the things with girls I meet online, I always like to ask what it's like from their side of it.  I hear all the stories about creepy guys and whatnot.  I can imagine it is difficult for a female to weed out all of the creeps, especially since many don't come off as creeps upon initial contact.  I usually try very hard to make it clear I am not like that without saying it and therefore coming off as creepy.  Just to make the person comfortable, I have no idea how scarey it might be for a female to meet some guy online.

From my somewhat limited experience in talking with girls who are in the online scene, if one can just hold back the urges to send pictures of their c***, they're pretty much 75% of the way towards not being a creep.   It astounds me how ready, willing and able some men are to send pictures of their jimmies to women they have never met, and still expect them to look them in the eye once they do meet. 

Offline cramx3

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #572 on: August 17, 2015, 01:24:25 PM »
... and realize I'm just a normal dude, not some creepo. 

Yeah, but as with any relationship that starts online, you're going to have to come clean at some point.



HAHA, kidding.  Good luck.

haha, like anyone else, I have my own set of problems.  But being a creep is not one of them.

One of the things with girls I meet online, I always like to ask what it's like from their side of it.  I hear all the stories about creepy guys and whatnot.  I can imagine it is difficult for a female to weed out all of the creeps, especially since many don't come off as creeps upon initial contact.  I usually try very hard to make it clear I am not like that without saying it and therefore coming off as creepy.  Just to make the person comfortable, I have no idea how scarey it might be for a female to meet some guy online.

From my somewhat limited experience in talking with girls who are in the online scene, if one can just hold back the urges to send pictures of their c***, they're pretty much 75% of the way towards not being a creep.   It astounds me how ready, willing and able some men are to send pictures of their jimmies to women they have never met, and still expect them to look them in the eye once they do meet.

Well yes, do not send unrequested dick pics is definitely true  :lol and Im with you, I don't know how you expect to actually meet someone after that, but I got to think it works for some only because why else do these guys do it if it never works?  Im just assuming here, but men can be pigs.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #573 on: August 17, 2015, 03:04:34 PM »
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/lantern/the-psychology-of-ghostin_b_7999858.html?ncid=txtlnkusaolp00000592

I did not realize there was a term for just cutting off communication with someone you are dating, Ghosting, but that's a good read about how that is bad for all involved.  A lot of advice that people bring up here about doing the break up is also talked about in that article.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #574 on: August 17, 2015, 03:15:25 PM »
... and realize I'm just a normal dude, not some creepo. 

Yeah, but as with any relationship that starts online, you're going to have to come clean at some point.



HAHA, kidding.  Good luck.

haha, like anyone else, I have my own set of problems.  But being a creep is not one of them.

One of the things with girls I meet online, I always like to ask what it's like from their side of it.  I hear all the stories about creepy guys and whatnot.  I can imagine it is difficult for a female to weed out all of the creeps, especially since many don't come off as creeps upon initial contact.  I usually try very hard to make it clear I am not like that without saying it and therefore coming off as creepy.  Just to make the person comfortable, I have no idea how scarey it might be for a female to meet some guy online.

From my somewhat limited experience in talking with girls who are in the online scene, if one can just hold back the urges to send pictures of their c***, they're pretty much 75% of the way towards not being a creep.   It astounds me how ready, willing and able some men are to send pictures of their jimmies to women they have never met, and still expect them to look them in the eye once they do meet.

Well yes, do not send unrequested dick pics is definitely true  :lol and Im with you, I don't know how you expect to actually meet someone after that, but I got to think it works for some only because why else do these guys do it if it never works?  Im just assuming here, but men can be pigs.

I hear you and get your logic, but that is sort of "Gene Simmons LogicTM", his theory being, you only need one to say "Yes".   I live on a slightly more metaphysical plane, where the footprint you leave matters a little more than that.  I would like to think that if an ex met my current partner they could at least say "Well, we didn't click because of this or that, but at the very least, he's a classy guy". 

Offline cramx3

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #575 on: August 17, 2015, 03:20:50 PM »
Ha, put me in your boat.  I still like to think if someone speaks of me, it is in a good or positive vibe vs. "oh thats the guy that showed me his dick" so I am always so against leaving a bad taste in someone's mouth even if its someone I never met before.  You just never know who you run into in life or who is talking about you behind your back.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #576 on: August 18, 2015, 06:02:56 AM »
Ha, put me in your boat.  I still like to think if someone speaks of me, it is in a good or positive vibe vs. "oh thats the guy that showed me his dick" so I am always so against leaving a bad taste in someone's mouth even if its someone I never met before.  You just never know who you run into in life or who is talking about you behind your back.

It's funny you say that, because that is another aspect of online dating that I don't think many people realize:  maybe it's different in say, NYC or Chicago, but where I live (northern Connecticut), the pool is just not that big.  I've had it happen twice that I met someone, then (either online or in real life) met someone else that knew them (if that makes sense).   

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #577 on: August 18, 2015, 07:26:37 AM »
Ha, put me in your boat.  I still like to think if someone speaks of me, it is in a good or positive vibe vs. "oh thats the guy that showed me his dick" so I am always so against leaving a bad taste in someone's mouth even if its someone I never met before.  You just never know who you run into in life or who is talking about you behind your back.

It's funny you say that, because that is another aspect of online dating that I don't think many people realize:  maybe it's different in say, NYC or Chicago, but where I live (northern Connecticut), the pool is just not that big.  I've had it happen twice that I met someone, then (either online or in real life) met someone else that knew them (if that makes sense).

Yea, at the end of the day "its a small world" ends up being the case.  You just never know who you run into or who knows who and whatnot. 

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #578 on: August 18, 2015, 06:50:59 PM »
Funny you guys should be talking about online dating, because I was going to post something about it!

I decided to rejoin OkCupid after not being active on there for years. Good god, is that shit overwhelming. All I did was make a profile and I started getting messages like crazy. Some of them seem cool, but some are definitely creeps. I found one friend on there, and I also got a notification that an ex of mine looked at my profile. That weirded me out, because the photo is obviously me. So he purposely looked at my profile but didn't send any kind of "Oh hey" message (which I sent to the friend I found, to avoid any awkwardness of me looking at his profile). I think he's still kind of into me, so it creeps me out a bit. It also says we're a 95% match, eww!

I have had some good luck with internet people, and I've met some weirdos. We shall see! Definitely not looking for anything serious, but hoping to maybe reignite my non-existent sex drive.
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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #579 on: August 19, 2015, 06:53:41 AM »
Where do you draw the line between cool and creepy? Is it simply whether or not a dick pic is attached, or are there other red flags? Do you get wierded out when you see the same people visiting your profile without messaging you?

I'm having to wrap my head around the idea of internet dating being a different experience for men and women. So many women's profiles mention not looking for a hookup, or sending DTF messages. It blows my mind. I guess somebody made the point that it must work sometimes because people keep doing it.

And it doesn't surprise me that most women get messages way more than most guys do. Does anyone think that might be one of the reasons for initial conversations abruptly ending with no further response from the female side? I've started a few conversations with some seemingly nice and interesting women, and then nothing. Is there something said that seems innocuous to me but is some sort of red flag?

-I had three awesome dates with someone and she turned into a "ghost".
-I got a message back from two different women on the same night. Score! I got sloppy on my tablet and accidentally called one by the others name. I can't afford to be that stupid. And then the other woman disappears from the conversation.
-I started messaging with someone a couple days ago. Shes a doctor and new to the area. The new to the area thing makes me think that she'll be getting a lot of messages like Jackie did. Is there anything I should or shouldn't do to help move this forward instead of it stalling out? It just seems like a fine line between good guy and creep.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #580 on: August 19, 2015, 08:08:42 AM »
Where do you draw the line between cool and creepy? Is it simply whether or not a dick pic is attached, or are there other red flags? Do you get wierded out when you see the same people visiting your profile without messaging you?

I'm having to wrap my head around the idea of internet dating being a different experience for men and women. So many women's profiles mention not looking for a hookup, or sending DTF messages. It blows my mind. I guess somebody made the point that it must work sometimes because people keep doing it.

And it doesn't surprise me that most women get messages way more than most guys do. Does anyone think that might be one of the reasons for initial conversations abruptly ending with no further response from the female side? I've started a few conversations with some seemingly nice and interesting women, and then nothing. Is there something said that seems innocuous to me but is some sort of red flag?

-I had three awesome dates with someone and she turned into a "ghost".
-I got a message back from two different women on the same night. Score! I got sloppy on my tablet and accidentally called one by the others name. I can't afford to be that stupid. And then the other woman disappears from the conversation.
-I started messaging with someone a couple days ago. Shes a doctor and new to the area. The new to the area thing makes me think that she'll be getting a lot of messages like Jackie did. Is there anything I should or shouldn't do to help move this forward instead of it stalling out? It just seems like a fine line between good guy and creep.

Honestly, the only thing different about online dating and real life dating is the ease at which you can reach out.   It's oh-so-easy to write a quick, quasi-anonymous message and hit "send" after a beer or two, but how many men say "I could NEVER walk across a bar and just start talking to a girl".  So there's that.   But what's the down side of walking across the room and talking to her?  She's going to say "Sorry, bub. Not interested!".   Isn't that the same as "ghosting"?   It's just easier to not reply than to go into a long, and most likely bullshit excuse as to "it's me not you, etc. etc.".    Plus, who knows?  Maybe she got three messages at the same time as yours and just liked one other better? 

You need to have a thick skin, you need to be honest with yourself, and you need to be yourself.   At the end of the day, the internet anonymity is a fallacy, because if you are really looking for a relationship - and not a f*** - you're going to have to come clean at some point, and the longer it takes, the harder it is.  Having said that, the anonymity (while it lasts) is a double-edged sword; you live by it, and you die by it.

My experience (almost solely with Match; searching females from age 30 to 55) was this:   easily over half weren't being honest with themselves or with me.   The profiles sounded great, and said all the right things, but more often than not were about as truthful as a Michael Moore documentary.  There is no substitute for in-person meeting.   I met this one girl, perfect on paper, and we met.  And even though it was two years ago, we still chat occasionally, and I would love for her to be my buddy for life.   But there is zero, and I mean zero, physical attraction on my side.  Not that she is ugly; far from it, but there is just no chemistry.   Yeah, in college after a night of drinking, but that's not me anymore, nor is it her.  I met another girl, and fell totally head over heels for her. Thought "this is the one".   Long conversations, deep conversations, talked about family, went on a great first date, got a little physical, went on a second date, then pfffft.   Not exactly "ghosted" but pretty damn close.   To this day not exactly sure what happened (and really don't care; not a huge "closure" guy) but I suspect that I was 95% what she was looking for (we lived far away and she had young kids, so that would have been a problem) and she found someone that was 96%.   I can sleep at night with that.

As long as she is careful, Jackie will likely be successful; she's smart, she's cute, so she'll get inquiries, and she knows what she's looking for (or seems to), so she'll ultimately be able to find it.  In the meantime, she'll meet some creeps and she'll meet some good dudes and hopefully be able to tell the difference between the two. 

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #581 on: August 19, 2015, 08:47:55 AM »
I started messaging with someone a couple days ago. Shes a doctor and new to the area. The new to the area thing makes me think that she'll be getting a lot of messages like Jackie did. Is there anything I should or shouldn't do to help move this forward instead of it stalling out? It just seems like a fine line between good guy and creep.

Solidify a date ASAP. When I was online dating, I was 100% looking for a relationship. Having sex with the person was obviously part of the equation because that's how adult relationships work, but I never messaged anyone with the intent of only having sex. I followed a few basic rules to try and keep girls from thinking that's all I wanted.

1) Do not discuss prior relationships during the messaging phase. This could make the girl think you're either A) looking for a rebound B) already comparing her to other girls you've been with C) Someone who tends to get around.
2) Limit the discussion on her in her profile pics. Talk about things in the pictures, not her. For example, when I first started talking to my current girlfriend on Tinder two years ago, I mentioned that a big wooden chest she was leaning in one of her pics looked just like one I built not too long before that. That showed that I was observant, handy, and willing to just converse rather than steer the conversation in a relationship/sexual direction.
3) Do not compliment her looks in anyway. She knows you already find her attractive enough to talk to. Saying anything more can come off as you caring more about how she looks rather than what she has to offer. Also, if she doesn't like the fact you aren't complimenting her before you meet in real life, I'd throw up a big red flag.
4) Don't come right out and start confessing a million things. Be honest, but don't bring up some crazy thing in your past just trying to make conversation. You can come off as needy, crazy, irresponsible, stupid, immature, etc. Those traits can make a guy look very unattractive.
5) I would try and avoid questions. Obviously questions needed to be asked, but I wanted to have a conversation, not feel like one of us was conducting an interview.

I think I got off track with where I was trying to go with this.

Good luck!
« Last Edit: August 19, 2015, 10:07:47 AM by Chino »

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #582 on: August 19, 2015, 09:59:29 AM »
That's some very good advice above my post here ^
Hey dude slow the fuck down so we can finish together at the same time.  :biggrin:
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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #583 on: August 19, 2015, 10:05:44 AM »
Yeah, I think Chino nailed it.   Maybe the "questions" part can be more nuanced (one can "ask questions" without actually "asking questions", and the former is excellent to show interest and that you care about her) but generally that is good advice.

One other thing I always say: "NO ONE WANTS TO DATE YOUR ISSUES."   That's not to say a partner shouldn't be aware and accepting of your foibles, but there is time for that.   If your strategy is to have the second email be "I HAVE HERPES, MOMMY ISSUES, AND I'M SCARED OF CLOWNS", well, that is one way of doing it, but you kind of have to give her reason to be accepting of those things.   Ben Affleck can do that and probably be successful, you probably can't. 

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #584 on: August 19, 2015, 10:16:16 AM »
Mostly just avoid sending these messages (well, the girl is pretty sassy but it never fails to get a very angry reaction from the other guy/girl, which confirms all the red flags) and you're good: https://okcreepsters.tumblr.com/

How would you introduce yourself if we had to write letters? Hey, I'm this and that guy, I saw we're a good match, I like women who do X like you seem to do, I'm interested in a casual/serious relationship, hit me up if you'd like to chat, if not just have a nice day. And go from there.

I met all of my love interests through Facebook/MySpace, and I think you can glean as much information from the internet as you would from a first date, minus the chemistry. Well, maybe that's just how I feel because I'm a major stalker and looking for very specific things in a guy, and I was able to find them :lol Dating sites make it easier because you're all there to date, just interested in different things, and you can tweak your whole profile to make it reflect what you want and attract the right sort of people. It's like a CV + cover letter for the right company :biggrin: Many people have made it work for them.

On a side note, what is it with dick pics? Are they supposed to be arousing? Because I don't even know where to start bashing those :lol if you have a fling and she stated she liked that, send them; if not, what are the odds that a pic of your genitals will make a random woman's day better? :lol

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #585 on: August 19, 2015, 10:19:57 AM »
On a side note, what is it with dick pics? Are they supposed to be arousing? Because I don't even know where to start bashing those :lol if you have a fling and she stated she liked that, send them; if not, what are the odds that a pic of your genitals will make a random woman's day better? :lol

Maybe the guy has a 12" dong and she happens to love the D, and she be all like



No? Alright then. *walks away slowly*
Only King could mis-spell a LETTER.
Yep. I think the only party in the MP/DT situation that hasn't moved on is DTF.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #586 on: August 19, 2015, 10:24:22 AM »
I've sent dick pics before. I've never sent them to a girl randomly hoping to turn her on though. There was a girl I used to hook up with at and outside of work that'd send me sexual images of herself or a video of her deepthroating something, and I'd send a pic back just as a way of saying "as you can see, I really appreciate what you're showing me right now".


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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #587 on: August 19, 2015, 10:27:55 AM »
When I send a dick pic, it's a picture of Donald Trump. 
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Online Stadler

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #588 on: August 19, 2015, 12:11:03 PM »
I've sent dick pics before. I've never sent them to a girl randomly hoping to turn her on though. There was a girl I used to hook up with at and outside of work that'd send me sexual images of herself or a video of her deepthroating something, and I'd send a pic back just as a way of saying "as you can see, I really appreciate what you're showing me right now".

HAHA!  The "at and outside" made me laugh out loud.  :)

But I think that's different; I'm an anything goes kind of guy in a relationship with someone, and if that turned her on, I'd be sending them as my signature.   But I think we're talking more about the tactic that seems to be taken from the "Jersey Shore School of Dating and DTF-ing".  I know of at least three women who have received them unsolicited (or at least claim to have received them unsolicited) and not one was the least bit thrilled by it.   

Offline cramx3

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #589 on: August 19, 2015, 12:26:09 PM »
I had a good first time meeting with this girl last night.  Went to a bar along the bay near my house and it was beautiful out so it made for nice scenery.  We had 3 beers each and just chatted for a few hours.  She has a sense of humor that I really like and our interests are really inline with each other.  We had a few moments of that awkward silence though which I really believe was on my part, partly because I was a bit more nervous than usual since I thought there was a lot of potential with her.   I had a hard time reading her and have had a hard time reading her through out our pre-meeting chats.  At the end of the night when I walked her to her car I mentioned that Im having a hard time reading you, but I had fun tonight and hope you did too.  Apparently she said she has the same problem with me, so I just flat out said that I like you and would like to do this again, which she agreed. 

I should also add I think I scored a lot of brownie points with her too.  She is a Mets fan and the bar had the game on last night, apparently that bar (which I had never actually gone to) closes at 11pm so as soon as it hit 11 they turned all the TVs off and the Mets game was bottom of the 9th, 2 outs, bases loaded, full count and the Mets up by 3 and the Orioles at bat.  She was obviously pissed about someone turning the TV off at that point so I kind of fought the guy verbally to put it back on which after arguing about "closing" he finally agreed to put it on and the game ended 20 seconds later with a Mets win.  I got a nice text later that night from her saying "thanks for fighting for me".  And now today she is texting me way more than she had previously.   :biggrin:

Offline cramx3

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #590 on: August 20, 2015, 02:15:21 PM »
So excited, scored a second date tomorrow and this is lining up to be really fun too.  Going to take her out to dinner and then go to Yestercades, they seem to only be in NJ https://www.yestercades.com/ but its essentially an arcade that also has consoles and you pay an hourly rate to go in, also in an area near bars so I assume people get toasty and go play some games.  She likes video games which is not something I am used to in a woman so this is a new experience for me.

Also, wanted to share my feedback on this:

I followed a few basic rules to try and keep girls from thinking that's all I wanted.

1) Do not discuss prior relationships during the messaging phase. This could make the girl think you're either A) looking for a rebound B) already comparing her to other girls you've been with C) Someone who tends to get around.
2) Limit the discussion on her in her profile pics. Talk about things in the pictures, not her. For example, when I first started talking to my current girlfriend on Tinder two years ago, I mentioned that a big wooden chest she was leaning in one of her pics looked just like one I built not too long before that. That showed that I was observant, handy, and willing to just converse rather than steer the conversation in a relationship/sexual direction.
3) Do not compliment her looks in anyway. She knows you already find her attractive enough to talk to. Saying anything more can come off as you caring more about how she looks rather than what she has to offer. Also, if she doesn't like the fact you aren't complimenting her before you meet in real life, I'd throw up a big red flag.
4) Don't come right out and start confessing a million things. Be honest, but don't bring up some crazy thing in your past just trying to make conversation. You can come off as needy, crazy, irresponsible, stupid, immature, etc. Those traits can make a guy look very unattractive.
5) I would try and avoid questions. Obviously questions needed to be asked, but I wanted to have a conversation, not feel like one of us was conducting an interview.

I think I got off track with where I was trying to go with this.

Good luck!

1. Agreed, you don't want to be talking abut another woman when you are just starting to get to know a new one. I think it's important to talk about your past at some point, but that is not before or during the first date IMO.

2. I'm not sure about this.  Obviosuly using her pictures as discussion points is a good way to spark conversation, but I don't know why you need to limit this.

3. I have found that complimenting looks does nothing but negative, at least in the beginning phase.  Granted, I still find myself complimenting sometimes because of genuine interest.  I told my date that she has beautiful eyes, she really does and I couldn't hold myself back from saying it, BUT I really don't like complimenting looks so early.

4. Agreed, keep your demons in your closet in the beginning unless something comes up and you need to let her know.  I do think it is important to discuss your negatives at some point, but not too early.   With regards to this and #1, I always find I want to tell the person I am seeing that I was once engaged and ended it.  I feel like that is my biggest baggage I carry into a potential relationship, not because I have any feelings for my x, but because I feel like it shaped me into who I am today.  I very much like getting this off my back and have not had a single person reject me for it, but I do hold off until after the first date.

5.  Its impossible to avoid questions, you are trying to get to know someone.  But I get your point, don't make it feel like an interview, try to ask or imply a question and use that to spark a conversation.

my 5 cents

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #591 on: August 20, 2015, 03:39:06 PM »
... that also has consoles and you pay an hourly rate to go in...

They used to have those in Times Square.   Pretty scummy and I wouldn't bring a girl there until I knew her really well.

Oooops, I'm guessing that's not what you were referring to...

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #592 on: August 20, 2015, 03:41:15 PM »
... that also has consoles and you pay an hourly rate to go in...

They used to have those in Times Square.   Pretty scummy and I wouldn't bring a girl there until I knew her really well.

Oooops, I'm guessing that's not what you were referring to...

lol I thought you were talking about Dave n Busters at first

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #593 on: August 20, 2015, 05:52:07 PM »
I heard back from this woman I messaged with a couple days ago. I login and get a message from her immediately, like she had typed it before I got on. I reply, but get no response, and she's still online. Same thing last time I messaged her, and her message tonight was a response to the last one that was meant as small talk to get a chat going. I want to get to asking her on a date. Should I just ask if she wants to do something sometime, or should I ask about something specific. She's a doctor that's into LOTR, Harry Potter ,Star Wars, Star Trek, and then comedy stuff too. There's a local theater playing Fletch this weekend and that would be cool. Good or bad idea for a first date?

Edit: I just went ahead and told her I'd like to get to know her some more, and the messaging isn't very fluid, and face to face is way more enjoyable. I'm not entirely sure what she'd be up for, so I threw out the movie idea, a baseball game, or just casual dinner to talk about Star Wars and what not. It's just hard to gauge whether she's interested in any way, or just replying to a message. It is a dating site though. Fingers crossed...

Edit2: Way to go cram. Good luck!
« Last Edit: August 20, 2015, 06:57:56 PM by sylvan »

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #594 on: August 21, 2015, 05:26:45 AM »
I don't do anything on first dates besides grab a drink whether that be at a coffee shop or bar, depending on what the female is more comfortable with.  First dates from online are more of a formal meeting and face to face chat to get a better feel for each other, after that if things go well then I'd venture into something different or maybe not.