Where do you draw the line between cool and creepy? Is it simply whether or not a dick pic is attached, or are there other red flags? Do you get wierded out when you see the same people visiting your profile without messaging you?
I'm having to wrap my head around the idea of internet dating being a different experience for men and women. So many women's profiles mention not looking for a hookup, or sending DTF messages. It blows my mind. I guess somebody made the point that it must work sometimes because people keep doing it.
And it doesn't surprise me that most women get messages way more than most guys do. Does anyone think that might be one of the reasons for initial conversations abruptly ending with no further response from the female side? I've started a few conversations with some seemingly nice and interesting women, and then nothing. Is there something said that seems innocuous to me but is some sort of red flag?
-I had three awesome dates with someone and she turned into a "ghost".
-I got a message back from two different women on the same night. Score! I got sloppy on my tablet and accidentally called one by the others name. I can't afford to be that stupid. And then the other woman disappears from the conversation.
-I started messaging with someone a couple days ago. Shes a doctor and new to the area. The new to the area thing makes me think that she'll be getting a lot of messages like Jackie did. Is there anything I should or shouldn't do to help move this forward instead of it stalling out? It just seems like a fine line between good guy and creep.
Honestly, the only thing different about online dating and real life dating is the ease at which you can reach out. It's oh-so-easy to write a quick, quasi-anonymous message and hit "send" after a beer or two, but how many men say "I could NEVER walk across a bar and just start talking to a girl". So there's that. But what's the down side of walking across the room and talking to her? She's going to say "Sorry, bub. Not interested!". Isn't that the same as "ghosting"? It's just easier to not reply than to go into a long, and most likely bullshit excuse as to "it's me not you, etc. etc.". Plus, who knows? Maybe she got three messages at the same time as yours and just liked one other better?
You need to have a thick skin, you need to be honest with yourself, and you need to be yourself. At the end of the day, the internet anonymity is a fallacy, because if you are really looking for a relationship - and not a f*** - you're going to have to come clean at some point, and the longer it takes, the harder it is. Having said that, the anonymity (while it lasts) is a double-edged sword; you live by it, and you die by it.
My experience (almost solely with Match; searching females from age 30 to 55) was this: easily over half weren't being honest with themselves or with me. The profiles sounded great, and said all the right things, but more often than not were about as truthful as a Michael Moore documentary. There is no substitute for in-person meeting. I met this one girl, perfect on paper, and we met. And even though it was two years ago, we still chat occasionally, and I would love for her to be my buddy for life. But there is zero, and I mean zero, physical attraction on my side. Not that she is ugly; far from it, but there is just no chemistry. Yeah, in college after a night of drinking, but that's not me anymore, nor is it her. I met another girl, and fell totally head over heels for her. Thought "this is the one". Long conversations, deep conversations, talked about family, went on a great first date, got a little physical, went on a second date, then pfffft. Not exactly "ghosted" but pretty damn close. To this day not exactly sure what happened (and really don't care; not a huge "closure" guy) but I suspect that I was 95% what she was looking for (we lived far away and she had young kids, so that would have been a problem) and she found someone that was 96%. I can sleep at night with that.
As long as she is careful, Jackie will likely be successful; she's smart, she's cute, so she'll get inquiries, and she knows what she's looking for (or seems to), so she'll ultimately be able to find it. In the meantime, she'll meet some creeps and she'll meet some good dudes and hopefully be able to tell the difference between the two.