Author Topic: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip  (Read 279271 times)

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Offline Prog Snob

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #455 on: May 22, 2015, 05:37:04 AM »
I hope Prog Snob and Phoenix will get help for their situations, the ex wife nor the ex husband don't have any right whatsoever to mess with any of the kids or to try to manipulate your/Phoenix's girl's behavior. Good luck with that.

Yesterday my ex-wife, my girlfriend, and I sat down and cleared the air.  My ex just wanted to be reassured that our child together would never be put in harm's way.  My ex has an issue with sometimes overreacting at first but then the next day being able to think more clearly.  She threatened to keep my daughter away from me completely and I snapped. I told her I don't care how many people I have to borrow money from. I will get a lawyer and take her to court because she can't legally do that.  She finally changed her tune and now everything is going to be alright.

Offline cramx3

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #456 on: May 22, 2015, 05:47:38 AM »
I hope Prog Snob and Phoenix will get help for their situations, the ex wife nor the ex husband don't have any right whatsoever to mess with any of the kids or to try to manipulate your/Phoenix's girl's behavior. Good luck with that.

Yesterday my ex-wife, my girlfriend, and I sat down and cleared the air.  My ex just wanted to be reassured that our child together would never be put in harm's way.  My ex has an issue with sometimes overreacting at first but then the next day being able to think more clearly.  She threatened to keep my daughter away from me completely and I snapped. I told her I don't care how many people I have to borrow money from. I will get a lawyer and take her to court because she can't legally do that.  She finally changed her tune and now everything is going to be alright.

Good to hear!  That's great that the three of you were able to peacefully come to terms and an understanding.  That is what is in the best interest of everyone including the children.

Offline Prog Snob

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #457 on: May 22, 2015, 05:55:42 AM »
I hope Prog Snob and Phoenix will get help for their situations, the ex wife nor the ex husband don't have any right whatsoever to mess with any of the kids or to try to manipulate your/Phoenix's girl's behavior. Good luck with that.

Yesterday my ex-wife, my girlfriend, and I sat down and cleared the air.  My ex just wanted to be reassured that our child together would never be put in harm's way.  My ex has an issue with sometimes overreacting at first but then the next day being able to think more clearly.  She threatened to keep my daughter away from me completely and I snapped. I told her I don't care how many people I have to borrow money from. I will get a lawyer and take her to court because she can't legally do that.  She finally changed her tune and now everything is going to be alright.

Good to hear!  That's great that the three of you were able to peacefully come to terms and an understanding.  That is what is in the best interest of everyone including the children.

Exactly. So last night I booked my girlfriend's ticket to Florida. I was heading down there with my best friend and his wife for our friend's 40th birthday party.  So now my girlfriend will be joining us for a week of Florida sun. I'm really looking forward to this. 

Offline cramx3

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #458 on: May 22, 2015, 06:06:57 AM »
Sounds fun, have a good time bud!

Offline JayOctavarium

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #459 on: May 22, 2015, 10:13:28 AM »
So on Tuesday, a new coworker of mine pointed out the fact that it seems very obvious that another coworker has a thing for me (which I already pretty much knew). He then told me about his girlfriend's friend, who was in the car with him when he was dropped off the day before, thinking I was cute and asking him to "mention" her. Huh.


And then today... there's this girl who I see everyday on the bus... really cute...  Well... today she sat next to me. The bus was like only 1/4 full AND SHE SAT NEXT TO ME, SAID HI, AND SMILED!.  I said good morning back and went on with my browsing of DTF on my phone. I'll see her again tomorrow. Or not. She seems to be like a tad younger than me. Maybe even 17. Uh Oh. Oh Well.

And then later this morning I ran to the grocery store next to work to grab a breakfast burrito from the deli. I met another girl there... really really pretty... and had a short convo with her. Recommended her a sandwich.  When we parted ways, she smiled cutely and said goodbye. I'll probably never see her again.

Idk. I am in an interesting lovesick mood.
I just don't understand what they were trying to achieve with any part of the song, either individually or as a whole. You know what? It's the Platypus of Dream Theater songs. That bill doesn't go with that tail, or that strange little furry body, or those webbed feet, and oh god why does it have venomous spurs!? And then you find out it lays eggs too. The difference is that the Platypus is somehow functional despite being a crazy mishmash or leftover animal pieces

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Offline Chino

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #460 on: May 22, 2015, 11:38:15 AM »
You should invite them all over for a party time.

Offline JayOctavarium

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #461 on: May 22, 2015, 12:34:29 PM »
My coworker, a possible minor,  and the chick from the deli?

:lol
I just don't understand what they were trying to achieve with any part of the song, either individually or as a whole. You know what? It's the Platypus of Dream Theater songs. That bill doesn't go with that tail, or that strange little furry body, or those webbed feet, and oh god why does it have venomous spurs!? And then you find out it lays eggs too. The difference is that the Platypus is somehow functional despite being a crazy mishmash or leftover animal pieces

-BlobVanDam on "Scarred"

Offline Stadler

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #462 on: May 22, 2015, 01:03:04 PM »
My coworker, a possible minor,  and the chick from the deli?

:lol

That sounds like fun actually.  ;)

Offline Prog Snob

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #463 on: May 23, 2015, 07:05:33 PM »
Sounds fun, have a good time bud!

Thanks.  Here's a picture of her by the way and a picture of us seconds after we booked the flight. 




Offline cramx3

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #464 on: May 23, 2015, 10:06:42 PM »
Cool Prog! She looks good and you two look happy!

I just came back from the first wedding I had ever gone to alone.  It was fun and all, but made me really wish there was a girl in my life that I really could enjoy the moment with.  My coworker (the groom) had been pushing me to bring the last girl I was seeing, but as I talked about here, things didnt work out with us so I went alone.  It was definitely fun, just was very different from what I was used to (in terms of going to a wedding with a date).

Offline Prog Snob

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #465 on: May 24, 2015, 11:06:07 AM »
I went to my cousins wedding alone and it was also the first time for me going alone. I enjoyed it though but it always makes you wish you had someone there with you especially when all of the couples are slow dancing.

Offline FlyingBIZKIT

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #466 on: May 24, 2015, 09:38:45 PM »
Man, you do look like a prog snob ;D ;D

Offline BlobVanDam

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #467 on: May 24, 2015, 09:42:13 PM »
Man, you do look like a prog snob ;D ;D

No he doesn't. He's with a female. :neverusethis:
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Offline bout to crash

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #468 on: May 25, 2015, 02:33:35 AM »
 :lol, touche

Sorry, this will probably be a long vent...

So guys, I come to this thread occasionally for various reasons, and today it's because I feel like I might have to break it off with somebody I'm seeing. Things have become really awkward between us, at least for me. He has to be able to feel the weirdness, but he hasn't acknowledged it. I feel basically like we're just friends at this point, but he obviously doesn't (he's always doing stuff like showering me with compliments, which makes me feel uncomfortable)... and that's what freaks me out, because we're clearly not on the same wavelength and I'm afraid this will come out of left field. But I feel it's not fair to either of us to keep it going at this point. I just feel like things have fizzled. He's getting on my nerves more and more, and I'm realizing it's not so much him as me being resentful about the fact that I haven't said anything about how I'm feeling. I suck at that.

Today he really upset me over something that shouldn't have been a big deal- basically, last night he teased me for a silly slip of the tongue I made. I said "spin" instead of "roll" in reference to dice in a game. He thought this was just hilarious, and today when I stopped by his work he said he laughed a couple of times thinking about it later on last night. I was furious and went into defense-mode, though I didn't say what I was thinking ("You're being a condescending ass right now"). It just made me think about the pile of times he's upset me for similar reasons (condescension towards me or others, being a know-it-all, that kind of stuff)... more situations where I've never said anything because I suck at speaking up for myself and I tend to freeze up in the moment.. then, when I have my words back hours (or days) later I feel like it's stupid to say something, so I eat the feelings and they stew inside of me. I decided not to do that tonight and, hours later, told him via text that I felt like he was making fun of me earlier. He wrote back saying that he had been "actually making fun of himself" but didn't express it properly, which just makes no fucking sense to me and just made me even more annoyed.

The point is that I just don't think I feel the same way about him that I used to, but I'm afraid to say something because I'm always so afraid to hurt peoples' feelings. I will make myself horribly uncomfortable and miserable for the "sake" of somebody else, even though I'm not doing them any favors either. People think I'm so honest and genuine all the time, but they don't realize the shit that I bottle up inside. I choke when I try to be real about stuff like this. I'm deathly afraid of hurting people and them hating me for whatever I say. So, on more than one occasion I've stayed in a relationship longer than I should've because I am just terrified of initiating that conversation. It makes me feel stupid and like an asshole, which is where I'm at right now  :(
Oh Jackie, always jumping to the most homoerotic possibility.

Offline KevShmev

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #469 on: May 25, 2015, 07:34:44 AM »
You could always go the easy route and dump him via text, which seems to be more and more then norm these days, instead of having to do the face-to-face thing.  How long have you guys been seeing each other that way

I'm bad about that stuff, too.  Years ago, I was dating a teacher - we had gone out like five times - and she was okay, but very clingy and I just wasn't that into her.  I kind of just stopped calling her (this was still in my pre-texting years :lol), and then it was maybe a week later, she sent me an email that said, "So, I guess we aren't talking anymore?"  I was then able to kind of do the "we shouldn't see each other anymore" thing via email, which made me feel bad, but a face-to-face, even when it is someone you haven't been seeing long, is brutal, especially when you know they like you a lot more than you like them. 

I recently was dating a really nice lady, and we both thought a lot of the other (for one, we had similar high values, which is rare nowadays), but there was just no click.  Our conversations were terrible, whether texting or on the phone or in person, and I was like, "She has to know this, too, right?"  What's crazy is that our conversation on our first date was great; we talked effortlessly for like 2 1/2 hours!  But it's like we blew our wad right then and there. :lol :lol  Fortunately, after several more weeks, she did sense it, too, and it was brought up and resolved rather quickly.  It was almost a relief not to have to worry about having another bad conversation.   Of course, the superficial part of me was disappointed, because she was very, very attractive (very pretty face, brunette AND thin, always a big hit in my book ;)), but that's the way it goes sometimes. :facepalm: :lol

Offline bout to crash

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #470 on: May 25, 2015, 12:06:36 PM »
I know that feeling!

We've been seeing each other since March of last year, so a fairly long time. Not exclusively- I told him from the beginning I wasn't interested in something super-serious or monogamous, but it became somewhat serious and the "L" word was exchanged and whatnot. I think, like you said, we "blew our wad" fairly early and it's been getting stale for a while now. I've been so busy with one thing or another that I've been able to brush it off, and since I moved to a different neighborhood (we used to live 11-12 blocks from each other and now it's 6-7 miles) we've naturally been seeing less of each other anyway... but he's been overeager to come over and see me and that sort of thing, and the fact that he's still SO into it not only turns me off a bit but also makes me uncomfortable because I'm not so into it and don't want to lead him on.

In the beginning, as always, it was very exciting and I noticed but overlooked a lot of his weaker points. I was wooed by how intelligent and quirky he is, and our common interests, and I sort of ignored the fact that he's very emotionally immature, drinks too much, etc. Over time I began to realize that he is very much like the first guy I dated in college- very low self-esteem, so he uses his geekiness and knowledge about stuff like movies or whatever (he has a film degree) to try and make himself feel better/superior to others. I find this extremely irritating and have become so tired of him showing off his knowledge about stuff, while at the same time cutting off his emotions and refusing to live up to his potential. I'm (clearly) not the kind of girl who says "You gotta make six figures and buy me nice things to be my man!"- in fact, I'm stubbornly self-sufficient and I'm often the one treating my dates and that sort of thing. However, when you're 30 years old with a college degree and working a retail job where you make about $300 a week and are basically living off the kindness of your dad, that lack of motivation is a big turnoff. I think he has a TON of work to do on himself before he can be happy in a relationship (and life), and while in the beginning it was like "Let's just be in the moment and accept each other for who we are," I'm feeling a bit less romantic and more realistic about everything.

We still have a lot of common interests and I do enjoy hanging with and talking to him... it's when the lovey and sexy parts come in that I get uncomfortable at this point. I could see us continuing to communicate down the road and maybe do things like see movies together (we both love movies, and he's still on good terms with most of his exes, one of whom I'm also friends with- good sign), but when I think about continuing to date I just don't see a future.

I just can't, after all this time, see myself cutting it off via text/phone. So it's initiating that conversation tat absolutely terrifies me. Blah. I think I may just so silent for a while and see what happens, give both of us time to think.
Oh Jackie, always jumping to the most homoerotic possibility.

Offline cramx3

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #471 on: May 25, 2015, 01:22:26 PM »
Minus the job/motivation, this guy sounds a lot like myself.  I am the type of person that cracks stupid jokes when my girl says something stupid or slips and it comes out funny or whatever and my emotional IQ is low.  I actually kind of "get it" when he says he is amking fun of himself in a way, because I often make fun of myself by making jokes about other people.  It's a weird thing and I don't know how to explain it, but I KNOW I have pissed a girl off by doing it before and it isn't until some time later when I reflect on what happened that I realized my joke which I thought was funny was actually not funny and seen by the other as offensive because they perceive it as me making fun of them (which it isn't, but if I put myself in their shoes I can see how it would be).  Stuff like that can be fixed and made better by communication.

The emotionally imature stuff is hard to break though, and it honestly may just be his personality in which case it is what it is.  The last girl I saw actually said on our "break up talk" (if you want to call it that) that I was not emotional enough.  My x-fiance always said that too, that my emotions weren't capable enough to deal with her own emotions.  Most men are not as emotional as woman, but there are varying levels and I would put myself on the low end.  I know I am not capable of being in a relationship with someone who is overly emotional, we just don't mix. 

While it is ridiculously tough to end a relationship, I would recommend you do it sooner than later because it is only going to hold you back from living your life (and his as well) since it seems obvious you know that this isn't going to work out.  Once you know that, you need to end it.  That is a big regret of my own from my past, held onto a relationship way longer than should have and the break up only gets worse the longer you hold on.

Offline JayOctavarium

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #472 on: May 25, 2015, 02:01:32 PM »

The emotionally imature stuff is hard to break though, and it honestly may just be his personality in which case it is what it is.  The last girl I saw actually said on our "break up talk" (if you want to call it that) that I was not emotional enough.  My x-fiance always said that too, that my emotions weren't capable enough to deal with her own emotions.  Most men are not as emotional as woman, but there are varying levels and I would put myself on the low end.  I know I am not capable of being in a relationship with someone who is overly emotional, we just don't mix. 





Sounds very familiar
I just don't understand what they were trying to achieve with any part of the song, either individually or as a whole. You know what? It's the Platypus of Dream Theater songs. That bill doesn't go with that tail, or that strange little furry body, or those webbed feet, and oh god why does it have venomous spurs!? And then you find out it lays eggs too. The difference is that the Platypus is somehow functional despite being a crazy mishmash or leftover animal pieces

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Offline jonnybaxy

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #473 on: May 25, 2015, 03:58:04 PM »
Just here to talk to myself again really so I can write down how I am and basically review myself.

I've got over the initial depression, I'm no longer a complete emotional wreck, I'm not drinking every night of the week any more and I'm pretty sure the tunnel vision has gone.

I think I'm glad i've not found anyone new yet as i'd probably have realised it would have been a bounce back, meaningless relationship.

Basically i'm feeling a bit more stable now and preparing to search for the next lady when I feel it's time.



But also makes me uncomfortable because I'm not so into it and don't want to lead him on.

*snip*

but when I think about continuing to date I just don't see a future.

I just can't, after all this time, see myself cutting it off via text/phone. So it's initiating that conversation tat absolutely terrifies me. Blah. I think I may just so silent for a while and see what happens, give both of us time to think.

I'd say the best course would be to end it so it isn't carrying on because he will only get more in to you the longer it goes on.

At the very least just bring the subject up

Offline King Postwhore

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #474 on: May 25, 2015, 05:03:22 PM »
Time is the best way to move on.  Don't force yourself to look for relationship, enjoy your time off Jonny. Let it happen naturally.

Jackie, the longer you postpone breaking up, the harder it is and the uglier it gets.  Just go for it.  It will be better for both of you.
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Offline bout to crash

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #475 on: May 25, 2015, 05:43:57 PM »
I know, I just have this problem of waiting until the "right" time to have a talk with somebody, which is just a great way to keep putting it off. I haven't heard from him since last night (I didn't know how to respond to what he said) and I haven't reached out. He works all day today and then I have a bunch of shit going on this coming week, so I honestly don't even know when I'll have time to sit down with him.
Oh Jackie, always jumping to the most homoerotic possibility.

Offline Prog Snob

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #476 on: May 26, 2015, 05:36:37 AM »
Man, you do look like a prog snob ;D ;D

No he doesn't. He's with a female. :neverusethis:

 :lol

Offline Stadler

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #477 on: May 26, 2015, 07:04:35 AM »
I know, I just have this problem of waiting until the "right" time to have a talk with somebody, which is just a great way to keep putting it off. I haven't heard from him since last night (I didn't know how to respond to what he said) and I haven't reached out. He works all day today and then I have a bunch of shit going on this coming week, so I honestly don't even know when I'll have time to sit down with him.

Well, I think you already know "there is no 'right' time", but I disagree with some of the others here; you DON'T have to rush this, provided you're not pretending all is roses in the meantime.   If the "talk" is that stressful for you (and I can understand that it might be), maybe let him cool his jets a little bit.  Don't respond to the text immediately, do your "shit" this week, and let it sit.  Who knows, he may start to get the hint a little and facilitate the conversation.  If he doesn't, you're no worse off, right?

One thing I would not do, though, no matter how hard it is, is the "text/email breakup".  If you're worried about leaving wreckage from the breakup, that's a great way to increase the odds of that happening.   

I wouldn't feel bad about the state of the relationship, though.  People progress and grow (or not) at different rates.  That's why (most of us) don't get married after the first date, because more often than not things progress like you described, not like they do in Meg Ryan movies (I think I'm dating myself there.  Kate Hudson?).  If I married every girl I had an "AWESOME FIRST DATE WITH" and with whom I had "AWESOME TEXTS AT FIRST", I'd be on a reality show with 22 wives.   Or something. 

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #478 on: May 26, 2015, 02:58:44 PM »
Lol, good point. It just sucks when it gets to that point where you realize the other person is way more into you, at least if you have a heart. I've been there a few times now and it's very uncomfortable for somebody who is deathly afraid of hurting others' feelings. I have not heard from him since Sunday night but I realized I am free today after all and would like to get it the fuck over with if possible, so I am going to see if he's around later to talk. And yeah, I would never have this conversation via text.
Oh Jackie, always jumping to the most homoerotic possibility.

Offline King Postwhore

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #479 on: May 26, 2015, 03:08:18 PM »
When I said get it over with it's because the longer Jackie waits, the harder it will be for her.  It just gets harder when you think about it too long.
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Offline cramx3

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #480 on: May 26, 2015, 03:08:44 PM »
I know how you feel about not wanting to hurt someone's feelings, but it's for the best of both of you so for him, it may hurt now, but it will get better and he will be better off so hopefully that helps you feel better about doing it... and I also am against doing the tm thing unless it was just something small you two had going (which this seems like it is not).

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #481 on: May 26, 2015, 10:12:10 PM »
Well, we had a looong talk. Appropriately, in a cemetery  :lol... it went pretty well, I think. Long story I'm too exhausted to type out, but thanks for all your support guys.
Oh Jackie, always jumping to the most homoerotic possibility.

Offline Stadler

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #482 on: May 27, 2015, 06:18:56 AM »
Well, we had a looong talk. Appropriately, in a cemetery  :lol... it went pretty well, I think. Long story I'm too exhausted to type out, but thanks for all your support guys.

Wait... did I misunderstand?  "Cemetery".  "Long story".  "Exhausted".  Sounds more like you killed him than broke up with him.   But at least it went pretty well... :)

Offline cramx3

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #483 on: May 27, 2015, 08:34:08 AM »
 :lol how poetic, but it's good you did what needed to be done, now it's time to move on and be happy

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #484 on: May 27, 2015, 09:51:56 AM »
 :lol Stadler.
I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'.” - Bob Newhart
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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #485 on: May 29, 2015, 10:53:20 PM »
 :lol

There's a part of me that thinks things just went stale with us, but another part of me that thinks it's mostly my current headspace. I don't want to be with anyone. I barely want to leave the house when I'm not working. I'm not really depressed, but I'm exhausted. I have no sex drive and I don't feel very "romantic," and I feel like I just need to do my own thing for a while. That's what I told him, among other things. There was crying and high emotions and even some "one last time" sex (took advantage of rigor mortis before I buried him in a fresh grave), which I thought only happened in the movies.
He told me he noticed things getting weird between us months ago but didn't say anything mostly for the same reason I didn't, which was fear of hurting feelings. We're both afraid of confrontation, I think. But I'm glad it wasn't out of left field for him, even though he clearly was in the place of being more "into" me than I was him at this point.

We agreed that we definitely want to be friends and want each other in our lives, but it might take a while before we can do that. We'll see.
Oh Jackie, always jumping to the most homoerotic possibility.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #486 on: May 29, 2015, 11:56:39 PM »
As weird as this sounds, considering the situation, I don't think it could have worked out any better for you and him

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #487 on: May 30, 2015, 11:36:25 AM »
You're probably right. I don't think it was a sustainable relationship from the beginning. It was supposed to just be fun for a while, and then things got a bit too heavy. There have been a few times over the last few times where I've found myself wanting to text him or invite him to a movie, but mostly I feel relieved and like wanting to do my own thing.
Oh Jackie, always jumping to the most homoerotic possibility.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #488 on: June 01, 2015, 02:22:29 PM »
You're probably right. I don't think it was a sustainable relationship from the beginning. It was supposed to just be fun for a while, and then things got a bit too heavy. There have been a few times over the last few times where I've found myself wanting to text him or invite him to a movie, but mostly I feel relieved and like wanting to do my own thing.

So in the robotic words of Matt Bellamy, it was UN-SU-STAIN-ABLE?

Sorry, I had to do it. :facepalm: :lol :biggrin:

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #489 on: June 01, 2015, 05:06:31 PM »
Going on a first meet up date in a few minutes.  This girl apparently lives around the corner from me, that could be good or bad.  I guess that depends on how tonight goes.