Author Topic: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip  (Read 64649 times)

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #70 on: November 19, 2014, 10:54:10 AM »
Wow, Stadler, what you just said i can relate to.  Such a very similar situation minus I wasnt married but engaged, but same scenario with meeting that first lady after and having the same results.  I feel the same about no one owes anyone anything in dating.

Offline Stadler

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #71 on: November 19, 2014, 10:55:43 AM »
Don't want to hijack the thread, but "fetish" doesn't have to be perverse, and it doesn't have to be sexual.   There are, though, people that WILL NOT date outside of a certain race; at the point that it becomes "purposeful" is the point at which I think it moves from "preference" to "fetish". 

I also think her example ("Asian women" and "brunettes") is misleading.  You CAN have a fetish for brunettes.  And you can just prefer Asian women (or whatever feature it is about Asian women that attracts you) without it being a "fetish".

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #72 on: November 19, 2014, 11:01:18 AM »
Right, there are different circumstances and definitions of the word; what I'm referring to is perverse. But yes, that was kind of my point; you can certainly only want to date Asian women or only Brunettes, but if all your reasons are about pussy, ass, tits, and anything sexual, it's a perversion, not a preference. Also yes, the latter half of her profile quote is misleading, didn't catch that.

Anyway, just making conversation. On with your loneliness!  :tup :P

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Offline MoraWintersoul

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #73 on: November 19, 2014, 11:22:47 AM »
Regarding the so-called Yellow Fever, this is an article that sheds some light on it from an East Asian woman living in America:

http://www.thebolditalic.com/articles/3180-why-yellow-fever-is-different-than-having-a-type-

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For instance, it is true that I tend to be drawn to well-dressed men who are taller than me, but I don’t assume anything about them besides the fact that they are well-dressed and taller. But just because I’m Asian and female, why do some men make the automatic assumptions that I am quiet, docile, great at domestic tasks, eager to please men, and my vagina is more magical than average? And, I am supposed to feel complimented when those people are attracted to me?

Being in love with the idea of someone without actually getting to know the person as an individual is unfair and disrespectful. It’s an awful feeling to realize that the cute guy who approached you is as interested in you as he is in every other girl who shares your race: You’re as special as millions of others.

That’s totally cool if you think straight black hair and almond-shaped dark eyes are beautiful: I like them too! But if you find me physically attractive because of that, and try to learn more about me, you can decide whether my personality is equally charming – just like I have the choice of deciding if you’re worth my time and company. But someone expecting me to fulfill all the cultural stereotypes of my race that he’s infatuated with? That is called prejudiced ignorance and refusal to recognize me as a complex real human being. It doesn’t matter if the person is Asian himself or not. If you want to date me or have sex with me, with the expectations that I’ll carry out your pre-conceived notions of Asian women, then you have Yellow Fever.

Regarding the other conversation we were having, I've had this thing for the past several months where my behavior and my role in my relationship were under scrutiny, and I was having a hard time understanding why I wasn't unconditionally accepted back when I've unconditionally accepted him already. In my head, it seemed like I was owed something, but the other person totes has the right to say - this thing you do, I don't like it; or, this trait you have, it's toxic and holding you back and you should change it. The not owing thing doesn't even change in a relationship, but sometimes it's hard to perceive that when you're on the receiving end.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #74 on: November 19, 2014, 11:25:16 AM »
Thanks for posting that, Mora! Enlightening and disturbing.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #75 on: November 19, 2014, 11:39:35 AM »
Quote
But just because I’m Asian and female, why do some men make the automatic assumptions that I am quiet, docile, great at domestic tasks, eager to please men, and my vagina is more magical than average? 

Thus the difference between a man and a woman.  A woman comes up to me and says "I assume your penis is more magical than average" and my first response is "Will you marry me?".

I'm kidding of course; seriously, I think that woman nailed the difference perfectly:  when the trait subsumes all else, it is a fetish.

Quote
Regarding the other conversation we were having, I've had this thing for the past several months where my behavior and my role in my relationship were under scrutiny, and I was having a hard time understanding why I wasn't unconditionally accepted back when I've unconditionally accepted him already. In my head, it seemed like I was owed something, but the other person totes has the right to say - this thing you do, I don't like it; or, this trait you have, it's toxic and holding you back and you should change it. The not owing thing doesn't even change in a relationship, but sometimes it's hard to perceive that when you're on the receiving end.

Not knowing what the trait is (and it's none of our business), DOES someone have the right to say "this trait... you should change it"?  That was another lesson I sort of ingrained from the experience of my marriage, which has SUPREMELY helped my dating (though hasn't always endeared myself to the women I have dated): isn't it up to me to take or leave what I'm given?  I tried to "change" my ex wife ("change" meaning get her to seek help for various things that were holding her back and hurting those around her) to no avail, and have come to think that wasn't something I could ever have been successful at.   

I went on another date, after the first girl, and she was very pretty, VERY smart (Ivy), well-connected socially and politically, up for anything in a healthy, non-threatening way, but not perfect.   She was a little heavy (which isn't a deal breaker for me at all) but was heading toward getting a little bitter (a big red flag) and was a HORRID kisser, which, ultimately, were deal breakers.  Was it my obligation to "turn" her into what I - one man among 150 million +/- here in the States - consider a "good" kisser?  Or force her to ignore 20 years of experience and see things more positively? 

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #76 on: November 20, 2014, 02:11:39 AM »
And so I called her out and she said "I was nervous about saying something to you, Im not good with that" blah blah, oh well.  My first time dating someone since I ended an almost 10 year relationship.  Learn from the experience and move on.  :coolio

Sorry I missed the last couple of updates.  So she finally budged after you put a little pressure on her? 

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #77 on: November 20, 2014, 06:32:55 AM »
And so I called her out and she said "I was nervous about saying something to you, Im not good with that" blah blah, oh well.  My first time dating someone since I ended an almost 10 year relationship.  Learn from the experience and move on.  :coolio

Sorry I missed the last couple of updates.  So she finally budged after you put a little pressure on her?

I guess you can say that.  I just told her I got the hint.  I guess if i never said anything she would have just ignored me until I went away.  Kind of disrespectful when I spent like 400 bucks total across our 6 dates and slept in her bed with her the last time we met, but oh well.  Im actually happy overall with the experience though.  She was a girl I could talk do and enjoy being around when I was going through a rough patch dealing with my ex.  Also kind of weird that she kept seeing me while my ex was still living in my house and then as soon as my ex finally moves out is when she stops wanting to see me.  I thought that was going to make her have more interest, but what do I know.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #78 on: November 20, 2014, 08:23:33 AM »
Women are magical creatures. One minute they're testing their gag reflex, the next minute they just want to be friends.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #79 on: November 20, 2014, 08:56:52 AM »
 :rollin

Fucking A.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #80 on: November 20, 2014, 10:36:31 AM »
:rollin

Fucking A.

Cant say it any better myself

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #81 on: November 20, 2014, 06:13:11 PM »
Women are magical creatures. One minute they're testing their gag reflex, the next minute they just want to be friends.

:rollin
I just don't understand what they were trying to achieve with any part of the song, either individually or as a whole. You know what? It's the Platypus of Dream Theater songs. That bill doesn't go with that tail, or that strange little furry body, or those webbed feet, and oh god why does it have venomous spurs!? And then you find out it lays eggs too. The difference is that the Platypus is somehow functional despite being a crazy mishmash or leftover animal pieces

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #82 on: November 21, 2014, 03:08:34 PM »
I'm desperately and pathetically afraid of being alone. I am also to introverted and afraid of social situations to ever be able to change being alone.

Not so much on the second sentence, but definitely yes on the first one. It sucks... it's so crippling and needy and... yeah... not to say that I don't have good days, which I do, it's just always in the back of my mind and I don't know how to shut it up.

I do feel I made the right decision, however. I just need to get used to me again.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #83 on: November 21, 2014, 06:20:21 PM »
I'm desperately and pathetically afraid of being alone. I am also to introverted and afraid of social situations to ever be able to change being alone.

Not so much on the second sentence, but definitely yes on the first one. It sucks... it's so crippling and needy and... yeah... not to say that I don't have good days, which I do, it's just always in the back of my mind and I don't know how to shut it up.
It's all fault of our society and the Extroverted Ideal. That stupid paradigm that says if you don't hang out, go to discos, get drunk, be talkative, spend all your free time with friends and social activities, take non-sense decisions and regret later, have hundreds of friends, etc., you're just a weird alien from Venus that deserves to be alone. And it's all light years far from truth. Us introverts need to spend time alone, doing things. It's not that we dislike social situations, but they actually make us waste energy, while extroverts gain it from those environments.
Thus, we have just a few friends, prefer to stay home than to go out and spend lots of time alone. And lots of girls/mans see that as a flaw. As a shy, hollow person that will never achieve something on life. And that's funny considering most of the greatest scientists, the big mayority of the world's top CEOs, and lots of big artists (musicians, writers, painters) are actually introverts.

I'm reading a superb book on introversion, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking, by Susan Cain. It narrates how our society shifted from one which valued character to another that puts personality above everything else. And also relates a lot of studies done on introversion, their biological explanations, how the environment shapes us, and a lot of insight that has helped me to better understand myself. You guys (and gal) should read it, even if you're an extrovert.

As for the thread, I have never dated someone. I just don't know how to approach them. And I'm afraid that they will get bored of me just because I don't hang out with them and dislike little talk. I'm not desperate to have a girlfriend now, but it'd be nice to make me feel a little bit less alone. I've heard online dating sites might be helpful. some advise on these places?

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #84 on: November 21, 2014, 06:33:00 PM »
I'm desperately and pathetically afraid of being alone. I am also to introverted and afraid of social situations to ever be able to change being alone.

Not so much on the second sentence, but definitely yes on the first one. It sucks... it's so crippling and needy and... yeah... not to say that I don't have good days, which I do, it's just always in the back of my mind and I don't know how to shut it up.
It's all fault of our society and the Extroverted Ideal. That stupid paradigm that says if you don't hang out, go to discos, get drunk, be talkative, spend all your free time with friends and social activities, take non-sense decisions and regret later, have hundreds of friends, etc., you're just a weird alien from Venus that deserves to be alone. And it's all light years far from truth. Us introverts need to spend time alone, doing things. It's not that we dislike social situations, but they actually make us waste energy, while extroverts gain it from those environments.
Thus, we have just a few friends, prefer to stay home than to go out and spend lots of time alone. And lots of girls/mans see that as a flaw. As a shy, hollow person that will never achieve something on life. And that's funny considering most of the greatest scientists, the big mayority of the world's top CEOs, and lots of big artists (musicians, writers, painters) are actually introverts.

I'm reading a superb book on introversion, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking, by Susan Cain. It narrates how our society shifted from one which valued character to another that puts personality above everything else. And also relates a lot of studies done on introversion, their biological explanations, how the environment shapes us, and a lot of insight that has helped me to better understand myself. You guys (and gal) should read it, even if you're an extrovert.

As for the thread, I have never dated someone. I just don't know how to approach them. And I'm afraid that they will get bored of me just because I don't hang out with them and dislike little talk. I'm not desperate to have a girlfriend now, but it'd be nice to make me feel a little bit less alone. I've heard online dating sites might be helpful. some advise on these places?

I consider myself an introvert, but relate more to Debra than Jay.  While I just got out of a serious long term relationship and constantly question myself whether I like being alone vs with someone, I dont feel scared or that I cannot handle this.  I very much enjoy my alone time, and I often find ways to schedule alone time in my busy work schedule, but I also try and want to find time to be with friends and family.  I have a small group of friends, but I try to be open and honest with them and I think that helps with coping with being alone as an introvert.  It helps to have a good support system I guess.  Throughout my breakup and going through the ups and downs of being single, my friends and family were always there for me.  I guess that cant be said for everyone, but it definitely helps.  I feel my decision to leave a long relationship was right, but it has been tough. 

Also, while I do feel society does in general reward extroverts more than introverts, you can in fact find your niche and be a successful introvert.  I like to think I am one of those. 

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #85 on: November 21, 2014, 08:13:53 PM »
Being alone it's not the same as feeling alone. People that makes you feel like they don't care about you it's heart-breaking. I was just pointing out that, at least for me, getting a girl interested in me, and who doesn't care about flirting or typical extrovert stuff, is really tough.
In fact, I found one long time ago, and we were long-time friends, and I kind of fell in love with her. But I was too coward to ask her something more serious, and then some crap happened and we just don't talk each other anymore. I'd love to retake our relationship and start from zero, but everything is so damaged now. She was the nearest thing I've been to having a girlfriend.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #86 on: November 23, 2014, 05:18:18 PM »
Being alone is weird to me. Like... I'm not sure what my relationship status is. If anything I'd place it in "we are living together working on things." It's better than it was... but like... during all this I am spending a LOT of time alone... which I am not really used to.  I spent most of the past 7 years usually with someone... whether it's my girlfriend at the time... my closest friends... or even texting / IMing someone. But now... when I am not with Panda I am just sitting here. My two closest friends haven't really spoken to me in months. They don't agree with my relationship. I don't have the money to go out and socialize, nor do I have a reliable vehicle to do so (my car is on it's last leg). I just sit here. I do have a few people I can text but they are all either kinda off limits to go hang out with (My ex's sister...) or the live states away.

I've gotten in to playing World Of Warcraft... which is strange because I used to despise the game... But I am still reminded of the fact that I am sitting here alone. That my relationship is... like... so close to dead it's not even funny. That my closest friends refuse to talk to me (well one of them does sometimes... but usually it's work related since we work security in complexes very near eachother)...


So I just sit here. browsing DTF and listening to Pandora waiting for it to be late enough in the evening to justify getting ready for bed.
I just don't understand what they were trying to achieve with any part of the song, either individually or as a whole. You know what? It's the Platypus of Dream Theater songs. That bill doesn't go with that tail, or that strange little furry body, or those webbed feet, and oh god why does it have venomous spurs!? And then you find out it lays eggs too. The difference is that the Platypus is somehow functional despite being a crazy mishmash or leftover animal pieces

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #87 on: November 23, 2014, 06:45:15 PM »
Damn, that's so... awful. And sad. If you aren't used to being alone, you should start a pet project to fill the void. Maybe more than one. Just look into your passions, and start doing something. It doesn't have to be great nor something that will make you rich/famous. But it will make you happier, and feel less alone. Or at least, to forget your solitude. Writing helps me on that.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #88 on: November 24, 2014, 07:17:33 AM »
I agree with the above, essentially my advice is to find something to do that you find enjoyable to help fill that void.  Sitting around and sulkin in your sorrows will never help release you from that feeling.  Ive done that myself in the past, laying in bed and not doing anything to change how you feel.  Lately for me, I've felt the best way for me to be happy and find happyness alone is to push myself to do things "the old me" wouldnt have done.  For me, that is going out a lot more and not caring what other people think of me and seeing what can happen if I do this or do that.  I have to travel a lot and I travel alone sometimes and its an even worse feeling when you are thousands of miles away from anyone you know and you are sitting in a hotel room alone.  Doing that for a few weeks helped motivate me to drop my guard and see what can happen if I go out and explore the world. 

Maybe without having a car and money, that is more difficult, but how does one get money and a car to do things?  Get a good job! So one thing to do is maybe teach yourself something and see if you can develop a skill that can help you build a career.  That will also help build some confidence in yourself and feel better.  Nothing feels so good as the feeling of accomplishment (and sex).

Just my two cents.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #89 on: November 24, 2014, 11:30:18 AM »
I've got the job thing covered. I have a very stable job and am constantly looking to take the next step up. (I am an assistant supervisor for a security company. I work a rather large residential area... Seems like there's not much to the job but to be honest the politics of the job are insane.) I am looking to either bump up to post commander, or get a job working traffic / non sworn type shit with the police. It's only a matter of time until one of the two happen. As for a hobby... I used to write. A lot. Poetry... when I was in high school. That was my thing. Sadly though I kinda lost my writing ability when my dad died a few years ago. I also used to be way in to photography...  but that really died too a few years ago. I started to get in to it again... thanks to the crispness of my new phone (I do want to get a DSLR one day) but that phone decided it wanted to take a swim in the marina. So... that's kinda... dead for now.

The only thing I have is to focus on work. The problem is there's not a whole lot to focus on when I am not physically here... and when I am concerned about what's going on at work while I am home.. it takes a toll on my relationship. ugh.
I just don't understand what they were trying to achieve with any part of the song, either individually or as a whole. You know what? It's the Platypus of Dream Theater songs. That bill doesn't go with that tail, or that strange little furry body, or those webbed feet, and oh god why does it have venomous spurs!? And then you find out it lays eggs too. The difference is that the Platypus is somehow functional despite being a crazy mishmash or leftover animal pieces

-BlobVanDam on "Scarred"

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #90 on: November 24, 2014, 12:08:18 PM »
Didnt mean to make it sound like you didnt have a job or anything, just based on what you said about not having money and a reliable car I thought some good advice would be to work on your career, but regardless you listed a bunch of things you used to like and gave excuses as to why you dont do them anymore.  Got to get out of the habit of finding an excuse not to do something and find the reason TO DO something.  I think you have your reason already, just need to act on it.  Just my thoughts, but I am no psychologist and I have not had any experiences with helping other people, Ive only been working on helping myself get out of my own rut that Ive lived in for the last year or two and some of the things I have done are ending a very serious long relationship that I felt was dragging me down and making me unhappy.  I got a new job.  Ive opened up more to my friends and family about myself and my personal issues and feelings.  And I fill my downtime with things I enjoy doing and not laying around thinking about how I wasted the last year or two of my life (which is really hard to stop thinking about).

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #91 on: November 24, 2014, 12:38:19 PM »
It's all good. I hope to find a better paying job soon... and when I do I will be able to get my car fixed and buy myself a camera and maybe get back in to video editing (which I used to be big in to.) It just feels like I am stuck because of my money situation. The jobs I have been going out for have had very tough competition. I was one of 200 people going out for 6 spots recently. The job would have been nice. almost double my current pay and I would have been working here in my town. I've got the qualifications and the resume and recommendations for these jobs I am looking at. It's just a matter of time. I also feel that if I was bringing in better money it would take a lot of stress off of my relationship.
I just don't understand what they were trying to achieve with any part of the song, either individually or as a whole. You know what? It's the Platypus of Dream Theater songs. That bill doesn't go with that tail, or that strange little furry body, or those webbed feet, and oh god why does it have venomous spurs!? And then you find out it lays eggs too. The difference is that the Platypus is somehow functional despite being a crazy mishmash or leftover animal pieces

-BlobVanDam on "Scarred"

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #92 on: November 24, 2014, 12:46:08 PM »
Money helps many things, but cant buy you happiness.  A lesson I tell myself regularly. 

Sadly with jobs, its often not what you know but who you know.  If you keep it at, something will come your way.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #93 on: November 24, 2014, 12:53:09 PM »
Oh I know it won't buy the happiness.. but it will allow me a few tools to help me on my way to happiness. Lol


I have a glowing letter of rec from a former Santa Barbara DA and I am working on shmoozing the Chief of Police here.  She's a resident  where I work. :lol   

Hopefully with those individuals backing me I can make a dent in the job search.
I just don't understand what they were trying to achieve with any part of the song, either individually or as a whole. You know what? It's the Platypus of Dream Theater songs. That bill doesn't go with that tail, or that strange little furry body, or those webbed feet, and oh god why does it have venomous spurs!? And then you find out it lays eggs too. The difference is that the Platypus is somehow functional despite being a crazy mishmash or leftover animal pieces

-BlobVanDam on "Scarred"

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #94 on: November 24, 2014, 01:55:22 PM »
Hope so too, good luck man!

Anyway, as for finding a girl.  I went out to the local bar Friday night with my buddy and I was really drunk.  Being in that state makes it so much easier to approach a woman and so I told my friend to pick any girl in the bar and I would approach her saying whatever you want me to say.  So he picked the a slamming brunette and told me to say "I think you are pretty can I buy you a drink?"  Well the first girl declined and so I said find another and he picked out the hottest blonde... and well she accepted and turned out to be really nice and friendly.  She actually did a shot with me instead but then he friend came by and forced her to the bathroom and when they got back they seemed less friendly.  I guess her friend didnt like me enough.  Oh well, that was defintiely a confidence booster even though I was drunk.  Got to find that courage when I am not drinking.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #95 on: November 24, 2014, 02:02:06 PM »
It's tough. I find that I only ever have that courage, outside of drinking, when I really don't need it lol
I just don't understand what they were trying to achieve with any part of the song, either individually or as a whole. You know what? It's the Platypus of Dream Theater songs. That bill doesn't go with that tail, or that strange little furry body, or those webbed feet, and oh god why does it have venomous spurs!? And then you find out it lays eggs too. The difference is that the Platypus is somehow functional despite being a crazy mishmash or leftover animal pieces

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #96 on: November 25, 2014, 12:05:11 PM »
It's all fault of our society and the Extroverted Ideal. That stupid paradigm that says if you don't hang out, go to discos, get drunk, be talkative, spend all your free time with friends and social activities, take non-sense decisions and regret later, have hundreds of friends, etc., you're just a weird alien from Venus that deserves to be alone. And it's all light years far from truth. Us introverts need to spend time alone, doing things. It's not that we dislike social situations, but they actually make us waste energy, while extroverts gain it from those environments.
Thus, we have just a few friends, prefer to stay home than to go out and spend lots of time alone. And lots of girls/mans see that as a flaw. As a shy, hollow person that will never achieve something on life. And that's funny considering most of the greatest scientists, the big mayority of the world's top CEOs, and lots of big artists (musicians, writers, painters) are actually introverts.

At the risk of being all "Dr. Phil" here, there's a lot of crap in that post.   Honestly?  I don't know one person who actually thinks "introverts" are "shy hollow people" with no hope of achievement.    Frankly, it's far more likely that just plain no one gives a shit.   I don't mean about you, personally, but about how people choose to spend their day.   This is the difference between focusing on the nonsense of what some advertiser wants you to think in the 30 seconds he/she has to shill her product or focusing on living your life how you want to live it.   Put an ad on Match or eHarmony and say exactly what you said.  I think you might be surprised at the number of women who are looking for a man to be an adult and be willing to focus on her, as opposed to being the town drunk or the life of the party. 

One thing I've found in my experience with the whole partner scene is... there is someone for everyone.   If Jeff the Vomit Guy can find a mate (Google it, but NSFW) then someone who is "merely" socially awkward in certain circumstances doesn't have a lot of leg to stand on.   You may not have the same number of options as, say, Derek Jeter, but the odds of you being the only one in your position is slim to none, for better or worse.   

Quote
As for the thread, I have never dated someone. I just don't know how to approach them. And I'm afraid that they will get bored of me just because I don't hang out with them and dislike little talk. I'm not desperate to have a girlfriend now, but it'd be nice to make me feel a little bit less alone. I've heard online dating sites might be helpful. some advise on these places?

Respectfully, now, the notion that "someone will get bored with you" is not introversion.  That's something else.  Introvert, extrovert or pervert, I think the first step is being willing to put whatever it is you are out there.  I am very much an introvert, and more often than not (though, admittedly, not always) would much prefer to sit in, put on some Floyd, and read or play PS3.  At this point (I'm 47) I don't pitch it as a "flaw", I pitch it as a plus. 

Advice?  Patience.  Honesty.  Don't be a douchebag (not that you would be).  I think the one "problem" with online dating sites is that they are a useful tool, but they aren't the wild west of the internet, and yet some people choose to use them as if they were.  Meaning, on a site like this, or in a YouTube comments section, you don't usually have to back up what you say in person at some point.  Ideally, in a dating situation, you will.   I have met several bright, attractive, smart people on my relatively short stay on "Match.com" and some of them I am still friends with, even if there were no romantic sparks.  I have also met some weird, delusional people as well, but isn't that a cross-section of life?   

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #97 on: November 26, 2014, 12:27:05 PM »
Woah. My supervisor, who owns a Martial Arts studio, is offering me free unlimited classes... which usually costs $100 + a month. I think after the new year I'm going to check it out. Maybe this could be my... thing...
I just don't understand what they were trying to achieve with any part of the song, either individually or as a whole. You know what? It's the Platypus of Dream Theater songs. That bill doesn't go with that tail, or that strange little furry body, or those webbed feet, and oh god why does it have venomous spurs!? And then you find out it lays eggs too. The difference is that the Platypus is somehow functional despite being a crazy mishmash or leftover animal pieces

-BlobVanDam on "Scarred"

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #98 on: December 16, 2014, 07:50:58 AM »
Is it strange to go on a 2 night random road trip to Boston (from NYC area) with a girl you've only met twice?  The girl and I both agreed it is, yet we are still doing it.  Wondering if I am (and I guess she too although it was my idea) completely nuts.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #99 on: December 16, 2014, 08:11:35 AM »
Is it strange to go on a 2 night random road trip to Boston (from NYC area) with a girl you've only met twice?  The girl and I both agreed it is, yet we are still doing it.  Wondering if I am (and I guess she too although it was my idea) completely nuts.

If you ask me, there's absolutely not enough spontaneity in this world. Everything is planned meticulously, and people always second guess themselves, trying to make sure that everything they do conforms to societal norms. I think the world could use a little more of that adventurous spirit. So I say go for it and don't worry about whether it's strange.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #100 on: December 16, 2014, 08:30:15 AM »
Word, TGP. The lack of spontaneity is pretty bad these days.
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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #101 on: December 16, 2014, 08:31:38 AM »
Yeah, I don't really think that's strange.
Oh Jackie, always jumping to the most homoerotic possibility.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #102 on: December 16, 2014, 08:41:26 AM »
Word, TGP. The lack of spontaneity is pretty bad these days.

I mean, considering how many creeps there are out there, I can't entirely blame people for being on the paranoid side, but that's why it's called "taking chances".

Last year, I took an impromptu trip to New York to meet a girl I've been talking to for less than a month. Things didn't pan out, there really wasn't any chemistry there, unfortunately, but hey, it was my first time in New York (and U.S. in general), I got to visit museums and Times Square, and stayed in a sketchy hotel in The Bronx, and just got a chance to leave the comfort zone of my home, family and city, which is something I've never done. I don't regret it one bit, and it made for a great experience and a good story.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #103 on: December 16, 2014, 08:42:05 AM »
Cool, glad to know I havent gone insane yet.  As for spontaneity, I told her the truth about myself which is that I've spent the last bunch of years of my life feeling like I wasted it by not being adventurous and not going outside of my comfort zone and that I want to live life to the fullest now.  Im just glad she is cool with it too, should be fun.  Booked our stay at the Intercontinental Boston hotel which looks awesome. 

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #104 on: December 16, 2014, 09:16:10 AM »
It's very easy to get into that mundane routine of things, and just start living life on autopilot, basically, content to live each day just like the last. Work, do chores, pay bills, drink beer, repeat.
That's what's gonna make you go insane!  :lol

It's always good to get out of it and at least do something different once in a while. Personally, every time I get into any kind of a routine for too long, I just go into a slump and become really lethargic.