Author Topic: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip  (Read 82438 times)

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Offline Stadler

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2975 on: January 31, 2017, 08:22:00 AM »
My thing is, what she wants to do with her time is her business.  If her "constitution" is such that she's okay with that, so be it.  I knew a girl too that did that, but she DID admit to on occasion crossing the line.  She was single, and it was within her moral code, so it was what it was.   She was honest about it and upfront about it.

But it's also your prerogative to be with someone who comports with your moral code.  I could be friends and non-judgmental about someone that did that, but I don't know that I could be in a serious relationship with someone who did that.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2976 on: January 31, 2017, 08:25:36 AM »
Exactly.  The girl is free to do what she wants and I am even fine with prostitution (I think it should be legal although I have no interest in it) but that doesn't mean I would want to date someone doing such things. 

Offline TheCountOfNYC

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2977 on: February 01, 2017, 06:43:02 AM »
I actually think that's kind of sweet. She's offering lonely people companionship. If she wasn't making money from it I would almost consider it charity work. With that said, if you decided to pursue a relationship with her you would have to make sure that 1) she absolutely isn't getting intimate with these guys and 2) she isn't trying to do this to you. I completely understand if you don't want to get involved with this but if you do, just be careful.
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Offline Chino

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2978 on: February 01, 2017, 06:52:07 AM »
My girlfriend and I are very open with discussions pertaining to sex and what sex means to us as individuals. We are both 100% faithful, though threesomes have come up as the topic of discussion many times. Anyway, I've jokingly-seriously told her on several occasions that if she ever had the opportunity to bank $10K for a few hours of work, and didn't have any issues doing it herself, I told her to go right ahead. Sex doesn't mean a lot to me. It's a really fun activity that I don't hold it to any kind of holy/moral/ethical standard. If my girlfriend was able to make another $40K plus a year by having sex with lonely dudes every now and again, I wouldn't have any arguments against her doing so. But that's just me. I know there aren't many people lining up behind me on this one  :lol

Offline sylvan

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2979 on: February 01, 2017, 08:39:50 AM »
Yeah, but there's a real difference. If she had to do a few hours of work to bank $10k, then she would still have to do SOMETHING. These women, and they're all over the place (I saw an MTV true life about Sugar Babies, which is just the next step), do NOTHING. You can view it from the angle of it being a good deed... but that's what charity work is for. Make no mistake, they wouldn't be there without the money. I have NO PROBLEM with prostitution. I wouldn't date a hooker, but I have no moral opposition to either person's involvement in the transaction. It's like when we talk about the "typical modern male" in the dating world, and all the amazing things that are said through OKCupid messaging and Tinder, dick picks, ridiculous sexual offers, treating women like that night's sexual conquest. And then we acknowledge that those actions persist because, at some point, it works. And if you play the odds enough, it will work in your favor. This is the same. Like these camgirls that finger themselves in front of their computer and get paid while they do it. As long as dumb ass dudes pay for them for that shit, they will continue to do it. Same with these "companionship" women. While I don't have any moral objection, I just don't respect them for it. Ya know, like, fucking do something.

Offline Stadler

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2980 on: February 01, 2017, 08:55:51 AM »
My girlfriend and I are very open with discussions pertaining to sex and what sex means to us as individuals. We are both 100% faithful, though threesomes have come up as the topic of discussion many times. Anyway, I've jokingly-seriously told her on several occasions that if she ever had the opportunity to bank $10K for a few hours of work, and didn't have any issues doing it herself, I told her to go right ahead. Sex doesn't mean a lot to me. It's a really fun activity that I don't hold it to any kind of holy/moral/ethical standard. If my girlfriend was able to make another $40K plus a year by having sex with lonely dudes every now and again, I wouldn't have any arguments against her doing so. But that's just me. I know there aren't many people lining up behind me on this one  :lol

This is a real head game for me.  My ex cheated three times on me (I think maybe even a fourth) and I felt it the right thing to do at the time to stay.  It wasn't that I couldn't leave - it actually would have been easy to leave; I traveled a lot for work, and even had an apartment in another city for a while - it's just that, like Chino, it didn't mean anything in that context.  I knew what was going on, and the sex wasn't the big part of it.  It wasn't some huge "betrayal".   But with my current wife, it's different.   Sex DOES mean something to her, so if she was to offer it freely (or for pay) to someone else, I think I would feel it a sort of betrayal.  Like, why are you sharing that thing that means something to you with someone else?   But on the other side of the coin, we've joked about her taking a second job as a stripper, and that I wouldn't have any issue with (because I know the dynamic). 

Like I said, head game. 

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2981 on: February 01, 2017, 09:22:57 AM »
Yeah, but there's a real difference. If she had to do a few hours of work to bank $10k, then she would still have to do SOMETHING. These women, and they're all over the place (I saw an MTV true life about Sugar Babies, which is just the next step), do NOTHING. You can view it from the angle of it being a good deed... but that's what charity work is for. Make no mistake, they wouldn't be there without the money. I have NO PROBLEM with prostitution. I wouldn't date a hooker, but I have no moral opposition to either person's involvement in the transaction. It's like when we talk about the "typical modern male" in the dating world, and all the amazing things that are said through OKCupid messaging and Tinder, dick picks, ridiculous sexual offers, treating women like that night's sexual conquest. And then we acknowledge that those actions persist because, at some point, it works. And if you play the odds enough, it will work in your favor. This is the same. Like these camgirls that finger themselves in front of their computer and get paid while they do it. As long as dumb ass dudes pay for them for that shit, they will continue to do it. Same with these "companionship" women. While I don't have any moral objection, I just don't respect them for it. Ya know, like, fucking do something.

I like to watch cam girls  :biggrin:

Offline Stadler

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2982 on: February 01, 2017, 09:44:17 AM »
Yeah, but there's a real difference. If she had to do a few hours of work to bank $10k, then she would still have to do SOMETHING. These women, and they're all over the place (I saw an MTV true life about Sugar Babies, which is just the next step), do NOTHING. You can view it from the angle of it being a good deed... but that's what charity work is for. Make no mistake, they wouldn't be there without the money. I have NO PROBLEM with prostitution. I wouldn't date a hooker, but I have no moral opposition to either person's involvement in the transaction. It's like when we talk about the "typical modern male" in the dating world, and all the amazing things that are said through OKCupid messaging and Tinder, dick picks, ridiculous sexual offers, treating women like that night's sexual conquest. And then we acknowledge that those actions persist because, at some point, it works. And if you play the odds enough, it will work in your favor. This is the same. Like these camgirls that finger themselves in front of their computer and get paid while they do it. As long as dumb ass dudes pay for them for that shit, they will continue to do it. Same with these "companionship" women. While I don't have any moral objection, I just don't respect them for it. Ya know, like, fucking do something.

I like to watch cam girls  :biggrin:

Do you call them "cram girls"?   

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Offline cramx3

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2983 on: February 01, 2017, 09:49:07 AM »
close, Cram's cramming girls  :biggrin:

Offline sylvan

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2984 on: February 01, 2017, 10:30:43 AM »
Yeah, but do you pay the Cram girls while they cram live?

Offline cramx3

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2985 on: February 01, 2017, 10:51:41 AM »
Yeah, but do you pay the Cram girls while they cram live?

Nah, there's plenty of other people who seem more than willing to pay.

Offline sylvan

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2986 on: February 01, 2017, 01:12:21 PM »
Yeah, but do you pay the Cram girls while they cram live?

Nah, there's plenty of other people who seem more than willing to pay.

Exactly. See, you just put a value on their contribution to society: :loser:

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Offline Prog Snob

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2987 on: February 01, 2017, 07:30:25 PM »
We stopped talking. She hasn't messaged me since that last conversation so it's safe to say it's time to move on.

Offline Chino

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2988 on: February 14, 2017, 06:53:06 AM »


 :heart :heart :heart

Offline TheCountOfNYC

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2989 on: February 14, 2017, 12:57:23 PM »
Hey everyone. Happy Valentine's Day/Singles Awareness Day. I thought I would feel much more lonely today but I actually feel ok right now. Since being single, I feel stronger than ever. Let this be a reminder to everyone here that being single isn't a bad thing. It just means that you haven't found anyone who's worth as much of your time and energy as yourself. Having someone is great, but being by yourself is great as well. There's strength in solidarity.
“People figured out that the white thing that comes out of cows' titties could be drunk, and the relation between sweet desires and women's bellies growing up for 9 months. It can't be THAT hard to figure out how a trumpet works.”

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Offline Phoenix87x

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2990 on: February 14, 2017, 07:05:05 PM »
This is the first Valentines day where I didn't feel sad and lonely. Instead, I feel fantastic. Getting out of a long term relationship that brought nothing but pain and misery will do that for ya.

I LOVE being single. No bullshit, No mindgames, No daily fights over nothing. Just peace in my life.
« Last Edit: February 14, 2017, 07:18:29 PM by Phoenix87x »
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Offline Adami

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2991 on: February 14, 2017, 07:40:55 PM »
Honestly I keep forgetting it's valentine's day. Working two jobs (basically) and being in full time doctoral program with like 5 papers to write tends to make things like being single on valentine's day not important.
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Offline Phoenix87x

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2992 on: February 15, 2017, 03:28:25 AM »
Honestly I keep forgetting it's valentine's day. Working two jobs (basically) and being in full time doctoral program with like 5 papers to write tends to make things like being single on valentine's day not important.

Which subject is the doctoral program?

Just curious since I am living the same life, finishing up the final 12 weeks of a doctorate degree in pharmacy plus trying to work a regular job to pay the bills

There's barely time to breath, let alone think about valentines day. So I understand what you are saying completely
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Offline cramx3

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2993 on: March 13, 2017, 07:59:47 AM »
I made things official with 23yo (well now 24yo) last weekend.  I hadn't been interested in anyone else in a long time and we had been dating for many many months now, it felt right.  I told her I am still a bit scared about moving forward just because of how I felt so turned off from marriage and relationships from my ex and she understands, but we got something good going so I need to leave the past in the past. 

Offline sylvan

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2994 on: March 13, 2017, 08:23:34 AM »
Way to go Cram! It's good to see someone willing to move past the PAST, and not let that be the deciding factor in your present/future. So this is the same 23 yo? She's been around for a while!

I almost popped in here last night to say I Got Some! Woot Woot! I had like THE shittiest day I've had in a long while, coming off a pretty devastating week. I went out with her on Thursday and she invited me back to her place to smoke. I just overthought things and didn't feel a real signal to move on. Then she invites me over again. I said fuck it and went over to hangout. But, it's the first woman I've been with that I wasn't at least "dating" regularly. It feels weird, not sure if it's really my style to continue to see someone just for sex. Even though she's super sweet, I DO NOT wanna date her (and probably shouldn't date anyone).

Offline TheCountOfNYC

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2995 on: March 13, 2017, 01:15:27 PM »
I went out on my first date since the breakup yesterday. It was nice and we talked for six hours. It felt a little weird because a part of me still misses my ex but I know I won't move on just sitting in my room by myself and this girl is super sweet. I look foward to seeing her again.
“People figured out that the white thing that comes out of cows' titties could be drunk, and the relation between sweet desires and women's bellies growing up for 9 months. It can't be THAT hard to figure out how a trumpet works.”

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Offline Adami

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2996 on: March 13, 2017, 01:23:02 PM »
For the first time in way too long, I actually have a crush on someone.

Unfortunately that someone is a co-worker.

More unfortunately that person will be leaving the state around July or something.

Hung out with her yesterday for a bit and had a great time but I'll have to keep it all in check.
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Offline JayOctavarium

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2997 on: March 13, 2017, 05:13:15 PM »
For the first time in way too long, I actually have a crush on someone.

Unfortunately that someone is a co-worker.

More unfortunately that person will be leaving the state around July or something.

Hung out with her yesterday for a bit and had a great time but I'll have to keep it all in check.


Damn. I thought it was me.


Carry on.
I just don't understand what they were trying to achieve with any part of the song, either individually or as a whole. You know what? It's the Platypus of Dream Theater songs. That bill doesn't go with that tail, or that strange little furry body, or those webbed feet, and oh god why does it have venomous spurs!? And then you find out it lays eggs too. The difference is that the Platypus is somehow functional despite being a crazy mishmash or leftover animal pieces

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Offline Adami

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2998 on: March 13, 2017, 05:22:28 PM »
What we have is so much more that calling it a crush would be an insult.
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Offline Phoenix87x

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2999 on: March 13, 2017, 06:34:17 PM »
I also have a crush on a girl from work. She was born in Eastern Europe and came here in her mid 20's and she's about 2 years behind me in pharmacy school. What's refreshing about her than most girls I've met, is that she's very humble, kind and pleasant. She never complains about anything which is hot. My ex would never stop complaining and that's part of what drove us apart. But back to this other girl. Also, her body is a work of art. I didn't ask, but I suspect she was a Russian gymnast or something. so very hot.

I learned a long time ago (from a very bad experience) to never get involved with someone at work, so I just keep things with her as friendly and nothing more.
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Offline kingshmegland

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3000 on: March 13, 2017, 06:42:58 PM »
At my old job, 3 of the guys married European girls.  I asked one who I'm friends with still why all the guys married European girls because my wife asked. 

I got home and gave her the answer. He said, "They taste better."   My wife spit out her drink all over the carpet. :lol
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Offline Adami

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3001 on: March 13, 2017, 06:49:58 PM »
The last girl I hooked up with was Russian, and yes your friends were very right.
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Offline kingshmegland

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3002 on: March 13, 2017, 06:51:42 PM »
 :lol

The shock on my wife's face was priceless.
“I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'.” - Bob Newhart

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3003 on: March 13, 2017, 08:57:34 PM »
hmmmm
I just don't understand what they were trying to achieve with any part of the song, either individually or as a whole. You know what? It's the Platypus of Dream Theater songs. That bill doesn't go with that tail, or that strange little furry body, or those webbed feet, and oh god why does it have venomous spurs!? And then you find out it lays eggs too. The difference is that the Platypus is somehow functional despite being a crazy mishmash or leftover animal pieces

-BlobVanDam on "Scarred"

Offline Stadler

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3004 on: March 14, 2017, 08:25:46 AM »
I don't know if it's me (because my lineage is largely from that area) but I find Russian women very attractive.  I dated a girl that was half-Russian (by her mom; they both spoke the language) but she was half-Italian, so it wasn't quite the same. 

Offline Prog Snob

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3005 on: March 14, 2017, 10:49:03 AM »
There are four or five potentials right now. One of the girls started talking to me and then deleted her account on OK Cupid. She will probably be the first to go.

Offline aurorablind

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3006 on: March 15, 2017, 04:56:22 AM »
Im not really that active on this forum anymore, but I just need to get something out.

So..
I've been dating this girl for 3-4 months now, and she is fantastic in so many ways. We share many interests, and we get along really well. When we first started dating I fell in love with her pretty quickly, and she fell in love with me as well.
The problem is..three years ago my ex-wife cheated on me. We broke up a couple of months later, and since then I've been single. I've been on a couple of dates since then, but every time it starts to get somewhat serious, I back out. Im really scared that my next relationship will end up the same way. Im not necessarily scared that this girl will cheat on me in the future, but Im scared that things will end up badly in some way or another. I know that these feelings arent rational, but it's starting to happen again. The strong feelings I have for this girl is starting to evolve into panic, and I feel a desperate need to back out of this as well. I've been open to her about it, but now it's starting to get really bad. Everything have been really awesome between us, but I just can't help it.
Have anybody else experienced this? It's driving me insane!

Offline kingshmegland

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3007 on: March 15, 2017, 06:24:36 AM »
That's a normal emotion.  You were betrayed.  The best I can say if you'll never find joy again if you don't take a leap of faith.  It will be hard but you've got to trust her going forward.  Don't hide your feelings.  If she senses you're off she'll equate it to something else.  Be honest and up front about what happened in the past and ask her to take each step forward with you. 

Let her feel involved, it will bring you two closer.
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Offline Grappler

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3008 on: March 15, 2017, 07:41:52 AM »
The best I can say if you'll never find joy again if you don't take a leap of faith. 

That's the best advice. 

I always tend to overthink things, and when I made the two biggest decisions of my life (to get engaged, and to have a child) I just had this overwhelming feeling that I had to jump in with both feet and stop thinking about it so much.  As scary as it was, I proved to myself that I had nothing to worry about in either instance and any concerns or problems worked themselves out in time. 

Just enjoy having someone you care about and stop worrying about the what-if's.  If it doesn't subside, I'd recommend finding a counselor or therapist where you can just unload all of those feelings and let it out to a third party, who may be able to give you advice.  Counseling may be covered by your health insurance as well.

Offline Stadler

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #3009 on: March 15, 2017, 08:43:49 AM »
Im not really that active on this forum anymore, but I just need to get something out.

So..
I've been dating this girl for 3-4 months now, and she is fantastic in so many ways. We share many interests, and we get along really well. When we first started dating I fell in love with her pretty quickly, and she fell in love with me as well.
The problem is..three years ago my ex-wife cheated on me. We broke up a couple of months later, and since then I've been single. I've been on a couple of dates since then, but every time it starts to get somewhat serious, I back out. Im really scared that my next relationship will end up the same way. Im not necessarily scared that this girl will cheat on me in the future, but Im scared that things will end up badly in some way or another. I know that these feelings arent rational, but it's starting to happen again. The strong feelings I have for this girl is starting to evolve into panic, and I feel a desperate need to back out of this as well. I've been open to her about it, but now it's starting to get really bad. Everything have been really awesome between us, but I just can't help it.
Have anybody else experienced this? It's driving me insane!

Have we experienced it?   I was divorced four years ago from a woman who cheated on me three times (she married the last one, so, um, lucky her?), and since then met the most beautiful, caring, kind woman ever, and we're now married.  Our only issue?   When I get flashbacks to the things that the ex used to do.  Hide texts.  Talk about how "she really only has male friends; women are sooo  catty!".     And we talk about it.   And I see a therapist regularly.

Whether you can tough it out on your own or not, whether you can take the leap yourself or not, is all up to you.  But I will say this:   if you want change, if you want something to BE different, you have to DO something different.   I'm not saying it's your fault that ex cheated, but I am saying, your feelings aren't going to miraculously go away one morning and all will be perfect.  If you've got a good one - though in my estimation, three months is not long enough to know that - do what you have to do to keep her.

Short of locking her in the basement.  That's not where I was going with this.   Not at all.