Author Topic: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip  (Read 79121 times)

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Offline Chino

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2940 on: December 19, 2016, 10:51:51 AM »
So, I'm looking for your opinion on something. I just friended this girl on Facebook that I grew up with, but haven't seen in 15 years, and closer to 20 since we've really been close. I wanna ask her to meetup sometime and catch-up, and maybe see if there's some connection. Is there any way to say this without sounding cliche? I can't believe that's the point in life I've reached :lol. "Wanna catch-up sometime?" Or is that really the only play? I want it to seem casual, but also that I actually want to see her, and not that I'm totally whatevs about it.

I'm so used to online dating, I haven't done anything real world in a while. And although Facebook feels like other sites in that they're all social networking, Facebook is NOT a default dating site.

Don't be that forward. Instead, creepily follow her online patterns and behaviors until you can predict where she'll be next.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2941 on: December 19, 2016, 11:24:34 AM »
Coincidentally, I was in a similar scenario the weekend after Thanksgiving. I met up with a girl I was close with in school, but lost contact with after graduating. I tried finding her for many years, and she finally showed up when I searched for her on Facebook in September. So, the weekend after Thanksgiving she asked if I wanted to get together, and we did. The funny part - it turns out we have lived in the same neighborhood for ten years and had no idea until we met up.

It's crazy how many things you can see that prove how small the world can be sometimes. Unfortunately, I find myself wondering why the world can't be a little smaller sometimes, as I never seem to cross paths with anyone whom I actually want to see again :mehlin.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2942 on: December 19, 2016, 11:28:46 AM »
Don't be that forward. Instead, creepily follow her online patterns and behaviors until you can predict where she'll be next.

That was my first instinct, as it's my usual go to plan. It just never seems to work out the way I see it in my mind's eye  :loser:.

Offline Stadler

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2943 on: December 20, 2016, 07:08:26 AM »
So, I'm looking for your opinion on something. I just friended this girl on Facebook that I grew up with, but haven't seen in 15 years, and closer to 20 since we've really been close. I wanna ask her to meetup sometime and catch-up, and maybe see if there's some connection. Is there any way to say this without sounding cliche? I can't believe that's the point in life I've reached :lol. "Wanna catch-up sometime?" Or is that really the only play? I want it to seem casual, but also that I actually want to see her, and not that I'm totally whatevs about it.


I think I wrote something about this (indirectly) a couple days ago.  You have to view it as the "only play".   If you're adult and honest about it, you can have your cake and eat it too.   You can absolutely go in cool as a cucumber - meaning, not expecting anything - and say hello, order drinks, ask dumb questions ("Hey, do you still eat paste?") or say dumb things ("I haven't seen you since... recess!") and see how the convo goes, and 15 minutes in - unless it is an awkward car wreck, just look at her and pause and say "wow, this is nice.  Once we connected, I was looking forward to seeing you".  Then let it drop.  Go back to "Hey, have you seen so and so lately?"   One thing I like to do is use non sequitors.   "Hey, when's the last time you went to our school?"  "Did you see any teachers when you were there?"  "Wow, that shirt is a striking color!".    As long as the non sequitor isn't along the lines of "Wow, your tits have REALLY sagged; they used to be magnificent!", she'll remember that. 

Offline Lynxo

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2944 on: December 20, 2016, 07:14:23 AM »
[...]As long as the non sequitor isn't along the lines of "Wow, your tits have REALLY sagged; they used to be magnificent!", she'll remember that.
I'm sure she would remember that regardless. :lol
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Offline NunoTenniscourt

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2945 on: December 20, 2016, 08:05:23 AM »
Coincidentally, I was in a similar scenario the weekend after Thanksgiving. I met up with a girl I was close with in school, but lost contact with after graduating. I tried finding her for many years, and she finally showed up when I searched for her on Facebook in September. So, the weekend after Thanksgiving she asked if I wanted to get together, and we did. The funny part - it turns out we have lived in the same neighborhood for ten years and had no idea until we met up.

It's crazy how many things you can see that prove how small the world can be sometimes. Unfortunately, I find myself wondering why the world can't be a little smaller sometimes, as I never seem to cross paths with anyone whom I actually want to see again :mehlin.

Yes, it can certainly be astounding. I am still baffled as to how the hell we managed to not bump into each other in a 10 year period being in the same neighborhood. All that searching, and she was damn near in my back yard. 

As far as crossing paths go, as much as there is to dislike about the Facebook experience, I have to say it has been absolutely invaluable in finding people from my distant past.


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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2946 on: December 20, 2016, 08:06:45 AM »
My friends were talking the other day about how a guy from high school recently reached out to a girl from high school (they weren't friends or anything back in the day) and he was trying to ask her out on facebook.  Granted, this guy was kind of a scumbag, but she thought it was weird. So my friends and I were discussing it and I think I was the only one in the group that saw it as fine.   One friend said facebook is not a dating site, but while I agree, I also don't see how it can be limited to not being a way to connect with someone.  Also, what's there to lose in such a scenario?  That her friends may say "yea so and so reached out to me on facebook..." like my friends did... who cares.  If that's your open line of communication to someone and you want to use it respectfully, then go for it.

Offline NunoTenniscourt

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2947 on: December 20, 2016, 10:00:24 AM »
My friends were talking the other day about how a guy from high school recently reached out to a girl from high school (they weren't friends or anything back in the day) and he was trying to ask her out on facebook.  Granted, this guy was kind of a scumbag, but she thought it was weird. So my friends and I were discussing it and I think I was the only one in the group that saw it as fine.   One friend said facebook is not a dating site, but while I agree, I also don't see how it can be limited to not being a way to connect with someone.  Also, what's there to lose in such a scenario?  That her friends may say "yea so and so reached out to me on facebook..." like my friends did... who cares.  If that's your open line of communication to someone and you want to use it respectfully, then go for it.

So, I assume she turned him down? If she did, I would venture to say it was just because she wasn't interested in him rather than having a problem with *how* he asked her out. If a guy has made a enough of a positive impression on a woman to capture her interest, she will generally overlook something like this.

However, with older women, I can see where *some* of them might have a preference for guys coming at them with a more "old school" approach.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2948 on: December 20, 2016, 12:28:14 PM »
My friends were talking the other day about how a guy from high school recently reached out to a girl from high school (they weren't friends or anything back in the day) and he was trying to ask her out on facebook.  Granted, this guy was kind of a scumbag, but she thought it was weird. So my friends and I were discussing it and I think I was the only one in the group that saw it as fine.   One friend said facebook is not a dating site, but while I agree, I also don't see how it can be limited to not being a way to connect with someone.  Also, what's there to lose in such a scenario?  That her friends may say "yea so and so reached out to me on facebook..." like my friends did... who cares.  If that's your open line of communication to someone and you want to use it respectfully, then go for it.

So, I assume she turned him down? If she did, I would venture to say it was just because she wasn't interested in him rather than having a problem with *how* he asked her out. If a guy has made a enough of a positive impression on a woman to capture her interest, she will generally overlook something like this.

However, with older women, I can see where *some* of them might have a preference for guys coming at them with a more "old school" approach.

Yea she turned him down and it was due to who he was not how he reached out to her, but she did find it weird to be reached out to on facebook.  However, I don't think that one example should stop someone.  I was just trying to relate since this just happened over the weekend.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2949 on: December 20, 2016, 01:15:31 PM »
So did she actually turn him down, or did she just ignore him?

Offline cramx3

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2950 on: December 20, 2016, 01:22:20 PM »
So did she actually turn him down, or did she just ignore him?

I actually don't know that.  I was told she wasn't interested, but not sure if that meant she ignored or responded and said no.  Even though I went to high school with both, Im not close to either of them, just have mutual friends, but after hearing that story I did think maybe I should friend her and ask her out too cause she does seem like she could be good gf material.  She actually comes up all the time as a suggested friend.  Maybe I see her on new years eve and I'll see.

Offline Stadler

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2951 on: December 21, 2016, 06:45:42 AM »
See, now THAT'S impressive.  How cool would that be if you DID score a date from Facebook from her?  :) 

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2952 on: January 12, 2017, 05:40:20 PM »
I've been chatting with this chick from OKC for a couple weeks. I haven't completely bailed on it, but I'm less interested than I was when I started. Honestly, it's just really inconvenient. I don't really feel like shaving, putting on decent clothes, and driving an hour in shit ass traffic if I'm not really feeling it. I might keep talking to her to at least see if a meetup is worth it.

I got a message on OKC about a week ago from a woman in Finland. We hadn't messaged much because we wanted to talk face to face. I skyped with her today for 45 mins and it was cool to talk to someone that's not only on the other side of the planet but from a country and culture very different to mine. I've obviously got my head on straight about it, as far as the "romantic" tone. But she was definitely nice and easy to talk to. We have similar interests. She's a genetic scientist that's athletic and into running and fitness, plays the piano, and is crazy good looking. From what she told me, the male/female dating dynamic over there is reversed from the traditional American dynamic. Women have to pursue, and even then have to convince guys to go out on a date. She shouldn't have to convince anyone to go out with her, trust me. My reply was, "Get your shit together Finland!"

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2953 on: January 13, 2017, 05:50:16 PM »
FINLAND FINLAND FINLAND :lol (Monty Python reference, sorry)

But seriously, a dynamic where the female does the pursuing is not exactly off to me but it is a bit different. It's not one that I would have a problem with if there weren't a BS stigma in place here in the US that a woman seems "desperate" if she pursues a gent she likes. I never understood that, especially since gents seem to appreciate being pursued too.

Anyway.. Deb herself is very happy with things right now. I'm not fond of long distances but.. this gent (the one I've been talking to since late August 2016) seems very worth the time so far. It's been so effortless for the both of us. While I'm being careful to not get hurt, it's like I really don't have to if that makes any sense. And YES.. we do like each other quite a lot. Daww. :heart

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2954 on: January 16, 2017, 02:59:39 AM »
But seriously, a dynamic where the female does the pursuing is not exactly off to me but it is a bit different. It's not one that I would have a problem with if there weren't a BS stigma in place here in the US that a woman seems "desperate" if she pursues a gent she likes. I never understood that, especially since gents seem to appreciate being pursued too.


I wouldnt mind being persued by woman.

One thats not batshit crazy.


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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2955 on: January 16, 2017, 03:34:08 AM »
From what she told me, the male/female dating dynamic over there is reversed from the traditional American dynamic. Women have to pursue, and even then have to convince guys to go out on a date. She shouldn't have to convince anyone to go out with her, trust me. My reply was, "Get your shit together Finland!"
As a Finnish male, I call BS on that. :P When I was on Tinder for a few weeks (as documented earlier on in this thread), I noticed that a lot of women said in their profiles that they expect men to message them first. Every time I got a match I did that, but never got a response. Some women have flirted with me IRL, but they've been so vague about their intentions that I haven't noticed until afterwards. Maybe this girl has just tried to hit on guys who were too clueless (like me :lol) and/or discouraged after being turned down multiple times. At least I've got the strong impression that most of the women over here are old-fashioned in the sense that they want to be pursued instead of doing the hard work themselves.

On a more positive note, I got to know an exchange student on a course last fall, and I'm going out with her in a few days. :)

Offline Stadler

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2956 on: January 16, 2017, 02:26:28 PM »
FINLAND FINLAND FINLAND :lol (Monty Python reference, sorry)

But seriously, a dynamic where the female does the pursuing is not exactly off to me but it is a bit different. It's not one that I would have a problem with if there weren't a BS stigma in place here in the US that a woman seems "desperate" if she pursues a gent she likes. I never understood that, especially since gents seem to appreciate being pursued too.

Anyway.. Deb herself is very happy with things right now. I'm not fond of long distances but.. this gent (the one I've been talking to since late August 2016) seems very worth the time so far. It's been so effortless for the both of us. While I'm being careful to not get hurt, it's like I really don't have to if that makes any sense. And YES.. we do like each other quite a lot. Daww. :heart

Maybe it's just me, but it's not the PURSUIT that makes a woman seem desperate. It's HOW it's pursued.  Putting yourself out there isn't bad at all.   I experienced this a lot after I got divorced; it was pleasant to see a confident secure woman express interest, and believe it or not, that actually happened once or twice.  But it's also happened where the pursuit was more like a stalking-in-training, and it DID seem, well, desperate.  It's not the "what", it's the "how". 

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2957 on: January 16, 2017, 05:07:45 PM »
These dating websites really suck sometimes. It seems the only women who want to talk to me are only looking for a subscription to their cam shows. I'm just trying to connect with people in a way that minimizes my social anxiety and I can't seem to talk to people who are actually interested in me.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2958 on: January 17, 2017, 10:58:28 AM »
These dating websites really suck sometimes. It seems the only women who want to talk to me are only looking for a subscription to their cam shows. I'm just trying to connect with people in a way that minimizes my social anxiety and I can't seem to talk to people who are actually interested in me.

Sounds like a bot, not an actual person.  These dating sites have lots of those.  Typically when someone reaches out to me first, it's this, a bot. 

Offline TioJorge

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2959 on: January 17, 2017, 12:11:13 PM »
That was me. It's fine if you don't wanna subscribe. But I do butt shows for like 1 coin though soooo..

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2960 on: January 17, 2017, 12:14:41 PM »
That was me. It's fine if you don't wanna subscribe. But I do butt shows for like 1 coin though soooo..

We talking 1 bitcoin?

Or maybe.....1 buttcoin?
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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2961 on: January 17, 2017, 12:30:56 PM »
I mean for you it's free.

 :police: :-*

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2962 on: January 18, 2017, 08:51:19 PM »
I'm making a growing list in my head of things that women put in their online profiles that annoy the hell out of me and need to stop. I am starting with two of them right now, feel free to add more. Not ones that only a few people do, but ones you see wayyyyyy too often.

1. Don't ask for your partner in crime. Don't. You're not looking for a partner in crime.
2. Don't describe yourself paradoxically. Telling me that you're simple yet complex, or an extroverted introvert tells me absolutely nothing about you at all.
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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2963 on: January 18, 2017, 08:58:26 PM »
What if they really are looking for a partner in crime?

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2964 on: January 18, 2017, 08:59:22 PM »
What if they really are looking for a partner in crime?

Shut your whore mouth!



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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2965 on: January 18, 2017, 09:18:53 PM »

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2966 on: January 19, 2017, 07:06:57 AM »
I'm making a growing list in my head of things that women put in their online profiles that annoy the hell out of me and need to stop. I am starting with two of them right now, feel free to add more. Not ones that only a few people do, but ones you see wayyyyyy too often.

1. Don't ask for your partner in crime. Don't. You're not looking for a partner in crime.
2. Don't describe yourself paradoxically. Telling me that you're simple yet complex, or an extroverted introvert tells me absolutely nothing about you at all.

"I'm new to online dating, but I was convinced to give it a shot." Followed at some point by, "Not interested in casual sex and one night stands. If that's what you're looking for, keep on looking."

Who the fuck are you to assume that you're just gonna be flooded with sexual invites. Oh yeah... you're a woman  :lol. But for realsies, it just comes off as conceited.

Oh yeah, "I'm looking for someone who's values match mine." If you only want someone who follows Jesus, then just say it. But don't imply that my values/morals/ethics are somehow lesser because I'm not religious.

Offline Stadler

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2967 on: January 19, 2017, 08:46:28 AM »
I'm making a growing list in my head of things that women put in their online profiles that annoy the hell out of me and need to stop. I am starting with two of them right now, feel free to add more. Not ones that only a few people do, but ones you see wayyyyyy too often.

1. Don't ask for your partner in crime. Don't. You're not looking for a partner in crime.
2. Don't describe yourself paradoxically. Telling me that you're simple yet complex, or an extroverted introvert tells me absolutely nothing about you at all.

"I'm new to online dating, but I was convinced to give it a shot." Followed at some point by, "Not interested in casual sex and one night stands. If that's what you're looking for, keep on looking."

Who the fuck are you to assume that you're just gonna be flooded with sexual invites. Oh yeah... you're a woman  :lol. But for realsies, it just comes off as conceited.

Oh yeah, "I'm looking for someone who's values match mine." If you only want someone who follows Jesus, then just say it. But don't imply that my values/morals/ethics are somehow lesser because I'm not religious.

Well, here's the thing:  I need more than one hand to count the number of women I know - for a fact - that put "not looking for a one-night stand or casual sex" and yet were quite willing to engage in exactly that.   Honestly, I sort of resigned myself to the fact that these profiles are a net, and like those massive fishing nets you see on TV, that have holes of a certain size, and it's just a way of weeding out the really undesirables from the desirables.  I'm not at all suggesting every woman is a liar or just out for sex, but all of these things ultimately resolve down to a one-on-one thing.   The odds of it turning out different from the profile is rather high (one that would be on my list had I still had a list is the "looking for an adult who can engage like an adult", from a woman who was more than willing to "ghost" someone when a better deal came along; another is the one that went on and on about how looks aren't important, and how they're looking for something "substantial"... but just as long as "substantial" is over six feet tall). 

Offline Chino

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2968 on: January 19, 2017, 08:58:09 AM »
I'm making a growing list in my head of things that women put in their online profiles that annoy the hell out of me and need to stop. I am starting with two of them right now, feel free to add more. Not ones that only a few people do, but ones you see wayyyyyy too often.

1. Don't ask for your partner in crime. Don't. You're not looking for a partner in crime.
2. Don't describe yourself paradoxically. Telling me that you're simple yet complex, or an extroverted introvert tells me absolutely nothing about you at all.

"I'm new to online dating, but I was convinced to give it a shot." Followed at some point by, "Not interested in casual sex and one night stands. If that's what you're looking for, keep on looking."

Who the fuck are you to assume that you're just gonna be flooded with sexual invites. Oh yeah... you're a woman  :lol. But for realsies, it just comes off as conceited.

Oh yeah, "I'm looking for someone who's values match mine." If you only want someone who follows Jesus, then just say it. But don't imply that my values/morals/ethics are somehow lesser because I'm not religious.

Well, here's the thing:  I need more than one hand to count the number of women I know - for a fact - that put "not looking for a one-night stand or casual sex" and yet were quite willing to engage in exactly that.   

I can't tell you how many times I've gone to grocery store not looking for steak and by the night end up with some steak in me.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2969 on: January 31, 2017, 02:15:58 AM »
I haven't had too much luck with dating lately. I was fine with giving up and taking a break for a while. However, a few days ago I started talking to this girl and we hit it off almost immediately. She's sweet, intelligent, beautiful, and just a fun person to talk to. We had plenty of flirty banter going back and forth and it was a definite that we would meet soon.

Tonight, I just happened to ask if she had ever met someone from a dating site before and she said yes. She told me about this guy she is currently seeing, but it's not really a relationship.  ???  I asked her to explain it. She is on this website where men who don't want relationships will pay a woman for their company. Sex isn't involved. It's called mutually beneficial dating. Men get the company of a woman and get to take care of someone and she gets...an "allowance" was the term she used. I know she doesn't owe me anything and we haven't even met yet,  but I was extremely disappointed discovering this. Firstly, I can't compete with that. She's obviously doing it for the money. Why else would she get involved with that sort of thing? Secondly, isn't that going to skew her perception of a regular relationship?

Am I overreacting with this? I feel like after the last two relationships I went through, dealing with something like this should send me in the other direction.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2970 on: January 31, 2017, 03:40:57 AM »
I'm back here, things didn't work out with the girl I was seeing. Too might fighting and misunderstanding. However, I am not upset. We knew it was gonna be difficult and decided to give it a go anyway. And even though it didn't work out, I'm glad we at least tried.
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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2971 on: January 31, 2017, 06:48:45 AM »
Am I overreacting with this? I feel like after the last two relationships I went through, dealing with something like this should send me in the other direction.

NO, run for your life. Even if it's the exact truth, it's still something you know she does. And all judgement aside (which is tough, cuz I really wanna judge these people), you don't really wanna try and have a serious relationship with someone like that. You'll always be wondering about the other side. My brother was dumb enough to actually date someone that did the same thing. Well, she claimed to do the same thing, but we both knew what was happening, and what she was being paid for. And she also said that she had stopped. Yeah, not so much. Why would a woman give up a situation where someone pays them to do nothing, or just a "lil' sumpin", just to date a guy in a traditional way? Don't take this personal, but I'd say you CAN'T win, and I'd follow that up with, why would you want to?
I'm back here, things didn't work out with the girl I was seeing. Too might fighting and misunderstanding. However, I am not upset. We knew it was gonna be difficult and decided to give it a go anyway. And even though it didn't work out, I'm glad we at least tried.

Well, that's not so bad. It's a bummer that it didn't work out, but at least you tried. And you're not disillusioned about the outcome. When both people try, and it's clear to both of them that it's not working, then there's really nothing else you can do. No need to wonder what could have been. That potential had its chance, and this is how it went. Move on and don't worry about it.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2972 on: January 31, 2017, 06:52:07 AM »
I haven't had too much luck with dating lately. I was fine with giving up and taking a break for a while. However, a few days ago I started talking to this girl and we hit it off almost immediately. She's sweet, intelligent, beautiful, and just a fun person to talk to. We had plenty of flirty banter going back and forth and it was a definite that we would meet soon.

Tonight, I just happened to ask if she had ever met someone from a dating site before and she said yes. She told me about this guy she is currently seeing, but it's not really a relationship.  ???  I asked her to explain it. She is on this website where men who don't want relationships will pay a woman for their company. Sex isn't involved. It's called mutually beneficial dating. Men get the company of a woman and get to take care of someone and she gets...an "allowance" was the term she used. I know she doesn't owe me anything and we haven't even met yet,  but I was extremely disappointed discovering this. Firstly, I can't compete with that. She's obviously doing it for the money. Why else would she get involved with that sort of thing? Secondly, isn't that going to skew her perception of a regular relationship?

Am I overreacting with this? I feel like after the last two relationships I went through, dealing with something like this should send me in the other direction.

Are these men unsullied?  :lol Either way, I don't think you are overreacting.  I'd find that really odd.  I wouldn't get involved with someone who is doing that. 

Offline Chino

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2973 on: January 31, 2017, 07:08:22 AM »
I haven't had too much luck with dating lately. I was fine with giving up and taking a break for a while. However, a few days ago I started talking to this girl and we hit it off almost immediately. She's sweet, intelligent, beautiful, and just a fun person to talk to. We had plenty of flirty banter going back and forth and it was a definite that we would meet soon.

Tonight, I just happened to ask if she had ever met someone from a dating site before and she said yes. She told me about this guy she is currently seeing, but it's not really a relationship.  ???  I asked her to explain it. She is on this website where men who don't want relationships will pay a woman for their company. Sex isn't involved. It's called mutually beneficial dating. Men get the company of a woman and get to take care of someone and she gets...an "allowance" was the term she used. I know she doesn't owe me anything and we haven't even met yet,  but I was extremely disappointed discovering this. Firstly, I can't compete with that. She's obviously doing it for the money. Why else would she get involved with that sort of thing? Secondly, isn't that going to skew her perception of a regular relationship?

Am I overreacting with this? I feel like after the last two relationships I went through, dealing with something like this should send me in the other direction.

I'd actually talk to her about it. 1) I'd be curious. 2) Find out why she's doing it. I knew a girl in college that did this. I still keep in touch. Sweetest girl you could imagine. She brought down about $2K a week and who knows how many free outfits and handbags that she resold just by going out to eat with an lonely old rich dude a few nights a week. I remember her telling me about one guy who's wife and daughter were killed in a car accident and he had nothing left. He couldn't get himself to ever date/love again, but wanted the companionship a woman provided. Is that really that weird? Maybe, maybe not. I think it's subjective and every case is different. She stopped now that she's out of school, and she would repeatedly state that she never had sex with any of these guys. But to be honest, and maybe I'm coming off as odd or shitty here, but if a girl in this line of work was offered something like $10K to sleep with a guy, I wouldn't have any issues with it. Personally speaking, I'd think she'd be foolish not to all things considered.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2974 on: January 31, 2017, 08:17:38 AM »
Am I overreacting with this? I feel like after the last two relationships I went through, dealing with something like this should send me in the other direction.

NO, run for your life. Even if it's the exact truth, it's still something you know she does. And all judgement aside (which is tough, cuz I really wanna judge these people), you don't really wanna try and have a serious relationship with someone like that. You'll always be wondering about the other side. My brother was dumb enough to actually date someone that did the same thing. Well, she claimed to do the same thing, but we both knew what was happening, and what she was being paid for. And she also said that she had stopped. Yeah, not so much. Why would a woman give up a situation where someone pays them to do nothing, or just a "lil' sumpin", just to date a guy in a traditional way? Don't take this personal, but I'd say you CAN'T win, and I'd follow that up with, why would you want to?


Are these men unsullied?  :lol Either way, I don't think you are overreacting.  I'd find that really odd.  I wouldn't get involved with someone who is doing that. 

That's why I am going to just not bother. I can't put myself into a dramatic situation knowing what it might bring.


I'd actually talk to her about it. 1) I'd be curious. 2) Find out why she's doing it. I knew a girl in college that did this. I still keep in touch. Sweetest girl you could imagine. She brought down about $2K a week and who knows how many free outfits and handbags that she resold just by going out to eat with an lonely old rich dude a few nights a week. I remember her telling me about one guy who's wife and daughter were killed in a car accident and he had nothing left. He couldn't get himself to ever date/love again, but wanted the companionship a woman provided. Is that really that weird? Maybe, maybe not. I think it's subjective and every case is different. She stopped now that she's out of school, and she would repeatedly state that she never had sex with any of these guys. But to be honest, and maybe I'm coming off as odd or shitty here, but if a girl in this line of work was offered something like $10K to sleep with a guy, I wouldn't have any issues with it. Personally speaking, I'd think she'd be foolish not to all things considered.

A girl can do whatever she wants.  I don't need to get involved with that though. If I told you the things I've intentionally got myself into over the last twenty years you'd know that when I say I can't be bothered with drama anymore I genuinely mean it.