Author Topic: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip  (Read 82290 times)

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Offline DebraKadabra

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2905 on: December 09, 2016, 03:12:23 PM »
DAMMIT NCIK  :lol

Um... so that guy I mentioned? Yeah. :hefdaddy

Offline Lynxo

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2906 on: December 12, 2016, 01:40:10 AM »
So yeah, didn't work out with the girl. At least we came to that conclusion fairly quickly. Still, it kinda sucks.

You know what? I hate dating, but I love being in a relationship. That's not a very helpful combination. :lol So I'm gonna need some time before I'm ready to start dating again.
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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2907 on: December 12, 2016, 01:53:47 AM »
Let's see. I seem to have assembled a new list of potentials.

Snow
Milena
Maly
Diana
Alyssa
Sherri
Elisa

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2908 on: December 12, 2016, 01:59:10 AM »
So yeah, didn't work out with the girl. At least we came to that conclusion fairly quickly. Still, it kinda sucks.

You know what? I hate dating, but I love being in a relationship. That's not a very helpful combination. :lol So I'm gonna need some time before I'm ready to start dating again.

Just whet your appetite for now.

Offline Chino

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2909 on: December 12, 2016, 07:20:47 AM »
You know what? I hate dating, but I love being in a relationship. That's not a very helpful combination. :lol So I'm gonna need some time before I'm ready to start dating again.

This is me. I absolutely hate dating. I hate every single bit of it. The only enjoyable part is the first time both parties start stripping down and bone. Other than that, it's a guessing game filled with too much work. I'm thrilled that my current relationship only had about 4 hours of dating before getting serious.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2910 on: December 13, 2016, 05:28:54 AM »
What's wrong with just going to a bar and picking someone up? Or am I being too simplisitic here?
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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2911 on: December 13, 2016, 06:16:44 AM »
What's wrong with just going to a bar and picking someone up? Or am I being too simplisitic here?

Nothing wrong with it, but not sure what that has to do with disliking dating.

Offline Lynxo

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2912 on: December 13, 2016, 07:29:39 AM »
What's wrong with just going to a bar and picking someone up? Or am I being too simplisitic here?
Well, props to you if you feel comfortable with that! As for me, I have trouble with making small talk and open up to strangers. Sometimes I can, but it's always a struggle against what I feel comfortable with. But everybody's different.
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Offline Chino

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2913 on: December 13, 2016, 07:37:38 AM »
What's wrong with just going to a bar and picking someone up? Or am I being too simplisitic here?

Try doing that as someone who's overweight with next to no game.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2914 on: December 13, 2016, 08:45:02 AM »
What's wrong with just going to a bar and picking someone up? Or am I being too simplisitic here?

Try doing that as someone who's overweight with next to no game.

 :lol yea that's pretty much me as well, the online dating has worked much better than approaching someone at a bar for me

Offline Stadler

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2915 on: December 13, 2016, 11:58:23 AM »
No one way is better than another, and even though I met my wife online, I am WAY better in person than with a static picture and a bunch of words.   It helps that I will talk to anyone at any time about anything, and worry about the consequences later.  The one thing I can't do is just walk up to a woman with the express intention of asking her out/dating/boning.  I sort of have to let it come to me.  It always helps to keep an open seat next to you, and believe it or not, I had WAY better luck when I went by myself (which I did often, either to meet people or to have a bite to eat before the drinking activities began). 

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2916 on: December 13, 2016, 01:49:25 PM »
What's wrong with just going to a bar and picking someone up? Or am I being too simplisitic here?

That's definitely my preference. I know many guys aren't comfortable with it, and I can understand why in some ways, but a lot of times they envision all sorts of horrific outcomes that just
aren't very likely to occur. However, I don't believe the solution is as simple as just forcing yourself and going with a "fake it until you make it" approach, either. A person trying to fake confidence
will collapse like a house of cards over anything that even remotely resembles rejection, and probably not feel much desire to try again.

In my case, I believe it took a lot of bad experiences outside the dating world (having a lot people close to me die in a very short period, for example) for me to develop such a thick skin that approaching a woman seemed so miniscule in comparison.
 

Offline Stadler

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2917 on: December 13, 2016, 02:28:29 PM »
You're right; it's not about "faking it".  Women can smell fear, and they can smell insincerity. 

But part of it is not over-complicating it, and putting too much pressure on things.   You can't approach ONE girl with the mindset that you are going to say something quippy, sweep her off her feet, she's going to blow you in the car on the way home, you'll be exclusive by tomorrow, and marry her by St. Patrick's day.  That is DESTINED for failure.  It's a self-replicating thing.   

You need to talk to guys.  Talk to ugly girls.  Talk to girls there with their boyfriend.   Talk to the bartender.  Talk to the bouncer.  Get into the habit of starting conversations.   Part of the trick of that is putting yourself in their position.  I don't like Beyoncé any more than anyone else here, but you won't catch me dead telling someone I just met "Oh, Beyoncé sucks; her live show is all backing tapes, and well, you don't know music unless you can recite the lyrics to all four sides of Topographic Oceans, by Yes.  Produced by Eddie Offord, released in 1973 on Atlantic Records, and a cover by Roger Dean."   Go with the flow.  If there's a band, say something to the person next to you.  "I like that song".  "I like that guitar."   "I like that singer's hat."   If there's a game on TV, ask how the team did the night before.  If they say "I don't know, I never watch sports." you can run with that.  "Neither do I!" or "How can you not watch sports ever?" (as a joke).  If they say "Oh, they won", run with that.  It's all about listening.  You'll still fail more often than not, but it's like riding a bike; it gets easier. 

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2918 on: December 13, 2016, 02:31:04 PM »
Stadler, I would normally say that is good advice, but last time I tried to talk to a bar tender, we were married by St. Patrick's day.

Was a bit too serious for me.
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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2919 on: December 13, 2016, 08:38:20 PM »
Stadler has the right approach. Just start talking to anyone. Build up that confidence and conversational skill. Don't treat it like you're asking her to marry you. Treat it like you want to see this girl smile, or hear a soft laugh, so how are you going to do it? Comment on what she's drinking or if she's watching what is on the tv. Maybe the town drunk is at the end of the bar singing My Way, so make a comment to her about that to see if it makes her laugh. There are so many ways to break the ice.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2920 on: December 14, 2016, 12:39:39 AM »
So long story, but I have started hanging with this dude I've known very casually for a few years (let's call him... KC) and so far things are going really well. Based on tonight's date he seems to have some confidence issues (iiif you know what I mean) but is more than capable of making up for those in other ways. Dirty stuff aside, we have a lot in common and have spent hours talking. The time totally flies by and it's really nice. I also really enjoy making out with him and he is very touchy and cuddly. He's really into music and film and beer and is in a poly relationship with a girl who seems cool (I've only met her briefly before I started seeing him and she seemed a bit shy but nice). He has a young kid with his ex but has a rule about introducing her to people he's dating (6mos), which is fucking fine with me considering how involved I got with that couple's kids and now I haven't seen them in like two months :(

I did have dinner with the husband of that couple last night, after six weeks of not talking, but things are weird and uncertain and I have no idea what's next, if anything. I still have feelings but not sure it's worth pursuing at the risk of more drama and hurt. We shall see.

Anyway, I have a good feeling about KC and am hoping to see him again soon :D
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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2921 on: December 15, 2016, 12:44:42 AM »
Ermm..

Panda and I moved into a new place.. and have been working on fixing shit with our relationship.

Slowly but surely things are kinda getting better.
I just don't understand what they were trying to achieve with any part of the song, either individually or as a whole. You know what? It's the Platypus of Dream Theater songs. That bill doesn't go with that tail, or that strange little furry body, or those webbed feet, and oh god why does it have venomous spurs!? And then you find out it lays eggs too. The difference is that the Platypus is somehow functional despite being a crazy mishmash or leftover animal pieces

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2922 on: December 15, 2016, 04:57:58 AM »
You know what? I hate dating, but I love being in a relationship. That's not a very helpful combination. :lol So I'm gonna need some time before I'm ready to start dating again.

This is me. I absolutely hate dating. I hate every single bit of it. The only enjoyable part is the first time both parties start stripping down and bone. Other than that, it's a guessing game filled with too much work. I'm thrilled that my current relationship only had about 4 hours of dating before getting serious.

Few things are more exciting than seeing someone you're dating naked for the first time :lol

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2923 on: December 15, 2016, 07:24:23 AM »
You know what? I hate dating, but I love being in a relationship. That's not a very helpful combination. :lol So I'm gonna need some time before I'm ready to start dating again.

This is me. I absolutely hate dating. I hate every single bit of it. The only enjoyable part is the first time both parties start stripping down and bone. Other than that, it's a guessing game filled with too much work. I'm thrilled that my current relationship only had about 4 hours of dating before getting serious.

Few things are more exciting than seeing someone you're dating naked for the first time :lol

So true

Offline Chino

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2924 on: December 15, 2016, 07:33:01 AM »
You know what? I hate dating, but I love being in a relationship. That's not a very helpful combination. :lol So I'm gonna need some time before I'm ready to start dating again.

This is me. I absolutely hate dating. I hate every single bit of it. The only enjoyable part is the first time both parties start stripping down and bone. Other than that, it's a guessing game filled with too much work. I'm thrilled that my current relationship only had about 4 hours of dating before getting serious.

Few things are more exciting than seeing someone you're dating naked for the first time :lol

So true

It's that critical moment in a potential relationship when you finally learn whether or not she's been wearing a padded bra

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2925 on: December 15, 2016, 08:10:30 AM »
Or any bra at all, in my case.
Oh Jackie, always jumping to the most homoerotic possibility.

Offline TheCountOfNYC

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2926 on: December 15, 2016, 03:39:12 PM »
You know what? I hate dating, but I love being in a relationship. That's not a very helpful combination. :lol So I'm gonna need some time before I'm ready to start dating again.

This is me. I absolutely hate dating. I hate every single bit of it. The only enjoyable part is the first time both parties start stripping down and bone. Other than that, it's a guessing game filled with too much work. I'm thrilled that my current relationship only had about 4 hours of dating before getting serious.

Few things are more exciting than seeing someone you're dating naked for the first time :lol

That was a great moment with my ex but it's never happened in my adult life sadly.
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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2927 on: December 15, 2016, 06:29:21 PM »
Wrong thread!


But since I'm here, still single, still ugly, still too busy to care a whole lot at the moment.
« Last Edit: December 15, 2016, 06:41:09 PM by Adami »
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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2928 on: December 15, 2016, 08:12:08 PM »
 :-* :-* :-*
Oh Jackie, always jumping to the most homoerotic possibility.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2929 on: December 15, 2016, 10:52:19 PM »
You know what? I hate dating, but I love being in a relationship. That's not a very helpful combination. :lol So I'm gonna need some time before I'm ready to start dating again.

This is me. I absolutely hate dating. I hate every single bit of it. The only enjoyable part is the first time both parties start stripping down and bone. Other than that, it's a guessing game filled with too much work. I'm thrilled that my current relationship only had about 4 hours of dating before getting serious.

Few things are more exciting than seeing someone you're dating naked for the first time :lol

I've been married for, oh shit, decades at this point.  I still get excited when I see my wife naked.  I guess that is a good sign.
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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2930 on: December 16, 2016, 04:17:13 PM »
What's wrong with just going to a bar and picking someone up? Or am I being too simplisitic here?

Try doing that as someone who's overweight with next to no game.

Yeah, good point - even with "beer goggles".

Panda and I moved into a new place.. and have been working on fixing shit with our relationship.

Slowly but surely things are kinda getting better.

Good! Glad to hear it!

So long story.. *snip post about KC (and the Sunshine Band lol)*

Righteous! Hope it works - he sounds cool so far.


So um.. sod it. The guy I've been talking to is just super duper awesome and sweet and I think we both kinda dig on each other. The really odd thing that's not really odd to me is that we're either in the same mood or doing the same things. Like being tired at the same time, eating at the same time.. blah blah shit shit. We're both noticing it happening more too. I don't have a problem with it and neither does he.

I really like this gent, and it's looking more and more that he really likes me too. Daww. :blush :biggrin:

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2931 on: December 17, 2016, 11:10:41 AM »

Snow
Milena
Maly
Diana
Alyssa
Sherri
Elisa

I hate dating

Offline sylvan

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2932 on: December 18, 2016, 06:22:04 PM »
So, I'm looking for your opinion on something. I just friended this girl on Facebook that I grew up with, but haven't seen in 15 years, and closer to 20 since we've really been close. I wanna ask her to meetup sometime and catch-up, and maybe see if there's some connection. Is there any way to say this without sounding cliche? I can't believe that's the point in life I've reached :lol. "Wanna catch-up sometime?" Or is that really the only play? I want it to seem casual, but also that I actually want to see her, and not that I'm totally whatevs about it.

I'm so used to online dating, I haven't done anything real world in a while. And although Facebook feels like other sites in that they're all social networking, Facebook is NOT a default dating site.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2933 on: December 18, 2016, 10:17:10 PM »
So, I'm looking for your opinion on something. I just friended this girl on Facebook that I grew up with, but haven't seen in 15 years, and closer to 20 since we've really been close. I wanna ask her to meetup sometime and catch-up, and maybe see if there's some connection. Is there any way to say this without sounding cliche? I can't believe that's the point in life I've reached :lol. "Wanna catch-up sometime?" Or is that really the only play? I want it to seem casual, but also that I actually want to see her, and not that I'm totally whatevs about it.

I'm so used to online dating, I haven't done anything real world in a while. And although Facebook feels like other sites in that they're all social networking, Facebook is NOT a default dating site.

People generally respond well to forwardness and confidence.  Tell her the truth.  "I would like to get together sometime and see you in person again.  Would you like to go out?  Maybe Friday?"  Wouldn't you dig it if she said that to you?  Chances are she'll dig it if you say it to her.  The forward approach is the best in my opinion.  If she says no, then you know not to spend your thoughts or time there.  It's also the most honest and respectful way to handle it in my opinion.
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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2934 on: December 19, 2016, 12:08:54 AM »
Well, I have a date with Sherri on Thursday night. She lives in Manhattan so I'm going to meet her there and go for drinks.

So, I'm looking for your opinion on something. I just friended this girl on Facebook that I grew up with, but haven't seen in 15 years, and closer to 20 since we've really been close. I wanna ask her to meetup sometime and catch-up, and maybe see if there's some connection. Is there any way to say this without sounding cliche? I can't believe that's the point in life I've reached :lol. "Wanna catch-up sometime?" Or is that really the only play? I want it to seem casual, but also that I actually want to see her, and not that I'm totally whatevs about it.

I'm so used to online dating, I haven't done anything real world in a while. And although Facebook feels like other sites in that they're all social networking, Facebook is NOT a default dating site.

Make it casual. The fact that you're asking tells her that you want to see her. No need to write it in the sky.  ;)

Offline Lynxo

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2935 on: December 19, 2016, 01:26:13 AM »
So yeah, didn't work out with the girl. At least we came to that conclusion fairly quickly. Still, it kinda sucks.

You know what? I hate dating, but I love being in a relationship. That's not a very helpful combination. :lol So I'm gonna need some time before I'm ready to start dating again.
Continuation on this...
So I know we're really jumping back and forth on this. :lol But me and the girl had a talk and decided to try again. And to make sure we're not hurting each other again, we've set up some ground rules.

The main difficulty we've had is the language barrier. She's from Poland and I'm from Sweden and we communicate through english. Now, I don't think neither of us are half bad at english but when you're in a relationship with someone and have to communicate your feelings through your second language, it's a whole other thing and it's super easy to misunderstand each other. :lol

So, we now begin take two. :tup
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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2936 on: December 19, 2016, 06:28:58 AM »
So yeah, didn't work out with the girl. At least we came to that conclusion fairly quickly. Still, it kinda sucks.

You know what? I hate dating, but I love being in a relationship. That's not a very helpful combination. :lol So I'm gonna need some time before I'm ready to start dating again.
Continuation on this...
So I know we're really jumping back and forth on this. :lol But me and the girl had a talk and decided to try again. And to make sure we're not hurting each other again, we've set up some ground rules.

The main difficulty we've had is the language barrier. She's from Poland and I'm from Sweden and we communicate through english. Now, I don't think neither of us are half bad at english but when you're in a relationship with someone and have to communicate your feelings through your second language, it's a whole other thing and it's super easy to misunderstand each other. :lol

So, we now begin take two. :tup

I'm gonna apply some Barney Stinson statistics to this. "Did you know that 83% of relationships that end, end because of poor communication." But for real dude, people who speak the same first language have communication problems. Of course it's gonna be a little tricky for two people speaking a second language to just get it right. You know what helps communication issues? More communication! Yeah, it sounds basic and stupid, and it is, and that's why it's so ridiculous when people can't work things out because of bad communication. It sounds like you two are on the same page. That's a good start. Keep talking.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2937 on: December 19, 2016, 06:33:59 AM »
People generally respond well to forwardness and confidence.  Tell her the truth.  "I would like to get together sometime and see you in person again.  Would you like to go out?  Maybe Friday?"  Wouldn't you dig it if she said that to you?  Chances are she'll dig it if you say it to her.  The forward approach is the best in my opinion.  If she says no, then you know not to spend your thoughts or time there.  It's also the most honest and respectful way to handle it in my opinion.

Make it casual. The fact that you're asking tells her that you want to see her. No need to write it in the sky.  ;)

I slept on it last night, and woke up with pretty much the same thought. I can tend to over think things, but I think you guys nailed it.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2938 on: December 19, 2016, 08:14:18 AM »
Yeah, definitely just ask if she wants to hang... and let us know!
I spent a huge chunk of the weekend with KC and am reaaally into him. *sigh*

Also saw Vermont for the first time in months this weekend, which was nice. And another dude I see occasionally. When it rains it pours!
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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #2939 on: December 19, 2016, 10:47:21 AM »
So, I'm looking for your opinion on something. I just friended this girl on Facebook that I grew up with, but haven't seen in 15 years, and closer to 20 since we've really been close. I wanna ask her to meetup sometime and catch-up, and maybe see if there's some connection. Is there any way to say this without sounding cliche? I can't believe that's the point in life I've reached :lol. "Wanna catch-up sometime?" Or is that really the only play? I want it to seem casual, but also that I actually want to see her, and not that I'm totally whatevs about it.

I'm so used to online dating, I haven't done anything real world in a while. And although Facebook feels like other sites in that they're all social networking, Facebook is NOT a default dating site.

As others have said, just be straightforward and tell her you would like to see her again after all this time. You don't really need a slick presentation for that. However, I wouldn't mention the "see if there's a connection" part. That will reveal itself in the meet up if it occurs.

Coincidentally, I was in a similar scenario the weekend after Thanksgiving. I met up with a girl I was close with in school, but lost contact with after graduating. I tried finding her for many years, and she finally showed up when I searched for her on Facebook in September. So, the weekend after Thanksgiving she asked if I wanted to get together, and we did. The funny part - it turns out we have lived in the same neighborhood for ten years and had no idea until we met up.