Author Topic: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip  (Read 69473 times)

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Offline Stadler

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #175 on: February 18, 2015, 06:52:41 AM »
Speak for yourself.  There is nothing wrong with me  ;D  I've dated other doctorate holders who said I was too smart for them...and I completely agreed with their assessment.

The further you deviate from average in any aspect of your physical/emotional/intellectual development in either the positive or negative direction, the harder it will be to find people who are like you and more likely compatible.

At least that's my observation.

Look on the bright side Selraire, there are plenty of guys who will fawn over you here if that's what you want.

In the interest of conversation, I would argue with you - strenuously - on that.   Not the interest in Selraire part, as I am pretty certain you are correct on that point, but the "deviation from average" part.   It has nothing to do with who or what you are, it has everything to do with what you want/need.   I, too, am comfortable with myself to a high degree, but I also find that I do not want to date myself.   I'm not looking for someone with my exact traits/skills/strength.   In fact, I've dated like that in the past and frankly could not get out of there fast enough.  It isn't that I don't like myself, but sometimes "compatibility" isn't "sameness", it is "complementariness".   For me, especially where I am in my life now, I want someone who complements me, fills in the gaps where perhaps I am not as strong as I want to be, and who I can supplement and support in the ways that perhaps she isn't as strong as she would like to be. 

And on top of all that, even then, there is always the intangible.   I met a girl right after I got divorced that was smart (Ivy League Master's), funny, loved all kinds of music (we would trade "song of the day" and she was open to Deep Purple to Robin Thicke), enjoyed St. Patty's Day like a champ, our families came from similar parts of the world, was basically GGG, very attractive (though a shade heavy for me, which is saying something, because I don't like "skinny"), and yet... nothing.   On paper, it's hard to see a better match, but in real life, there just isn't anything.  It's hard for her, because I think she wants something more, but I just have zero romantic feelings for her, even though I could easily see her being a close if not best friend. 


Offline Stadler

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #176 on: February 18, 2015, 07:00:27 AM »

But in reality, there is something wrong with everyone.  No one is perfect.  Its about knowing what is wrong and trying to be better.

For me, I am extremely selfish and even self absorbed.  I know and understand this.  It is something my X brought up a lot, its something I try to be aware of, but it is also something I continue to do. 

So just because something may be wrong does not mean you can't be interested in someone or someone cant be interested in you, but you likely haven't found someone that you can connect with on either an emotional or physical level.

Well, I know what you're saying, and of course you're right, but as others have said, within reason, it's hard to classify that as "wrong".  I'm not one of those that thinks that all kids should get trophies for trying (in fact the exact opposite), but short of criminal behavior or sociopathic behavior, I think it's okay in the romantic department to be a little lenient.   There is, in my humble opinion, someone for everyone.   Literally.   It's just a matter of being patient until you find it, recognizing it when you do find it, and being open and available when you recognize it (none of which are easy, at all). 

Quote
yea... i didnt listen.  I sometimes think with the wrong head.  She is coming over tonight.  I dont know what to think or how to feel about this and a very large part of me knows its a bad idea, but the other part of me is really interested to see what happens.

Well, except for the fact that if it goes south, someone besides you is going to be hurt (you have to own that), as long as you are willing to live with the consequences, it's your party.    I will say this, though; in my humble and not that limited experience, a truly - in every sense of the word - NSA relationship is as rare as a Kevin Moore sighting.  It may be "NSA" in terms of "you don't have to stay the night" or "you don't have to buy me flowers for Valentine's Day", but I say the odds of "Crazy" somehow, some way letting the other girl know she exists - and what services she's providing - are pretty high.   

Offline Chino

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #177 on: February 18, 2015, 07:03:22 AM »
I agree with Chino on this.  Stick with that one girl.  Things are going well so far. No sense in potentially messing that up for someone unstable. You never know what girls like that are capable of. 

So this ^

yea... i didnt listen.  I sometimes think with the wrong head.  She is coming over tonight.  I dont know what to think or how to feel about this and a very large part of me knows its a bad idea, but the other part of me is really interested to see what happens.

Sucks for the new girl that apparently likes/trusts you.

Offline Prog Snob

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #178 on: February 18, 2015, 07:20:52 AM »

I agree with Chino on this.  Stick with that one girl.  Things are going well so far. No sense in potentially messing that up for someone unstable. You never know what girls like that are capable of. 

So this ^

yea... i didnt listen.  I sometimes think with the wrong head.  She is coming over tonight.  I dont know what to think or how to feel about this and a very large part of me knows its a bad idea, but the other part of me is really interested to see what happens.

Not what  I was hoping to hear.  You should be bounced from the Lonely Hearts Club Thread and moved to the In It For The Buttsects Thread.    ;)






Offline Lynxo

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #179 on: February 18, 2015, 07:28:08 AM »
So yeah, my girlfriend since two and a half year broke up with me this weekend.

I'm a bit heartbroken, yes, but part of me sensed this was coming. Our relationship wasn't nearly as strong near the end.

I'm just gonna take it easy for a while now and take time to inspect my own feelings on this. The last time a relationship ended, I was devasted and outright depressed for more than a year. This time, it's gonna be a lot easier. I'm much more experienced and have a better grip on myself.

And also, this time I'm not gonna be stupid enough to keep her as a friend in the hope that she will eventually take me back.  :lol
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Offline Zydar

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #180 on: February 18, 2015, 07:29:37 AM »
Sad to hear that, Lynxo :(

Offline Stadler

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #181 on: February 18, 2015, 07:30:24 AM »
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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #182 on: February 18, 2015, 07:34:37 AM »
So yeah, my girlfriend since two and a half year broke up with me this weekend.

I'm a bit heartbroken, yes, but part of me sensed this was coming. Our relationship wasn't nearly as strong near the end.

I'm just gonna take it easy for a while now and take time to inspect my own feelings on this. The last time a relationship ended, I was devasted and outright depressed for more than a year. This time, it's gonna be a lot easier. I'm much more experienced and have a better grip on myself.

And also, this time I'm not gonna be stupid enough to keep her as a friend in the hope that she will eventually take me back.  :lol

Sorry to hear that.   :sad:

Offline JayOctavarium

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #183 on: February 18, 2015, 07:40:48 AM »
So yeah, my girlfriend since two and a half year broke up with me this weekend.

I'm a bit heartbroken, yes, but part of me sensed this was coming. Our relationship wasn't nearly as strong near the end.

I'm just gonna take it easy for a while now and take time to inspect my own feelings on this. The last time a relationship ended, I was devasted and outright depressed for more than a year. This time, it's gonna be a lot easier. I'm much more experienced and have a better grip on myself.

And also, this time I'm not gonna be stupid enough to keep her as a friend in the hope that she will eventually take me back.  :lol

*bro hug*
I just don't understand what they were trying to achieve with any part of the song, either individually or as a whole. You know what? It's the Platypus of Dream Theater songs. That bill doesn't go with that tail, or that strange little furry body, or those webbed feet, and oh god why does it have venomous spurs!? And then you find out it lays eggs too. The difference is that the Platypus is somehow functional despite being a crazy mishmash or leftover animal pieces

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Offline Chino

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #184 on: February 18, 2015, 07:43:57 AM »
So yeah, my girlfriend since two and a half year broke up with me this weekend.

I'm a bit heartbroken, yes, but part of me sensed this was coming. Our relationship wasn't nearly as strong near the end.

I'm just gonna take it easy for a while now and take time to inspect my own feelings on this. The last time a relationship ended, I was devasted and outright depressed for more than a year. This time, it's gonna be a lot easier. I'm much more experienced and have a better grip on myself.

And also, this time I'm not gonna be stupid enough to keep her as a friend in the hope that she will eventually take me back.  :lol

Damn dude. How did that play out with Valentine's Day if you don't mind me asking?

Offline Lynxo

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #185 on: February 18, 2015, 07:55:48 AM »
Thanks guys. :) I'm okay though. Not great, but okay.

So yeah, my girlfriend since two and a half year broke up with me this weekend.

I'm a bit heartbroken, yes, but part of me sensed this was coming. Our relationship wasn't nearly as strong near the end.

I'm just gonna take it easy for a while now and take time to inspect my own feelings on this. The last time a relationship ended, I was devasted and outright depressed for more than a year. This time, it's gonna be a lot easier. I'm much more experienced and have a better grip on myself.

And also, this time I'm not gonna be stupid enough to keep her as a friend in the hope that she will eventually take me back.  :lol

Damn dude. How did that play out with Valentine's Day if you don't mind me asking?
Well, we never planned anything for that. Both of us feels it's stupid to be romantic just because it's a specific date that neither of us cares about.
Also, she went to a Tenacious D concert that day instead.  :lol

The only thing I suppose I could be upset about is the fact that she broke up on Facebook. She had an entire week to do that (we live in separate cities and she was here the entire week) but she didn't do it in person. She did it the day after she left - hiding behind a computer screen.

But really, my other ex broke up with me in a MUCH, MUCH, MUCH worse way so with that in mind, I'm not angry about it at all really.
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Offline Prog Snob

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #186 on: February 18, 2015, 08:30:09 AM »
Well, this should cheer you up because according to James LaBrie, love is in the air.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7qP6pmJdQZ0

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #187 on: February 18, 2015, 09:26:30 AM »
Thanks guys. :) I'm okay though. Not great, but okay.

So yeah, my girlfriend since two and a half year broke up with me this weekend.

I'm a bit heartbroken, yes, but part of me sensed this was coming. Our relationship wasn't nearly as strong near the end.

I'm just gonna take it easy for a while now and take time to inspect my own feelings on this. The last time a relationship ended, I was devasted and outright depressed for more than a year. This time, it's gonna be a lot easier. I'm much more experienced and have a better grip on myself.

And also, this time I'm not gonna be stupid enough to keep her as a friend in the hope that she will eventually take me back.  :lol

Damn dude. How did that play out with Valentine's Day if you don't mind me asking?
Well, we never planned anything for that. Both of us feels it's stupid to be romantic just because it's a specific date that neither of us cares about.
Also, she went to a Tenacious D concert that day instead.  :lol

The only thing I suppose I could be upset about is the fact that she broke up on Facebook. She had an entire week to do that (we live in separate cities and she was here the entire week) but she didn't do it in person. She did it the day after she left - hiding behind a computer screen.

But really, my other ex broke up with me in a MUCH, MUCH, MUCH worse way so with that in mind, I'm not angry about it at all really.

Wow sorry to hear about that, but a 2+ year relationship and she breaks up with you on facebook?  That doesnt seem right.

Offline JayOctavarium

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #188 on: February 18, 2015, 09:30:21 AM »
Hell I was dumped from a 4 year relationship on Facebook once. On Easter. A week before my birthday.


:lol
I just don't understand what they were trying to achieve with any part of the song, either individually or as a whole. You know what? It's the Platypus of Dream Theater songs. That bill doesn't go with that tail, or that strange little furry body, or those webbed feet, and oh god why does it have venomous spurs!? And then you find out it lays eggs too. The difference is that the Platypus is somehow functional despite being a crazy mishmash or leftover animal pieces

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #189 on: February 18, 2015, 09:55:03 AM »
Holy shit, thats terrible.  I can understand if you are doing the long distance thing that a face to face would probably not be doable, but not even a phone call? 

Offline Stadler

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #190 on: February 18, 2015, 10:29:35 AM »
Reiterating my standing belief that FB is the tool of the Devil.   :)

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #191 on: February 18, 2015, 10:19:02 PM »
So if someone broke up with you via text, that would make the phone the tool of the devil? It's the people that suck.
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Offline JayOctavarium

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #192 on: February 18, 2015, 10:42:36 PM »
SO my evening just took a huge shit on itself.

Now it's going to consist of liquor, The Wall, and FB chatting with a girl I absolutely love but will forever be friendzoned by.
I just don't understand what they were trying to achieve with any part of the song, either individually or as a whole. You know what? It's the Platypus of Dream Theater songs. That bill doesn't go with that tail, or that strange little furry body, or those webbed feet, and oh god why does it have venomous spurs!? And then you find out it lays eggs too. The difference is that the Platypus is somehow functional despite being a crazy mishmash or leftover animal pieces

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #193 on: February 18, 2015, 10:51:48 PM »
My wife (now ex) and I agreed to divorce over a text message.

Offline JayOctavarium

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #194 on: February 18, 2015, 10:58:50 PM »
Well that was consensual.

Getting dumped via text or whatever is not. That's like... rape


but the opposite

I think.
I just don't understand what they were trying to achieve with any part of the song, either individually or as a whole. You know what? It's the Platypus of Dream Theater songs. That bill doesn't go with that tail, or that strange little furry body, or those webbed feet, and oh god why does it have venomous spurs!? And then you find out it lays eggs too. The difference is that the Platypus is somehow functional despite being a crazy mishmash or leftover animal pieces

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #195 on: February 18, 2015, 11:09:14 PM »
Well that was consensual.

Getting dumped via text or whatever is not. That's like... rape


but the opposite

I think.

It's a result of my terrible anxiety.  I have this inability to express myself when face-to-face with someone, especially if it's something negative. I communicate over text and such instead. It's bad.  It's getting worse as I get older. 

Offline seltaire

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #196 on: February 19, 2015, 12:35:03 AM »
I've had suitors ... but I've never really be interested in any of them. Sometimes I wonder if there's something wrong with me, my friends think I am a lesbian, but I feel that I was gay, I would know. I wonder if I've just never met the right person yet. Lately, I feel like I'll end up a crazy old dog lady.

Everyone in this thread thinks there is something wrong with themselves, not excluding myself. It's unfortunately the way society has conditioned us. There is hope though. Just stay true to yourself and someone deserving will come around and appreciate that uniqueness in you.

Yeah, that's true. I have some pretty specific tastes, like retro-videogames (stuff from SNES and PSX era, pixel games), progressive rock/metal and mountaineering. I never really meet many people that share them around here.

I rarely meet anyone that shares those tastes, and when I do, I have a 'bro' relationship with them more than anything romantic.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #197 on: February 19, 2015, 12:51:59 AM »
I've had suitors ... but I've never really be interested in any of them. Sometimes I wonder if there's something wrong with me, my friends think I am a lesbian, but I feel that I was gay, I would know. I wonder if I've just never met the right person yet. Lately, I feel like I'll end up a crazy old dog lady.

Everyone in this thread thinks there is something wrong with themselves, not excluding myself. It's unfortunately the way society has conditioned us. There is hope though. Just stay true to yourself and someone deserving will come around and appreciate that uniqueness in you.

Yeah, that's true. I have some pretty specific tastes, like retro-videogames (stuff from SNES and PSX era, pixel games), progressive rock/metal and mountaineering. I never really meet many people that share them around here.

I rarely meet anyone that shares those tastes, and when I do, I have a 'bro' relationship with them more than anything romantic.

It's awkward, I know. It's like if I meet a female Dream Theater fan, or just a prog rock fan in general, she becomes my aspiration. Usually they're so far away that it would seem futile to attempt a relationship with them.  SNES is great by the way. I got rid of my system years ago but I still use an emulator on my laptop to play from time to time.

Offline seltaire

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #198 on: February 19, 2015, 01:07:49 AM »
Yeah, all of the people  I know that are into Dream Theater are folks I met from online communities. Sometimes I'll fly out to hang around and play games, though its such a hassle. Day to day life is pretty lonely, so I just sit on Twitch and watch other folks play games. I had pals, but they were all Asian girls who were interested in Korean pop. Yeah ... I was always the odd duck. Even the gentlemen from where I was at wasn't really into that sort of music.

I don't know, kindred spirits are just so hard to come by.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #199 on: February 19, 2015, 01:17:52 AM »
Yeah, all of the people  I know that are into Dream Theater are folks I met from online communities. Sometimes I'll fly out to hang around and play games, though its such a hassle. Day to day life is pretty lonely, so I just sit on Twitch and watch other folks play games. I had pals, but they were all Asian girls who were interested in Korean pop. Yeah ... I was always the odd duck. Even the gentlemen from where I was at wasn't really into that sort of music.

I don't know, kindred spirits are just so hard to come by.

Flying around to meet with people like yourself can definitely be a hassle...and discouraging. It's like your saying to yourself, 'this is what I have to do to find people like myself.'  Trust me, I get it.  I had long distance relationships early on just because here where I live, I stick out like sore thumb. Now I'm divorced and basically have to start over again and it's not easy. If I didn't have my daughter here, I'd probably meet someone elsewhere just to relocate and start over.

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #200 on: February 19, 2015, 06:22:51 AM »
Well that was consensual.

Getting dumped via text or whatever is not. That's like... rape


but the opposite

I think.

It's a result of my terrible anxiety.  I have this inability to express myself when face-to-face with someone, especially if it's something negative. I communicate over text and such instead. It's bad.  It's getting worse as I get older.

Man, I have that same type of issue. With my x, I always struggled to say the words I felt when having a really serious relationship conversation, especially negative.  I am way better at typing out my feelings than saying them so I totally understand.  I am also way better at speaking my mind and feelings when I smoke weed too, I think it like unlocks something in my brain that enables me to speak my feelings.

Yeah, all of the people  I know that are into Dream Theater are folks I met from online communities. Sometimes I'll fly out to hang around and play games, though its such a hassle. Day to day life is pretty lonely, so I just sit on Twitch and watch other folks play games. I had pals, but they were all Asian girls who were interested in Korean pop. Yeah ... I was always the odd duck. Even the gentlemen from where I was at wasn't really into that sort of music.

I don't know, kindred spirits are just so hard to come by.

What? There are no DT/Gamer fans where you live?  Thats a really costly way to meet someone, and I thought paying the toll to get into Staten Island was bad  :biggrin:

Offline Lynxo

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #201 on: February 19, 2015, 08:12:01 AM »
Wow sorry to hear about that, but a 2+ year relationship and she breaks up with you on facebook?  That doesnt seem right.
Well, I agree to a certain degree. She was here on Saturday and left early Sunday morning. And she broke the news that same Sunday evening. Yeah, she really should have told me when she was here but maybe she tried and couldn't do it?

No matter what, I don't hold it against her. After all, I've been through a HELL of a lot worse than that.
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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #202 on: February 19, 2015, 08:20:05 AM »
Wow sorry to hear about that, but a 2+ year relationship and she breaks up with you on facebook?  That doesnt seem right.
Well, I agree to a certain degree. She was here on Saturday and left early Sunday morning. And she broke the news that same Sunday evening. Yeah, she really should have told me when she was here but maybe she tried and couldn't do it?

No matter what, I don't hold it against her. After all, I've been through a HELL of a lot worse than that.

No doubt its definitely a tough thing to talk about, but after 2 and a half years I would think you'd deserve better than that and she should show a bit more respect for you, but I dont know the situation and maybe that was more fitting?  Oh well, sorry for you and hopefully you can pick up the pieces and find the right woman when you are ready.

Offline Chino

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #203 on: February 19, 2015, 08:29:28 AM »
I don't know how your relationship with her started, but I just want to throw this out there.

We live in a world where relationships can be had in many different ways. I'm probably the outsider on this one, but I don't consider a breakup over the internet to be that bad or cowardly. Here's how I see it. I absolutely sucked with walking up to girls and starting a conversation. That to me was just as hard and terrifying for me as breaking up with someone to their face is for others. I not only resorted to the internet, but to a fucking cellphone application in hopes that I could maybe strike up a conversation with a cool girl (paid off big time).

But my point is, it wasn't too long ago, maybe 5-7 years, when using the internet to find a partner was consider taboo, and in most cases it came with a negative stigma. I remember people (myself included) almost being ashamed to admit that I was using such services. People thought it was cowardly to have to look for females from behind screen. These days, it is the societal norm. Of my close group of 6 friends, 4 of us are in a long term relationship that started online. Looking at my girlfriend and I, although we have a house together, we still have 100+ text message conversations every day. So much of our relationship, literally since the beginning, has been made possible by our access to technology.

My girlfriend and I use technology as an aid to conflict resolution. Her and I are both very emotional people. The last thing either of us wants to do is hurt the other one, and that's very easy to do face to face. Especially if you struggle with thinking up things to say on the spot. For whatever reason, and I'm conviced of this, certain conversations are made worse by having the face to face element. It's easy to say things without thinking things through. Not to mention, it makes things that should be simple to resolve take forever to do so. It's too easy to see the other one upset and play off that emotion rather than focussing on carrying out the conversation that needs to be had. Some of the biggest hurdles in my relationship were settled in 5-10 text messages. It's fantastic honestly. We both say what we have to say and it's done with.

So I ask the question, are we going to reach a point where ending a relationship with technology becomes just as normal as starting one with it? I think so, and I don't necessarily think that's the worst thing in the world.

Offline Lynxo

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #204 on: February 19, 2015, 08:41:07 AM »
I don't know how your relationship with her started, but I just want to throw this out there.

We live in a world where relationships can be had in many different ways. I'm probably the outsider on this one, but I don't consider a breakup over the internet to be that bad or cowardly. Here's how I see it. I absolutely sucked with walking up to girls and starting a conversation. That to me was just as hard and terrifying for me as breaking up with someone to their face is for others. I not only resorted to the internet, but to a fucking cellphone application in hopes that I could maybe strike up a conversation with a cool girl (paid off big time).

But my point is, it wasn't too long ago, maybe 5-7 years, when using the internet to find a partner was consider taboo, and in most cases it came with a negative stigma. I remember people (myself included) almost being ashamed to admit that I was using such services. People thought it was cowardly to have to look for females from behind screen. These days, it is the societal norm. Of my close group of 6 friends, 4 of us are in a long term relationship that started online. Looking at my girlfriend and I, although we have a house together, we still have 100+ text message conversations every day. So much of our relationship, literally since the beginning, has been made possible by our access to technology.

My girlfriend and I use technology as an aid to conflict resolution. Her and I are both very emotional people. The last thing either of us wants to do is hurt the other one, and that's very easy to do face to face. Especially if you struggle with thinking up things to say on the spot. For whatever reason, and I'm conviced of this, certain conversations are made worse by having the face to face element. It's easy to say things without thinking things through. Not to mention, it makes things that should be simple to resolve take forever to do so. It's too easy to see the other one upset and play off that emotion rather than focussing on carrying out the conversation that needs to be had. Some of the biggest hurdles in my relationship were settled in 5-10 text messages. It's fantastic honestly. We both say what we have to say and it's done with.

So I ask the question, are we going to reach a point where ending a relationship with technology becomes just as normal as starting one with it? I think so, and I don't necessarily think that's the worst thing in the world.
You make some really good points there.

I've had two relationships and I met both girls online. That allowed us to really get to know each other even before we first met. With both of them, I fell in love just from the messages alone! And I always thought it felt perfectly natural.
And with both girls, we conversed every day on SMS or Messenger or Facebook or whatever, which also felt natural. I mean, yeah, off course we hooked up and went on dates as everybody else, you can't replace that! But technology has helped me not only meeting new people but also to sustain the relationships.

So all things considered, as I've said, I'm not mad she chose to end it on Facebook. Yeah, it wasn't the best way to go about it but it's not that big of a deal, really.
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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #205 on: February 19, 2015, 08:44:55 AM »
I dont think using technology to end a relationship is necessarily rude or bad, but that depends on the relationship.  If its short term then I dont see a reason why not to just text or fb, but something like 2+ years seems kind of extreme.  You'd likely at that point have experiences so much together that is it really that much to ask to pick up a phone and say it or tell them to their face?  Very difficult to do, but if you can manage to have a long term relationship, having a difficult conversation should be something you should do.  I also said I am very difficult at speaking my emotions face to face and I totally get how texting makes things easier and in many ways better.  I've text one girl who I went out with a couple times to let her know I was not interested, we only met twice.  I think thats fine.  My x fiance, I obviously told her face to face.  I dont have enough other examples of my experiences.  The one girl I met on tinder decided to just ignore me after 6 dates, I really thought that was rude and unnecessary.  I didnt expect a face to face or phone call for that, but I thought a text saying she didnt want to still see me would suffice.  Maybe thats why i feel strongly about it, because I didn't like being ignored without reason and I think id be really pissed if a long term relationship ended via text or fb.

I also think theres a big difference between meeting someone online and ending it online.  When you meet someone online you dont know them so its not a big deal to start a text convo or whatever, but once you know them why does ending it online make sense?

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #206 on: February 19, 2015, 08:47:59 AM »
I dont think using technology to end a relationship is necessarily rude or bad, but that depends on the relationship.  If its short term then I dont see a reason why not to just text or fb, but something like 2+ years seems kind of extreme.  You'd likely at that point have experiences so much together that is it really that much to ask to pick up a phone and say it or tell them to their face?  Very difficult to do, but if you can manage to have a long term relationship, having a difficult conversation should be something you should do.  I also said I am very difficult at speaking my emotions face to face and I totally get how texting makes things easier and in many ways better.  I've text one girl who I went out with a couple times to let her know I was not interested, we only met twice.  I think thats fine.  My x fiance, I obviously told her face to face.  I dont have enough other examples of my experiences.  The one girl I met on tinder decided to just ignore me after 6 dates, I really thought that was rude and unnecessary.  I didnt expect a face to face or phone call for that, but I thought a text saying she didnt want to still see me would suffice.  Maybe thats why i feel strongly about it, because I didn't like being ignored without reason and I think id be really pissed if a long term relationship ended via text or fb.

I also think theres a big difference between meeting someone online and ending it online.  When you meet someone online you dont know them so its not a big deal to start a text convo or whatever, but once you know them why does ending it online make sense?
I think you're being too harsh here. I agree that it's not optimal but as you say - it depends on the relationsship. And if I say I think it's okay she did it that way, then that really should suffice as evidence that it works for some people.
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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #207 on: February 19, 2015, 08:50:30 AM »
I dont think using technology to end a relationship is necessarily rude or bad, but that depends on the relationship.  If its short term then I dont see a reason why not to just text or fb, but something like 2+ years seems kind of extreme.  You'd likely at that point have experiences so much together that is it really that much to ask to pick up a phone and say it or tell them to their face?  Very difficult to do, but if you can manage to have a long term relationship, having a difficult conversation should be something you should do.  I also said I am very difficult at speaking my emotions face to face and I totally get how texting makes things easier and in many ways better.  I've text one girl who I went out with a couple times to let her know I was not interested, we only met twice.  I think thats fine.  My x fiance, I obviously told her face to face.  I dont have enough other examples of my experiences.  The one girl I met on tinder decided to just ignore me after 6 dates, I really thought that was rude and unnecessary.  I didnt expect a face to face or phone call for that, but I thought a text saying she didnt want to still see me would suffice.  Maybe thats why i feel strongly about it, because I didn't like being ignored without reason and I think id be really pissed if a long term relationship ended via text or fb.

I also think theres a big difference between meeting someone online and ending it online.  When you meet someone online you dont know them so its not a big deal to start a text convo or whatever, but once you know them why does ending it online make sense?
I think you're being too harsh here. I agree that it's not optimal but as you say - it depends on the relationsship. And if I say I think it's okay she did it that way, then that really should suffice as evidence that it works for some people.

Yes, if you say its fine for you then I cant argue that.  I just personally wouldn't like it. 

Offline Stadler

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #208 on: February 19, 2015, 02:08:20 PM »
Isn't it a matter of degree?  I get where Chino is coming from, and to some degree, it is like that with my girlfriend.  But I will say that if I have anything of any significance to say, I make sure I say it in person.   I may write it down first to get the ideas and the flow down, but I say it live.  It's not easy (not easy at all) but it is respectful to that other person.   I feel I owe it to them to treat them with the respect of my time, my courage, and my effort. 

In other words, the technology can help, and can abet a relationship that is otherwise strong, but I look at it this way:  how strong is that relationship if you can't put something out there?    This is coming from someone who COULDN'T always put things out there, but now that I am divorced, I realize that that was a huge red flag waving in my face... that I missed completely.   The only exception I can think of (and I'm not implying anything here) is the case where the information would lead to a punch in the face, but that would be the exception, not the norm. 

There's another side to this, too:  my job is to equip my kids with as many tools as I possibly can, because they will have to deal with people that use technology, that don't use technology, that want to talk, that don't want to talk, and I can't - and won't - teach them to take the easy way out. 

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Re: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip
« Reply #209 on: February 19, 2015, 02:13:42 PM »
Trying to meet someone online and breaking up with them online or be texts are two different beasts.


I think it's easy to text the break up then to do it face to face.  It's never easy but what does that say about a person that you you had a relationship or spent a good deal of time with that they are only good to break up by a text?  The hard route is always the right route.
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