Im currently going through the worst heartache i can imagine, and Illumination Theory is so helpful to me. Its so therapeutic, and I can relate to all the lyrics. "The bridges we built to connect, the distance that makes us forget. Hate dividing us - love reminding us of our shared humanity" especially. like, i fucking feel the anger in those words and relate so well. Surrender Trust and Passion is still actually too hard too listen to right now, and truth be told I end up cutting the song short right there. I get a sick feeling in my stomach when the instrumental section ends and trasintions into the final part. I know that if i continue listening any further i'll end up going on a feels trip that i really dont want to go on right now. But the few times i did listen to that part, it was a healing experience, a painful healing experience, if that makes sense. In fact, this whole album is really a very therapeutic experience for me and every song seems to give me a little bit more encouragement every day to get through the struggle.
I'm so sorry for your troublesome times. I can absolutely relate, as there have been hundreds of times when I wanted to listen to a song that I loved so much, but I just couldn't because of the emotional baggage and pain that was attached with it. And whenever I did have the courage to listen, I would get that sick, nauseous feeling in my gut.
You're right about this sensation having the capacity to be a healing experience. I believe that it is unhealthy to suppress these emotions all of the time, and sometimes you just need to let them run wild despite the pain.
"The Luckiest" by Ben Folds is a song that I love, but to this day it is extremely difficult for me to listen to. However, a couple times a year, I revisit it and just let the pain breathe.
I really hate to sound cliche, especially in trying to comfort someone going through difficult times, but time is absolutely the best remedy for pain, and surely you will begin to heal. And you will be stronger at the end of it all. I always thought that when people said this, they were just BS'ing me. But you really will gain strength as you deal with whatever has been causing you so much pain.
I hope this helps, even just a tiny bit.