Being interesting/confident

[YtseBitsySpider]

should I know who's website that is?

[Dimitrius]

should I know who's website that is?

The former resident billionaire CEO of DTF, icy.

[7StringedBeast]

It is hard to define.  But a large part of it is a combination of two things: self-confidence and not caring what other people think.

“People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think”
-George Carlin

Maybe, but I don't care what he thought either.

[lonestar]

I'm thinking of the people who get my attention instantly .... see some common attributes....

They love themselves... they don't have any concerns about impressing people... well this also translates as not caring what other people think so I also tend think it's a significant component... it helps you to be your true-self, relax and shine...

They also love people!....  not for what they listen to or where they work at, how much money they make, who they know......only for who they are basically...

Coming from a 'insanely jealous women world', I have to throw 'not being jealous of others' to the equation....  these cool people don't get intimidated just because there's a better-looking guy in the room or someone with a better job... better educated, richer, celebrity.. whatever... they keep the cool, enjoy being around that better person... and keep shining... the chances are that they receive more attention than that better person too...

...and of course there's personalities... some people are just born to be stars... they radiate energy and shine... they are the extraverts... they enjoy being in the limelight... the more they relish the attention, the more they shine and so on...

This pretty much hits the nail on the head, especially the loving yourself and others part.  Good vibes breed good vibes, people are naturally attracted to them.

[TioJorge]

Sometimes I fart in a public place full of people; I mean, belt that gas out of my buttocks, really heave it out with confidence, like you all are talking about. I just, y'know, try and be happy with the fact that it feels really good to let one rip. Then I puff my chest out and smile at the sun, inhale deeply, and know that I am an interesting person because everyone is looking at me and I am the center of attention. It isn't because I've ripped a thick, malodorous hot-pocket fart. It's because I've flagellated with confidence and I be cool with who I is.

Happy stepchild.

[obscure]

 

[Dimitrius]

Wassup, Starbuck?

[obscure]

Nothing much honey, just fooling around, yourself?

[obscure]

I'm not gonna lie to you  Dimitrius... being called Sturbuck just made my day! 

[kirksnosehair]

I honestly don't care to talk to anyone about anything except music ("good" music, of course), philosophy, religion, and relationships.  I'd like to care.  But I don't.  People have so much to say about other things and I can't help but to just be silent.

Well, this, frankly, is a huge problem and let me tell you why:  Guess what EVERY person's favorite topic in the world is?  THEMSELVES

If you can't muster any interest in other people and what they are interested in, then you are never going to find that "it" that you seek.  If you really want to change I can give you three tips that are pretty much lifted straight from the Dale Carnegie school of communications.

1. Master the skill of LISTENING.  You have two ears and only one mouth.  Use them proportionally.
2. Take a SINCERE interest in others.  Empathy, compassion, and an honest desire to learn about people are some of the most attractive and persuasive qualities any person can have…and they cannot be faked.
3. Remove the words "I" and "Me" from your interactions with others.  Whenever you are with other people, make it about them, not about you.

[obscure]

WOW... some really good points up there!


it really is important to (try to) add value to people... genuinely! It does wonders!

[lonestar]

If you really want to change I can give you three tips that are pretty much lifted straight from the Dale Carnegie school of communications.

1. Master the skill of LISTENING.  You have two ears and only one mouth.  Use them proportionally.
2. Take a SINCERE interest in others.  Empathy, compassion, and an honest desire to learn about people are some of the most attractive and persuasive qualities any person can have…and they cannot be faked.
3. Remove the words "I" and "Me" from your interactions with others.  Whenever you are with other people, make it about them, not about you.

Good stuff.  It is amazing also how an interest in others improves one's own self.  You only learn so much
 by living in your own head, and it gets to a point where you overanalyze yourself into a neurotic clusterfuck.  Open up, give of yourself to others.  It works wonders.

[Ħ]

I honestly don't care to talk to anyone about anything except music ("good" music, of course), philosophy, religion, and relationships.  I'd like to care.  But I don't.  People have so much to say about other things and I can't help but to just be silent.

Well, this, frankly, is a huge problem and let me tell you why:  Guess what EVERY person's favorite topic in the world is?  THEMSELVES

If you can't muster any interest in other people and what they are interested in, then you are never going to find that "it" that you seek.  If you really want to change I can give you three tips that are pretty much lifted straight from the Dale Carnegie school of communications.

1. Master the skill of LISTENING.  You have two ears and only one mouth.  Use them proportionally.
2. Take a SINCERE interest in others.  Empathy, compassion, and an honest desire to learn about people are some of the most attractive and persuasive qualities any person can have…and they cannot be faked.
3. Remove the words "I" and "Me" from your interactions with others.  Whenever you are with other people, make it about them, not about you.

Thanks.  That's very helpful.  In my heart, I do care about others and want to know about their lives.  I'm just a bit timid about asking them about personal stuff.  And everything's personal.

[theseoafs]

Being a freshman in college, I definitely know where the OP is coming from. Some people seem to just be wired to succeed socially, and it's hard to pinpoint that quality. I am not that person. (Can't say I really mind; I'm very introverted. Doesn't keep me from being curious about the phenomenon.)

[Sketchy]

There's a lot to be said for having a broad range of knowledge and interests, so no matter what the conversation is, you can link it to something you know about and steer it in a direction where people will be finding what you say to be vaguely thought provoking.

Yes. Provoke thoughts.

[rumborak]

This thread can be condensed to one single question:

Would you want to talk to yourself at a party?

A lot of people never realize that within a few minutes they would flee from their own inane ramblings.

rumborak

[King Postwhore]

This thread can be condensed to one single question:

Would you want to talk to yourself at a party?

A lot of people never realize that within a few minutes they would flee from their own inane ramblings.

rumborak

Andy would have a 5 hours conversation with no answer in sight.

[Ravenheart]

This thread can be condensed to one single question:

Would you want to talk to yourself at a party?

A lot of people never realize that within a few minutes they would flee from their own inane ramblings.

rumborak

Andy would have a 5 hours conversation with no answer in sight.

 

[MasterShakezula]

I wouldn't necessarily want to talk to myself at a party, but I'd be happy to follow myself around so I can see what the back of my head looks like. 

[lonestar]

I would make a few nervous exchanges with myself, then start watching tv.

[TioJorge]

I'd roofie me.

[MasterShakezula]

I'd roofie me.

Count me in as another person who'd happily make an exception to their straightness for themself. 

[Ħ]

So I was at Applebees today for dinner with a bunch of people.  I dunno.  I tried to do what a lot of you guys recommended, such as constantly thinking about others, yet I still couldn't think of much to say.  Some people are just more naturally spontaneous than others.  I'm naturally stiff.  How did those people get to have that natural spontaneity?  Did they make a conscious effort to be that way?  Or did they just be themselves?  If it's the latter, then I have no hope, because my natural self is quite uninteresting and humorless.

[MasterShakezula]

Some people are more naturally adept to being spontaneously good than others, but you can safely bet the really good ones have gotten in their fair share of practice and experience.

The more you do something, the better you'll get; be spontaneous more often and you'll get better at being spontaneous!

[obscure]

mmm ok you look very serious about this... here's another tip then...

why don't you have a story beforehand .. you know when you have a gathering or sth... take your story with you... I'm not suggesting you to run a rehearsal ... but think of sth to talk about... a movie you watched lately.... and how terrible or amazing it was... the weird guy on the bus.... interesting convo you had with the cashier... the pretty girl you saw the other day.... pretty much anything....

make sure that you don't brag about anything tho, avoid smug manner .... 'smarty pants'..or... 'know-it-all' is not the image we're after...
don't talk about how successful you were at the meeting, or what a great career your mum has for instance... leave those in the shade for a while.. others will want to find out more about you when you prove to be interesting....

don't try to be the attractive... choose to be the funny....

well in fact you always need to make some adjustments according to your audience but these rules generally would apply to pretty much every situation...

hope that helps 

[BlobVanDam]

Self improvement doesn't come instantly. Confidence comes from the experience to make you feel relaxed in a given situation.
It will probably take a conscious effort to step outside your comfort zone gradually, but you also can't force it being interesting/confident, because then it's not natural.

[obscure]

I normally don't like (as in hate) self improvement books.. but Susan Jeffers's 'Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway' wasn't that boring... I have the audio version... It was actually a fun listen... It's not realistic to expect it to do wonders but it does help you to leave your comfort zone...

[Jamesman42]

I'm naturally stiff.

Me too.

[kirksnosehair]

So I was at Applebees today for dinner with a bunch of people.  I dunno.  I tried to do what a lot of you guys recommended, such as constantly thinking about others, yet I still couldn't think of much to say.  Some people are just more naturally spontaneous than others.  I'm naturally stiff.  How did those people get to have that natural spontaneity?  Did they make a conscious effort to be that way?  Or did they just be themselves?  If it's the latter, then I have no hope, because my natural self is quite uninteresting and humorless.

Change has to come from within.  If you keep telling yourself the things in this post, they'll continue to be true.

[lonestar]

I think you're trying to force yourself into being something you might not be.  I've met you, remember, you just seemed to be a quiet type.  Maybe  you were uncomfortable, I don't know, but you seemed to be OK with being a listener, not a leader.  Just take the time to develop the person you are, and don't waste energy on trying to be something you're not.  I'm a listener too, sometimes watching my friends have a good time is all I need, I take enjoyment in others happiness.  Most importantly, I understand my limitations and pay attention to where I'm at at the moment.  I try to be aware of the concerns of others, it is in satisfying their needs that I find fulfillment for myself, that is just the type of person I am.  There is a need for every type of person, just make sure that you are present in the type you were meant to be so you can be there when the need for you  is at hand.

[hefdaddy42]

Yeah, it may be that you just don't have those qualities.  I mean, some people are more social than others, and some people can hit the curve ball.  Some people are artists, some are musicians, some are bricklayers.

[lonestar]

Yeah, it may be that you just don't have those qualities.  I mean, some people are more social than others, and some people can hit the curve ball.  Some people are artists, some are musicians, some are bricklayers.

And some are Gods.

[Jamesman42]

I think you're trying to force yourself into being something you might not be.  I've met you, remember, you just seemed to be a quiet type.  Maybe  you were uncomfortable, I don't know, but you seemed to be OK with being a listener, not a leader.  Just take the time to develop the person you are, and don't waste energy on trying to be something you're not.  I'm a listener too, sometimes watching my friends have a good time is all I need, I take enjoyment in others happiness.  Most importantly, I understand my limitations and pay attention to where I'm at at the moment.  I try to be aware of the concerns of others, it is in satisfying their needs that I find fulfillment for myself, that is just the type of person I am.  There is a need for every type of person, just make sure that you are present in the type you were meant to be so you can be there when the need for you  is at hand.

Gooooood post from the motherfucking chef of our lives

To add: I used to be how lonestar said you are (the listener type, quiet, reserved, etc). Nowadays, I still hold those qualities, but I have (somewhat unintentionally) become a lot more outspoken. It's weird, I can sit there and not speak and yet be the center of attention as soon as I talk. You cannot force it, though. You need to be comfortable with who you fucking are, because otherwise it's a sham.