General asking advice/guidance thread

[Phoenix87x]

Here goes a thread to ask advice or guidance on anything/everything which may not have a specific thread. I couldn't think of a specific thread to put this in so I just made a general one.

I am in a condo, which is basically an apartment. The mid 30's wife and husband who just moved into the place adjacent to me almost immediately have started aggressively fighting and screaming at each other at random intervals on random days. Mainly her screaming at him being very aggressive, and he seems very defeated honestly. Beyond that I don't know.

Sometimes in the parking lot, sometimes in the general stairwell, and sometimes in their place.

Today its been going on all day starting at 5am, on and off. And its really bothering me.

As a child that grew up listening to this crap day after day and had cops called time and time again just for them to leave and nothing resolve so I'm feeling very frustrated on what to do, if anything. Its also bringing back so terrible memories.

Its been quiet and peaceful for the 8 years I've been here and now its chaos. And I am not in a position to move and feel trapped.

What would you do in this situation? What even can be done? any thoughts would be appreciated.

[TAC]

Wow, that blows, especially for all that has been brought up for you.

Have you notified the landlord?

[El Barto]

In this case you go to the condo board. Don't be surprised if there have already been numerous complaints. The board will go to the owner and drop the boom on them. Whether you own or rent, that kind of shit is really bad for business and the folks that run the place won't want it to continue. 

[lonestar]

Not sure you want a humorous anecdote, but when I was in my early  20s and shared a place with my brother, we had similar neighbors, never stopped man. Back in those days my brother was a pretty intimidating figure, and one early, early sunday morning they were especially vicious and he'd had enough. He pounded on his wall screaming "SHUT UP!!!" and you heard the husband's whiny voice pop up "fuck you!!!". My brother, hungover and in his tighty whities, ran downstairs and out the door, and started pounding on their door "Get the fuck out here!!! What the fuck you say!!!" and so on. The dude never came down, and we never heard a peep from them again.



I agree with TAC, talk to the landlord, there has to be some clause in the lease about being a disturbance. Poor dude, I was in that relationship where the woman was off the rails and I had zero stones to do anything about it. It was hell. Hope there aren't kids in that household.


Edfit- And what Barto said too...

[El Barto]

Most likely there is no landlord, per se. At least no common one. It's possible that one person owns the whole thing and has his own management company who would be the landlord, but more often than not it's individual owners who either live there or rent their units out. In the latter case each renter would have their own landlord, which is the owner or the owner's designate. That makes the reporting chain kind of tricky. Phoenix may or may not have access to the board, and the board may or may not be local. In my current situation the head of the board lives here, so she'd have already been knee deep in a situation like this.

[lonestar]

There probably would be a HOA then, with by-laws, right?

[TAC]

In this case you go to the condo board.

Yeah, that's what I meant.

[Glasser]

To be brutally honest I would personally approach them gently and say I'm so sorry you're having issues but I hear literally EVERYTHING going on and it's interfering with my personal life. If you go to the landlord its obvious you're complaining but if you went to them nicely you may get resolution. But that's me. Maybe they will take it down to a less invasive situation.

[Phoenix87x]

Thanks everyone

As others had mentioned there is no landlord. They own the condo (or at least have a mortgage on it) as they inherited it from the older woman who was living there and passed. HOA condo board is probably the way to go.

[El Barto]

Thanks everyone

As others had mentioned there is no landlord. They own the condo (or at least have a mortgage on it) as they inherited it from the older woman who was living there and passed. HOA condo board is probably the way to go.

Oof. The fact that they're owners makes it quite a bit tougher. I'd assumed they were renters. If it's just you with a problem the COA might not want to get involved. Your prospects go up quite a bit if there are other neighbors who are bothered by them. If it is just you then Glasser's suggestion might be the better option. Maybe they're receptive, and if they're dicks the COA might have to get involved, like it or not.

The other possibility is the Black Floyd option. Buy a skimpy thong and toss it in the back of their car. Get his number and text him that you had a great time the other night and can't wait for the next date. Maybe send him an escort from a dating app. Remember, a divorce helps not only you, but probably them as well.

[Jamesman42]

The other possibility is the Black Floyd option. Buy a skimpy thong and toss it in the back of their car. Get his number and text him that you had a great time the other night and can't wait for the next date. Maybe send him an escort from a dating app. Remember, a divorce helps not only you, but probably them as well.

And OP, make sure you text him as "El Barta".

[wolfking]

In this case you go to the condo board.

Yeah, that's what I meant.

This seems to be the first step I would think too.  Surely others have already complained being that bad.

[wolfking]

To be brutally honest I would personally approach them gently and say I'm so sorry you're having issues but I hear literally EVERYTHING going on and it's interfering with my personal life. If you go to the landlord its obvious you're complaining but if you went to them nicely you may get resolution. But that's me. Maybe they will take it down to a less invasive situation.

Not sure if that's the wisest approach these days mate, maybe I'm wrong?

[Jamesman42]

To be brutally honest I would personally approach them gently and say I'm so sorry you're having issues but I hear literally EVERYTHING going on and it's interfering with my personal life. If you go to the landlord its obvious you're complaining but if you went to them nicely you may get resolution. But that's me. Maybe they will take it down to a less invasive situation.

After reading all the replies, this is a great approach. The question is, if given the choice, who do you talk to, the man or the woman?

[wolfking]

To be brutally honest I would personally approach them gently and say I'm so sorry you're having issues but I hear literally EVERYTHING going on and it's interfering with my personal life. If you go to the landlord its obvious you're complaining but if you went to them nicely you may get resolution. But that's me. Maybe they will take it down to a less invasive situation.

After reading all the replies, this is a great approach. The question is, if given the choice, who do you talk to, the man or the woman?

Probably whoever answers the door.

[Jamesman42]

That's why I said given the choice. Maybe OP can catch either one alone by chance outside. Do you talk to the aggressive woman or the defeated man, if given the choice?

[King Postwhore]

I agree. Be calm, make your points simply.  Don't show emotion. They seem to be volatile. Just tell them it's uncomfortable to hear every argument.

[TAC]

I'd try and record them.

[King Postwhore]

Sound advice, Tim.

[wolfking]

I'd try and record them.

Body cam? 

Or Phoenix, is there another neighbor around you that you talk to?  Maybe you could talk to one of your other neighbors to see if they are getting pissed off with it too.  Then maybe a couple of you could go speak to them together?  That may be safer.

[TAC]

I'd try and record them.

Body cam? 

Or Phoenix, is there another neighbor around you that you talk to?  Maybe you could talk to one of your other neighbors to see if they are getting pissed off with it too.  Then maybe a couple of you could go speak to them together?  That may be safer.

Or you and the other neighbor could stage this huge fight right on their doorstep. Use the same words the woman used to her husband but at each other.

[lordxizor]

I would be terribly uncomfortable doing it, but the best way to approach this type of situation is politely and directly. Go to the neighbors, introduce yourself, and let them know you are hearing everything. They may be mortified and apologetic and it ends there. They may tell you to eff off and mind your business in which case you can escalate. An anonymous note is a more passive aggressive way to go about it, but could also be effective. I would give them the opportunity to improve without bringing in HOA management.

[hefdaddy42]

The other possibility is the Black Floyd option. Buy a skimpy thong and toss it in the back of their car. Get his number and text him that you had a great time the other night and can't wait for the next date. Maybe send him an escort from a dating app. Remember, a divorce helps not only you, but probably them as well.

WINNER