The Man Code

[Zook]

Isn't it passed all of your bedtimes?

[Ravenheart]

Kura, it seems to me you've had some bad experiences with men, I understand that. Men can be dicks. The thing about this list is that it's supposed to be funny. Not offensive. I don't even see how it could... I'm baffled to see you offended by it.
My point is though that no one is ever going to take this list seriously (except you apparently)... And as said before, if guys behave like that it won't be because they're read this, it's the other way around.

Also, if I suspect a friend of mine (guy or girl) cheating on his boy/girlriend and he/she asks me about it, I will lie. It's not up to me to tell them. I will confront my friend about it though, and see to it that they are honest instead.

BTW: paper so you've won/should respond.

Yeah, I have. No, I don't believe men are dicks. Everyone can be a dick, but I know some douchey guys who go by this list like it's their personal bible. (Haha kinda like what Fuzzboy says) And yes, I get that it was supposed to be funny now.. but as I said earlier, I stopped reading at that other one statement in that list because it hit a bad chord with me and I thought it was really degrading to women in relationships because I was with a friend who had to go through that. It's hard, man. But at the same time I realize I shouldn't have exploded and went the total opposite direction (declaring that I find the list disrespectful etc), you're completely right.
:C I'm just now upset that people keep throwing it in my face.. It's really frustrating. I don't think it's a crime to be serious or "easily offended" is it? But I've explained myself and I don't know why people don't understand where I'm coming from and just drop it. Now I'm just being made fun of and it's really not nice.

I understand where you're coming from; I just think you're being ridiculous. This list is trivial and silly, not to mention a parody. Save it for someone/something that actually deserves it.

No one's making fun of you. I'm not. I just found it disappointing that you chose to use this thread as your misapplied soapbox.

[Kura]

Kura, it seems to me you've had some bad experiences with men, I understand that. Men can be dicks. The thing about this list is that it's supposed to be funny. Not offensive. I don't even see how it could... I'm baffled to see you offended by it.
My point is though that no one is ever going to take this list seriously (except you apparently)... And as said before, if guys behave like that it won't be because they're read this, it's the other way around.

Also, if I suspect a friend of mine (guy or girl) cheating on his boy/girlriend and he/she asks me about it, I will lie. It's not up to me to tell them. I will confront my friend about it though, and see to it that they are honest instead.

BTW: paper so you've won/should respond.

Yeah, I have. No, I don't believe men are dicks. Everyone can be a dick, but I know some douchey guys who go by this list like it's their personal bible. (Haha kinda like what Fuzzboy says) And yes, I get that it was supposed to be funny now.. but as I said earlier, I stopped reading at that other one statement in that list because it hit a bad chord with me and I thought it was really degrading to women in relationships because I was with a friend who had to go through that. It's hard, man. But at the same time I realize I shouldn't have exploded and went the total opposite direction (declaring that I find the list disrespectful etc), you're completely right.
:C I'm just now upset that people keep throwing it in my face.. It's really frustrating. I don't think it's a crime to be serious or "easily offended" is it? But I've explained myself and I don't know why people don't understand where I'm coming from and just drop it. Now I'm just being made fun of and it's really not nice.

I understand where you're coming from; I just think you're being ridiculous. This list is trivial and silly, not to mention a parody. Save it for someone/something that actually deserves it.

No one's making fun of you. I'm not. I just found it disappointing that you chose to use this thread as your misapplied soapbox.

Alright, that's fine. I don't want or like to dispute with you. I like you as a member. I just really didn't appreciate that you had to put me down for it, though, as it did feel like you were making fun of me when you chose some of the words that you did. I didn't mean for it to seek attention, I just wrote what first popped into my head. For that, I'm sorry for writing it in the first place. I guess with that perspective, my response was also a bit silly and I did overreact. You're right in that respect! Perhaps I am a bit sensitive tonight (cue PMS jokes) but I appreciate that you at least understand where I am coming from.

[kári]

Isn't it passed all of your bedtimes?

There are other parts of the world as well.

[robwebster]

Fwiw (and mainly 'cause Kura's getting precious little support!) I've never been comfortable with the pride with which blokes cling to misogenistic stereotypes. There's often a sort of undercurrent of bravado that blurs the line between humour and seriousness, which means that when viewed through the right lenses the gross exaggeration is pretty funny, but it doesn't particularly reflect well on gender politics. Offence is taken rather than given, but here, for once, I kind of sympathise more with those who go "man, what a bunch of dicks" than "we're just having fun!"

I genuinely think it's a harmful list of stereotypes. Yes, we get it - we're so neanderthal and clunky, har har har. Usually pretty funny, but a little hard to take with a pinch of salt when the fastest growing thead on the board right now is just pictures of some model. Don't get me wrong, Susan Coffey is absolutely gorgeous, but the atmosphere round here the last few days is fairly sweaty and testosteroney.

[Zook]

Isn't it passed all of your bedtimes?

There are other parts of the world as well.

Really? You're joking right?

[JayOctavarium]

whats the male to female ratio on DTF?

just wondering.

[The Degenerate]

Isn't it passed all of your bedtimes?

Oh, the irony.

[kári]

Isn't it passed all of your bedtimes?

There are other parts of the world as well.

Really? You're joking right?

Yeah, I was kidding.

whats the male to female ratio on DTF?

just wondering.

Male to Female Ratio:   10.3:1

[JayOctavarium]

well that explains the testosterone

[Zook]

Isn't it passed all of your bedtimes?

Oh, the irony.

Do you even know the meaning of that word, little one?

[Summers]

Dude, I'm free to have an opinion, aren't I? I'm not attacking you.. I just don't find it funny. I don't see anything wrong with that; I'm just sharing an experience and an opinion. Please don't criticize my thoughts..

Why are you being a downer on what I want to say just because you don't agree with it? I feel like now you're imposing that I should take it in a different way just because what I said was unexpected or "more serious." If this is not here for discussion, why did you even make it its own thread instead of posting it in the chat or giving it to a buddy over an IM? Come on, man.. I know you're cooler than this so why don't you just let me speak my mind freely?

Ignore the post if you don't agree with me; don't tell me to loosen up because I feel strongly about it due to a personal experience :C It's like an atheist telling someone who's religious to stop believing in fairy tales. That's why I find it even more offensive.

[Sigz]

Fwiw (and mainly 'cause Kura's getting precious little support!) I've never been comfortable with the pride with which blokes cling to misogenistic stereotypes. There's often a sort of undercurrent of bravado that blurs the line between humour and seriousness, which means that when viewed through the right lenses the gross exaggeration is pretty funny, but it doesn't particularly reflect well on gender politics. Offence is taken rather than given, but here, for once, I kind of sympathise more with those who go "man, what a bunch of dicks" than "we're just having fun!"

I genuinely think it's a harmful list of stereotypes. Yes, we get it - we're so neanderthal and clunky, har har har. Usually pretty funny, but a little hard to take with a pinch of salt when the fastest growing thead on the board right now is just pictures of some model. Don't get me wrong, Susan Coffey is absolutely gorgeous, but the atmosphere round here the last few days is fairly sweaty and testosteroney.

As is usually the case (except with The Count of Tuscany ), Rob expresses my view more eloquently than I ever could.

[ClairvoyantCat]

but the atmosphere round here the last few days is fairly sweaty and testosteroney.

last few days

Er..

[robwebster]

but the atmosphere round here the last few days is fairly sweaty and testosteroney.

last few days

Er..

Stand by it. We're usually a bunch of pansies. But if it helps, parse "fairly" as "particularly."

[JustJen]

WTF this was a good thread at first, who the hell thought it was a great plan to turn this into a debate about feminism??

Especially since the whole point of the list was to make fun of men in the first place

[JustJen]

5. You may exaggerate any anecdote told to your friends by 50% without recrimination, beyond that anyone within earshot is allowed to yell out "bullshit!". (exception: when trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration is 400%)

6. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

7. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another man is 5 minutes. The maximum is 6 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.



9. A friend must be permitted to borrow anything you own - grill, car, firstborn child - within 12 hr notice. Women or anything considered "lucky" are not applicable in this case.

12. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

14. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a Buffalo wing clean.

20. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.


22. Only in a situation of mortal danger or ass peril are you permitted to kick another member of the male species in the testicles.

24. Friends don’t let friends wear speedos. Ever. Case closed.


26. Shotgun can be called on anything where a shotgun applies., as long as you are in eyesight of the object, or it is at a reasonable time.


29. Never join your girlfriend in ragging on a buddy of yours, unless she is withholding sex, pending your response.

30. Phrases that may never be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
"Yeah, baby, push it!"
"Come on, give me one more, harder!"
"Another set and we can hit the showers"
"Nice ass! Are you a Sagittarius?"

33. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch nearby, hang up if necessary.

34. You can not rat out a friend who show's up to work or class with a massive hangover, however you may: hide the aspirin, smear his chair with limburger cheese, turn the brightness on his computer way up so he thinks its broken, or have him paged every seven minutes.


44. A mans gotta scratch what a mans gotta scratch. This applies to picking as well. Let the man be.
oup his money by immediately completing a more daring challenge. If he refuses the challenge or chooses not to propose one, then and only then, must the money be paid.

52. Masturbate often. (exception: if your roommate is due back within the hour)

53. If a hot girl shall happen to pass by while you are in an arms reach of your buddy, you must, and will, tap him on the shoulder to make him aware of the babe.

57. You have not made any mistake if you find that there are extra pieces after reassembling or assembling an object. In fact, you have just found a way to make that object more efficient.

The best ones.

[King Postwhore]

Yea!  Don't hold me down baby!! (The wife is at the gym so I can type this)

[zerogravityfat]

No offense, but I think this list is pretty retarded. Lying to someone's wife about their husband's whereabouts is just devious, sly, and sleazy; I stopped reading there because no REAL man should be so deceptive to someone who just cares about their loved one's whereabouts.

Not to mention the fact that this list deems anything slightly homosexual to be suddenly "Not MANLY".. whoever wrote this is EXTREMELY homophobic. It's ridiculous.

strong troll or strong butt hurt.

[The Degenerate]

I can't fap to this

[JustJen]

In an exercise devoted to fairness, I've just googled these Rules for Being a Woman.

Now we can all be happy, because these rules are to be taken seriously or else you are not a REAL woman. I'm serious.



1. PMS is every woman’s prerogative.  It is always a good enough excuse for anything, and take advantage of it whenever possible.

2. Don’t be afraid to gossip.  It is your responsibility to make sure your friends are well-informed about the latest happenings.

3. You may change your mind whenever you wish.

4. Never give a direct answer when a man asks you a question.

5. It is not wrong to withhold sex to get what you want.

6. Always ask a guy “What are you thinking?” after sex.

7. If he doesn’t call, take it as the most personal of insults.

8. Never believe “I love you” if it comes before sex.

9. Always wear matching bra and panties for the first few dates, then you can switch to the comfortable old plain white cotton ones you have impressed him with the stylishness of your underwear.

10. ALWAYS say that he is the best you’ve ever had.

11. Fake orgasms when necessary.

12. Find a “cute giggle”.  Practice it constantly.

13. Learn to toss your hair around, even if it’s short.

14. Never admit that you’re not a real blonde.

15. Shopping always makes you feel better.

16. When with a group of girls, it is customary to talk particularly about the girl who is not present.

17. Always try to set up your single female friends with your single male friends.

18. Never forget that men are pigs.

19. Jeans: tighter is better.

20. The fact that you menstruate makes it okay to bitch as much as you want about anything you want.

21. Criticize every other woman behind her back.

22. Never reveal the full extent of your intelligence to a man.

23. Pretend that you can’t do certain “guy” things like change a flat tire.  It’s even okay to claim that you can’t pump gasoline or check the oil.  Helpless females make a guy feel macho.

24. If a guy really cares about you, he should be able to read your mind.  You needn’t have to explain yourself, ever.  And he should know what’s expected of him without you saying anything.

25. Be a tease.

26. Men always want to know how they compare to the last guy you were with.
27. Never dutch treat.

28. If he doesn’t spend money on you, don’t waste your time.

29. Guys like to see you flirt with their friends.

30. Develop a “cute butt” scale and use it to rate every guy’s butt that you see.

31. Never go to the ladies room alone, if you can help it.

32. Carry feminine hygiene products with you where ever you go, and don’t be shy about showing them to people.

[Aramatheis]

Jen, I am taking SO MUCH OFFENSE FROM THAT LIST RIGHT NOW.


I can't even express, (in well thought-out, organized collection of relevant and accurate comments) how offensive that list is.
I mean, it's sexist, isn't it? Or something like that?

It has to be degrading to somebody in some way, right?








ah whatever. I'm going to go play pokemon or something.

[Phantasmatron]

19. Jeans: tighter is better.

OMFG YES

18. Never forget that men are pigs.

Oh...damn.  I played right into that trap, didn't I?

[Volk9]

black people love fried chicken.

We do.

I can't fap to this

[The Degenerate]

black people love fried chicken.

We do.

I can't fap to this

I like you

You can borrow Susan

[Volk9]

black people love fried chicken.

We do.

I can't fap to this

I like you

You can borrow Susan

You wont get her back. Once you go Black, you dont go back

[reneranucci]

WTF this was a good thread at first, who the hell thought it was a great plan to turn this into a debate about feminism??

Especially since the whole point of the list was to make fun of men in the first place

That happened with this thread, too: https://www.dreamtheaterforums.org/boards/index.php?topic=19674.0 While reading the list I was telling myself "I hope no girl takes this thread seriously" but hell, it happenned. I think making fun of stereotypes is funny and it doesn't do any harm, if some guy is stupid enough to cheat his wife because he thinks it's the cool thing to do, or idiot girls treat their husbands like crap or use sex to get what they want, let them be.

There were some funny ones, the umbrella one was the best, and the one about movies with dancing themes is my new facebook status.

[zxlkho]

Oh god this thread.

[chknptpie]

How has this thread not been locked?! 

[Dimitrius]

[ZeppelinDT]

50. Only acceptable time when a man is allowed to cry:

The day Anna Kornikova chooses a husband.

Lol... really?  Anna Kournikova?  How old is this thing?

[JustJen]

black people love fried chicken.

We do.

I can't fap to this

I like you

You can borrow Susan

You wont get her back. Once you go Black, you dont go back

[King Postwhore]

black people love fried chicken.

We do.

I can't fap to this

I like you

You can borrow Susan

You wont get her back. Once you go Black, you dont go back

Unless she likes her soft serve ice cream as a swirl.

[reneranucci]

50. Only acceptable time when a man is allowed to cry:

The day Anna Kornikova chooses a husband.

Lol... really?  Anna Kournikova?  How old is this thing?

I was thinking the same thing. I guess around '98-'99, when she was still a sensation.

[King Postwhore]

Isn't Chris Evert available?