Long distance relationships

[AndyDT]

I've been emailing with a woman in another city and am wondering whether to visit. Part of me thinks do something different and don't make excuses, another part thinks this isn't going to work, it's a flight of fancy and I should be concentrating on meeting people locally. Also, she's an avid Christian and I said already we could stay in contact on a friends basis because it seemed unrealistic given that she doesn't live locally and because of the common ground - interest in religion. She doesn't need friends and if she does then I wonder why she's looking in different cities. So it seems she still wants something more.


 I think i'm going to have to say this isn't going to work or just say I'm busy and let it trail off.

[Perpetual Change]

I've been doing long distance for 8 months, and I'm actually pretty satisfied with my situation. Do I miss her? Yes. But here's a couple things we have working in our favor:

--My situation (here, away from home) is not permanent. Time is flying and in little over a year more I'll be back.
--Constant calling/skyping.
--When I left, we'd already gone strong for about 5 years of living one town away from eachother and going to the same school.
--The prospects that, when this is over, our relationship will transform into something more permanent.

[lordxizor]

Long distance can work, especially if it's within driving distance. It can get expensive if it's flying. Why don't you meet her before you decide if it's worth trying the long distance thing? If you meet her, you may find that she'd be worth it. Or maybe you won't. Either way you'll learn something.

[ReaperKK]

Long distance can work. I did it a for a year and a half with my gf being 6 hours away. It's tough but as long as you have an idea on when the long distance will end then it's totally doable, it just takes some commitment.

[Perpetual Change]

Long distance can work, especially if it's within driving distance. It can get expensive if it's flying.

Oh yeah, I suspect I could handle a driving/train/bus distance much better than this. Flying is like $1,000 and 30 hours round trip from where I am, at least. I'd much prefer it to be like, $200 (and still 30 hours round trip on a train or a bus).

[Cecilia]

Long distance relationships suck! I met someone on another forum and we were friends for 8 years. We met in March of 2010 and got into an ldr in April of 2010. I moved from New York to Las Vegas to be with him. We lasted two months before I got fed up of all the fighting and moved back to New York. And now? We don't talk anymore. 8 years of friendship down the drain!

We always got along great online, had the same interests and everything. Being ldr was hard, but we did it. We texted every day, and skyped as much as we could.

So even if it's worth it and you do it, there's still that chance it wont work out!

[Frank]

Yeah, there's still a chance it won't work out, Cecilia, but that chance exists for any relationship, long distance or not - any parameters. Of course I won't deny that long distance relationships can be more strenuous for various reasons, especially in the beginning, but I don't think it shouldn't be tried just because there's a chance it won't work out. I don't think AndyDT should be deterred from this because of that.

I've been in a long distance relationship for around thirteen months now (was just reunited for the first time at the Rudess Japan show ) and it has gone very well for us. Call me mushy, but a large part of the success is due, I believe, to how much we care for each other. One other thing that strengthens matters is the end goal of being in constant vicinity. Long distance relationships can actually be very beneficial, and perhaps it's a great exercise to do in a relationship. As much as I advocate it in that degree, it is not something I'd want to do permanently and I will endeavor in the coming years for the end of that aspect of our relationship.

I say just meet her and see what you think before you end the opportunity without knowing some relevant facts. It might change your life!

[Perpetual Change]

One other thing that strengthens matters is the end goal of being in constant vicinity.

Definitely man. And the "end goal" of being together that you are actively working towards (whether through saving money to move, working on a degree, looking for a job, etc etc) is absolutely essential.

Good luck man!

[rumborak]

I agree with the above really. LD relationships only work if you have a clear time you are working towards where you are going to be together again (spatially). If both sides are indefinitely bound to their location, forget about it. Seen it fail way too many times.

rumborak