Yay, work!

[MetalJunkie]

I love stupid people. I mean, they're just so fun. Granted, I might get pissed off by their stupidity, but I've learned to look back and laugh with (at) them.

*Enormous Dude walks in (on Sunday)*
ED: Hey, how much is the buffet for two people, after tax?
Me: 13.98
ED: It's not like 5 bucks anymore?
Me: *looks at gargantuan window sign that says "4.99 MONDAY THRU FRIDAY, 2 to 4 PM"
Me: Not right now.

About 20 people every day: Hey, are you putting any more (insert buffet item here) on the buffet?
Me: Nope, we're done for the day.

(two surprisingly common requests for the Bavarian dessert pizza)
Stupid 1: Do you have any Bulgarian pizza?
Stupid 2: Do you have any Barbarian pizza?

Me (on the phone): Would you like to try two large 1-topping pizzas for 11.99?
Caller: No, I'll just get a large pepperoni and a large sausage.

(Child price is 10 and under)
*family of four walks in, with two kids*
Me: How many 10 or under?
Mom/Dad: Two.
Kid (simultaneously): One.
*Dad flashes a stern and cold stare at the kid*
Kid: But I'm eleven!
*I ring them up for three adults and a child*
*Dad pulls kid off to the side and reprimands him*

le sigh. They're all forgivable. Except the last one. Adults lying to save a few bucks? Nice example you're setting, asshole.

[Dimitrius]

*Enormous Dude walks in*
ED: Hey, how much is the buffet for two people, after tax?
Me: 13.98
ED: It's not like 5 bucks anymore?
Me: *looks at gargantuan window sign that says "4.99 MONDAY THRU FRIDAY, 2 to 4 PM"
Me: Not right now.

This is funnier if we know at what hour he came in...

[Progmetty]

keep them coming!

[MetalJunkie]

*Enormous Dude walks in*
ED: Hey, how much is the buffet for two people, after tax?
Me: 13.98
ED: It's not like 5 bucks anymore?
Me: *looks at gargantuan window sign that says "4.99 MONDAY THRU FRIDAY, 2 to 4 PM"
Me: Not right now.

This is funnier if we know at what hour he came in...

My bad. The hour's not important, though. It was today - Sunday.

[Dimitrius]

*Enormous Dude walks in*
ED: Hey, how much is the buffet for two people, after tax?
Me: 13.98
ED: It's not like 5 bucks anymore?
Me: *looks at gargantuan window sign that says "4.99 MONDAY THRU FRIDAY, 2 to 4 PM"
Me: Not right now.

This is funnier if we know at what hour he came in...

My bad. The hour's not important, though. It was today - Sunday.

The day works too.

[MetalJunkie]

Another one that I laugh at that happens every once in a while. Granted, I probably wouldn't be laughing if it was my job to clean the bathrooms.

Random guy: Someone left a HUGE mess in the toilet, just wanted to let you know. It's bad.
Me: Yeah, okay. You just thought you got away with it.

Okay, so I didn't really say that. I wanted to, though. So bad.

[Ravenheart]

Stupid people are pretty amusing. Sure, they can be mind-numbingly frustrating, but they provide an unlikely source of entertainment. 

[Phantasmatron]

(two surprisingly common requests for the Bavarian dessert pizza)
Stupid 1: Do you have any Bulgarian pizza?
Stupid 2: Do you have any Barbarian pizza?

Oh god.  The Baja salad we have at my job is...a bad one for this.  It's pronounced Ba-ha because, you know, it's in a different language.  People order Bah-jah salads, Bay-jah salads...the other day I had a guy order a Jumbo Salad.  I only figured out which one he meant because the Baja Salad is the only one with a J in the name.  Jumbo=Baja.

We have an Asiago Chicken Club sandwich.  AH-see-AH-go.  That's a pretty weird one, so I get that it might be hard to pronounce.  But we get some ridiculous pronunciations.  AH-sa-GO, Ah-SAY-go,  Ah-SAH-gee-oh.  Or my favorite...the Asian Chicken Club. 

The Frescata sandwiches we used to have were pretty bad, too.  People called them Fresca sandwiches, Freschetta sandwiches...and occasionally Fiesta sandwiches.

I'm appalled by how bad people are at reading.  It's like they see the first two letters and just guess what the rest of the word is.

[MetalJunkie]

On the flip side of this thread, I do try to have a good time at work. I enjoy messing/joking with the more intelligent or sociable customers. I typically read people pretty well, so I make the call for appropriateness pretty accurately.

*customer sees pen-holder with dolphin carved into side*
Her: Oh, that's so cute!
Me: Yeah, but we haven't really found a good porpoise for it yet.

Two guys: Hey, can we step outside for a smoke and come back in?
Me: Oh yeah, that's no problem at all.
*guys walk back in*
Me (with straight emotionless face): Guys, it's 13.98 for the buffet.
Guys: But wait, wha-, you just said...
Me: I've never seen you before in my life.
Guys: Seriously?
Me: Yeah... No.

Customer request: Hey, can you guys make me an alfredo pizza?
Me: No, we don't make those after six.

And then, one time, one of my jokes backfired on me.

*Guy comes in with daughter, she's about 12*
Guy: Hey man, two for the buffet.
Me: Sorry bud, we're out of buffets.
Guy: What?
Me: Yeah we've been so busy, we're out of pizza.
Guy: Fine. I'll just find another place to eat. *him and daughter head to door*
Me: (afraid I pissed off my boss, next to me) Wait, no, I-
Guy: *turns around* Gotcha!

[LeeHarveyKennedy]

A few years ago when I was delivering pizzas, a guy yelled at me because I delivered his pizza four minutes earlier than the time we quoted him. Because we live in a perfect world where cooks and drivers have no external factors to take into account.

"If you say it'll be here in 30 minutes, then it should be 30 minutes, not 26 minutes!"

Whatever, he was old and is likely dead now.

[Ravenheart]

Whatever, he was old and is likely dead now.

It's the universe's way of evening things out.

[MetalJunkie]

A few years ago when I was delivering pizzas, a guy yelled at me because I delivered his pizza four minutes earlier than the time we quoted him. Because we live in a perfect world where cooks and drivers have no external factors to take into account.

"If you say it'll be here in 30 minutes, then it should be 30 minutes, not 26 minutes!"

Whatever, he was old and is likely dead now.

[Super Dude]

Wow, that's kinda unbelievable.  Sure, I've had things come obnoxiously late and I send an angry call to the restaurant if it's like an hour late or something, but for delivering it early?  Hell, I'd say give that guy a raise.

[Ultimetalhead]

Assuming this thread is a good place to complain about stupidity in general, I'd like to introduce you all to a truly amazing phenomenon in the world of stupidity: My senior government class.

My favorite happening in this class as of late would have to be when we were talking about freedom of religion. We got on the subject of how even within one "umbrella" of religion, there are others who have slightly different beliefs. We start naming off denominations of Christianity, and this genius (who provides much of the entertainment) says "JEWISH!". He was dead serious.

He also thought polygamy was a religion. He couldn't grasp the fact that polygamy is illegal because it's evidently violating freedom of religion.

[Sigz]

My favorite stupid customer:

Him: umm, which milk has less fat: fat free or low fat?
Me: ...

[Ultimetalhead]

My favorite stupid customer:

Him: umm, which milk has less fat: fat free or low fat?
Me: ...

Oh dear. 

[sonatafanica]

When I worked at a resort restaurant, at the ONLY restaurant on the entire property, I swear to god that every day someone walked in and asked, "Is this the restaurant?"


OH DID THE TABLES AND PEOPLE PAYING TO EAT STUFF GIVE IT AWAY

[AcidLameLTE]

Yay. Customer complaint thread.

On the subject of people getting the names of products or whatever wrong, we have a film out right now called "Cedar Rapids" and people keep calling it "Chedder Rapids".

Quite often, I'll get people asking me what the difference between 2D and 3D films are and wether they need the 3D glasses for 2D films.

I also had some woman shout at me the other day because her film wasn't ready. She refused to listen when I explained that the previous film wasn't even out yet and there was still another 40 minutes before the trailers started.

[lateralus88]

Alright, here's a story from two days ago. So there I was, making the shampoo aisle at Target look all nice and spiffy when suddenly from across the way an old Asian (I only bring up her ethnicity for story telling purposes...and because communicating with her was more difficult than decoding an AndyDT thread) asks for my assistance. I figure "well, it's my job to help these people out, so let's see what she needs". As I walk over to the aisle she was in, I noticed she had been dismantling a gigantic box with a Water Cooler in it.

Me - "Ma'am, I'm sorry but you can't open the packaging for this product in the store before purchase"
Lady "No, I want see product now" (I am not being racist. These are her exact words.)
Me - "Yes, but look here on the side of the box. It has all of the information and a picture of the water cooler right here"
Lady "I still want look at product. It says 129.99"

Now this is where the next problem arises. She was opening up the wrong box. She was opening up the one that was 199.99. Which took me a good 10 minutes to explain to her that the product was moved over one space (the water coolers all sit right next to each other). I even scanned the barcode for her, and SHOWED HER THE PRICE. She continued to argue with me that the price of this item was now 129.99. She kept telling me I was wrong.

So I tell her:

Me - "If you'd like, I can go to the backroom and pick up one of the 129.99 water coolers for you, since I know we have some back there"
Lady - "No, this one 129.99"
Me - (GOD DAMN IT) "No, I'm sorry but it isn't. I'll go grab one in the back for you, and you can see if you'd like it. Okay?"
Lady - "Okay fine. I'll be over there *point in random direction*

Now this bothered me even more than it should have. She couldn't just wait in the current aisle? No, she refused and had to go wander around.

So I go to the back, and honestly I took longer than I had to on purpose. Fuck her. So I bring it back, and lo and behold guess who left the store without the water cooler? That's right. This Asian lady.

But wait, there is a wonderful irony to this story. I called for some assistance with the still dismantled water cooler box for the more expensive model. We bring it up to guest services and make an attempt to re-package it (with tape. Lots of tape). That took us about 30 minutes since she tore it up pretty bad. BUT you see, when an item such as this gets its packaging fucked up like it was, it loses some of its value. The price drops a pretty good amount. When the re-package label was printed, I noticed it had dropped the price down to...140.03.

That's right Mrs. Asian Bitch. Suck it.

[73109]

A girl in my AP World History class thought that Great Britain and England were two separate countries...

[lateralus88]

I knew a kid in high school who was convinced that red and yellow were the official "Communist colors".

[jsem]

Ugh. I have a couple of these situations that are only understandable for swedish people.

Cracked up at the ones already posted though.. some people can be really stupid.

[Plasmastrike]

Love how this has turned into a "Examples of stupid people" thread.

Wonderful stories everyone.

[lonestar]

Oh, where to begin.....


OK, one of my favorites happened on Valentines a few years ago.  Our starter course for our menu was a butter lettuce salad.  Not only did the customer ask for it with no butter, but the server was fucking stupid enough to ring it in "no butter."


Another one of my favorites...

Eggs benedict is served with a hollandaise sauce, which is egg yolks and a shitload of butter.  I had one guy order it with egg beaters, a cholesterol free egg substitute.

[MetalJunkie]

Tally for people who've pulled in the door with the "please use other door" sign.

So far it's 1. Four and a half hours to go....

[Phantasmatron]

Another favorite of mine are these people:

Me:  Hi, can I take your order, please?
Customer:  Yeah, can I get a junior bacon cheeseburger?  I want it plain, though. 
Me:  Okay, a junior bacon cheeseburger plain, anything else?
Customer:  Yeah, just make sure it's plain.
Me:  Okay, I got it.
Customer:  So I just want the mayo, tomato and lettuce on it.
Me:  ...

Not only is that pretty damn far from plain, but it's exactly how the sandwich comes normally. So...just order a junior bacon cheeseburger. 

[Genowyn]

I do technical support for an ISP, so I get some special people sometimes.

Me: Can you plug the modem into a different phone jack, please?
Customer: No.
Me: Why not?
Customer: This is the only room with three holes.
Me: With what?
Customer: With three holes...
Me: What do you mean, three holes? Is it the only room with multiple phone jacks?
Customer: No, no, three holes. In the wall.
Me: ...do you mean a power outlet?
Customer: Yeah!

Me: Do you have a Mac or Windows computer?
Customer: I don't know.

Me: Okay, so just go up into the address bar...
Customer: The what?
Me: The address bar...it's a long, white bar at the top of the screen, it says https:// in it.
Customer: I'm using Firefox.
Me: Doesn't matter, there should still be an address bar.
Customer: I'm on a Mac.
Me: Doesn't matter.
At this point, I need to give her directions starting from the apple logo on how to find the address bar.

At least two times I have had a customer take upwards of 10 minutes to find their ethernet port. Both times I repeatedly suggested "There might already be something plugged into it", both times the customer says "No, I definitely don't have one."...10 minutes later: "OH,  I found it! Something was plugged into it."

[lonestar]

Just had a good one.  A lady ordered our tuna taco, and wanted extra taco shells, aws told there would be a minimum charge for them.  She refused, said the tacos were horrible, and asked for it to be taken of the bill. (she ate almost all of it, BTW)

[MasterShakezula]

In History class, I've heard people refer to Africa and Asia as countries, while the UK is apparently a continent in itself. 

[ZBomber]

Just had a good one.  A lady ordered our tuna taco, and wanted extra taco shells, aws told there would be a minimum charge for them.  She refused, said the tacos were horrible, and asked for it to be taken of the bill. (she ate almost all of it, BTW)

Did you end up taking it off?

[jsem]

Once in Geography class in 6th grade, I corrected the teacher on the location of Papua New Guinea.

She was OWNED. She stood there speechless after having brought out the world map. She was totally embarrased.

Also this:

In History class, I've heard people refer to Africa and Asia as countries, while the UK is apparently a continent in itself.  

Very rarely though.

[lonestar]

Just had a good one.  A lady ordered our tuna taco, and wanted extra taco shells, aws told there would be a minimum charge for them.  She refused, said the tacos were horrible, and asked for it to be taken of the bill. (she ate almost all of it, BTW)

Did you end up taking it off?

Unfortunatly, yes.  Our management can be somewhat spineless when it comes to shit like this.

[MetalJunkie]

Me: *repeats phone order to customer* One large ham and one large pepperoni.
Customer: No, no, no, I said CANADIAN BACON.
Me: Exactly. Ham.

You're getting ham, and you're going to be fucking pleased about it.

Edit: And I'm booooored as hell. We just finished up our dinner rush (slower than a normal rush, since it's Sunday). We have like three tables occupied and there's nothing to do. Everyone's caught up. Time for another smoke break, I guess.

[glaurung]

Just had a good one.  A lady ordered our tuna taco, and wanted extra taco shells, aws told there would be a minimum charge for them.  She refused, said the tacos were horrible, and asked for it to be taken of the bill. (she ate almost all of it, BTW)

Did you end up taking it off?

Unfortunatly, yes.  Our management can be somewhat spineless when it comes to shit like this.

I'm all for customer service but I hate shit like that. It just teaches people that being stupid is a-okay.

[Jamesman42]

Once in Geography class in 6th grade, I corrected the teacher on the location of Papua New Guinea.

She was OWNED. She stood there speechless after having brought out the world map. She was totally embarrased.

Yeah, I've done that to a handful of math teachers/professors lol

I can't think straight so no customer stories right now.