What's wrong with me?

[LieLowTheWantedMan]

I'm not usually so open about these things, but after having a long conversation with my cousin, and I'm kinda concerned. I'm sorry if I'm just making a big deal out of nothing or I'm just being a typical whiny, bitchy teenager, but I'm wondering if I'm mentally ill or something.

Basically, here's my problem. I almost feel as if I have no emotion, usually. Whenever something happens, I'm not effected at all. I learned my father was leaving and moving to Calgary, I was unaffected. When my brother whom I was very close to passed away of heart failure in his sleep, my reaction was basically "Oh dear, that's awful...". But was I really sad? I didn't feel like it. Same case with my great-grandma passing away and my dogs and other cases. I've been hurt many times and betrayed by many people, my reaction is nonexistent.

But the part that scares me most is that even though I don't feel like I feel these things, I often burst out crying for no reason even if I don't feel sad. I often cause physical harm to myself before bed, or break things, or have some very unhealthy thoughts. And still, I never feel as if I'm truly sad no matter what happens to me. It's almost as if I just don't care about anything.

Am I crazy? Any of you guys know much about these things? I'm sorry for not going incredibly in depth, but I feel uncomfortable about things.

[zxlkho]

Dude, you like... described me perfectly. I know exactly how you feel.

My parents are going through a divorce right now (I'm at college now, but a lot of shit went down when I was back home...). My sister is having a really rough time with it, whereas I completely don't give a shit. I almost... feel bad for not feeling bad.

EDIT: didn't read the third paragraph before I posted. I don't go through any of those things exactly, but I know how you feel about having no emotion about certain things.

[LieLowTheWantedMan]

Dude, you like... described me perfectly. I know exactly how you feel.

My parents are going through a divorce right now (I'm at college now, but a lot of shit went down when I was back home...). My sister is having a really rough time with it, whereas I completely don't give a shit. I almost... feel bad for not feeling bad.

Yeah, I'm the same. Like my cousin said she envys how I can be like that, but I told her it just makes me feel bad that I don't feel anything.

[Dr. DTVT]

You're not crazy, some people just don't like to cope with things in an outward manner.  You're not going to grow up to be a serial killer or anything like that, just don't keep too much pent up inside.

[TempusVox]

Sounds like you may be depressed and are using various defense mechansims to mask your pain. Go talk to a professional. Be it clergy, your family doctor, or a therapist. It doesnt mean your crazy or strange, but it is unhealthy both emotionally, mentally, and physically to let that continue. Seriously. Make an appointment today. You'll get loads of advice and opinions here, but a prog band, internet message board is not going to solve your problems. Start with one of the three people I just mentioned, and don't worry that your crazy. Good luck.

[sonatafanica]

What you need to do first is go star in a Paul Thomas Anderson film

[King Postwhore]

Absolutely what DTVT and Tempus said.

I'll give you an example.  My wife had issues with her parents to the point she stopped seeing them for 11 years.  Though my family was behind her, she was struggling with herself.  My wife has always looks for approval from her mom and never got it.  Her mom would take a positive and make it a negative.  Even though our family and her friends told her she was a good daughter and and in the right she needed someone outside the family to tell her she was ok.

She to this day says it's the best thing she ever did to help her and 11 years later, her family reached out, my wife was stronger and set the rules and things are going well.  Help yourself with your internalizing with a therapist.

[Mr. Beale]

I agree with everything Tempus said, I would strongly recommend seeing a professional. I'm no therapist but those could very well be depression symptoms. I know it's hard but you'll be doing yourself a favor letting others know what your going through sooner rather than later.

[ScioPath]

Labeling yourself a whiney bitchy teen will only make you want to mask your emotions more. Try to avoid thinking of yourself in that way. Nothing's wrong with you. Personally, I deal with emotions in a similar way. If it's become enough of a problem that you're asking for help here, you should consider professional help as suggested above.

[sonatafanica]

Become a serial killer who only kills other serial killers

ooh! and remember to look into their eyes as the light leaves them, feeling the rush of their existence passing right through your knife

[ZBomber]

Become a serial killer who only kills other serial killers

ooh! and remember to look into their eyes as the light leaves them, feeling the rush of their existence passing right through your knife

I lol'd, even though this is a serious thread.

I can't really help you dude. I'm the opposite, I care too much/am way too empathetic with people.

[ClairvoyantCat]

See, Lielow?  You aren't a psycho.

Become a serial killer who only kills other serial killers

ooh! and remember to look into their eyes as the light leaves them, feeling the rush of their existence passing right through your knife

THIS is a fucking pshycho.   

[hefdaddy42]

Gotta go with Tempus on this one.