How important is a good engagement ring?

[Tick]

I think parents shoulder a good chunk of the cost of most weddings, but couples definitely go into debt for them.

My father in law forked up 10 grand for my wedding. He gave us a tremendous wedding we will never forget. I'm not sure if my wife decided to give him the money we got from the reception? I think no, but I don't remember.

[rumborak]

As for the whole wedding ring/expensive honeymoon/expensive marriage thing, I always thought it was all full of shit.  The notion that two people should begin their new lives together by racking up years of debt is just insane.  Finance related stress is one of the leading contributors to divorce, yet we as a culture have accepted that to get married you're supposed to hock yourself to the gills.  WTF, America?

And in case you wondered, it is also a distinctively American thing to do, to dump enormous amounts of money on a ring for your college sweetheart you marry at the age of 23, only to get divorced at 27 or so.

I know this couple who both said "Ok, we got the option of getting an expensive ring, or go on vacation together with the money. What will be more memorable?", and they went on vacation. Good for them.

rumborak

[El Barto]

And in case you wondered, it is also a distinctively American thing to do,

Oh, I had no doubt.  It's another result of consumerism run amok.  De Beers really pulled one over on us.  But it's not just them.  When the notion that anybody can buy anything they want is so prevalent, the masses become slaves to status.  You wind up with a culture that has to have or do things strictly because society says they should.  There's some adage about weddings being for the brides.  I suspect that in actuality, most weddings are for the bride's friends.  The image is much more important than the event itself.

[King Postwhore]

And the Bride.  Us grooms are just there for the ride.  It is amazing watching girls buy 8000 magazines on weddings just to get "Ideas". 

Us guys just need a tux and say I do. Women........

[Dr. DTVT]

Women........

should be chained in the kitchen naked and be forced to cook and procreate at our will.

I finished that thought for ya King   

[bosk1]

Do people frequently go in debt over this?  We pointedly assumed we had to pay for everything and started with a budget within our means for everything wedding.  Actually, my parents were so glad we did it that way they just paid most of the bills themselves.  I assumed most of these big ones were paid for by parents or the married couple were already well off.

Yeah, actually I should clarify something for my post above.  My wife and I paid for our wedding ourselves, for a couple of reasons.  First, both of us came from families who simply didn't have the means to pay.  Second, we got the short end of the stick as far as the merging of our two cultures given that I come from a western culture where tradition says the bride's family pays and she comes from Chinese culture where tradition says the groom's family pays.  So, yeah, we went into in knowing both our wedding and everything associated with it, including the rings, would be whatever the two of us decided we were willing to pay out of our own pockets. 

[PikachuXD]

As a girl, guys don't have to spend a bunch of money on a stupid ring. Any guy can buy an exspensive ring but not every man can win her heart. 

[yorost]

And the Bride.  Us grooms are just there for the ride.  It is amazing watching girls buy 8000 magazines on weddings just to get "Ideas".  

Us guys just need a tux and say I do. Women........

I planned more of my wedding than my wife did.  It was in my home, though, so I knew better how to go about organizing everything with neither of us living anywhere near there.

...we got the short end of the stick as far as the merging of our two cultures given that I come from a western culture where tradition says the bride's family pays and she comes from Chinese culture where tradition says the groom's family pays.  So, yeah, we went into in knowing both our wedding and everything associated with it, including the rings, would be whatever the two of us decided we were willing to pay out of our own pockets. 

Been there, done that!

That's why we were really surprised when my parents decided to pick up a bunch of the bills after the wedding was done.  I think when they saw we did everything so cheaply they thought it would be nice to just surprise us as a gift.

[King Postwhore]

Women........

should be chained in the kitchen naked and be forced to cook and procreate at our will.

I finished that thought for ya King  

Oh you

I planned more of my wedding than my wife did.  It was in my home, though, so I knew better how to go about organizing everything with neither of us living anywhere near there.

I had a yes or no but my wife did all the I like this color,  I like these 3 wedding invitations cards ect...  It's was her dream.  i would have been happy to go to the JP.

[j]

Anybody who immediately criticizes a thoughtful gift is no longer welcome in my sight.

Amen, brother.

I spent around 2500-3000 on my wife's ring (cash, no debt), because I wanted to.  She would have been happy with a ring out of a Cracker Jack box, and that's part of the reason I wanted to get her something better: because she wasn't expecting it or feeling entitled or anything, and she knew how unimportant it was in the grand scheme of things.  But all women have these fantasies about their dream ring, wedding, etc., and it's just part of our fucked up culture.  Hopefully they'll grow out of it.

But like others have said, if she honestly thinks those things are important, she's probably way too immature to have any of it happen to her.

-J

[TheOutlawXanadu]

Two thoughts:

@Ħ: Don't sell your music collection. You will regret it and it's unnecessary.

@vivid2012: Her caring that much about the size of the ring is a red flag. For me, at least.

[Rina]

Two thoughts:

@Ħ: Don't sell your music collection. You will regret it and it's unnecessary.

@vivid2012: Her caring that much about the size of the ring is a red flag. For me, at least.

I agree with both of these.


It's true, we grow up dreaming about our wedding day, the proposal, etc. But I'd be more delighted with him getting a good deal, not spending much, and getting one that is visibly appealing.    Cash/size shouldn't matter.

[chknptpie]

I'm pretty sure I've heard on the radio about "upgrade"able rings, which could be something to look into. Buy something now thats in your price range, but can be upgraded with a larger stone later.

[YtseBitsySpider]

Pre-made sandwiches should come with the ring.




I remember ring shopping with a buddy of mine.
After we picked it up, and in front of the jewelry store lady he says......."I better get a year's worth of quality blow jobs for THIS one!"..............the older cashier/jewelry store lady didn't even look phased and calmly said...."I should hope so"

[TAC]

My wife and I hawked our wedding rings from our first marriages and spent the money on OUR rings.

[Dublagent66]

It's all a complete waste of time and money.  If people thought about what's really important, the ring wouldn't matter.

[yorost]

Should people throw away all forms of tokens and disregard tastes and wants beyond necessity?  It is a complete waste to have a constant reminder of the person you have made a lifelong connection and devotion to?  Even worse to obtain any pleasure from that token?  Hell, wedding pictures must be a complete waste, too, lets burn them all.  Books suck, too, lets burn them all.

[ehra]

Should people throw away all forms of tokens and disregard tastes and wants beyond necessity?  It is a complete waste to have a constant reminder of the person you have made a lifelong connection and devotion to?  Even worse to obtain any pleasure from that token?  Hell, wedding pictures must be a complete waste, too, lets burn them all.  Books suck, too, lets burn them all.

What does this have to do with what anyone's talking about?

[Sigz]

Should people throw away all forms of tokens and disregard tastes and wants beyond necessity?  It is a complete waste to have a constant reminder of the person you have made a lifelong connection and devotion to?  Even worse to obtain any pleasure from that token?  Hell, wedding pictures must be a complete waste, too, lets burn them all.  Books suck, too, lets burn them all.

What does this have to do with what anyone's talking about?

It's all a complete waste of time and money.  If people thought about what's really important, the ring wouldn't matter.

[ehra]

I missed that one 

[El Barto]

Should people throw away all forms of tokens and disregard tastes and wants beyond necessity?  It is a complete waste to have a constant reminder of the person you have made a lifelong connection and devotion to?  Even worse to obtain any pleasure from that token?  Hell, wedding pictures must be a complete waste, too, lets burn them all.  Books suck, too, lets burn them all.

I don't think it's necessarily a waste.   I just don't think it's something that should cost a small fortune.  In fact, I don't think it should cost much at all.  Why is a $20k ring a better token of commitment than a $50 one? 

And as for the pictures, that's another pretty big racket.  I'm sure plenty of them are fantastic photographers and ensure that they get great pictures of a one-time event.  I'm also pretty sure they charge a 1000% markup just because they can.  Add the word "wedding" to any object and it's price magically goes through the roof. 

Now that I think about it, I should rush out to patent "wedding rice." 

Don't settle for cheap rice that doesn't look it's whitest.  By only Barto's Luxurious Wedding Rice for that special day, because isn't she worth it.
Starting at only $79 per pound

[7StringedBeast]

Should people throw away all forms of tokens and disregard tastes and wants beyond necessity?  It is a complete waste to have a constant reminder of the person you have made a lifelong connection and devotion to?  Even worse to obtain any pleasure from that token?  Hell, wedding pictures must be a complete waste, too, lets burn them all.  Books suck, too, lets burn them all.

I don't think it's necessarily a waste.   I just don't think it's something that should cost a small fortune.  In fact, I don't think it should cost much at all.  Why is a $20k ring a better token of commitment than a $50 one? 

And as for the pictures, that's another pretty big racket.  I'm sure plenty of them are fantastic photographers and ensure that they get great pictures of a one-time event.  I'm also pretty sure they charge a 1000% markup just because they can.  Add the word "wedding" to any object and it's price magically goes through the roof. 

Now that I think about it, I should rush out to patent "wedding rice." 

Don't settle for cheap rice that doesn't look it's whitest.  By only Barto's Luxurious Wedding Rice for that special day, because isn't she worth it.
Starting at only $79 per pound

*Sues Barto for selling wedding rice that birds eat and die due to their stomachs exploding*

[yorost]

Should people throw away all forms of tokens and disregard tastes and wants beyond necessity?  It is a complete waste to have a constant reminder of the person you have made a lifelong connection and devotion to?  Even worse to obtain any pleasure from that token?  Hell, wedding pictures must be a complete waste, too, lets burn them all.  Books suck, too, lets burn them all.

I don't think it's necessarily a waste.   I just don't think it's something that should cost a small fortune.  In fact, I don't think it should cost much at all.  Why is a $20k ring a better token of commitment than a $50 one?  

And as for the pictures, that's another pretty big racket.  I'm sure plenty of them are fantastic photographers and ensure that they get great pictures of a one-time event.  I'm also pretty sure they charge a 1000% markup just because they can.  Add the word "wedding" to any object and it's price magically goes through the roof.  

I probably agree with you on the ring, ok?  I was commenting only to the post above mine that called them a complete waste.  If the ring becomes a problem for a couple, that's a serious issue, especially if it turns out to be irresponsible long term.  It's always balance and trying to maximize the value of the money you decide to spend.

As for pictures, we didn't hire anyone but asked people to take pictures and send them to us.  It works very well and costs nothing.  Are the pictures as good as they could have been?  Probably not, but I don't think we'll ever care.  There are so many easy ways to save at a wedding, you can really do things so cheaply and still have a "pretty" wedding.

[El Barto]

My stepsister bought 10 or 12 Polaroid cameras on eBay and left them all around the place so that anybody could take pictures of whatever they wanted. Great idea.  It's becoming fashionable to do that with cheap digital cameras now, but the Polaroid introduces an element of interactivity.

[yorost]

We didn't buy any cameras for our wedding, we just asked people to bring their own if they didn't mind.  They just dumped them online or sent us a cd for us to collect together later.

[sonatafanica]

Dude Brother H


if you sell your entire music collection over a marriage (which you are only expecting to happen due to religious and social conventions) for a girl that you have a 50% chance (and growing) to divorce, well


well then I guess you should do it because you listen to prog anyway

[slycordinator]

My stepsister bought 10 or 12 Polaroid cameras on eBay and left them all around the place so that anybody could take pictures of whatever they wanted. Great idea.  It's becoming fashionable to do that with cheap digital cameras now, but the Polaroid introduces an element of interactivity.

Polaroid no longer makes film for those cameras.

Oh nm, some company bought all of their manufacturing equipment and is working on manufacturing film that'll be compatible, though I wonder why polaroid didn't just give them all their info, since they wanted to get out of that field altogether...

[Jirpo]

Pre-made sandwiches should come with the ring.




I remember ring shopping with a buddy of mine.
After we picked it up, and in front of the jewelry store lady he says......."I better get a year's worth of quality blow jobs for THIS one!"..............the older cashier/jewelry store lady didn't even look phased and calmly said...."I should hope so"

LOL

[yorost]

if you sell your entire music collection over a marriage (which you are only expecting to happen due to religious and social conventions) for a girl that you have a 50% chance (and growing) to divorce, well

50% is a misleading number.  Well documented trends show odds of remaining married increase as you get older and odds decrease as you accumulate divorces.  There is debate on the accuracy of percentages, but almost all reports agree on the trends related to age and previous marriages.  First marriages for people 25 and over have about a 4 of 5 chance of lasting a minimum of 20 years.

Marriage isn't something people do only for social or religious convention.  There are personal advantages and securities involved.  Just because society drives towards it doesn't mean it is wrong for everyone.

[Silver Tears]

I don't think I'd want an expensive ring, I don't like the idea of that much money being spent an me, and anyway it's the sentiment that's behind it that's important.

[TempusVox]

A little late to the party on this I know, but two points related to the topic at hand.

1) Find a broker in your area who sells diamonds. Dont' buy a ring from a mall jeweler. The lighting usually is such that EVERYTHING sparkles in a mall jewelry store. And buy QUALITY, not quantity. Explain to the girl that you could buy her an enormous piece of shit stone (that will still look pretty in the setting) , or maybe get an excellent quality stone (a little smaller) for the same price. Tell her-- your grandkids will one day appreciate the better stone, and so will she. Tell her you love her too much to buy her an enormous piece of junk. If money is no object---then buy both quality and quantity. I have a lot of money, and I could have bought my wife a huge 5 or 6 c. ring had I so desired, but instead she got a 2 c. colorless, flawless emerald cut diamond for the same money I could have spent on a much larger stone.

2) When it comes to weddings ---never forget this. I once had a priest tell me that couples spend a ton of time, money, energy, and effort on the FIRST day of their lives together as a wedded couple, and NONE of the same effort on the rest of their marriage. Great advice for any couple considering marriage! It would be much better spending the funds for an extravagant wedding on a down payment for a house, or investing it for your future together. Don't blow a ton of money on the first day of your lives together.

[Dr. DTVT]

Real late to the party:

https://www.dreamtheaterforums.org/boards/index.php?topic=22469.msg859961#msg859961

[El Barto]

I guess we can rule out TV as the author of detective novels.

[antigoon]

Dude Brother H


if you sell your entire music collection over a marriage (which you are only expecting to happen due to religious and social conventions) for a girl that you have a 50% chance (and growing) to divorce, well


well then I guess you should do it because you listen to prog anyway

holy shit

[lonestar]

I guess we can rule out TV as the author of detective novels.

And I was so certain he was Dan Brown.