How important is a good engagement ring?

[vivid2012]

A question for both genders. Guys, do you feel the need to go all out and spend thousands on an engagement ring to please the girl? Ladies, does the ring or amount spend actually increase how much love you feel for your man? do you care about size of the ring?
 I don't think size is an issue, as long as it fits your finger, right? But my gf doesn't think so. The other day, I bought *snip* for her. Who knows, she said it not big enough. And she even implied the size is sort of matters.. If I don't get a good ring- then what does that say for the rest of the relationship or marriage... It predicts bad things! I'm so confused now. So, what's your opinion

[Ħ]

When I get married, I'm going to sell my music collection and use the money to buy the ring.  Probably gonna be about 2000-3000 when the time comes.  It think it's worth it.  I know that's not an extraordinary amount for a ring but I can't get the thrill of the sacrifice out of my head.

[jsem]

Lol how are you going to get it all sold?

[tri.ad]

I haven't really thought about this, since I'm not planning on getting married.

[Gadough]

When I get married, I'm going to sell my music collection and use the money to buy the ring.  Probably gonna be about 2000-3000 when the time comes.  It think it's worth it.

I hate to be cynical, but how would you feel about that decision if you got divorced?

[Ħ]

When I get married, I'm going to sell my music collection and use the money to buy the ring.  Probably gonna be about 2000-3000 when the time comes.  It think it's worth it.

I hate to be cynical, but how would you feel about that decision if you got divorced?

If I got divorced, I'd probably be so upset over the marriage that I wouldn't be bothered by my absense of a music collection.

[faemir]

[jsem]

That picture is so true. Yet I'd totally buy a diamond ring, lol.

[TheVoxyn]

We sure have a lot of threads by regular members that sound like spambots these days. First GGG with her ipad game and now this.

'girls want big rings, check out this site'



Anyway, if she cares more for the ring than the thought behind it (I want to spend the rest of my life with you) - then something might be going on.

[Sigz]

We sure have a lot of threads by regular members that sound like spambots these days. First GGG with her ipad game and now this.

'girls want big rings, check out this site'

Huh? The site he linked to was the ring he bought, which apparently wasn't good enough. Not very good advertising if you ask me.

Anyway, if she cares more for the ring than the thought behind it (I want to spend the rest of my life with you) - then something might be going on.

But definitely this.

[XJDenton]

Anyway, if she cares more for the ring than the thought behind it (I want to spend the rest of my life with you) - then something might be going on.

But definitely this.

This x1000.

[King Postwhore]

A question for both genders. Guys, do you feel the need to go all out and spend thousands on an engagement ring to please the girl? Ladies, does the ring or amount spend actually increase how much love you feel for your man? do you care about size of the ring?
 I don't think size is an issue, as long as it fits your finger, right? But my gf doesn't think so. The other day, I bought this ring for her. Who knows, she said it not big enough. And she even implied the size is sort of matters.. If I don't get a good ring- then what does that say for the rest of the relationship or marriage... It predicts bad things! I'm so confused now. So, what's your opinion

It's a girls fantasy for a large ring.  If you can't afford it and as of right now that's the best you can do.  I know of some friends who, when later, could afford a larger ring when o to do so.  But it's up to you and if she still complains then tell her your having doubts that this marriage will work if that's all she cares about.  In 1993 I spent $3000 for my wife's ring but it's not the size that truly maters it's the clarity. 

[Chino]

An engagement ring should not have to cost more than 750 or so. I really hate promise rings.

[King Postwhore]

An engagement ring should not have to cost more than 750 or so. I really hate promise rings.

Chino, no offense buy your not doing your homework.

https://financialplan.about.com/od/gettingmarried/a/buying-an-engagement-ring.htm

Now, no one should be pushed into buying a certain ring for price if that's all you can afford but there is a average amount a person should spend if they can.

[lordxizor]

A good engagement ring is as important as you and your gf view it to be. There's no right or wrong answer. I spent more on my wife's ring than I probably should have, but we both loved it and still love it today. There are times when I think I should have just gotten her a plain gold band and been done with it, but I still like seeing the ring on her finger today.

Here's what it comes down to. Buy as big a ring as you can afford and want to buy. Do not finance a ring. I repeat, do not finance a ring! Save up or sell some stuff and pay cash. The fact of the matter is that any girl worth marrying will be thrilled to get a ring of any size if she knows you picked it out and gave it to her.

[Tick]

If your someone who cares more about the size and cost of a ring more then the symbol of what it represents, your relationship is already doomed.
Status is something created by people who are never content with anything to begin with.
I'm not saying you should be satisfied with a ring out of a cracker jack box, but if someone loves you with all there heart and soul and you reciprocate that feeling back to that person, you already have riches money will never buy. Whether the ring is 500 or 5000 dollars, makes no difference. If it does, you should reexamine yourself and ask yourself why?
For the record, I bought my wife a marquis cut diamond ring in 1994 in NYC for 1,000 dollars and she absolutley loves it to this day? Yes, she loves the ring, but she still loves the man who gives his all to her and loves her more than money could ever say.
That is my feeling.

[King Postwhore]

.

Here's what it comes down to. Buy as big a ring as you can afford and want to buy. Do not finance a ring. I repeat, do not finance a ring! Save up or sell some stuff and pay cash. The fact of the matter is that any girl worth marrying will be thrilled to get a ring of any size if she knows you picked it out and gave it to her.

100% correct.

[ReaperKK]

.

Here's what it comes down to. Buy as big a ring as you can afford and want to buy. Do not finance a ring. I repeat, do not finance a ring! Save up or sell some stuff and pay cash. The fact of the matter is that any girl worth marrying will be thrilled to get a ring of any size if she knows you picked it out and gave it to her.

100% correct.

I have echo this statement. I spent close to $6k, a lot of it was savings that I was putting away for the ring. She never saw the ring but what was important to her was that it was picked out by me and was unique.

[Tick]

I will also add to my thoughts that I am not knocking the guy who spends the skys the limit on a ring. Do what makes you happy. My point was, beware of the woman who won't be happy unless she has that high priced big rock on her finger.

[Xanthul]

I will also add to my thoughts that I am not knocking the guy who spends the skys the limit on a ring. Do what makes you happy. My point was, beware of the woman who won't be happy unless she has that high priced big rock on her finger.

I agree 100%.

I think I already posted this once, but I spent around 500-600$ (unsure of the exchange rate at the time) and she already complained that it was too much. She simply isn't that much into jewelry and both of us felt that money would be better spent elsewhere (for example in our honeymoon). Just do whatever you two feel comfortable with and screw everybody else.

[Rina]

Enter; The Female POV:


I absolutely agree with you guys. I'd much prefer an inexpensive ring that fit my taste rather than something he'll be paying off for years to come.

It's pretty stupid to get upset if your ring isn't as huge as you wanted (unless it's like...a ring he got out of a quarter machine...)

I'd just be happy if it fit.     The thought of a guy shopping around to get you one is cute enough to where it shouldn't really matter. But I would think that I'd be more proud of him for NOT spending a lot of money vs. swooning at how much he spent. 

[YtseBitsySpider]

I gave her a budget.
Told her to pick two or three, or narrow it down, and I'd get one of them.
She went OVER budget, and paid the difference.
fine.
I picked it up.
Asked.
She said yes.

[Tick]

 But I would think that I'd be more proud of him for NOT spending a lot of money vs. swooning at how much he spent. 

Interesting point, Rina. I hadn't even considered the fact that some guys measure themselves by what they can give, and that gives them self worth even if it was more important to them than the woman who will receive it. Excellent point. It got me thinking about something I had only previously seen one way.

[Phantasmatron]

Vivid, I don't know you or your girlfriend, so maybe I don't know what I'm talking about, but if she's gonna make a big deal about the size and price of the engagement ring you get her, maybe she needs to get her priorities straight before you guys do the whole marriage thing.  It seems to me the focus should be that you've picked out an engagement ring for her and you want to spend the rest of your life with her, not how many paychecks you put into it or how big the actual rock is.

[robwebster]

An engagement ring should not have to cost more than 750 or so. I really hate promise rings.

Chino, no offense buy your not doing your homework.

https://financialplan.about.com/od/gettingmarried/a/buying-an-engagement-ring.htm

Now, no one should be pushed into buying a certain ring for price if that's all you can afford but there is a average amount a person should spend if they can.

I think, if a girl were to be picky about how overblown my unnecessary expenditure was, she would possibly be the kind of girl who I'd have trouble spending my life with. I find that a little arrogant. "Oh, so I'm not worth another £2,250 of useless symbolism?"

Maybe that's arrogant of me, acting like I can be picky. If I could afford £3,000, I'd be more than happy to spend it, but I doubt I'd feel comfortable spending my life with someone who feels so much entitlement.

[King Postwhore]

Rob.  Read my first post.  I agree with you.  I'm just saying that the average for a ring is $3500 and to save up but If you can only spend a certain amount that cool too.  But lets be honest.  Most girls dream of that special diamond ring.  Sure there are a few who wouldn't care but they are not the norm.

[Tick]

Rob.  Read my first post.  I agree with you.  I'm just saying that the average for a ring is $3500 and to save up but If you can only spend a certain amount that cool too.  But lets be honest.  Most girls dream of that special diamond ring.  Sure there are a few who wouldn't care but they are not the norm.

I think some girls want that fairytale guy who sweeps them off there feet with true love regardless of income level. Others want the guy who is rich and successful and give them anything there heart desires. The girl who needs the big diamond to show off is the girl that will love you as long as you stay rich and successful. Plenty of guys have there "trophy" wives based purely on there wealth and success. I think that is fair to say. Certainly not in all cases but surely in many.
I happen to be a guy married to a woman who makes more money then I do. She does quite well. It wasn't always that way. Once upon a time the roles were reversed, but our relationship is the same now as it was then.

[yorost]

Don't spend out of your range, that's about all there is.  If she demands more than that you might want to think about who you're trying to marry.

I spent more money on my wife's rings because I wanted to get her a quality ring and diamond.  We spent very little on my titanium ring, though, which offset part of the cost.  Both of her rings are platinum, and each is more pricey than the diamond itself.

Diamond shopping

Doing it for size is absurd, to me almost all of the other factors are more important, clarity, colour, etc.  Do you want to get a quality diamond or just a big diamond that looks like crap?  If you're going to waste money on it at least waste it on the factors that make it look good.

Many distributors claim their diamonds do not come from slave trades or harsh labor, but who knows what's true.  For the most part all you can go by is what they say and if you can't find anything refuting their claims then what can you do?  All diamonds in the US are legally required to come through certified ethical supply chains, so if nothing else you can probably believe many sellers truthfully believe their diamonds have not come from unethical means.  You can really pony up and get a Canadian diamond if you really want to be safe.

The best way to save money is staying out of brick and mortar stores.  They're notorious for both overpricing and overrating, a double whammy on your pocketbook.  Here's lots of good and common points on how many diamond sellers may try to bump their prices: https://www.diamondhelpers.com/ask/0040-scams.shtml Shopping online from places that offer independently rated diamonds is easy enough, and oddly more trustworthy.  Do some research on who is best to buy from, you'll come up with a  few sites that have great reputations.  After purchasing take it to get appraised, or make sure before you buy you can get it appraised to make sure things match up.

Remember, you can always buy the diamond and then have it set on a ring anywhere.

[Tick]

Don't spend out of your range, that's about all there is.  If she demands more than that you might want to think about who you're trying to marry.

I spent more money on my wife's rings because I wanted to get her a quality ring and diamond.  We spent very little on my titanium ring, though, which offset part of the cost.  Both of her rings are platinum, and each is more pricey than the diamond itself.

Diamond shopping

Doing it for size is absurd, to me almost all of the other factors are more important, clarity, colour, etc.  Do you want to get a quality diamond or just a big diamond that looks like crap?  If you're going to waste money on it at least waste it on the factors that make it look good.

Many distributors claim their diamonds do not come from slave trades or harsh labor, but who knows what's true.  For the most part all you can go by is what they say and if you can't find anything refuting their claims then what can you do?  All diamonds in the US are legally required to come through certified ethical supply chains, so if nothing else you can probably believe many sellers truthfully believe their diamonds have not come from unethical means.  You can really pony up and get a Canadian diamond if you really want to be safe.

The best way to save money is staying out of brick and mortar stores.  They're notorious for both overpricing and overrating, a double whammy on your pocketbook.  Here's lots of good and common points on how many diamond sellers may try to bump their prices: https://www.diamondhelpers.com/ask/0040-scams.shtml Shopping online from places that offer independently rated diamonds is easy enough, and oddly more trustworthy.  Do some research on who is best to buy from, you'll come up with a  few sites that have great reputations.  After purchasing take it to get appraised, or make sure before you buy you can get it appraised to make sure things match up.

Remember, you can always buy the diamond and then have it set on a ring anywhere.

I bought my wife's ring in the diamond district in NYC. You can do great there if you pick the right jeweler. I paid 1,000 for the ring and it was appraised by 3 other jewelers for, 2,000. That made me happy. Also, I went for clarity over size. I had a choice between one almost twice the size with less clarity for the same price. I chose the more perfect diamond.

[El Barto]

The other day, I bought this ring for her. Who knows, she said it not big enough. And she even implied the size is sort of matters.

"Welcome to Dumpsville, Baby.  Population:  You."

Anybody who immediately criticizes a thoughtful gift is no longer welcome in my sight.

As for the whole wedding ring/expensive honeymoon/expensive marriage thing, I always thought it was all full of shit.  The notion that two people should begin their new lives together by racking up years of debt is just insane.  Finance related stress is one of the leading contributors to divorce, yet we as a culture have accepted that to get married you're supposed to hock yourself to the gills.  WTF, America?

[bosk1]

As for the whole wedding ring/expensive honeymoon/expensive marriage thing, I always thought it was all full of shit.  The notion that two people should begin their new lives together by racking up years of debt is just insane.  Finance related stress is one of the leading contributors to divorce, yet we as a culture have accepted that to get married you're supposed to hock yourself to the gills.  WTF, America?

Winner!

Interestingly, it was actually more me than my wife who had to be talked into that way of thinking.  My wife basically said, "A ring is cool and all, and so is a nice wedding.  But we can't start our lives together by racking up huge debt for a shiny piece of metal and a party with our friends and family."  Don't get me wrong--we still had a nice wedding.  But she was smart to realize that the focus needed to be on the marriage, not the wedding.  The wedding is one day.  The marriage is forever--especially since divorce is not an option for either of us.  There were a few things that were important.  There are certain customs that are important in Chinese culture that, in order to show respect to her parents, we made sure to accommodate.  We saved like crazy for a year and I put off going to law school that first year out of college so we could meet our goals.  She still got a nice ring that she was happy with, and we had a nice wedding.  But we found a lot of ways to cut corners and we made sure we didn't go into debt.  I think she had less than $1,000 in student loans, and I had a little more, and that was it.  I'm grateful she was adamant about not starting life together with debt hanging over our heads.

[Dr. DTVT]

This probably explains why I'm never going to get married...but I say fuck rings.  There are better things to be spending money on (like student loan debt).  I'm going to be buying a really nice house when I figure out where I'm going to set roots...if a nice house and the prestige of being married to a doctor isn't enough of an ego stroking for someone, chances are they would drive me crazy anyways.  The worst part is that the generally very intelligent and pragmatic women I know and work with become completely irrational when it comes to things like this.

[Tick]

Their is little doubt that financial woes will send a marriage into turmoil no matter how much you love each other. I have been through these phases and the stress and strain they create is insane. You just have to keep looking forward at the big picture and believe you can right the ship. Its not always easy.
I survived serious debt however and now we have climbed out from under it. Who knows what the future holds but for now were good financially.
The only thing I think that would more detrimental to my marriage than finances (personally) would be infidelity. I don't know if we would be able to move past that if either one of us was unfaithful.

[yorost]

Do people frequently go in debt over this?  We pointedly assumed we had to pay for everything and started with a budget within our means for everything wedding.  Actually, my parents were so glad we did it that way they just paid most of the bills themselves.  I assumed most of these big ones were paid for by parents or the married couple were already well off.

[lordxizor]

I think parents shoulder a good chunk of the cost of most weddings, but couples definitely go into debt for them.