Questions about saying goodbye to a forum

[Orbert]

First of all, in case it crosses anyone's mind, this is not about DTF.

I've been a member there for almost as long, however, and during that time, I've interacted with a lot of people, made some online friends, even helped a few out by hosting some stuff online for them, since I happen to have access to a lot of online web capacity.  But in the past two or three years, maybe more, membership has noticeably dropped off, the PC game which originally brought us all together is quite old now and few even play it anymore, and we're really down to just a handful of regulars.  It sometimes feels like it's still going just because no one wants it to end.  We're friends now and have been for a while, and it's hard to just walk away from that.  You don't want the party to end, and unlike the real world, there's no "gotta get up for work tomorrow" or any real reason why it can't go on.  Except that it's just kinda boring now and we've sunken below critical mass IMO.

It would be rude to leave without saying Goodbye and posting one of those horrible "Goodbye" posts, and unless I grossly overestimate my presence there, I'm sure it will be met with not just farewells, but some pleas to stay.  That will be difficult.  But even worse will be the feeling I get whenever I see one of those posts.  Usually it's right after two or more high-profile members have had a major disagreement, and one of them posts saying "I've decided that this place isn't right for me anymore..." or "I find that I can no longer associate with people who..." or something similar.  Usually I think to myself "Fine, fucking leave, okay?"

But this isn't like that.  People have slowly and quietly just stopped posting there, the place is dying, and I feel sad about that, but I do have my reasons.  The problem is that my reasons will sound just as pathetic as the examples I've given above, but again, I think it would be rude to just leave.  I do consider some of them actual friends, not just online friends, even though we've never met.  But the fact is, we have never met, we never will, and I'm kinda looking to cut down some of my online life and spend a little more time in the real world.

Now that I think about it, it's been a while since I've even seen a Goodbye thread.  I guess today, the norm really is to just stop posting, leave the party without saying Goodbye to everyone?  How does this work nowadays?

[KevShmev]

I would just stop posting without the goodbye thread.  Or you could go over there every once in a while and post just to sort of stay active, but if you really want out for good, just leave.  You could always PM the ones you like talking to the most, so they know that you have left.  

But I would avoid the goodbye thread, as I usually have a reaction similar to yours whenever I see one (although Jackie's a while back was an exception, for obvious reasons).  Or maybe post a "I won't be posting as much" thread, which is a bit different than a goodbye one.  Given how you said traffic has gone way down, I am sure most will be cool with it.

[Dr. DTVT]

Just curious - what game, if you don't mind?

In your case, I think a simple "I'm stepping away from the game, I value your friendship and the time we spent together, I wish you all the best" is the proper way to go.  Yeah, you might have people begging you to stay; but at least by saying goodbye you have closure, and so do your friends and they don't begin speculating what happened to you.  You don't even have to post it online.  When I am done with a MMORPG, I gather my friends, distrubute my goods (great for resisting the temptation to come back), and leave.  Just my 2 cents.  If a regular decided to leave DTF, I'd like to know about it so I don't end up wondering what happened to Blob, DoC, BtC, whoever else.

[EPICVIEW]

wait... are you saying there are other forums? thats blasphemy!!!! 

its DTF or nothign for me!

[Phantasmatron]

I was on a dying forum with just a few regulars remaining a while back.  Somebody made a Facebook group for the forum.  And then we just started saying stuff there if we needed to.  So even though nobody goes to the forum anymore, we still interact and keep in touch a little bit.  No sad goodbye threads.

[Orbert]

Thanks for the responses.  I guess Goodbye threads used to be a lot more common than they are now, not just here but elsewhere as well, and since I'm old-school, the first thing of I thought of would be the difficulties in creating one.  I had not really considered the option of just not doing it until I started writing this and realizing that I actually hadn't seen one in a while.  Interesting.

[HarlequinForest]

If it were me, I would just stop posting.  I've always thought goodbye threads are melodramatic; if you're close enough to someone to feel the need to give a farewell, then you should be close enough to them to simply give them your e-mail address and avoid the sappy stuff.  Also, if others perceive it rude to simply stop posting, then they're wrong in believing that one must justify their forum activity.

Of course, that's just me.  I've never tried to make friends or sustain relationships on Internet forums; I just view them as places to discuss my interests.  I also really hate the favoritism and circle jerking which takes place among friends on Internet forums (I'm apart of, like, 5 Internet forums - more active on some than others)

[lonestar]

Damn, and here I thought you were leaving DTF.

[kala1928]

As far as my history in online gaming/communities, I've dropped them without a goodbye. If I actually had been 'good friends' with someone, I would be in contact with them in other mediums aswell (msn/facebook/we've met etc.). If you consider to be friends with someone just because you are in contact in (for example) a forum you prob wont lose much even if you don't stay in contact.

[dethklok09]

I would just stop posting because if I was to post a goodbye thread here I know the reaction would be tons of pleas to stay stating that I am arguably the coolest guy here.

But in all reality I would just pm some of my aquaintences on here or any forum that I am leaving. Or post in a topic such as the chat thread.

[Orbert]

If you consider to be friends with someone just because you are in contact in (for example) a forum you prob wont lose much even if you don't stay in contact.

Yeah, but I'm talking about 10 years of joking around with these guys, sharing joys and concerns, helping 'em out, and in the beginning at least, playing a lot of Diablo II together (that's to answer the "what game?" question above).  These aren't just anonymous dudes on a message board; I really feel like I've come to know them pretty well, and they're as close as I can get to "real" friends as can be without actually meeting face-to-face.  It's just that we're down to like eight or 10 of us now.  Entire days goes by without a post.  So realistically I wouldn't miss that much, because there isn't that much to miss anymore.

What most people are advising sounds about right.  PM some of the ones I'm closer to, then quietly disappear without fanfare.  It would be more my style, too.

[ZBomber]

One of the first forums I really connected with was "Lucasforums", which was for Lucas Arts games. I joined when I got Jedi Outcast back in 2002. It was a pretty tight knit community, the regulars were all friends and we'd talk on MSN a lot. Eventually, a lot of people left, the game wasn't popular anymore, and I too stopped frequenting there. However, I still drop by now and then. There are usually only 3 or 4 active threads at a given time, but I'd say about 10-20 of the old regulars also drop by now and again.

You don't have to say goodbye I don't think. Just check in less and less. It sounds pretty similar to my case, so I get where you are coming from. This July will be my 9th anniversary on that forum, and even though I don't post there much, I wouldn't want to ever really "leave". It's nice to keep the bridge open if you ever want to connect with someone from there, you know?

[Perpetual Change]

Yeah, I'd just stop posting regularly. I mean, there's no point in posting a "goodbye" thread. On the internet, you can always check in if you want.

[ricky]

less time there = more time here.

think about it.

[Orbert]

Good point.  Also, that seems to be happening naturally anyway.

[Vivace]

I second the just demote yourself to lurker. There has been one time I actually emailed the moderator and told him to delete me and permanently ban me from the forum. But that was because the whole forum took a HUGE downhill turn and basically became a bigoted club to which the moderator agreed (even he doesn't participate in that forum). Sounds like this is completely different. I have over and over again taken "sabbaticals" from forums but again for reasons that are not related to your problem.