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Offline MetalJunkie

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Re: Writers' thread
« Reply #140 on: January 31, 2016, 03:50:29 AM »
I'd like to make a full story/book out of this, but that's not my intention as of right now. I just wanted to give the writing and dialogue style a shot. I didn't want any focus on story or anything, this was just for purposes of working on and working out dialogue and inner monologue. Anyhoo, here you go. Sorry for formatting, this type of stuff is always wonky on forums.



December 6, 1933

   There's nothin' like a cold night in New York to let a guy appreciate his furnace. The raindrops tapping on the windows damn near put me to sleep right there at the desk in my office. It was nearing the end of a long and uneventful day – all the bad eggs must have been too cold to go outside, leaving me to all to my lonesome. Normally, I don't have this kind of spare time, but when I do, there are two things I wet my whistle with: women and whiskey. One of those things was sitting on my desk, and I wish I could tell you it was a woman. I was just about to pour a glass of the city's finest bootleg when I heard a knock at the door.
   “Johnnie! Johnnie Wright, you in there?”
   I answered just loud enough he could hear me through the door. “Who's askin'?
   “MacLemore!”
   Sergeant MacLemore, from the police department. I hadn't talked to him since I left the service to become a private detective about a year ago. We didn't have any beef, but we weren't friends, either.
   “At your service!”
   The door swung open and MacLemore walked in. He tossed a newspaper on my desk. “You haven't been outside all day, have you?” he asked. “This was sittin' outside your front door.”
   I looked up at him and shook my head. “Business is slow. Care to join me for a drink?”
   He eyed the bottle on my desk. “Jesus,” he muttered. “You still drinkin' that coffin varnish?”
   “I got it from the dame that runs the juice joint next door. Spilled a glass yesterday, took some paint off the desk.”
   He chuckled, then sat down across from me. “Sounds like my cup of tea.”
   “Great.” I poured him a glass and slid it across the desk toward him. “Now, I know you well enough to know you didn't come in here to bump gums, so I'd be a fool if I didn't think you were about to ask me for help.”
   He hesitated for a moment. “Look,” he started. “You're the best private dick around...”
   “No, no, you're the dick. That's why I left the service.”
   “Always the wiseguy. You gonna hear me out or not?”
   “Yeah, yeah, sorry, go ahead.”
   “Some of the guys at the station are strung out pretty bad. Word is they're bringin' in dope, but I can't figure out where it's coming from. I think I might have a dirty cop or two workin' for me.”
   “It's New York, I'd be surprised if you had a clean cop workin' for you.”
   He scowled at me again. To be honest, I'd already made up my mind; I needed the dough just as much as the next guy, but it was instinct for me to pick on him.
   “Okay, fine,” I said. “But why don't you do somethin' about it? It's your job.”
   “I can't have 'em suspecting anything. You're good, Wright. You can get close without gettin' close, ya know? And you do it better than anyone in the business. They won't suspect it. But they will suspect me.”
   I leaned back in my chair and pretended to think about it for a moment.“Yeah, I'll do it. Ten dollars a day, plus any fees or expenses I might incur.”
   “Ten dollars? Since when did you start workin' for peanuts?”
   “Same time everyone else did, when the market crashed.”
   MacLemore nodded, then stood up. “That's a fair price. Consider yourself hired. Oh, and maybe when we get this taken care of I'll buy you a drink next door. We can get caught up.”
   “Yeah, that'd be alright.”
   He made his way to the door, but before he left, he stopped and turned back around. “Oh, and merry Christmas.”
   The door shut behind him, and I picked up the newspaper he left me. I pulled the string off and unrolled the paper to lay eyes on the latest headline.

      PROHIBITION REPEAL IS RATIFIED AT 5:32 P.M.; ROOSEVELT ASKS NATION TO BAR THE SALOON; NEW YORK CELEBRATES WITH QUIET RESTRAINT

   Merry Christmas, indeed.
« Last Edit: January 31, 2016, 05:26:13 AM by MetalJunkie »
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Offline Prog Snob

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Re: Writers' thread
« Reply #141 on: January 31, 2016, 12:54:20 PM »
Interesting. I know you said you're not looking to build off this just yet, but what did you have in mind?

Offline lucky7

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Re: Writers' thread
« Reply #142 on: January 31, 2016, 02:26:49 PM »
Question for any Writers'... Have you chosen names for characters, that you are then put off when you see them used elsewhere?

I have had a story idea in my head for more than a few years now, rolling around upstairs with a few others.
In the last 12 months or so have started putting pen to paper, I have named a few characters,  but my main character is named  Arabella ... the name came to me as the story did.

Now I know the names are not identical, but it is a very unique name and I understand obviously DT is more music than the back story for the characters behind the songs, but JP came up with Arabelle, now every time I write the name or think of the character and her story I have DT in my head.

What have people done in this case?

Offline splent

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Re: Writers' thread
« Reply #143 on: January 31, 2016, 02:40:05 PM »
Maybe I should post some of my wife's stufd
I don’t know what to put here anymore

Offline senecadawg2

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Re: Writers' thread
« Reply #144 on: January 31, 2016, 04:17:14 PM »
I enjoyed reading that, MJ. I'd be curious to see what you come up with on that story (if anything) in the future.

Question for any Writers'... Have you chosen names for characters, that you are then put off when you see them used elsewhere?

I have had a story idea in my head for more than a few years now, rolling around upstairs with a few others.
In the last 12 months or so have started putting pen to paper, I have named a few characters,  but my main character is named  Arabella ... the name came to me as the story did.

Now I know the names are not identical, but it is a very unique name and I understand obviously DT is more music than the back story for the characters behind the songs, but JP came up with Arabelle, now every time I write the name or think of the character and her story I have DT in my head.

What have people done in this case?

If you make her your own, like really your own, then I'd think that eventually you'd stop making the comparison. Not that it wouldn't be easier to come up with a new name, but if she's an Arabella then maybe that's what she is. Maybe there's nothing to do about it, but bring her to life all the more vividly and ensure that she stands on her own? I think there're always going to be conflicts with names, like this one, and in the end I think the best way to overcome those conflicts is to make your character more real than John Petrucci's? Is it harder that way, maybe. Will it ultimately help you in establishing that character as a unique entity? I'd hope so(?)

Just my two cents.

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Offline Genowyn

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Re: Writers' thread
« Reply #145 on: January 31, 2016, 06:32:38 PM »
Yeah I can't really help since I write fantasy, so most of the names are just made up. I would think that some crossover is inevitable when you're using real names, though.

...my name is Araragi.

Offline lucky7

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Re: Writers' thread
« Reply #146 on: February 01, 2016, 02:45:57 PM »
Thanks Guys! I will get over it.. eventually  :o

 I remember after looking up the name for its meaning when I first decided on it, it meant yielding to prayer, a Latin name and in 2014 it was rated #174 for girls names. I was bound to come across it, it was just a shock when I read the the interview with JP and the character names.

Very different than the character JP has created, so that is at least one relief.  :smiley: 

The more I write the less I will care, the problem at the moment is wrestling with a few ideas at once and trying to spend equal time writing each one.

Hats off to those who have shared their writing already, it is a very brave thing to do.  I will hold out until a complete draft is done... I am having a heart attack about a similar character name, imagine a similar story!

Offline Prog Snob

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Re: Writers' thread
« Reply #147 on: March 20, 2016, 10:09:51 PM »
I have been tossing around five or six different ideas for novels and struggling to decide on one of them. Tonight I think I've finally found which idea to bring to life. Now, I'm just hoping I can stick with it instead of running off to chase another idea. I think this one is it though. I'm starting to outline the characters, do some research, find the right music to listen to for inspiration, and also find the right books and movies to turn to for inspiration. This is going to be a dark and surreal story where appearances are incidental and perception is deceiving. Imagine Wonderland twisted around the finger of Lovecraft.

Offline senecadawg2

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Re: Writers' thread
« Reply #148 on: March 29, 2016, 10:58:37 AM »
Cool stuff Prog Snob.   :tup :tup

As you continue to get into it, if you ever want to bounce ideas off someone, please share more or shoot me a pm. The thing I've noticed these last few months, as I've become more serious about my writing, is that talking things through is invaluable when trying to "crack" a story or find out what it's missing. I've never worked on a novel (longest thing I can claim is more along the lines of a novella), but I know many of the same principles apply. So yeah--I'm always open and curious.
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Offline Genowyn

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Re: Writers' thread
« Reply #149 on: March 29, 2016, 11:19:13 AM »
Not trying to nag or anythong but has anyone checked out the story I posted earlier? I'd love feedback.

...my name is Araragi.

Offline BlackInk

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Re: Writers' thread
« Reply #150 on: March 29, 2016, 12:08:47 PM »
I read it just now. Interesting story.

As for critisism, the only concrete one I have is about Akhter explaining what the Great Deception was. It feels a bit too much like forced exposition, since everyone in the room seems to know precisely what it is. You created a better chance to describe what it is later when he's reading a book about it.

I have one other comment, but I don't really count it as critisism since this is a short story. Almost all events are a bit rushed. It feels like the story of an entire first book of a series summarised in paragraphs. It would make an even more engaging and interesting story if the different scenes were given some room to breathe so that they can flow more naturally. But it's a short story, so I get it.

But I am continuously impressed with the world you're creating and it's clear that you've really spent time building it. I actually feel a bit inspired again after reading it, it's been a long time now.

Offline BlackInk

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Re: Writers' thread
« Reply #151 on: March 29, 2016, 12:43:54 PM »
Also, I know some of you read this in the old thread, but since we have a new one here I might as well post this here too:

https://www.writerscafe.org/writing/DanielLarnhem/1578840/

This is the prologue to the first book in my series called "The Rain".

Offline Genowyn

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Re: Writers' thread
« Reply #152 on: March 29, 2016, 12:54:50 PM »
I read it just now. Interesting story.

As for critisism, the only concrete one I have is about Akhter explaining what the Great Deception was. It feels a bit too much like forced exposition, since everyone in the room seems to know precisely what it is. You created a better chance to describe what it is later when he's reading a book about it.

I have one other comment, but I don't really count it as critisism since this is a short story. Almost all events are a bit rushed. It feels like the story of an entire first book of a series summarised in paragraphs. It would make an even more engaging and interesting story if the different scenes were given some room to breathe so that they can flow more naturally. But it's a short story, so I get it.

But I am continuously impressed with the world you're creating and it's clear that you've really spent time building it. I actually feel a bit inspired again after reading it, it's been a long time now.

I've gotten the comment regarding the novel thing before. I'm just not sure I have anything else interesting to write about Akhter.

I do like exposition in the form of books or having a character listen to a sermon or watch a play or whatnot, since I feel there's less constraint on how you talk about it if they're, say, reading a history book. I've had people in the past say they didn't like it when I did it that way in the past which may be why I shied away from it this time. I'll play with it and see what comes out.

...my name is Araragi.

Offline BlackInk

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Re: Writers' thread
« Reply #153 on: March 29, 2016, 01:09:33 PM »
I've gotten the comment regarding the novel thing before. I'm just not sure I have anything else interesting to write about Akhter.

Well, maybe the investigation could take longer, and it could play as a mystery thriller, like a fantasy detective story. The moment when they come face to face with the cult leader could be a really cool one if there had been most of a mystery novel building up to it.

Unless you mean just the character and not his story, like you don't feel Akhter is an interesting enough person to warrant an entire book? Maybe, but you could always make him more interesting.

Does this tie in to the main story you're doing in any way?

Offline Genowyn

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Re: Writers' thread
« Reply #154 on: March 29, 2016, 01:44:33 PM »
Was referring to your comment about possibly being the first work in a series... There's nothing else I would want to write about Akhter. I can certainly see where this story has room to grow. And while one-off Fantasy novels are a thing, I guess it's a bit of a harder sell.

As of now I don't see Akhter having a place in the larger story... Though now that you mention it I see the shape of something really interesting... Would require a rearrangement of my current timeline though.

...my name is Araragi.

Offline splent

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Re: Writers' thread
« Reply #155 on: March 29, 2016, 02:44:01 PM »
Is there a website/blog/journal site that people can post their writings without fear of being stolen? And possibly get paid for it? My wife usually posts a lot of her non-fiction stuff on her tumblr and she's also written stuff on fanfiction website (there's two she's posted in but she's been so busy and with our computers being crap she doesn't write as much as she would like).

WHEEEEE
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Re: Writers' thread
« Reply #156 on: March 29, 2016, 05:07:31 PM »
Good question, splent. If anyone has any ideas for this, I would love to know also.

Offline Genowyn

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Re: Writers' thread
« Reply #157 on: March 29, 2016, 05:12:54 PM »
I mean, from a legal perspective just sticking an "All Rights Reserved" on there is about all you can do. No website is going to stop someone from just copy-pasting it (many websites do stick a link to the source in when you copy, but someone who really wants to steal your shit can just get rid of it).

Wattpad which was recommended to me earlier has an option to include copyright in the post, so there's that.

As far as making money I think you'd have a bit more trouble. Best bet might just be to get a cheap domain from someplace like GoDaddy and stick some AdSense on it, but I think it'd need to be a really cheap domain to turn a profit unless it's getting serious traffic.

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Offline splent

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Re: Writers' thread
« Reply #158 on: March 29, 2016, 07:56:51 PM »
Nah. She has followers that read her fanfics but she doesn't intend on making money on those.

She's thinking about writing a nonfiction book about Hollywood history and the politics involved during the red scare though, and comparing them with the politics today leading up to oscars so white
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Re: Writers' thread
« Reply #159 on: April 05, 2016, 01:51:51 PM »
I finished the prologue for my book. It's finally going to get done.

Offline BlackInk

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Re: Writers' thread
« Reply #160 on: April 05, 2016, 01:53:32 PM »
Cool!

Offline MetalJunkie

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Re: Writers' thread
« Reply #161 on: April 16, 2016, 08:52:49 PM »
I rewrote the first part of the bit I posted earlier, and reformatted the rest. A sort of writing exercise, I guess. I'm really happy with the first paragraph, so I'm gonna keep revising the rest.

Quote
December 6, 1933

   The smoke that poured out of the end of my cigar carried itself through the office and dispersed when it met the window, making a nice contrast to the raindrops dancing on the other side of the pane. I was sitting at my desk, like I had been all day, my mind drifting from thought to thought without any rhyme or reason. It's days like these I rely on two things to wet my whistle: women and whiskey. One of those things was sitting on my desk, and I wish I could tell you it was a woman. I don't have the money to chase tail, so I chase whiskey instead. I was just about to pour a glass of the city's finest bootleg when I heard a knock at the door.
   “Johnnie! Johnnie, you in there?”
   I answered just loud enough he could hear me through the door. “Who's askin'?
   “MacLemore!”
   Sergeant MacLemore, from the police department. I hadn't talked to him since I left the service to become a private detective about a year ago. We didn't have any beef, but we weren't friends, either.
   “At your service!”
   The door swung open and MacLemore walked in. He tossed a newspaper on my desk. “You haven't been outside all day, have you?” he asked. “This was sittin' outside your front door.”
   I looked up at him and shook my head. “Business is slow. Care to join me for a drink?”
   He eyed the bottle on my desk. “Jesus,” he muttered. “You still drinkin' that coffin varnish?”
   “I got it from the dame that runs the juice joint next door. Spilled a glass yesterday, took some paint off the desk.”
   He chuckled, then sat down across from me. “Sounds like my cup of tea.”
   “Great.” I poured him a glass and slid it across the desk toward him. “Now, I know you well enough to know you didn't come in here to bump gums, so I'd be a fool if I didn't think you were about to ask me for help.”
   He hesitated for a moment. “Look,” he started. “You're the best private dick around...”
   “No, no, you're the dick. That's why I left the service.”
   “Always the wiseguy. You gonna hear me out or not?”
   “Yeah, yeah, sorry, go ahead.”
   “Some of the guys at the station are strung out pretty bad. Word is they're bringin' in dope, but I can't figure out where it's coming from. I think I might have a dirty cop or two workin' for me.”
   “It's New York, I'd be surprised if you had a clean cop workin' for you.”
   He scowled at me again. To be honest, I'd already made up my mind; I needed the dough just as much as the next guy, but it was instinct for me to pick on him.
   “Okay, fine,” I said. “But why don't you do somethin' about it? It's your job.”
   “I can't have 'em suspecting anything. You're good, Wright. You can get close without gettin' close, ya know? And you do it better than anyone in the business. They won't suspect it. But they will suspect me.”
   I leaned back in my chair and pretended to think about it for a moment.“Yeah, I'll do it. Ten dollars a day, plus any fees or expenses I might incur.”
   “Ten dollars? Since when did you start workin' for peanuts?”
   “Same time everyone else did, when the market crashed.”
   MacLemore nodded, then stood up. “That's a fair price. Consider yourself hired. Oh, and maybe when we get this taken care of I'll buy you a drink next door. We can get caught up.”
   “Yeah, that'd be alright.”
   He made his way to the door, but before he left, he stopped and turned back around. “Oh, and merry Christmas.”
   The door shut behind him, and I picked up the newspaper he left me. I pulled the string off and unrolled the paper to lay eyes on the best news I'd  heard all year.

      PROHIBITION REPEAL IS RATIFIED AT 5:32 P.M.; ROOSEVELT ASKS NATION TO BAR THE SALOON; NEW YORK CELEBRATES WITH QUIET RESTRAINT

   Merry Christmas, indeed.
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Re: Writers' thread
« Reply #162 on: April 16, 2016, 09:14:09 PM »
I was speaking to this woman and she's working with a publishing company to put out a Lovecraft-based anthology she put together. She's also putting together a couple of other things, one of which is a collection of short horror stories. When she found out that I write, she asked me to send her something to read just to get an idea of my writing. Apparently what I sent her impressed her and she asked if I would like to submit something, so naturally I said yes. I mean, it's not a big company. It's a small independent company but it's something and could be a great start. I have a few months before it has to be submitted so I'm working on it and have a couple of thousand words already. There is no limit. Just as long as the story is compelling. It could be one page or fifty pages.

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Re: Writers' thread
« Reply #163 on: May 16, 2016, 01:21:51 PM »
So, I'm most of the way finished with this story when another story idea came to mind. Now I'm not sure which to choose. I suppose I can write both and then let others read it and let me know what they think.

One story is about a young girl who is at a family wake and has flashbacks of the family member and her imaginary friend.

The other story is about a medium who helps people to crossover and move on after death. He winds up falling in love with a young girl and wants to die to be with her. A mess ensues because she doesn't know if her unfinished business will put her elsewhere.

Offline BlackInk

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Re: Writers' thread
« Reply #164 on: May 18, 2016, 12:23:48 PM »
The work on my first book has been pretty much dead for a few months because I made some pretty large changes to the story and just lost motivation for a while. Specifically, I made a choice that pretty much reshaped my plans for books 4, 5, and 6. As well as the finale to book 2, which needed major work because it was rubbish. But now I have finally got those things figured out, at least the basic stuff, since those things are still several books away. But I'm hoping this means that once summer rolls around I'll be able to continue, finally.

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Re: Writers' thread
« Reply #165 on: May 18, 2016, 12:45:32 PM »
That's probably what GRRM goes through. One change in the plot can set off an avalanche of ensuing rewrites. How many books will it ultimately be?

Offline BlackInk

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Re: Writers' thread
« Reply #166 on: May 18, 2016, 01:51:18 PM »
Yeah probably, it can really knock you down, knowing you have rework so much stuff in your head, and sometimes even rework something you've written and thought was done.

There will be six books, someday hopefully.

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Re: Writers' thread
« Reply #167 on: May 18, 2016, 01:52:54 PM »
Do you use Word or some other editing software?

Offline BlackInk

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Re: Writers' thread
« Reply #168 on: May 18, 2016, 01:57:48 PM »
Just Word, which is fine I suppose. It feels a bit cluttered to me, but it's fine.

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Re: Writers' thread
« Reply #169 on: May 18, 2016, 01:59:55 PM »
I've been searching for something better. I use Libre Office since that's what comes with Linux Mint, but I'm sure there are better choices out there.

Offline BlackInk

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Re: Writers' thread
« Reply #170 on: May 18, 2016, 02:09:08 PM »
Yeah, Word is most likely not the best, but I lack the motivation to look something up. At least until the day Word annoys me too much. I much preferred the old Microsoft Works. At least I think it was called that.

Offline Orbert

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Re: Writers' thread
« Reply #171 on: May 18, 2016, 02:41:28 PM »
Microsoft Works was cool.  I liked the scaled-down versions of Word, Excel, etc., and the much friendlier integration and interface.

Offline Sacul

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Re: Writers' thread
« Reply #172 on: May 18, 2016, 04:07:07 PM »
I used to use Scrivener back when I had my first draft for NaNoWriMo and later when I started something new. I can definitely recommend it, quite a complete software.

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Re: Writers' thread
« Reply #173 on: May 18, 2016, 08:01:34 PM »
I've heard of Scrivener but never looked into it. I think I was getting emails from them.

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Re: Writers' thread
« Reply #174 on: June 08, 2016, 11:43:34 PM »
I came up with a twisted yet intriguing short story idea. It's a story about a young girl's experience as a nun and living in a convent. She still has a bit of her old life in her and has designs for a priest, so they get together and things go too far and wind up fucking. This happens numerous times over the years with priests, churchgoers, and even the older altar boys. Ultimately the years pass and the building gets torn down and they find 6 dead babies walled up inside the convent. Inside the convent they also find the diary of the nun.  It reveals that she became pregnant numerous times during her stay there. To keep the pregnancies a secret she went to a birthing clinic to have the babies delivered. When she left the clinic she had them bound in duct tape and plastic bags and hid them inside one of the walls.

Those are the basics of the story. The details will be ironed out and some darker angles added but I might use that story for the horror anthology I'm writing for.