A completely straight guy who has never been married and has no kids
- Hey baby.
who is either in college currently or has graduated from college
- I have.
doesn't drink or smoke
- That's me on most Fridays!
is Protestant Christian or undecided and at least open to that path
- This bit creeps me out. "If you're not Protestant Christian, then I hope you at least like movies and the Ludovico technique."
and is anything but strictly liberal in their political views.
- I'm really racist and I think everyone should convert to the Euro.
But I don't want someone who is overly spiritual, that just freaks me out.
- That's fine, nothing spiritual about worshipping Imhotep.
Is significantly taller than me, more muscular than me, and not fatter than me.
- Not only am I significantly taller, I think I just grew three inches.
However, I care more about faces than bodies.
- Baby, I'm gonna care for you
all over.
They should care about their appearance, and smell really good (not as just a cover-up for bad smell either),
- I smell really good as a cover-up for
good smell. I slather honey all over myself, and when it comes off, you'll notice that my skin naturally smells of honey. Also of bee stings.
knowing quite a bit about the science of hygiene.
- If it's been on the ground for less than ten seconds, you can still eat it. Sussed.
Someone who is interested in foreign language and culture.
- IMHOTEP WILL RISE.
Someone who can keep a job and is not in the habit of burning bridges.
- I set fire to bridges for a living. Fortunately, I'm also really bad at it, so I keep my job, I just don't get paid.
Someone who values honesty and is never fake.
- Full of integrity, me. Know what I'm worth. Never sell myself out for less than a fiver.
Someone who doesn't just want to get in my pants...and trust me, I can tell if he does.
- I don't
just want to get in her pants. Also her dresses. Look gorgeous in a dress, I do.
Someone who is willing to travel and someone who I can look at and not easily label (for example, if I can look at you and say "goth", "wigger", "jock", "geek", "punk", "hick", "gangsta", etc, then I won't even glance a second time).
- Label? I barely look
human.
No pictures in a mirror with a cell phone, and no barbed wire tattoos around the arm.
- No probs. I do have a tattoo of a duck chewing an anchor between my thighs, but no trace of barbed wire.
No wife beaters or gang signs.
- Okay.
If you have yellow teeth, there is something you can do about it.
- Ooh. Enigmatic.
Oh and they must like Family Guy, and not just the stupid, over-quoted parts. Preferably not obsessed with sports, but realizes the importance of exercise.
- I realise the importance of exercise. Then I disregard it and guzzle down a steak. Yum.
Extremely logical and open-minded (open-minded does not mean liberal).
-
Extremely logical.
Humble.
- Yes! Yes I am. Humble and handsome. Good combination.
And FUNNY. Not a stupid funny, but a clever, dry, sarcastic sort of funny. Tolerant of my sleepiness and understanding of my negative humor.
- Tolerant? Aroused by, more like.
I know it seems kinda picky
- Naw.
but I have had enough experience with this to know what works and what doesn't. PERIOD. And I don't like wasting my time.
- Take it from this racist Imhotep-worshipper... if you give me your number, we
are a match.