Author Topic: Tell me if this girl is too specific.  (Read 18660 times)

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Offline mizzl

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #70 on: April 19, 2010, 07:51:30 AM »
"Here we go......This is the type of person I'm looking for, and don't hope for exceptions, sorry: A completely straight guy who has never been married and has no kids, who is either in college currently or has graduated from college, doesn't drink or smoke, is Protestant Christian or undecided and at least open to that path, and is anything but strictly liberal in their political views. But I don't want someone who is overly spiritual, that just freaks me out. Is significantly taller than me, more muscular than me, and not fatter than me. However, I care more about faces than bodies. They should care about their appearance, and smell really good (not as just a cover-up for bad smell either), knowing quite a bit about the science of hygiene. Someone who is interested in foreign language and culture. Someone who can keep a job and is not in the habit of burning bridges. Someone who values honesty and is never fake. Someone who doesn't just want to get in my pants...and trust me, I can tell if he does. Someone who is willing to travel and someone who I can look at and not easily label (for example, if I can look at you and say "goth", "wigger", "jock", "geek", "punk", "hick", "gangsta", etc, then I won't even glance a second time). No pictures in a mirror with a cell phone, and no barbed wire tattoos around the arm. No wife beaters or gang signs. If you have yellow teeth, there is something you can do about it. Oh and they must like Family Guy, and not just the stupid, over-quoted parts. Preferably not obsessed with sports, but realizes the importance of exercise. Extremely logical and open-minded (open-minded does not mean liberal). Humble. And FUNNY. Not a stupid funny, but a clever, dry, sarcastic sort of funny. Tolerant of my sleepiness and understanding of my negative humor.
I know it seems kinda picky, but I have had enough experience with this to know what works and what doesn't. PERIOD. And I don't like wasting my time."


"Here we go, this is the type of shit I'm looking for, and you must be this exactly: A straight G who's never bred, who is educating or educated, doesn't spark Js, is Protestant or will be, and is STRICT in their STRICT belief of STRICTLY liberal STRICT political views. But I don't want someone who actually believes in shit, you know? Like, spiritual-wise and shit. You have to be so tall the when we make love it will be so awkward that we won't look each other in the eyes the next morning. You have to be really muscular too, because I can bench 340 on a rainy day. Fat is a no-go, even though the second we marry you know that my figure will go right out the window. However, if your face happens to be just right, then fuck all that shit. You should care about yourself somewhat, and give off a natural fragrance like that of the highland breeze on the dawn of victory. You should also know about the science of hygiene, yet at the same time reject science. You must have a job that will support my bridge-burning hobby. And I can always tell when a man wants to inspect the interior of my trousers. Someone who has no distinguishable quality between himself and just any douchebag off the street. Don't take pictures in a mirror with a cell phone, it's against my Protestant beliefs. Don't have barbed wire tattoos, because sometimes I believe they're real and I'm like "Oh my god you have barbed wire on your arm!" and then I feel stupid. You must resist the urge to beat me or flash gang signs at me. I'm already a member of three, thank you very much. If your teeth are yellow, they're fucking yellow. You have to like Family Guy too, and not the good parts. I know all of them, because I was totally watching Family Guy before it was on TV and everyone else got into it. Must be EXTREMELY logical and open minded, but not in the "hey, science makes sense" kind of way. Must not expect much from others and have a great sense of humor HAHA. Must be tolerant of me being sleepy and moody. Sometimes I wake up after five days of straight sleep and just kill people. I know it seems picky, but VAGINA BLOOD."
:rollin :rollin :rollin

Offline hefdaddy42

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #71 on: April 19, 2010, 09:57:44 AM »
James, James, James...









































lol

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Offline Sigz

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #72 on: April 19, 2010, 11:51:24 AM »
And FUNNY. Not a stupid funny, but a clever, dry, sarcastic sort of funny. Tolerant of my sleepiness and understanding of my negative humor.
- Tolerant? Aroused by, more like.

 :rollin :rollin :rollin
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Offline ariich

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #73 on: April 19, 2010, 12:16:12 PM »
Someone who is interested in foreign language and culture.
- IMHOTEP WILL RISE.

:lol Wonderful.

Offline Fluffy Lothario

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #74 on: April 19, 2010, 02:44:36 PM »
Post an answer that seems to express genuine interest in every way, with a picture of a silverback gorilla attached / at the bottom.

Offline TheVoxyn

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #75 on: April 19, 2010, 02:59:23 PM »

But I don't want someone who is overly spiritual, that just freaks me out.
- That's fine, nothing spiritual about worshipping Imhotep.

Is significantly taller than me, more muscular than me, and not fatter than me.
- Not only am I significantly taller, I think I just grew three inches.

knowing quite a bit about the science of hygiene.
- If it's been on the ground for less than ten seconds, you can still eat it. Sussed.

Someone who doesn't just want to get in my pants...and trust me, I can tell if he does.
- I don't just want to get in her pants. Also her dresses. Look gorgeous in a dress, I do.

Someone who is willing to travel and someone who I can look at and not easily label (for example, if I can look at you and say "goth", "wigger", "jock", "geek", "punk", "hick", "gangsta", etc, then I won't even glance a second time).
- Label? I barely look human.

No pictures in a mirror with a cell phone, and no barbed wire tattoos around the arm.
- No probs. I do have a tattoo of a duck chewing an anchor between my thighs, but no trace of barbed wire.

Humble.
- Yes! Yes I am. Humble and handsome. Good combination.
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Offline faemir

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #76 on: April 19, 2010, 03:02:51 PM »
I was gonna ask why is this thread still going and not just archived, but then I read the past few posts :lol

Offline carl320

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #77 on: April 20, 2010, 10:56:14 AM »
Wait... she didn't mention anything about credit scores...  she hit every other topic, but you can have bad credit?
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Offline black_floyd

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #78 on: April 20, 2010, 04:12:07 PM »
Wait... she didn't mention anything about credit scores...  she hit every other topic, but you can have bad credit?

And a small dickus ;)
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Offline TheVoxyn

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #79 on: April 20, 2010, 04:13:03 PM »
She has no problems with AIDS either.

Offline bout to crash

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #80 on: April 20, 2010, 06:27:58 PM »
or pedo and zoophilia...
Oh Jackie, always jumping to the most homoerotic possibility.

Offline MetalManiac666

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #81 on: April 20, 2010, 07:11:19 PM »
:lol

Offline Volk9

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #82 on: April 20, 2010, 07:14:49 PM »
Wonder if she prefers ducks or rabbits?
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Offline Dr. DTVT

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #83 on: April 20, 2010, 07:18:20 PM »
Or bondage and rape fantasy.

You can play Ben Roethisberger, and she can play the drunk underage sorostitute!
     

Offline Sigz

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #84 on: April 20, 2010, 07:38:23 PM »
Wait... she didn't mention anything about credit scores...  she hit every other topic, but you can have bad credit?

She has no problems with AIDS either.

or pedo and zoophilia...

Or bondage and rape fantasy.

It was implied. We all know if you're a liberal you're also into raping AIDS infected baby animals with 30,000 dollars of bondage gear you bought on a high APR credit card.
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Offline Volk9

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #85 on: April 20, 2010, 07:40:38 PM »
Maybe she likes tentacles... :|
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Offline Sigz

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #86 on: April 20, 2010, 07:42:27 PM »
What's with the newfound tentacle obsession volk?
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Offline Adami

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #87 on: April 20, 2010, 07:43:27 PM »
What's with the newfound tentacle obsession volk?

They're tentacles.



Seriously, I have no idea. They're creepy.
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Offline Volk9

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #88 on: April 20, 2010, 07:58:28 PM »
What's with the newfound tentacle obsession volk?

Not an obsession; a mere curiosity ;)
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Offline sonatafanica

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #89 on: April 20, 2010, 08:28:44 PM »
Curiosity raped the furry.


...er, killed the cat, rather.

Offline SPNKr

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #90 on: April 20, 2010, 09:20:54 PM »
 :rollin

Offline Volk9

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #91 on: April 20, 2010, 09:36:13 PM »
DOWNLOAD MY FREE NEW ALBUM!

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http://abstractinthesky.com/

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Offline Super Dude

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #92 on: April 20, 2010, 11:38:01 PM »
Oh God, I hope the admins archive this one as well... :lol
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Offline Adami

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #93 on: April 20, 2010, 11:39:39 PM »
If you are krulos, we are a match.
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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #94 on: April 20, 2010, 11:40:20 PM »
Wait... she didn't mention anything about credit scores...  she hit every other topic, but you can have bad credit?

She has no problems with AIDS either.

or pedo and zoophilia...

Or bondage and rape fantasy.

It was implied. We all know if you're a liberal you're also into raping AIDS infected baby animals with 30,000 dollars of bondage gear you bought on a high APR credit card.

Wait... she didn't mention anything about credit scores...  she hit every other topic, but you can have bad credit?

And a small dickus ;)

Oh, and liberals have small penises as well. Forgot that one.
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Offline black_floyd

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #95 on: April 21, 2010, 03:55:23 AM »
What's with the newfound tentacle obsession volk?

He's been hanging out with Slash.
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Offline bout to crash

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #96 on: April 21, 2010, 08:22:05 AM »
What's with the newfound tentacle obsession volk?

He's been hanging out with Slash.

It all makes sense now.
Oh Jackie, always jumping to the most homoerotic possibility.

Offline robwebster

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #97 on: April 21, 2010, 08:24:53 AM »
Wait... she didn't mention anything about credit scores...  she hit every other topic, but you can have bad credit?

She has no problems with AIDS either.

or pedo and zoophilia...

Or bondage and rape fantasy.
I quite like that this thread, clearly designed to jeer at how specific this lass was, has basically taken a wrong turn at Albuquerque and gone "You know what, I'm not sure she's specific enough!"

Offline emindead

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #98 on: April 21, 2010, 09:10:38 AM »
With this girl, I believe in Miracles.

Offline TheVoxyn

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #99 on: April 21, 2010, 09:18:49 AM »
Wait... she didn't mention anything about credit scores...  she hit every other topic, but you can have bad credit?

She has no problems with AIDS either.

or pedo and zoophilia...

Or bondage and rape fantasy.
I quite like that this thread, clearly designed to jeer at how specific this lass was, has basically taken a wrong turn at Albuquerque and gone "You know what, I'm not sure she's specific enough!"
Hey, I need to know whether being someone with a bad credit score, AIDS and zoophilia that likes watching tentacles rape little girls is still considered a match because he likes Family Guy.




This is a pretty implausible situation though. I mean, who likes Family Guy?

Offline Sir GuitarCozmo

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #100 on: April 21, 2010, 09:21:25 AM »
She makes no indication of a preference against DV/DA, interracial, or bukkake.  Methinks those would fall under her expectation for "open minded".

Offline hefdaddy42

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #101 on: April 21, 2010, 09:45:14 AM »
Simply amazing.

Hef is right on all things. Except for when I disagree with him. In which case he's probably still right.

Offline Sir GuitarCozmo

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Offline lonestar

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #103 on: April 21, 2010, 02:34:00 PM »
bukkake

Simply amazing.

We aim to please.
I always thought bukkake was less about aim and more about general whitewashing.
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Offline TheVoxyn

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #104 on: April 21, 2010, 02:35:33 PM »
In videogame terms, that's called spray and pray.