Author Topic: Tell me if this girl is too specific.  (Read 21330 times)

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Offline SPNKr

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #35 on: April 18, 2010, 09:56:08 PM »
Why don't you just go on a persian dating site like the one in Yes Man?

Offline TempusVox

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #36 on: April 18, 2010, 10:01:09 PM »
Send her a reply that you actually thought you would be a perfect match for her, but upon closer inspection of her photo, she has too many moles on her chest, and judging from the nearly full waste basket and the lack of hospital corners on the bunk bed sheet, you can tell she's not a very organized housekeeper, and that dating a slob like her would just be a big turn off and waste of your time.
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Offline emindead

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #37 on: April 18, 2010, 10:17:30 PM »
I'm that perfect man. It's just that I'm not wasting my time with her.

Offline sonatafanica

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #38 on: April 18, 2010, 10:25:17 PM »
"Here we go......This is the type of person I'm looking for, and don't hope for exceptions, sorry: A completely straight guy who has never been married and has no kids, who is either in college currently or has graduated from college, doesn't drink or smoke, is Protestant Christian or undecided and at least open to that path, and is anything but strictly liberal in their political views. But I don't want someone who is overly spiritual, that just freaks me out. Is significantly taller than me, more muscular than me, and not fatter than me. However, I care more about faces than bodies. They should care about their appearance, and smell really good (not as just a cover-up for bad smell either), knowing quite a bit about the science of hygiene. Someone who is interested in foreign language and culture. Someone who can keep a job and is not in the habit of burning bridges. Someone who values honesty and is never fake. Someone who doesn't just want to get in my pants...and trust me, I can tell if he does. Someone who is willing to travel and someone who I can look at and not easily label (for example, if I can look at you and say "goth", "wigger", "jock", "geek", "punk", "hick", "gangsta", etc, then I won't even glance a second time). No pictures in a mirror with a cell phone, and no barbed wire tattoos around the arm. No wife beaters or gang signs. If you have yellow teeth, there is something you can do about it. Oh and they must like Family Guy, and not just the stupid, over-quoted parts. Preferably not obsessed with sports, but realizes the importance of exercise. Extremely logical and open-minded (open-minded does not mean liberal). Humble. And FUNNY. Not a stupid funny, but a clever, dry, sarcastic sort of funny. Tolerant of my sleepiness and understanding of my negative humor.
I know it seems kinda picky, but I have had enough experience with this to know what works and what doesn't. PERIOD. And I don't like wasting my time."


"Here we go, this is the type of shit I'm looking for, and you must be this exactly: A straight G who's never bred, who is educating or educated, doesn't spark Js, is Protestant or will be, and is STRICT in their STRICT belief of STRICTLY liberal STRICT political views. But I don't want someone who actually believes in shit, you know? Like, spiritual-wise and shit. You have to be so tall the when we make love it will be so awkward that we won't look each other in the eyes the next morning. You have to be really muscular too, because I can bench 340 on a rainy day. Fat is a no-go, even though the second we marry you know that my figure will go right out the window. However, if your face happens to be just right, then fuck all that shit. You should care about yourself somewhat, and give off a natural fragrance like that of the highland breeze on the dawn of victory. You should also know about the science of hygiene, yet at the same time reject science. You must have a job that will support my bridge-burning hobby. And I can always tell when a man wants to inspect the interior of my trousers. Someone who has no distinguishable quality between himself and just any douchebag off the street. Don't take pictures in a mirror with a cell phone, it's against my Protestant beliefs. Don't have barbed wire tattoos, because sometimes I believe they're real and I'm like "Oh my god you have barbed wire on your arm!" and then I feel stupid. You must resist the urge to beat me or flash gang signs at me. I'm already a member of three, thank you very much. If your teeth are yellow, they're fucking yellow. You have to like Family Guy too, and not the good parts. I know all of them, because I was totally watching Family Guy before it was on TV and everyone else got into it. Must be EXTREMELY logical and open minded, but not in the "hey, science makes sense" kind of way. Must not expect much from others and have a great sense of humor HAHA. Must be tolerant of me being sleepy and moody. Sometimes I wake up after five days of straight sleep and just kill people. I know it seems picky, but VAGINA BLOOD."

Offline yeshaberto

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #39 on: April 18, 2010, 10:42:16 PM »
the other one was even crazier, though...but this is fun too


If you think my post is fun, we are not a match

Offline GuineaPig

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #40 on: April 18, 2010, 10:50:46 PM »
Yeah, this one is definitely less crazy, because we are not thinking of hypothetical motorcycle/skydiving incidents that would cause her to hold the beliefs she does.
"In the beginning, the universe was created. This made a lot of people very angry, and has been widely regarded as a bad idea."

Offline MetalJunkie

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #41 on: April 18, 2010, 10:59:37 PM »
Send her a reply that you actually thought you would be a perfect match for her, but upon closer inspection of her photo, she has too many moles on her chest, and judging from the nearly full waste basket and the lack of hospital corners on the bunk bed sheet, you can tell she's not a very organized housekeeper, and that dating a slob like her would just be a big turn off and waste of your time.
I like this idea.
Listen! Do you smell something?

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #42 on: April 18, 2010, 11:07:15 PM »
:lol :lol

She's actually a cute girl, too.






I don't make half of her qualifications, but I really exceed in others...so maybe we're a match.

Too bad she's a idiot...so we're not a match.
     

Offline MetalJunkie

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #43 on: April 18, 2010, 11:20:06 PM »
Listen! Do you smell something?

Offline ReaPsTA

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #44 on: April 18, 2010, 11:33:04 PM »
Quote
Someone who doesn't just want to get in my pants...and trust me, I can tell if he does.

She can tell because that's the kind of guy she's attracted to.

Quote
Oh and they must like Family Guy, and not just the stupid, over-quoted parts.

 :lol

Quote
...I have had enough experience with this to know what works and what doesn't. PERIOD. And I don't like wasting my time.

All of this is a lie, whether she knows it or not.
We must learn to rise above the past
Before we can at last
Begin again

Offline mizzl

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #45 on: April 18, 2010, 11:41:45 PM »
Lol @ this thread  :lol

Offline icysk8r

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Re: If you're not into autoerotic crucifixion, we are not a match.
« Reply #46 on: April 18, 2010, 11:57:42 PM »
Eh, I'd hit it. I'd hit it like the Roman centurions hit Jesus in The Passion.

Dangit dude, I shouldn't be laughing at this! The subject reply did it for me. :lol

Nail her like it's Good Friday, dude.
LOL
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Offline Progmetty

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #47 on: April 19, 2010, 01:11:54 AM »
Man people who look at dating sites deserve each other indeed heh
I wouldn't want somebody with 18 kids to mow my damn lawn, based on a longstanding bias I have against crazy fucks.

Offline dedSurroun

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #48 on: April 19, 2010, 01:27:03 AM »
Quote
Someone who doesn't just want to get in my pants...and trust me, I can tell if he does.

She can tell because that's the kind of guy she's attracted to.
Quoted for truth.

What women say they want, and what they respond to, are two entirely different things.
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Offline tri.ad

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #49 on: April 19, 2010, 01:31:59 AM »
Great pictures in this thread. :lol
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Offline TheVoxyn

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #50 on: April 19, 2010, 01:44:27 AM »
I like how she says; "If you don't like Family Guy, we are not a match"

Offline Phantasmatron

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #51 on: April 19, 2010, 01:44:57 AM »
I was reading through it, kinda thinking, "Okay, so she's picky, but at least she's being kinda reasonable about it."

Then I hit the "MUST LIKE FAMILY GUY" part and suddenly felt stupid for not realizing she was a complete idiot sooner.

Offline TheVoxyn

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I need to find a girl that liked both Futurama and South Park...
« Reply #52 on: April 19, 2010, 01:46:28 AM »
Liking the same cartoon is of course the basis for every good relationship.

Offline Phantasmatron

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #53 on: April 19, 2010, 01:49:44 AM »
Liking the same cartoon is of course the basis for every good relationship.

Well, there are other important things too.

I was dating this girl for a while two years ago and when I found out she preferred Gatorade to Powerade, I broke it off immediately.  To this day I'm horrified to think about where my life may have wound up if I hadn't discovered this crucial piece of information in time.

Offline TheVoxyn

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #54 on: April 19, 2010, 03:28:29 AM »
Liking the same cartoon is of course the basis for every good relationship.

Well, there are other important things too.

I was dating this girl for a while two years ago and when I found out she preferred Gatorade to Powerade, I broke it off immediately.  To this day I'm horrified to think about where my life may have wound up if I hadn't discovered this crucial piece of information in time.
:o. What a bitch!

Offline Jamesman42

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #55 on: April 19, 2010, 04:05:49 AM »
I know it seems picky, but VAGINA BLOOD."

 :lol :lol Good to know we think alike sometimes, SF. :laugh:

Offline Jamesman42

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #56 on: April 19, 2010, 04:06:32 AM »
Send her a reply that you actually thought you would be a perfect match for her, but upon closer inspection of her photo, she has too many moles on her chest, and judging from the nearly full waste basket and the lack of hospital corners on the bunk bed sheet, you can tell she's not a very organized housekeeper, and that dating a slob like her would just be a big turn off and waste of your time.

Oh man.

Remind me to do this tomorrow!

Offline SPNKr

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #57 on: April 19, 2010, 04:38:52 AM »
If you think I'm joking, we are not a match.

"Here we go, this is the type of shit I'm looking for, and you must be this exactly: A straight G who's never bred, who is educating or educated, doesn't spark Js, is Protestant or will be, and is STRICT in their STRICT belief of STRICTLY liberal STRICT political views. But I don't want someone who actually believes in shit, you know? Like, spiritual-wise and shit. You have to be so tall the when we make love it will be so awkward that we won't look each other in the eyes the next morning. You have to be really muscular too, because I can bench 340 on a rainy day. Fat is a no-go, even though the second we marry you know that my figure will go right out the window. However, if your face happens to be just right, then fuck all that shit. You should care about yourself somewhat, and give off a natural fragrance like that of the highland breeze on the dawn of victory. You should also know about the science of hygiene, yet at the same time reject science. You must have a job that will support my bridge-burning hobby. And I can always tell when a man wants to inspect the interior of my trousers. Someone who has no distinguishable quality between himself and just any douchebag off the street. Don't take pictures in a mirror with a cell phone, it's against my Protestant beliefs. Don't have barbed wire tattoos, because sometimes I believe they're real and I'm like "Oh my god you have barbed wire on your arm!" and then I feel stupid. You must resist the urge to beat me or flash gang signs at me. I'm already a member of three, thank you very much. If your teeth are yellow, they're fucking yellow. You have to like Family Guy too, and not the good parts. I know all of them, because I was totally watching Family Guy before it was on TV and everyone else got into it. Must be EXTREMELY logical and open minded, but not in the "hey, science makes sense" kind of way. Must not expect much from others and have a great sense of humor HAHA. Must be tolerant of me being sleepy and moody. Sometimes I wake up after five days of straight sleep and just kill people. I know it seems picky, but VAGINA BLOOD."
:rollin @ all of this!

Offline YtseBitsySpider

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #58 on: April 19, 2010, 05:05:16 AM »
How did she know I wanted in her pants without even knowning me.....uncanny.
Take care everyone - Bet you all didn't even notice I was gone.

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Offline robwebster

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #59 on: April 19, 2010, 05:40:32 AM »
A completely straight guy who has never been married and has no kids
- Hey baby.

who is either in college currently or has graduated from college
- I have.

doesn't drink or smoke
- That's me on most Fridays!

is Protestant Christian or undecided and at least open to that path
- This bit creeps me out. "If you're not Protestant Christian, then I hope you at least like movies and the Ludovico technique."

and is anything but strictly liberal in their political views.
- I'm really racist and I think everyone should convert to the Euro.

But I don't want someone who is overly spiritual, that just freaks me out.
- That's fine, nothing spiritual about worshipping Imhotep.

Is significantly taller than me, more muscular than me, and not fatter than me.

- Not only am I significantly taller, I think I just grew three inches.

However, I care more about faces than bodies.
- Baby, I'm gonna care for you all over.

They should care about their appearance, and smell really good (not as just a cover-up for bad smell either),
- I smell really good as a cover-up for good smell. I slather honey all over myself, and when it comes off, you'll notice that my skin naturally smells of honey. Also of bee stings.

knowing quite a bit about the science of hygiene.
- If it's been on the ground for less than ten seconds, you can still eat it. Sussed.

Someone who is interested in foreign language and culture.
- IMHOTEP WILL RISE.

Someone who can keep a job and is not in the habit of burning bridges.
- I set fire to bridges for a living. Fortunately, I'm also really bad at it, so I keep my job, I just don't get paid.

Someone who values honesty and is never fake.
- Full of integrity, me. Know what I'm worth. Never sell myself out for less than a fiver.

Someone who doesn't just want to get in my pants...and trust me, I can tell if he does.
- I don't just want to get in her pants. Also her dresses. Look gorgeous in a dress, I do.

Someone who is willing to travel and someone who I can look at and not easily label (for example, if I can look at you and say "goth", "wigger", "jock", "geek", "punk", "hick", "gangsta", etc, then I won't even glance a second time).
- Label? I barely look human.

No pictures in a mirror with a cell phone, and no barbed wire tattoos around the arm.
- No probs. I do have a tattoo of a duck chewing an anchor between my thighs, but no trace of barbed wire.

No wife beaters or gang signs.
- Okay.

If you have yellow teeth, there is something you can do about it.
- Ooh. Enigmatic.

Oh and they must like Family Guy, and not just the stupid, over-quoted parts. Preferably not obsessed with sports, but realizes the importance of exercise.
- I realise the importance of exercise. Then I disregard it and guzzle down a steak. Yum.

Extremely logical and open-minded (open-minded does not mean liberal).
- Extremely logical.

Humble.
- Yes! Yes I am. Humble and handsome. Good combination.

And FUNNY. Not a stupid funny, but a clever, dry, sarcastic sort of funny. Tolerant of my sleepiness and understanding of my negative humor.
- Tolerant? Aroused by, more like.

I know it seems kinda picky
- Naw.

but I have had enough experience with this to know what works and what doesn't. PERIOD. And I don't like wasting my time.
- Take it from this racist Imhotep-worshipper... if you give me your number, we are a match.

Offline Dark Master Of Sin

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #60 on: April 19, 2010, 06:05:39 AM »
I love these threads :D
gone

Offline Sir GuitarCozmo

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #61 on: April 19, 2010, 06:56:47 AM »
*brilliance*



Out of the motherfuckin' park dude.  Nice.   :hefdaddy



In other news, send this guy in - he'll keep her in line:


Offline YtseBitsySpider

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #62 on: April 19, 2010, 07:01:23 AM »
^^that whole sequence is priceless.....she got him good originally with the pan...but....she got it way worse...its awesome with the full audio^^
Take care everyone - Bet you all didn't even notice I was gone.

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Offline Sir GuitarCozmo

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #63 on: April 19, 2010, 07:04:04 AM »
I'm intrigued.  This is the only part I've ever seen.  Link?

Offline PlaysLikeMyung

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #64 on: April 19, 2010, 07:04:48 AM »
I lol'd at Fanica's post. POTY?

Offline kingshmegland

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #65 on: April 19, 2010, 07:08:53 AM »
Dating sites like this kill me.  There's got to be out dating website for those who thunk the earth is still flat or dating sites for grops of people wearing the same sneakers.  The older i get, the less I like people in general.  Old moldie ranting from the fence!
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Offline lateralus88

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #66 on: April 19, 2010, 07:24:20 AM »
It's women like this chick who make me think sometimes that I might be better of as a misogynistic asshole.
I felt its length in quite a few places.

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Offline YtseBitsySpider

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #67 on: April 19, 2010, 07:44:23 AM »
I'm intrigued.  This is the only part I've ever seen.  Link?

it was emailed to me...ages ago.....it was for some website....that was all about secretly filming you smacking/hitting other people. She sets up the cam in the kitchen...waits until he's eating his cereal...gets a cookie  sheet/pan out of the cupboard behind him, and two hands him over the head with it. She uploads the vid.....he sees it...plots revenge...which is what your clip above is.
Take care everyone - Bet you all didn't even notice I was gone.

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Offline Sir GuitarCozmo

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #68 on: April 19, 2010, 07:45:29 AM »
Outstanding.  I have to go on a hunt for this one.  Every time I see it, I'm like "That's damn funny, but what an asshole!!"  Now that I know she totally had it coming to her, he is an asshole no more.  :lol

Offline bout to crash

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Re: Tell me if this girl is too specific.
« Reply #69 on: April 19, 2010, 07:46:21 AM »
I can't wait to read the rest of this thread when I have time.

Extremely logical and open-minded (open-minded does not mean liberal)

lol

This is what I was going to quote! :lol

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