A completely straight guy who has never been married and has no kids
- Hey baby.
who is either in college currently or has graduated from college
- I have.
doesn't drink or smoke
- That's me on most Fridays!
is Protestant Christian or undecided and at least open to that path
- This bit creeps me out. "If you're not Protestant Christian, then I hope you at least like movies and the Ludovico technique."
and is anything but strictly liberal in their political views.
- I'm really racist and I think everyone should convert to the Euro.
But I don't want someone who is overly spiritual, that just freaks me out.
- That's fine, nothing spiritual about worshipping Imhotep.
Is significantly taller than me, more muscular than me, and not fatter than me.
- Not only am I significantly taller, I think I just grew three inches.
However, I care more about faces than bodies.
- Baby, I'm gonna care for you all
They should care about their appearance, and smell really good (not as just a cover-up for bad smell either),
- I smell really good as a cover-up for good
smell. I slather honey all over myself, and when it comes off, you'll notice that my skin naturally smells of honey. Also of bee stings.
knowing quite a bit about the science of hygiene.
- If it's been on the ground for less than ten seconds, you can still eat it. Sussed.
Someone who is interested in foreign language and culture.
- IMHOTEP WILL RISE.
Someone who can keep a job and is not in the habit of burning bridges.
- I set fire to bridges for a living. Fortunately, I'm also really bad at it, so I keep my job, I just don't get paid.
Someone who values honesty and is never fake.
- Full of integrity, me. Know what I'm worth. Never sell myself out for less than a fiver.
Someone who doesn't just want to get in my pants...and trust me, I can tell if he does.
- I don't just
want to get in her pants. Also her dresses. Look gorgeous in a dress, I do.
Someone who is willing to travel and someone who I can look at and not easily label (for example, if I can look at you and say "goth", "wigger", "jock", "geek", "punk", "hick", "gangsta", etc, then I won't even glance a second time).
- Label? I barely look human
No pictures in a mirror with a cell phone, and no barbed wire tattoos around the arm.
- No probs. I do have a tattoo of a duck chewing an anchor between my thighs, but no trace of barbed wire.
No wife beaters or gang signs.
If you have yellow teeth, there is something you can do about it.
- Ooh. Enigmatic.
Oh and they must like Family Guy, and not just the stupid, over-quoted parts. Preferably not obsessed with sports, but realizes the importance of exercise.
- I realise the importance of exercise. Then I disregard it and guzzle down a steak. Yum.
Extremely logical and open-minded (open-minded does not mean liberal).
- Yes! Yes I am. Humble and handsome. Good combination.
And FUNNY. Not a stupid funny, but a clever, dry, sarcastic sort of funny. Tolerant of my sleepiness and understanding of my negative humor.
- Tolerant? Aroused by, more like.
I know it seems kinda picky
but I have had enough experience with this to know what works and what doesn't. PERIOD. And I don't like wasting my time.
- Take it from this racist Imhotep-worshipper... if you give me your number, we are