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General => General Discussion => Topic started by: Phoenix87x on July 10, 2017, 07:22:03 PM

Title: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: Phoenix87x on July 10, 2017, 07:22:03 PM
My whole life I thought I wanted to have kids, but after having my uncle and his girlfriend (And her Five boys age 5 to 13) visit where I live for multiple weeks, I really don't know anymore. I just honest to god think now that I just don't have the patience for it. The 13 year old and I get along great, since I am able to engage in that guidance, mentor aspect, which is fantastic. The others just want to run wild and twirl their fidget spinners all day long and its just not for me. And at the end of the day, I see myself being very strict most likely too strict and I don't want that.

Ultimately, I am incredibly grateful for this experience, since I don't think I should have a child unless I am truly ready and before this experience I was pretty gung ho, although naively.

So what about you guys:

Do you think you want kids, don't want kids or have kids. and thoughts on the matter.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: kingshmegland on July 10, 2017, 07:42:59 PM
We wanted kids and never could.  Our one regret. Never say never.  I know friends that never wanted kids but did have them and never turned back.


On the other hand, I would never say you must have kids. Only you and your significant other must choose together.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: Adami on July 10, 2017, 07:47:48 PM
I definitely want kids. Two ideally.

I'll probably name one Stadler, and one Kotowboy.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: T-ski on July 10, 2017, 08:03:45 PM
Me and the wife planned on two, ended with one.

He just turned 10.  Smart little dude, in advanced classes in school. Goofy and carefree as well.  Couldn't be more blessed.

However, I can not stand being in a large group of kids, they drive me nuts.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: gmillerdrake on July 10, 2017, 08:48:40 PM
I have three sons...11, 10 and 7 and I can't remember what life was like without them in it. And I mean that in a 'good' way. Although there is something to be said about the freedom that comes with not having children...that's for sure. It's a totally different life without kids. But for me, when I weigh the pros and cons of having kids the pros far exceed the cons.

My wife and I were fortunate that when we tried to get pregnant we did because we know several couples including family members that are having a very hard time getting pregnant. It seems to be a big issue these days...anyway....it's a HUGE decision to have kids because it literally changes EVERYTHING. First off, it ALL becomes about them and their well being. They didn't ask to be brought into this world and so it's your duty and responsibility to provide and protect, to teach,  nurture and guide. That is WAY easier said than done. So...what you once knew goes out the window because it's a whole new ballgame...one that I'm still eleven years later flying by the seat of my pants on  :lol

Your relationship with your wife/GF will change as well and it requires more attention than pre kids to make it work because of the fact that you two do take a back seat to the kids. But if you have a common goal for your family, love one another and give it the effort it won't destroy your relationship...only make it stronger. But kids do test it. You mentioned patience and that is something that you have to have because kids have an uncanny knack for sucking the patience right out of your soul.  :lol  I am still working on that one.
I've gotten better over the years but especially now that they are getting older, I don't have the patience for 'stuiped' choices. A quick example being....Why would you, when you come home to discover your dog has diaherrea'd all over itself in the kennel....open the kennel without grabbing and cleaning her up first to allow her to run around and track wet poo everywhere? My 11 year old did that two weeks ago. I don't have patience for that type of poor decision making. But again, guide and teach come in to play and I can guarantee he will never make that choice again.

Kids aren't for everyone though...I know that there is pressure from 'society' to have them, especially after one is married but again....it's a massive change of life and requires a total reboot of the way you do things and a reorganization of your life's priorities. Fortunately for me, I feel super blessed to have been able to be a dad because prior to kids I was an alcoholic (sober since 09') with pretty selfish ambitions and life outlook. But thankfully with the love of a good woman and the innocence of my young kiddos....they inspired me to become a better person, husband and father. I'm still working on it...everyday I hope to get better at those three things and know there's no finish line to say I've attained master status at them...but the fuel they give me as a man and Father help push me to keep going.

Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: Cool Chris on July 10, 2017, 08:57:10 PM
We wanted two. We had one, and had one miscarriage. We went through fertility treatments, to no avail, then on our own are now expecting our second. All done after this!
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: lucky7 on July 10, 2017, 09:09:42 PM
Don't want them .. I am an Aunty x 8, Great Aunty x 3.
A lot of it has to do with circumstance, there was a time in my 20's and 30's with a long term relationship where it might have happened.
But now, I am glad, I love kids ... in small doses. I love my furkid too, who pretty much dictates my life, but it is still different than a child.
In years I may look back with what might have been, but right now with travel, work, social life it is much easier than those tied down.
I don't mean that in a bad way, I can see how happy kids make some friends and family, and we all have one life to live be it no kids by
choice or circumstance or a house full of kids.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: gmillerdrake on July 10, 2017, 09:16:13 PM
We wanted two. We had one, and had one miscarriage. We went through fertility treatments, to no avail, then on our own are now expecting our second. All done after this!

So many emotions here. I'm bummed to hear you guys had to go through a miscarriage but very happy for you to hear you're expecting!
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: Cool Chris on July 10, 2017, 09:43:53 PM
Thank you. This miscarriage was hard, because we had just told our families, and then had to tell them we lost it. The fertility treatments were frustrating, because they either work, or they don't. Obviously since we had one already, things were working at some point. And of course I had the easy part of the process :notsurewhichsmileytouse
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: Kwyjibo on July 11, 2017, 02:12:19 AM
Till my mid-30s I didn't want kids, then I began to change my mind and really can't tell you what triggered that change. Now I have to lovely daughters and for my life wouldn't exchange that for everything else. Your whole life changes in ways you can't imagine, so you can never be really "ready" for kids but it's absolutely and totally worth it.

Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: Hyperplex on July 11, 2017, 06:53:48 AM
We wanted three. Had two, and after the second, my wife made the decision that she was never putting her body through it again. Cool with me, done with 2.

They are two of the greatest joys of my life and I love them more than I ever thought I was capable of loving anything.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: mikeyd23 on July 11, 2017, 07:14:01 AM
My wife and I have one, our daughter just turned two. We are discussing if/when we want to start trying again. I've always wanted kids and have loved being a father so far, it's a truly incredible experience. Like pretty much any other truly great thing in life, it takes a lot out of you, it's hard but totally worth it, IMO.

To the OP - I can't tell you whether or not to have kids, obviously that's totally up to you, but I will tell you this - my wife's brother and his wife have three boys all under the age of five and honestly they are nuts. Super crazy, don't listen, all over the place, into everything, etc... I had a similar experience to you where we went on vacation together and it drove me crazy. My wife and I have made a choice to parent differently than them, we are more strict with our daughter (only to a degree so far since she's still pretty young) and believe me, it doesn't always work, but largely our daughter is well behaved and listens because we are as consistent with teaching her those things as we can be.

Also don't forget, things are a lot less crazy if you only have one kid, or have a couple spaced out a bit. Just something to keep in mind.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: romdrums on July 11, 2017, 07:28:41 AM
When my girlfriend and I started dating, the only arguments we had were about kids.  I wanted them, she didn't.  Just as we were starting to talk about marriage and I was ready to give up the idea of having kids to be with her, we found out she was pregnant.  We ended up putting our wedding plans on hold to focus on our now 2 year old son, but it has been an amazing journey so far.  Our son is pretty laid back, and he's the perfect kid for us.  My girlfriend and I agree that we're one and done, especially because we're both older, but our son has brought a lot of joy into our lives, and it is fun helping him learn about and discover the world, especially when he's such a curious kid.  I wouldn't trade the experience for anything!
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: Hyperplex on July 11, 2017, 07:34:36 AM
To the OP, I wouldn't necessarily let the experience of someone else's kids, especially five of them, overly influence your decisions. First and foremost, no matter how cliché it is, nothing compares to your own kids. There is a connection and a love that, no matter how close you are to another's, is indescribable and makes a GIGANTIC difference on how you feel and nothing prepares you for it.

Secondly, you're mentally comparing 5 kids that aren't your own to potentially one that is your own. His or her disposition could be entirely different from the 5 you just experienced, so while you can file this away as maybe a reason to not have five, don't let someone else's gaggle of children influence your own plans too much. As has been said, what matters most are the plans you and your significant other have; don't let anyone else dictate your decisions.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: gmillerdrake on July 11, 2017, 07:34:49 AM
three boys all under the age of five

Four years separates our oldest from youngest.....with the oldest two being only 17 months apart in age. It certainly was a bit crazy and nuts in the first few years but at this point it is pretty cool. They play well together, always doing things with one another....they are brothers so there are certainly moments of fighting and battling but me being the oldest of three brothers (unless it gets real out of hand) I let them have it out and typically within ten minutes they're playing again like nothing ever happened.

Parenting styles/techniques/methods vary and honestly IMO there is no 'right' answer. Only you and your spouse 'know' your kid(s) and the best approach to take with them in order to teach/discipline. With our kiddos....my wife and I's system has changed/evolved as they've gotten older....seems like we're always tinkering with it to maximize results. 
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: gmillerdrake on July 11, 2017, 07:35:38 AM
To the OP, I wouldn't necessarily let the experience of someone else's kids, especially five of them, overly influence your decisions. First and foremost, no matter how cliché it is, nothing compares to your own kids. There is a connection and a love that, no matter how close you are to another's, is indescribable and makes a GIGANTIC difference on how you feel and nothing prepares you for it.

this is spot on
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: mikeyd23 on July 11, 2017, 07:41:12 AM
three boys all under the age of five

Four years separates our oldest from youngest.....with the oldest two being only 17 months apart in age. It certainly was a bit crazy and nuts in the first few years but at this point it is pretty cool. They play well together, always doing things with one another....they are brothers so there are certainly moments of fighting and battling but me being the oldest of three brothers (unless it gets real out of hand) I let them have it out and typically within ten minutes they're playing again like nothing ever happened.

Parenting styles/techniques/methods vary and honestly IMO there is no 'right' answer. Only you and your spouse 'know' your kid(s) and the best approach to take with them in order to teach/discipline. With our kiddos....my wife and I's system has changed/evolved as they've gotten older....seems like we're always tinkering with it to maximize results.

Oh wow, I didn't realize your boys were that close in age, that's cool man. That would definitely be nuts when they were toddler-ish age  :lol

You are right though, parenting style has a lot to do with it, and knowing how to get through to different personalities that each kid has.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: gmillerdrake on July 11, 2017, 07:50:26 AM
three boys all under the age of five

Four years separates our oldest from youngest.....with the oldest two being only 17 months apart in age. It certainly was a bit crazy and nuts in the first few years but at this point it is pretty cool. They play well together, always doing things with one another....they are brothers so there are certainly moments of fighting and battling but me being the oldest of three brothers (unless it gets real out of hand) I let them have it out and typically within ten minutes they're playing again like nothing ever happened.

Parenting styles/techniques/methods vary and honestly IMO there is no 'right' answer. Only you and your spouse 'know' your kid(s) and the best approach to take with them in order to teach/discipline. With our kiddos....my wife and I's system has changed/evolved as they've gotten older....seems like we're always tinkering with it to maximize results.

Oh wow, I didn't realize your boys were that close in age, that's cool man. That would definitely be nuts when they were toddler-ish age  :lol

You are right though, parenting style has a lot to do with it, and knowing how to get through to different personalities that each kid has.

It was/still is at times pretty crazy. It's just more manageable now because of their age. When they were younger though....whew. Crazy thing is we wanted to have our youngest sooner than we did but my wife had an insane bout with kidney stones where they told us to try and not get pregnant until it was cleared up....so we lost like 10 months during that. But we were going to just roll them out one after another....I guess we kind of did but it could have been a lot closer than what it turned out to be. 

the funny thing is that our youngest was SO "ignored" when he was younger. Our older two were all over the place and demanding a ton of attention so our little guy just basically learned to do a ton of things on his own.

He'd pull chairs over to get things off the counter because he got sick of hearing "just a minute"....he'd figure toys/games out on his own because of how distracted we were with the older two. BUT...this has turned him into a pretty self sufficient kid. He's 7 now and rarely needs (or asks for) our help with anything and another funny side effect of him witnessing us discipline our older two....he listens to everything we ask. We ask him one time to do something and he does it. No questions...no whining...just does it. Our older two it's a battle at times to get them to do something we've asked. Not our youngest though...

Birth order is a strange thing.....and we're definitely witnessing first hand some of the 'stereotypes' that come with it.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: Stadler on July 11, 2017, 07:55:43 AM
To the OP, I wouldn't necessarily let the experience of someone else's kids, especially five of them, overly influence your decisions. First and foremost, no matter how cliché it is, nothing compares to your own kids. There is a connection and a love that, no matter how close you are to another's, is indescribable and makes a GIGANTIC difference on how you feel and nothing prepares you for it.

this is spot on

I second this 1000%.

We went through a miscarriage - one of the most painful events of my entire life; that feeling, standing in the doctor looking at an ultrasound, expecting to see the pulse, and...  it was 18 years ago and I can still remember it like it was yesterday - and then were blessed enough to have a second try.   My daughter was born 16 years ago and is the light of my life in every way.   I've since remarried, so now I am the dad of four kids (two with challenges of very different kinds) and I can unequivocally say that "someone else's kids over for the day" to "your own kids, in your house, with you every day" is like "bad AM radio during a thunder storm" versus "HDHD disks on a $15,000 Denon 7.1 in line system".   

I am not at all going to tell you what is right for you - some people just don't want kids, it's that simple - but I do believe that most of the reasons (and I say that either way) are ultimately bogus.   It's like touching a hot stove; people can tell you all day long "it's HOT!" but you never really know until you feel that sear and smell that burning... ok, I'll quit now.  :)
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: Chino on July 11, 2017, 08:45:10 AM
I want kids sooner than later as their grandparents to be aren't getting any younger. One thing that always bums me out in life was never meeting one grandfather (died before I was born) and having the other one die when I was barely 13. I never got to do adult things with them or have a legitimate conversation with them. Victoria isn't ready yet to have kids and wants a few more years to be able to travel places she doesn't think she'll be able to once a kid is in the mix. I selfishly find myself often hoping that her birth control fails.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: cramx3 on July 11, 2017, 09:04:56 AM
I have little interest in having kids.  I didn't vote though because I haven't ruled out the possibility of wanting them, but I am 32 and have little interest so I'm thinking it's not terribly likely.  I told my current gf that when we officially became a couple.  I wanted to make sure that starting a relationship with me could mean a childless future. 

Why don't I want kids? I'm a selfish dick.  Seriously.  I am very selfish.  People have told me I'd make a good father, and maybe so, but I enjoy my life as it is for now.  I also most certainly wouldn't be interested in having a kid with someone I was not completely in love with and married to.  If I do start a family, I want to do it the right way.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: BlobVanDam on July 11, 2017, 09:07:23 AM
Why don't I want kids? I'm a selfish dick.  Seriously.  I am very selfish.  People have told me I'd make a good father, and maybe so, but I enjoy my life as it is for now. 

There's nothing at all selfish about not wanting kids. You're not obligated to sploosh your DNA around.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: El Barto on July 11, 2017, 09:07:53 AM
Where's the option for people who already have kids but don't want them?
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: cramx3 on July 11, 2017, 09:09:59 AM
Why don't I want kids? I'm a selfish dick.  Seriously.  I am very selfish.  People have told me I'd make a good father, and maybe so, but I enjoy my life as it is for now. 

There's nothing at all selfish about not wanting a kid.

Tell that to my parents  :lol actually my sister is due in a couple weeks so that'll make my parents grandparents and then they will get off my ass about getting married and starting a family, I think.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: Grappler on July 11, 2017, 09:10:47 AM
I was really awkward around kids until my brother in law had two boys.  The more time I spent with them, the more I enjoyed them.  We felt like we were missing out on something and decided to have kids a few years ago - I don't regret it one bit. 

Yes, life has changed, and will change again soon (baby #2 is due in October and we will officially become a one-income household, which scares the crap out of me).  But my 2 year old daughter has taught me so much about myself - that I am capable of raising my kids and that sometimes it's ok to just sit on the floor, eat cheerios and have fun, rather than being so serious and productive all of the time. 

It's very stressful, tests your patience, and can drive you crazy, but I can't imagine not having my daughter at home.  Seeing her light up at the things that make her happy, or hearing her say that she's happy when I'm taking her for a walk in her stroller makes my day (and my job/commuting time worth it).
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: El Barto on July 11, 2017, 09:11:57 AM
Why don't I want kids? I'm a selfish dick.  Seriously.  I am very selfish.  People have told me I'd make a good father, and maybe so, but I enjoy my life as it is for now. 

There's nothing at all selfish about not wanting kids. You're not obligated to sploosh your DNA around.
He's not selfish because he doesn't want kids. He doesn't want kids because he's selfish (which I totally get).
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: BlobVanDam on July 11, 2017, 09:14:59 AM
Why don't I want kids? I'm a selfish dick.  Seriously.  I am very selfish.  People have told me I'd make a good father, and maybe so, but I enjoy my life as it is for now. 

There's nothing at all selfish about not wanting a kid.

Tell that to my parents  :lol actually my sister is due in a couple weeks so that'll make my parents grandparents and then they will get off my ass about getting married and starting a family, I think.

Some people are just old fashioned and dare I say narrow minded in that regard. There's a lot more to life than simply propagating the human species, it's just what we're programmed for. It would actually benefit the world if we stopped cranking 'em out so fast, so forget what anyone else tells you.


Why don't I want kids? I'm a selfish dick.  Seriously.  I am very selfish.  People have told me I'd make a good father, and maybe so, but I enjoy my life as it is for now. 

There's nothing at all selfish about not wanting kids. You're not obligated to sploosh your DNA around.
He's not selfish because he doesn't want kids. He doesn't want kids because he's selfish (which I totally get).

Yeah, I get it, I just don't like the two being equated.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: TAC on July 11, 2017, 09:20:10 AM
I had always felt that I would've been OK not having kids.  That I didn't need them to be fulfilled. I actually feel like that would've been the case.


I went through a few changes after having kids. I suddenly became a worrier. Pre kids TAC was definitely NOT a worrier. Also, I cannot and will not watch ANY story that has a kidnapping or a child's murder as a plot line. It literally makes me sick.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: ChuckSteak on July 11, 2017, 09:38:33 AM
"I'm not having any children. Why? First of all, I wouldn't feel good. I would feel utter negligent and irresponsible at this point in time to bring in another human being. Most people when they give birth to children... it's a traditionalized, self-serving established notion where "We're going to have kids and have a family.", to hell with the carrying capacity of the earth, to hell with the fact that we might be impoverished. You see this in trailer parks all the time. People don't have any relationship to anything, they have no education as far as to what makes society work, as far as to what processes are that feed them. So they continue to have kids over and over and over again or they could do many, many things that have no relationship to anything, but let's focus on the children aspect.

For me to bring in a child is for me to actually say "I believe the world will be in good shape for the duration of my child's life." And then the question becomes "What if my child has a grandchild?". Should the world have the integrity to maintain stability for that child as well? This is the question. This is what all parents out there should be asking themselves. They should't be having children for their own self-serving needs, so they can "have a family and be traditional and show up at church and have their two kids". No. It has to relate to something real. Humanity has to start thinking about its relationship to the earth."


Pretty much sums up what I think.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: cramx3 on July 11, 2017, 09:48:30 AM
I think about that too, like "what kind of world would my child be growing up in?" but that question is always going to be there and I don't think I can let it affect my decision.  Who knows, maybe it is your child that makes the world better.  However, the part about people who just have kids to have kids and know little to nothing about the rest of the world and how their decisions impact it also bothers me too.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: TAC on July 11, 2017, 09:51:01 AM
It's a legit worry. See, I worry!  ;D

Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: Tick on July 11, 2017, 09:52:00 AM
I definitely want kids. Two ideally.

I'll probably name one Stadler, and one Kotowboy.
Not, Tick? :'(
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: gmillerdrake on July 11, 2017, 09:53:22 AM
I suddenly became a worrier. Pre kids TAC was definitely NOT a worrier. Also, I cannot and will not watch ANY story that has a kidnapping or a child's murder as a plot line. It literally makes me sick.

this was my biggest change as a person. Any 'fear' I have revolves around my kids....all the usual parent stuff (i.e. kidnapping, childhood cancer, choking to death, drowning...and so on) I don't parent out of fear....they still ride their bikes in the subdivision and run out to the creek and woods all out of sight....but as I mentioned, the worry is there always lurking and there are times when it can get the best of you.

 And, as you mentioned....ANYTHING to do with something horrible happening to a kid is magnified 1000 times now whether it be fictional or not.... It's brutal.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: Stadler on July 11, 2017, 10:00:00 AM
Where's the option for people who already have kids but don't want them?

I didn't even need to see the avatar to know who wrote that. :)    :tup :metal
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: Stadler on July 11, 2017, 10:02:21 AM
I had always felt that I would've been OK not having kids.  That I didn't need them to be fulfilled. I actually feel like that would've been the case.


I went through a few changes after having kids. I suddenly became a worrier. Pre kids TAC was definitely NOT a worrier. Also, I cannot and will not watch ANY story that has a kidnapping or a child's murder as a plot line. It literally makes me sick.

As much as I love both Stephen King and Liam Neeson, the scene in "Pet Sematary" with the little shoe bouncing across the road is unwatchable for me now (I'm getting choked just typing this, no lie) and "Taken" had me arming myself for combat in the living room while I watched it.   
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: cramx3 on July 11, 2017, 10:05:05 AM
I definitely want kids. Two ideally.

I'll probably name one Stadler, and one Kotowboy.
Not, Tick? :'(

Yea seriously, no cramxchild?  Im offended  :biggrin:
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: axeman90210 on July 11, 2017, 10:08:14 AM
If I ever get around to meeting someone and settling down I'd like to have one.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: Stadler on July 11, 2017, 10:09:45 AM
I think about that too, like "what kind of world would my child be growing up in?" but that question is always going to be there and I don't think I can let it affect my decision.  Who knows, maybe it is your child that makes the world better.  However, the part about people who just have kids to have kids and know little to nothing about the rest of the world and how their decisions impact it also bothers me too.

I think about this a lot, and I came down on this:
- The world may be a fucked up place, but it's an existential threat.   Geezer Butler was writing about nuclear holocausts back in 1970, and we're almost 50 years on and we're still kicking.   I think about my step-grandson, who is cared for 24 hours a day by two loving parents, and then I compare with what I've learned in putting my family tree together (three of my great-grandparents had seven or more kids, and all had at least two not survive past the age of three) so in many ways the world in which Cram, Jr. will be born is far better than it ever has been in the history of mankind.   

I also think of "changes"; whether it's kids or something else, it's naïve to think we are going to be able to live out the remaining years on this planet without some life-altering change.  Illness, loss of loved one, child birth, job loss, erectile dysfunction... and we adapt.  We accommodate our circumstances.   With kids, I was not able to play softball five nights a week, but I did play one or two, and it was acceptable.  I didn't get drunk as often (though the ex wife found a way; grrr.).   But in exchange, I now get to take my kid to concerts (she loved Kiss, and after I showed her a picture of the Powerslave tour stage set, she wants to see Iron Maiden).   It's all a trade off, like any other you have in life, and only you can make it.   

For those without kids, I salute you, and for those with kids, I salute you.   
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: Stadler on July 11, 2017, 10:12:45 AM
I definitely want kids. Two ideally.

I'll probably name one Stadler, and one Kotowboy.
Not, Tick? :'(

Yea seriously, no cramxchild?  Im offended  :biggrin:

Say it doesn't matter ain't nothin' gonna alter the course of my destination.
I know I've got to find some serious piece of mind, or I know I'll go crazy.

But now I spend my time looking all around,
For a man thats nowhere to be found.
Until I find him I'm never gonna stop searching,
I'm gonna find my man, gonna travel around.

'Cause I'm a Cramxchild, well I'm a Cramxchild!
 Yeah I'm a Cramxchild. I'm coming to get you, oh yeah!


I heard Bruce (who has been known to sing "Can I Make a Sandwich!" for "Can I Play With Madness!") is singing it this way on the current tour.  :)


Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: cramx3 on July 11, 2017, 10:14:50 AM
He better be singing it that way next week  :rollin
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: TAC on July 11, 2017, 10:45:08 AM
I'd rather that than have to sit through the "mum and dad sex" speech before Children Of The Damned. Bruce please.

  and after I showed her a picture of the Powerslave tour stage set, she wants to see Iron Maiden)

My son is coming with me to the show.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: Samsara on July 11, 2017, 11:20:35 AM
My wife and I have a little girl. Joy of our life, but no joke, it is a challenge, as many told us. She's a good one though.

I never thought I'd have kids. Glad I changed my mind. Best decision ever, although it does change your life completely if you're doing a good job (hope I am!)

She's old enough now to appreciate some concerts. Took her to see TSO, and she's going with us to both Dream Theater's I&W tour (she loves the album) and Foo Fighters. But we have to be very careful. Obviously, the heavier stuff is a no-no. As are club shows and the like. Has to be seated theater or arena, and fairly clean (I'm sure Dave Grohl will be cursing like mad though - lol).
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: TheCountOfNYC on July 11, 2017, 07:44:17 PM
Right now I don't want kids and at this point don't even know if I want to get married. I'm a very solitary person and the thought of being responsible for someone else besides myself just doesn't appeal to me at the moment. It doesn't help that children annoy me. I'm still very young (I'm only 23) so that may change, but for now, I don't see children in my future.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: lordxizor on July 11, 2017, 08:33:40 PM
I have 3 boys age 2, 6 and 8. They are mostly awesome, but also very frustrating.  I wouldn't give them up for anything.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: Adami on July 11, 2017, 08:43:38 PM
I definitely want kids. Two ideally.

I'll probably name one Stadler, and one Kotowboy.
Not, Tick? :'(

Yea seriously, no cramxchild?  Im offended  :biggrin:

Sorry dudes, only two kids. :( If I end up having more kids, you guys know they're named after you.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: JayOctavarium on July 11, 2017, 11:05:52 PM
I wanted them. Now I don't know.

The girl I was with from Highschool up till I was 20 and I wanted them. She wanted nothing more than to be a mother and start a family. I grew into the idea (helped that I spent a lot of time with her young cousins / her young stepsiblings). Marriage and kids were our plan. But both ideas kinda died when our relationship died.

Now... in my current relationship.. I don't see us (myself mainly) in anyplace mentally or financially for kids. My GF wants them. So.. I don't know.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: Prog Snob on July 12, 2017, 05:12:52 AM
I definitely want kids. Two ideally.

I'll probably name one Stadler, and one Kotowboy.

Fuck you. I thought we had something.

(https://68.media.tumblr.com/14e7a06789cbcf7881ce422f8aa281c5/tumblr_mmwiu5XWuC1ql5pg7o1_400.gif)
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: Podaar on July 12, 2017, 09:09:44 AM
I had always felt that I would've been OK not having kids.  That I didn't need them to be fulfilled. I actually feel like that would've been the case.


I went through a few changes after having kids. I suddenly became a worrier. Pre kids TAC was definitely NOT a worrier. Also, I cannot and will not watch ANY story that has a kidnapping or a child's murder as a plot line. It literally makes me sick.

As much as I love both Stephen King and Liam Neeson, the scene in "Pet Sematary" with the little shoe bouncing across the road is unwatchable for me now (I'm getting choked just typing this, no lie) and "Taken" had me arming myself for combat in the living room while I watched it.

Yeah, my son was two years old when I read Pet Sematary. I was sick for a week after reading that scene and, like you, it makes me all teary eyed just thinking about it now.

Five kids here. Two biological and three adopted. All are grown to adults and providing for themselves. Raising kids was one of the great joys of my life, but spending time with them as adults is orders of magnitude better! They're great company, fun to talk with and a riot to party with.

I'm pretty fortunate, I think.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: Adami on July 12, 2017, 01:57:59 PM
I definitely want kids. Two ideally.

I'll probably name one Stadler, and one Kotowboy.

Fuck you. I thought we had something.

(https://68.media.tumblr.com/14e7a06789cbcf7881ce422f8aa281c5/tumblr_mmwiu5XWuC1ql5pg7o1_400.gif)


Sorry, feels weird to name kids after their mother.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: El Barto on July 12, 2017, 02:04:37 PM
Five kids here. Two biological and three adopted. All are grown to adults and providing for themselves. Raising kids was one of the great joys of my life, but spending time with them as adults is orders of magnitude better! They're great company, fun to talk with and a riot to party with.

I'm pretty fortunate, I think.
Yeah, my old man and I hit it off far better now than when I was a young lad. I was never a big fan of the every other week visitation thing growing up, and it took a while for me to turn halfway respectable. Somewhere around 30 or so he decided I was an alright guy and we started getting along on a social level. Much better in my book, and I'm pretty sure he'd agree completely.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: lonestar on July 12, 2017, 09:36:50 PM
Got one, she's 23 and living the life she wants in the big apple. I can't imagine anything that makes me happier than knowing she is doing exactly what she worked so hard for.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: MrBoom_shack-a-lack on July 13, 2017, 04:12:05 AM
I have 2 sisters and 3 halfsisters all older then me and i'm 35. Everyone has kids in various ages and even some of their "kids" have children. The funny thing is that my oldest halvsisters oldest kid is one year younger than me. It's a bit weird I know.  :lol So what i'm saying is i've been surrounded by kids all my life basically and I work as a teacher so yea. I'm the last of my siblings to not have kids yet but honestly I don't feel the urge to get one either, atleast that's basically how I felt up until a year ago.
My closest older sister got her first kid a year ago and because we live pretty close to eachother we have visited eachother alot and i've watched him grow more than any other kid I know. He's at that sweet time when he's just learned to walk and wants to talk but hasn't learned it yet. He's the most adorable and happy little kid i've ever encountered and when you see him his smile will melt any worry away pretty much.  :heart

Having him around makes me feel a bit sad that I don't have kids myself but yea I also know how tough it is to raise kids and everything that comes with it.

Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: wolfking on July 13, 2017, 04:54:24 AM
I have never wanted children.  33 and still feel that way.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: ReaperKK on July 13, 2017, 05:15:03 AM
Turning 31 soon and I've never wanted kids. My last relationship I had we ended things simply because I don't want children. I like the freedom I have not having children.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: Stadler on July 13, 2017, 07:15:55 AM
I watched my kid drive away today to go to work, her first time driving without an adult in the car with her.  I stood there like a jack ass with tears rolling down my face as the car drove down the street.   If that's not a metaphor for life with kids, I don't know what is.   

Couldn't be happier or prouder of her.   I know she's not perfect - no one is - but even with that caveat, I wouldn't change a thing about her. 
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: Dublagent66 on July 13, 2017, 02:39:16 PM
Don't want kids, never did and too old now to change my mind.  Besides, the world is over populated enough as it is.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: Tick on July 13, 2017, 02:52:07 PM
My 16 year daughter is pure awesome! I can't imagine if my wife and I never had a child. She is an incredible kid on every level.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: Prog Snob on July 13, 2017, 06:13:20 PM
I definitely want kids. Two ideally.

I'll probably name one Stadler, and one Kotowboy.

Fuck you. I thought we had something.

(https://68.media.tumblr.com/14e7a06789cbcf7881ce422f8aa281c5/tumblr_mmwiu5XWuC1ql5pg7o1_400.gif)


Sorry, feels weird to name kids after their mother.

I didn't think Adami was a feminine name, just a feminine representation.  :P
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: Hyperplex on July 13, 2017, 08:26:55 PM
(http://i.imgur.com/5NnTx3x.jpg)
I can't imagine being any luckier....

And as for the remarks about the world our kids will have, while the point is very valid, very real, and very concerning, I think Tolkien might have summed it up best in Return of the King:

“It is not our part to master all the tides of the world, but to do what is in us for the succour of those years wherein we are set, uprooting the evil in the fields that we know, so that those who live after may have clean earth to till. What weather they shall have is not ours to rule.”
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: Adami on July 13, 2017, 08:28:56 PM
I definitely want kids. Two ideally.

I'll probably name one Stadler, and one Kotowboy.

Fuck you. I thought we had something.

(https://68.media.tumblr.com/14e7a06789cbcf7881ce422f8aa281c5/tumblr_mmwiu5XWuC1ql5pg7o1_400.gif)


Sorry, feels weird to name kids after their mother.

I didn't think Adami was a feminine name, just a feminine representation.  :P

Oddly enough, the only other Adami I've heard of was from Star Trek DS9, where it was.....a woman. And a lot of times when people hear my name without seeing me, they assume I'm a girl.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: TAC on July 13, 2017, 08:32:41 PM
Awesome pic, Hype!
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: Prog Snob on July 13, 2017, 09:02:54 PM
I definitely want kids. Two ideally.

I'll probably name one Stadler, and one Kotowboy.

Fuck you. I thought we had something.

(https://68.media.tumblr.com/14e7a06789cbcf7881ce422f8aa281c5/tumblr_mmwiu5XWuC1ql5pg7o1_400.gif)


Sorry, feels weird to name kids after their mother.

I didn't think Adami was a feminine name, just a feminine representation.  :P

Oddly enough, the only other Adami I've heard of was from Star Trek DS9, where it was.....a woman. And a lot of times when people hear my name without seeing me, they assume I'm a girl.

It's not odd at all. It all makes perfect sense.  ;D
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: SwedishGoose on July 14, 2017, 04:33:22 AM
Got a 17 years old son and a 10 years old daughter. Could not imagine my life without them.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: DebraKadabra on July 14, 2017, 04:21:15 PM
I've known for a fairly long time that I wasn't going to bear children of my own. If anything, my plan would have been to adopt as opposed to giving birth simply because there's so many children in the system that, for whatever reason, are seemingly ignored in favor of newborns.

Part of this for me was to break an abusive cycle but as a child growing up I reasoned that I didn't want any potential children to go through what I did during my parents' divorce. I was 6 when the papers were signed, but my dad had already moved out and was seeing who would become my first stepmother a few weeks prior to the actual finalization. Long story short, I took an instant dislike to her and they eventually ended up splitting up too. Anyway, even in 1976 with divorce being prevalent it still affected me in elementary school for the various parent/child days - my mother couldn't be bothered unless we (my brother and I) were outright failing and Dad couldn't be there or else face the wrath of his ex-wife.

That's not to say that I never got a shot at parenting, though. When Wey and I got together I was fully aware of his daughters and son. I still haven't met his son, but his two daughters pretty much still say that I'm their second mother. I just gave them the respect and kindness that I was rarely shown while growing up with a narcissist parent. Hell, his younger daughter is back in Austin and living with me for right now.

I know that I would have been a great parent. I just always knew that bearing children of my own wasn't going to happen and at 47, it would be dangerous to me and the fetus if I tried. Plus, with PCOS it's difficult if not impossible to even get pregnant in the first place. I do love kids. I'm just too selfish to have them.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: black_biff_stadler on July 14, 2017, 06:59:44 PM
If I ever knock someone up I'm aborting myself.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: kingshmegland on July 14, 2017, 08:27:57 PM
If I ever knock someone up I'm aborting myself.

Hold that bass I your hand. Then the bitches will hold your johnson.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: black_biff_stadler on July 16, 2017, 12:01:33 AM
I'll let 'em play my organic harmonica til I John Popper all over 'em.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: TAC on July 16, 2017, 06:25:32 AM
I didn't think you could get a dude pregnant, though.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: Elite on July 16, 2017, 06:54:08 AM
Besides, the world is over populated enough as it is.

Yeah, but you having one child or not is not going to change that. Western world isn't exactly overpopulating, with the average child birth between a couple is less than 2 (ie, a reduction, since two people bring forth less). That's not really an argument not to have kids.

---

I do want to have kids some day, but since I just graduated (like, literally, two weeks ago) after 7 years of studying, starting a job next september, now is absolutely not the time for that. I'll see in 5 years. My girlfriend thinks before she turns 30 would be a good time, that still gives 6 years for her (and me) to get our lives on track.

So yeah, I do want to, but can't have them at this point in my life.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: black_biff_stadler on July 16, 2017, 12:31:47 PM
Besides, the world is over populated enough as it is.

Yeah, but you having one child or not is not going to change that. Western world isn't exactly overpopulating, with the average child birth between a couple is less than 2 (ie, a reduction, since two people bring forth less). That's not really an argument not to have kids.

That's splitting hairs. Just cuz one couple doesn't contribute to the problem it doesn't mean that the problem isn't continually occurring or worsening. Also, I've lived in three metropolitan areas in my life and all of them have daily traffic jams and parts of town where occupants are packed like sardines into apartment complexes.

That last problem is probably more of a result of the fact that lower income people generally get cast away to the least desirable living arrangements in most societies. But with all the ecological problems plaguing the Earth coupled with the fact that we'd be in some real shit if this country ever reached an Indian or Chinese level of population density since it's a nearly irreversible problem at that point, it's probably best to keep the population growth modest.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: Dublagent66 on July 17, 2017, 03:47:20 PM
Where's the option for people who already have kids but don't want them?

It's right in between options "should've thought of that before not pulling out" and "don't have any that I know of".   :rollin
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: Cable on July 17, 2017, 05:51:38 PM
Not anymore, that boat has sailed for a handful of reasons.

When I date someone, I envision them having kid(s). And that would be just fine, already enough kids without dads in the world.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: Lynxo on August 01, 2017, 07:41:50 AM
Don't have kids, don't want them, don't ever want them. For several reasons.

That being said, I have the utmost of respect for people that do and make good, honest, happy people out of them. But it's just not for me. My sister has two children and I love them both to death, but that's really easy to do when you're just a weird uncle. :)
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: OpenYourEyes311 on August 08, 2017, 10:48:46 AM
I just had my first kid a little over 6 months ago. With the exception of my wife, he is by far my favorite person I've ever met. He is so fun to hang out with, and it's a blast watching him learn. I'm hoping we have at least one, preferably two, more kids. But I'd be satisfied with this one, because I can't see it getting any better than him.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: gmillerdrake on August 08, 2017, 12:26:32 PM
I just had my first kid a little over 6 months ago. With the exception of my wife, he is by far my favorite person I've ever met. He is so fun to hang out with, and it's a blast watching him learn. I'm hoping we have at least one, preferably two, more kids. But I'd be satisfied with this one, because I can't see it getting any better than him.

I completely understand this sentiment but I can tell you from personal experience that if you were to have more children each would hold a special place in your heart....that the feeling you have for your first born is certainly unique to them....but there is a similar yet unique feeling for any additional child you may have. So I wouldn't let that deter you from having more....if that's the reason.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: OpenYourEyes311 on August 08, 2017, 01:53:27 PM
I just had my first kid a little over 6 months ago. With the exception of my wife, he is by far my favorite person I've ever met. He is so fun to hang out with, and it's a blast watching him learn. I'm hoping we have at least one, preferably two, more kids. But I'd be satisfied with this one, because I can't see it getting any better than him.

I completely understand this sentiment but I can tell you from personal experience that if you were to have more children each would hold a special place in your heart....that the feeling you have for your first born is certainly unique to them....but there is a similar yet unique feeling for any additional child you may have. So I wouldn't let that deter you from having more....if that's the reason.

Oh believe me, if we're physically able to, we'll be having more kids. And I know I'll love them all. I was just saying I'd be satisfied if we were unable to have any more.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: gmillerdrake on August 08, 2017, 01:58:07 PM
I just had my first kid a little over 6 months ago. With the exception of my wife, he is by far my favorite person I've ever met. He is so fun to hang out with, and it's a blast watching him learn. I'm hoping we have at least one, preferably two, more kids. But I'd be satisfied with this one, because I can't see it getting any better than him.

I completely understand this sentiment but I can tell you from personal experience that if you were to have more children each would hold a special place in your heart....that the feeling you have for your first born is certainly unique to them....but there is a similar yet unique feeling for any additional child you may have. So I wouldn't let that deter you from having more....if that's the reason.

Oh believe me, if we're physically able to, we'll be having more kids. And I know I'll love them all. I was just saying I'd be satisfied if we were unable to have any more.

Gotcha  :tup
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: TAC on August 09, 2017, 05:54:41 PM
I just had my first kid a little over 6 months ago. 

Congrats Kev!
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: mikeyd23 on August 10, 2017, 10:10:13 AM
Something my wife and I have been struggling with lately, well maybe struggling is too strong of a word, debating perhaps - that I'd like you guys to weigh in on.

We have a daughter, she turned two in May. She's great, she's awesome, we love everything about her. Before her, my wife and I always said we wanted two or three kids. With my daughter the age she is, we have started discussing trying to have another child. The thing is though - if we are both honest with each other, neither of us really feel like we 100% want another kid. It, to a degree, makes us feel selfish and makes us feel like we might be robbing our daughter of the opportunity to have brothers and/or sisters.

The flip side though, is that unless we really both want another child, I'm not into trying. I think it would be unfair to that child. Sure, we'd still love that kid just like we love our daughter now, but there'd be a little part somewhere in both of us that wasn't happy about the decision at least at this point.

So I'm not sure what we are going to do, we have friends getting pregnant and having babies all around us and it kinda makes it worse. I realize this problem is no where near some who struggle to ever get pregnant and this issue might seem silly, but we are really conflicted about it. We always assumed we would have more than one child, now we are questioning something we kinda took for granted.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: Chino on August 10, 2017, 10:27:03 AM
Something my wife and I have been struggling with lately, well maybe struggling is too strong of a word, debating perhaps - that I'd like you guys to weigh in on.

We have a daughter, she turned two in May. She's great, she's awesome, we love everything about her. Before her, my wife and I always said we wanted two or three kids. With my daughter the age she is, we have started discussing trying to have another child. The thing is though - if we are both honest with each other, neither of us really feel like we 100% want another kid. It, to a degree, makes us feel selfish and makes us feel like we might be robbing our daughter of the opportunity to have brothers and/or sisters.

The flip side though, is that unless we really both want another child, I'm not into trying. I think it would be unfair to that child. Sure, we'd still love that kid just like we love our daughter now, but there'd be a little part somewhere in both of us that wasn't happy about the decision at least at this point.

So I'm not sure what we are going to do, we have friends getting pregnant and having babies all around us and it kinda makes it worse. I realize this problem is no where near some who struggle to ever get pregnant and this issue might seem silly, but we are really conflicted about it. We always assumed we would have more than one child, now we are questioning something we kinda took for granted.

I'd sit on it for a while. You have plenty of time. Give it another year and see how you feel about it then.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: Grappler on August 10, 2017, 10:45:33 AM
Something my wife and I have been struggling with lately, well maybe struggling is too strong of a word, debating perhaps - that I'd like you guys to weigh in on.

We have a daughter, she turned two in May. She's great, she's awesome, we love everything about her. Before her, my wife and I always said we wanted two or three kids. With my daughter the age she is, we have started discussing trying to have another child. The thing is though - if we are both honest with each other, neither of us really feel like we 100% want another kid. It, to a degree, makes us feel selfish and makes us feel like we might be robbing our daughter of the opportunity to have brothers and/or sisters.

The flip side though, is that unless we really both want another child, I'm not into trying. I think it would be unfair to that child. Sure, we'd still love that kid just like we love our daughter now, but there'd be a little part somewhere in both of us that wasn't happy about the decision at least at this point.

So I'm not sure what we are going to do, we have friends getting pregnant and having babies all around us and it kinda makes it worse. I realize this problem is no where near some who struggle to ever get pregnant and this issue might seem silly, but we are really conflicted about it. We always assumed we would have more than one child, now we are questioning something we kinda took for granted.

My brother in law's kids are 7 years apart.  They likely waited due to financial reasons and not being able to afford two young kids at the same time.  Nobody says that you have to have them spaced evenly apart. 

What changed my wife's mind about wanting a second kid was going through a family health ordeal.  Her dad became very, very ill and her extended family can be suffocating when it comes to his health.  So she was able to rely on her brother to help defend and deflect the various aunts and cousins, and to split various duties.  She realized that she didn't want our daughter to have to deal with things alone when we are older. 
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: cfmoran13 on August 10, 2017, 10:50:25 AM
Something my wife and I have been struggling with lately, well maybe struggling is too strong of a word, debating perhaps - that I'd like you guys to weigh in on.

We have a daughter, she turned two in May. She's great, she's awesome, we love everything about her. Before her, my wife and I always said we wanted two or three kids. With my daughter the age she is, we have started discussing trying to have another child. The thing is though - if we are both honest with each other, neither of us really feel like we 100% want another kid. It, to a degree, makes us feel selfish and makes us feel like we might be robbing our daughter of the opportunity to have brothers and/or sisters.

The flip side though, is that unless we really both want another child, I'm not into trying. I think it would be unfair to that child. Sure, we'd still love that kid just like we love our daughter now, but there'd be a little part somewhere in both of us that wasn't happy about the decision at least at this point.

So I'm not sure what we are going to do, we have friends getting pregnant and having babies all around us and it kinda makes it worse. I realize this problem is no where near some who struggle to ever get pregnant and this issue might seem silly, but we are really conflicted about it. We always assumed we would have more than one child, now we are questioning something we kinda took for granted.
The beginning of what you said is my situation exactly.  When I got married, I wanted 2, my wife wanted 3.  We had our daughter 10 years ago.  She was a great baby, very easy compared to other kids I've seen.  That being said, circumstances required me to take a more active part in the day-to-day early on.  It was tough at times.  Other people have had it way worse.  But, I still found it tough. 

When our daughter reached 3 or 4, my wife wanted another.  I didn't want another.  I felt I wouldn't be able to handle it - financially, emotionally.  It got really bad between the two of us for a while.  Fortunately, we worked through it.  We simply can't do it financially.  Day care, diapers and everything else all over again.  Things get difficult with just our daughter.

My wife still has issues with it.  But, she knows it wouldn't be a responsible thing to do.  It's just hard trying to decide if you're hurting your kid by not having another.  Will he/she be "that" kid - the only child with all the weird social quirks?  Is she missing out?

Bottom line is we're doing the best we can for her.  She doesn't have a sibling.  But, that means we get to spend all our love, attention and money (birthdays, Christmas, vacations) on her.  The cool thing is she gets that.  She seems like a really well-adjusted kid.  So, we just hope she stays that way.

Hope everything works out for you.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: mikeyd23 on August 10, 2017, 11:30:17 AM
I'd sit on it for a while. You have plenty of time. Give it another year and see how you feel about it then.

For sure, it's weird because we aren't really in a rush, but we somehow feel pressure (totally self -inflicted) to make a decision sooner rather than later anyway. It's also weird because my wife and I are both independent thinkers that usually don't let any societal pressures influence decisions we make about our own lives, but for some reason with this one thing we let outside pressures creep in.

My brother in law's kids are 7 years apart.  They likely waited due to financial reasons and not being able to afford two young kids at the same time.  Nobody says that you have to have them spaced evenly apart. 

What changed my wife's mind about wanting a second kid was going through a family health ordeal.  Her dad became very, very ill and her extended family can be suffocating when it comes to his health.  So she was able to rely on her brother to help defend and deflect the various aunts and cousins, and to split various duties.  She realized that she didn't want our daughter to have to deal with things alone when we are older. 

That's a good point, and one I honestly hadn't considered. I guess there are many life events that sharing with a sibling could ease pressures. Then again, there are many that are probably more stressful due to siblings. Still though, something I hadn't specifically considered.

The beginning of what you said is my situation exactly.  When I got married, I wanted 2, my wife wanted 3.  We had our daughter 10 years ago.  She was a great baby, very easy compared to other kids I've seen.  That being said, circumstances required me to take a more active part in the day-to-day early on.  It was tough at times.  Other people have had it way worse.  But, I still found it tough. 

When our daughter reached 3 or 4, my wife wanted another.  I didn't want another.  I felt I wouldn't be able to handle it - financially, emotionally.  It got really bad between the two of us for a while.  Fortunately, we worked through it.  We simply can't do it financially.  Day care, diapers and everything else all over again.  Things get difficult with just our daughter.

My wife still has issues with it.  But, she knows it wouldn't be a responsible thing to do.  It's just hard trying to decide if you're hurting your kid by not having another.  Will he/she be "that" kid - the only child with all the weird social quirks?  Is she missing out?

Bottom line is we're doing the best we can for her.  She doesn't have a sibling.  But, that means we get to spend all our love, attention and money (birthdays, Christmas, vacations) on her.  The cool thing is she gets that.  She seems like a really well-adjusted kid.  So, we just hope she stays that way.

Hope everything works out for you.

Good stuff man, thanks for sharing. One of the things I'm most concerned with through all this is my wife and I's relationship. I don't want to make a decision one way or the other that will damage our relationship. That's tough for a variety of reasons, but important, no question.

The financial aspect is also in play for us. Kids are just super expensive, period. That is definitely a factor.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: cfmoran13 on August 10, 2017, 11:47:00 AM


What changed my wife's mind about wanting a second kid was going through a family health ordeal.  Her dad became very, very ill and her extended family can be suffocating when it comes to his health.  So she was able to rely on her brother to help defend and deflect the various aunts and cousins, and to split various duties.  She realized that she didn't want our daughter to have to deal with things alone when we are older. 

That's a good point, and one I honestly hadn't considered. I guess there are many life events that sharing with a sibling could ease pressures. Then again, there are many that are probably more stressful due to siblings. Still though, something I hadn't specifically considered.

This is also something my wife thinks about.  I can't help but think she won't be alone.  She has cousins, uncles and aunts that she's pretty close with.
The beginning of what you said is my situation exactly.  When I got married, I wanted 2, my wife wanted 3.  We had our daughter 10 years ago.  She was a great baby, very easy compared to other kids I've seen.  That being said, circumstances required me to take a more active part in the day-to-day early on.  It was tough at times.  Other people have had it way worse.  But, I still found it tough. 

When our daughter reached 3 or 4, my wife wanted another.  I didn't want another.  I felt I wouldn't be able to handle it - financially, emotionally.  It got really bad between the two of us for a while.  Fortunately, we worked through it.  We simply can't do it financially.  Day care, diapers and everything else all over again.  Things get difficult with just our daughter.

My wife still has issues with it.  But, she knows it wouldn't be a responsible thing to do.  It's just hard trying to decide if you're hurting your kid by not having another.  Will he/she be "that" kid - the only child with all the weird social quirks?  Is she missing out?

Bottom line is we're doing the best we can for her.  She doesn't have a sibling.  But, that means we get to spend all our love, attention and money (birthdays, Christmas, vacations) on her.  The cool thing is she gets that.  She seems like a really well-adjusted kid.  So, we just hope she stays that way.

Hope everything works out for you.

Good stuff man, thanks for sharing. One of the things I'm most concerned with through all this is my wife and I's relationship. I don't want to make a decision one way or the other that will damage our relationship. That's tough for a variety of reasons, but important, no question.

The financial aspect is also in play for us. Kids are just super expensive, period. That is definitely a factor.
We actually ended up going to counseling to work through it.  I wasn't sure if things were gonna work out for a while.  But, since then, other financial crises have come our way somewhat reinforcing the notion that we made the responsible choice.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: Stadler on August 10, 2017, 12:30:46 PM
As the father of a single child, let me tell you that the worries - that she will be "that kid" or that she won't be able to "deal when we all get older" are as much up to you as to her.   

We moved a lot, and at one point, she went to four different schools four years in a row.   She got REALLY good about meeting new people and forging relationships.   Yeah, there are times on vacation where it would be nice if there was another kid there to occupy her time, but if the worst thing I have to do is go down the water slide once or twice more, well, those are first world problems.   

As for "when we get old", well, that's a big assumption, no?   She won't have a partner?  A wider familial network?   Maybe kids of her own to help?   A neighborhood?   It takes a village, for real, but that "village" need not be "brothers and sisters".   

I think the choice is yours, and there is no right answer given that you are willing to accept the consequences.   Trust your judgment and your (mutual, this is not a solo decision) emotional reaction to the idea.   You certainly will not be producing the only "single child" in the planet's history. 
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: mikeyd23 on August 10, 2017, 01:36:05 PM
As the father of a single child, let me tell you that the worries - that she will be "that kid" or that she won't be able to "deal when we all get older" are as much up to you as to her.   

We moved a lot, and at one point, she went to four different schools four years in a row.   She got REALLY good about meeting new people and forging relationships.   Yeah, there are times on vacation where it would be nice if there was another kid there to occupy her time, but if the worst thing I have to do is go down the water slide once or twice more, well, those are first world problems.   

As for "when we get old", well, that's a big assumption, no?   She won't have a partner?  A wider familial network?   Maybe kids of her own to help?   A neighborhood?   It takes a village, for real, but that "village" need not be "brothers and sisters".   

I think the choice is yours, and there is no right answer given that you are willing to accept the consequences.   Trust your judgment and your (mutual, this is not a solo decision) emotional reaction to the idea.   You certainly will not be producing the only "single child" in the planet's history. 

Good post Stads, thanks for the advice. I really do appreciate it.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: MoraWintersoul on August 11, 2017, 08:47:34 AM
I'm a fencesitter.

My husband would like children in the next three or four years because he doesn't wanna be an "old dad". I'm only 25 now and I really appreciate freedom of movement and planning and life changes and the ability to fuck up and only have it affecting me. Being depressed, I feel like I will be fucking up a lot until I figure out treatment and meds and all of that. At the same time, my husband said that he doesn't wanna be in a childfree marriage longterm, and I know it's a life experience people regret not having, so I'm on board with it, just having many doubts.

We recently moved to Scandinavia and plan on living here, and I love living here but everything about expat life with children gives me panic, as well. I am going to be that mom who lugs her two kids on intracontinental flights at least twice a year. I'm gonna be that mom whose in-laws live in the same house as her for extended amounts of time because otherwise they'll get to see their grandkids twice a year. The culture here is different and I wonder what I would teach my kids to make sure they're successful. It's going to be extremely difficult and I'll have nothing from my childhood to fall back on.

Plus there's all the personal health reasons. I think it's fairly easier for a man to desire to have genetic offspring because you won't have to be pregnant, go through delivery, breastfeeding and all the freaky changes that happen to even the healthiest pregnancies, literally everything about you can change, or stop functioning, or tear and stretch beyond recognition, pregnancy can trigger a number of horrible autoimmune diseases, PPD or PPP... the list is endless.

I have decided to work out all these fears with a therapist. Rationally, I know that if I ever want to have kids, this is my chance to do so. But it's so weird figuring out what you want when you don't know how your ideal life should look like in the first place, let alone if it's possible with kids.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: cfmoran13 on August 11, 2017, 09:29:41 AM
I'm a fencesitter.

My husband would like children in the next three or four years because he doesn't wanna be an "old dad". I'm only 25 now and I really appreciate freedom of movement and planning and life changes and the ability to fuck up and only have it affecting me. Being depressed, I feel like I will be fucking up a lot until I figure out treatment and meds and all of that. At the same time, my husband said that he doesn't wanna be in a childfree marriage longterm, and I know it's a life experience people regret not having, so I'm on board with it, just having many doubts.
Just to make you feel a little better about things.  My wife was on meds for bipolar prior to getting pregnant.  Obviously, she had to get off the meds during her pregnancy.  She still says her months of pregnancy was the best she felt for the five or six years before or after her pregnancy.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: Chino on August 11, 2017, 09:41:54 AM
I'm a fencesitter.

My husband would like children in the next three or four years because he doesn't wanna be an "old dad".

I find me wanting kids sooner than later has less to do with me being an old dad and more to do with my kids having time with their grandparents. I never met one grandfather and had the other die when I was 12. I would have given anything to have been able to have an adult conversation with either of them. Even if I had a kid tomorrow, my parents would be in their early 80s by the time the kid turned 18. Not to mention, having grandparents still with it enough to take care of the grandkids if need be is a huge plus.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: El Barto on August 11, 2017, 12:04:07 PM
I'm a fencesitter.

My husband would like children in the next three or four years because he doesn't wanna be an "old dad".

I find me wanting kids sooner than later has less to do with me being an old dad and more to do with my kids having time with their grandparents. I never met one grandfather and had the other die when I was 12. I would have given anything to have been able to have an adult conversation with either of them. Even if I had a kid tomorrow, my parents would be in their early 80s by the time the kid turned 18. Not to mention, having grandparents still with it enough to take care of the grandkids if need be is a huge plus.
That's an interesting take. From my standpoint being a grandparent is more philosophic than genetic. In my case paternal grampa died 20 years before I was born. Maternal grandad got thrown out of the house (literally, granny was a big woman) 10 years before I was born. I met him once when I was about 17. Yet I still had a couple of grandads and a couple of the cool uncle types. Grampa Tom taught me how to shingle a roof when I was four or five. Marvin taught me how to change drum and disk brakes when I was 10 or 11 (and cuss like a career marine drill sergeant while doing so). The lack of shared DNA didn't make either of them less of a grandfather.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: OpenYourEyes311 on August 14, 2017, 07:58:10 AM
I just had my first kid a little over 6 months ago. 

Congrats Kev!

Thanks Tim!

I find me wanting kids sooner than later has less to do with me being an old dad and more to do with my kids having time with their grandparents. I never met one grandfather and had the other die when I was 12. I would have given anything to have been able to have an adult conversation with either of them. Even if I had a kid tomorrow, my parents would be in their early 80s by the time the kid turned 18. Not to mention, having grandparents still with it enough to take care of the grandkids if need be is a huge plus.

This is big for me. Unfortunately, my father died 2 weeks after my wedding, so my son and him will not ever get to meet each other. Makes me very sad. And now my wife is on the outs with her parents, so I'm trying everything in my power to get them to reconcile so that my kid has at least ONE grandfather in his life. Time will tell, I guess.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: BeardedGentlemanHistorian on August 14, 2017, 01:41:32 PM
Something my wife and I have been struggling with lately, well maybe struggling is too strong of a word, debating perhaps - that I'd like you guys to weigh in on.

We have a daughter, she turned two in May. She's great, she's awesome, we love everything about her. Before her, my wife and I always said we wanted two or three kids. With my daughter the age she is, we have started discussing trying to have another child. The thing is though - if we are both honest with each other, neither of us really feel like we 100% want another kid. It, to a degree, makes us feel selfish and makes us feel like we might be robbing our daughter of the opportunity to have brothers and/or sisters.

The flip side though, is that unless we really both want another child, I'm not into trying. I think it would be unfair to that child. Sure, we'd still love that kid just like we love our daughter now, but there'd be a little part somewhere in both of us that wasn't happy about the decision at least at this point.

So I'm not sure what we are going to do, we have friends getting pregnant and having babies all around us and it kinda makes it worse. I realize this problem is no where near some who struggle to ever get pregnant and this issue might seem silly, but we are really conflicted about it. We always assumed we would have more than one child, now we are questioning something we kinda took for granted.


My wife and I got married in December 2003. We were young, I was 21 and she was 20. Both of us knew we wanted at least one child and our oldest daughter was born in October 2005, shortly before my 23rd birthday. When she turned one we both decided to have another. Our second was born in 2008.

After a while my wife mentioned wanting a third. Both of us gave the idea very serious thought. We were fortunate. We live in a city with a decent cost of living, we both have full time jobs and our parents are fairly young for grandparents. Mine were mid 50's, hers early 50's. We went for it and had a third in early 2010 and, about two years later, an unplanned but very happy fourth in late 2011. Our fifth is due next March.

It's not selfish of you to not want another kid unless you feel 100% sure about it. It's not silly to feel conflicted about it, either. It's a very big decision and both you and your wife are being responsible for not rushing into things. I hope things work out for you.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: MoraWintersoul on August 15, 2017, 08:45:38 AM
I'm a fencesitter.

My husband would like children in the next three or four years because he doesn't wanna be an "old dad".

I find me wanting kids sooner than later has less to do with me being an old dad and more to do with my kids having time with their grandparents. I never met one grandfather and had the other die when I was 12. I would have given anything to have been able to have an adult conversation with either of them. Even if I had a kid tomorrow, my parents would be in their early 80s by the time the kid turned 18. Not to mention, having grandparents still with it enough to take care of the grandkids if need be is a huge plus.
Yeah, I can understand that. My mom and dad had me relatively late in life, and men in my family tend to die early - I never met my grandfathers, and my dad has been dead for several years. I really appreciate my mom's aunt, she's like my honorary grandma, and often I wonder if I would have appreciated any of my grandfathers in the same way.

A year ago, mom had a serious stint at the hospital and that was the first time I felt a small twinge of desire to maybe someday raise a kid. I was sleeping in her room because I needed to wake up extremely early to walk our dog. I woke up on the couch she sleeps on with the TV on, put on my glasses, her hoodie, her coat and her boots, put the lead on the dog, walked past the mirror and I saw her in my reflection. All day long I had flashbacks of places we went and things we did when I was small.

Genes and families are so fucking weird, man.

We have a daughter, she turned two in May. She's great, she's awesome, we love everything about her. Before her, my wife and I always said we wanted two or three kids. With my daughter the age she is, we have started discussing trying to have another child. The thing is though - if we are both honest with each other, neither of us really feel like we 100% want another kid. It, to a degree, makes us feel selfish and makes us feel like we might be robbing our daughter of the opportunity to have brothers and/or sisters.
I have both a brother and a sister and I do feel richer for having them. Having said that, you should have as many children as you can take. I honestly don't know any person who held a grudge against their parents for not giving them a brother or a sister - many single children I know have went on to form close relationships with friends and cousins and they appreciate the extra attention they got from their parents, and aren't worse for it.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: Nick on August 15, 2017, 08:55:11 AM
I have always left open the possibility of a child later in life, but right now I absolutely do not want one. And while there are a few close friends and family with kids I like or tolerate, in most cases I don't like being around children. I am also constantly annoyed by the public and private push to have kids.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: Stadler on August 15, 2017, 09:03:36 AM
I am going to be that mom who lugs her two kids on intracontinental flights at least twice a year.
I'm gonna be that mom whose in-laws live in the same house as her for extended amounts of time because otherwise they'll get to see their grandkids twice a year.

No judgment, but why are either of those bad?   I let my kid fly by herself at I think 9 was the first time, to Florida, to spend the summer with my parents.   It's an experience for her, and now she is so comfortable flying, she is often the one helping others who aren't so calm.   

As for parents in the house, again, I'm not sure why that is bad?  It takes a village as we have seen, and for all your fears abuot "what do I teach them?" now you have four people's experiences - good and bad - to call on to teach your children.

Quote
Plus there's all the personal health reasons. I think it's fairly easier for a man to desire to have genetic offspring because you won't have to be pregnant, go through delivery, breastfeeding and all the freaky changes that happen to even the healthiest pregnancies, literally everything about you can change, or stop functioning, or tear and stretch beyond recognition, pregnancy can trigger a number of horrible autoimmune diseases, PPD or PPP... the list is endless.

As a new grandfather, I was just talking about this with my wife;  I don't think there is anything as brutal on the human body as pregnancy.  Having said that, you will not be the first to go through this.  It's tough, no question, and it's certainly a hard thing to get to grips with, but to me this is largely fear of the unknown rather than any substantive "I am going to [insert this]" type fear.

Quote
I have decided to work out all these fears with a therapist. Rationally, I know that if I ever want to have kids, this is my chance to do so. But it's so weird figuring out what you want when you don't know how your ideal life should look like in the first place, let alone if it's possible with kids.

Good call with the therapist.  Hopefully they will tell you to be kind to yourself.   What is an "ideal" life?  Man plans and God laughs.  To a large degree (and ironically, kids helped me with this) the live you live is the ideal life, because it's the only one you have. 
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: Adami on August 15, 2017, 04:14:32 PM
I'll be a parent as soon as Stadler starts being honest with himself.

I'm waiting for you baby.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: Stadler on August 16, 2017, 05:31:49 AM
I'll be a parent as soon as Stadler starts being honest with himself.

I'm waiting for you baby.

I'm sorry? 
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: Cable on August 16, 2017, 06:21:49 AM
I'll be a parent as soon as Stadler starts being honest with himself.

I'm waiting for you baby.

 :lol
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: MoraWintersoul on August 16, 2017, 07:27:37 AM
No judgment, but why are either of those bad?   I let my kid fly by herself at I think 9 was the first time, to Florida, to spend the summer with my parents.   It's an experience for her, and now she is so comfortable flying, she is often the one helping others who aren't so calm.   

As for parents in the house, again, I'm not sure why that is bad?  It takes a village as we have seen, and for all your fears abuot "what do I teach them?" now you have four people's experiences - good and bad - to call on to teach your children.

As a new grandfather, I was just talking about this with my wife;  I don't think there is anything as brutal on the human body as pregnancy.  Having said that, you will not be the first to go through this.  It's tough, no question, and it's certainly a hard thing to get to grips with, but to me this is largely fear of the unknown rather than any substantive "I am going to [insert this]" type fear.

Good call with the therapist.  Hopefully they will tell you to be kind to yourself.   What is an "ideal" life?  Man plans and God laughs.  To a large degree (and ironically, kids helped me with this) the live you live is the ideal life, because it's the only one you have.
There's nothing wrong with those experiences, but when I think of the bad that will come with the good, those are the first experiences I think of. I try to not even think about the child getting born seriously ill, or my husband dying leaving me to raise our kids all by myself.

I always laugh when my girlfriends say that they could never imagine going into the hospital to have a baby because it's a serious deal, because I know most of us will have at least one major surgery in their lives and we won't get a baby out of it. At the same time, you know, even if I could feel no pain at all with the epidural administered immediately (highly unlikely), who wants stitches in their privates, an injection to their spine, and blood clots shooting out of them for weeks afterwards?  ;D

Congrats on the new grandbaby! I always imagined you were in your early fourties so now I'm confused but happy for you :biggrin:
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: Stadler on August 16, 2017, 08:05:07 AM
No judgment, but why are either of those bad?   I let my kid fly by herself at I think 9 was the first time, to Florida, to spend the summer with my parents.   It's an experience for her, and now she is so comfortable flying, she is often the one helping others who aren't so calm.   

As for parents in the house, again, I'm not sure why that is bad?  It takes a village as we have seen, and for all your fears abuot "what do I teach them?" now you have four people's experiences - good and bad - to call on to teach your children.

As a new grandfather, I was just talking about this with my wife;  I don't think there is anything as brutal on the human body as pregnancy.  Having said that, you will not be the first to go through this.  It's tough, no question, and it's certainly a hard thing to get to grips with, but to me this is largely fear of the unknown rather than any substantive "I am going to [insert this]" type fear.

Good call with the therapist.  Hopefully they will tell you to be kind to yourself.   What is an "ideal" life?  Man plans and God laughs.  To a large degree (and ironically, kids helped me with this) the live you live is the ideal life, because it's the only one you have.
There's nothing wrong with those experiences, but when I think of the bad that will come with the good, those are the first experiences I think of. I try to not even think about the child getting born seriously ill, or my husband dying leaving me to raise our kids all by myself.

I always laugh when my girlfriends say that they could never imagine going into the hospital to have a baby because it's a serious deal, because I know most of us will have at least one major surgery in their lives and we won't get a baby out of it. At the same time, you know, even if I could feel no pain at all with the epidural administered immediately (highly unlikely), who wants stitches in their privates, an injection to their spine, and blood clots shooting out of them for weeks afterwards?  ;D

Congrats on the new grandbaby! I always imagined you were in your early fourties so now I'm confused but happy for you :biggrin:

You're not far off.   I'm 49, my wife is 43, but she had her son relatively early.  He's 23. 

Like I said, no judgment whatsoever.  Nothing you said is wrong, per se.  I think it's just a balance that everyone does.  What's better?  What's worse? 
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: Phoenix87x on August 16, 2017, 02:03:42 PM
I consider myself very lucky to not have to worry about the biological clock. I'm 30 and am now just finally starting to get my shit together.

I've only just graduated school and won't even be financially stable till like 34. And I definitely don't want to have a child till I have my finances under control. If I wasn't a guy, I would feel super pressured and anxious if I would want a child.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: Adami on August 16, 2017, 02:20:01 PM
I'll be a parent as soon as Stadler starts being honest with himself.

I'm waiting for you baby.

I'm sorry?

My heart will only wait so long Stady.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: Gromit1710 on August 18, 2017, 01:06:18 PM
Not having them. Ever.

Just got snipped a couple weeks ago to never have to worry about it again or use Birth control measures with my wife. We've been together for over a decade. We never planned on having them or ever wanted them.

Dunno why I didn't do this long ago. Still on the "cleaning out" phase of the procedure. Can't wait to throw the condoms away for good.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: BeardedGentlemanHistorian on August 18, 2017, 01:22:31 PM
I am also constantly annoyed by the public and private push to have kids.


Unfortunately, there are a lot of people out there with nothing better to do than pontificate about how they think other people should live their lives.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: DebraKadabra on August 18, 2017, 03:32:06 PM
I consider myself very lucky to not have to worry about the biological clock. I'm 30 and am now just finally starting to get my shit together.

I've only just graduated school and won't even be financially stable till like 34. And I definitely don't want to have a child till I have my finances under control. If I wasn't a guy, I would feel super pressured and anxious if I would want a child.

The only pressure I ever felt came from my narcissistic egg donor who selfishly wanted me to have kids just to give her grandchildren (new brains to warp) while blithely disregarding my stance that it just would not happen. Conversely, I never felt the same push back from Dad. I have gotten looks that I have three heads for not "doing my motherly duty" but that was someone else's weird expectation of women and not mine. You want to have kids? Go for it! You DON'T want to have kids? Go for it!

My point is to just.. live your life and don't give a shit about the (invariable) criticism or judgement from people who haven't walked in your shoes at all.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: cramx3 on August 23, 2017, 03:15:07 PM
My point is to just.. live your life and don't give a shit about the (invariable) criticism or judgement from people who haven't walked in your shoes at all.

Agreed, but they shouldn't have to walk in your shoes to understand people want to live their own lives their own way.  People need to understand that too.

My little sister gave birth a few weeks ago.  I thought being around the baby might spark some interest in wanting one myself, but got to say, it has not.  The little girl is so cute and all, but I feel like being an Uncle is probably better for me than being a Dad.  I get all the positives of the little girl and none of the negatives.  Seems like a good deal to me  :lol  I know it's not the same, but I honestly keep thinking something will spark in my mind to make me want to have children one day.  I thought by the time I hit 30 it would happen, then I thought being around kids would make it happen, well I'm not sure what will make it happen at this point.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: Kattelox on August 23, 2017, 03:27:54 PM
No kids... don't want any, don't plan to have any... I have enough trouble taking care of myself to worry about that. :)
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: Herrick on August 26, 2017, 09:21:33 PM
Where's the option for people who already have kids but don't want them?

LoL

I'm really surprised to see the poll numbers on this. I wonder what is the age of those who said they don't want kids. When I was 20 I knew I didn't want kids. I'm 36 and I still don't want any kids.

However, when I was 21 I ended up with a womang who already had two potty-trained kids. Moved in with them when I was 22 and married her when I was 23. I immediately went from a kid living at home with mom and dad to a kid living with a woman and two kids. Love is a hellofadrug  :lol

A few years ago my wife's infant nephew came to live with us. I've gotten to experience some of the nice and not so nice parts of having a baby...without actually having a baby. I've been puked on, dealt with tantrums etc. I've watched him learn to walk and talk. He says a lot of funny things even more so than other toddlers because he's bi-lingual. Despite him being a brat sometimes it's always nice to have him around. Nevertheless, I still have no desire to have kids of my own. I got vasectomatized when I was 25. No regrets. Best $10 I ever spent. Every time I hear a kid crying in public I thank Crom I didn't have to deal with that in my 20s and 30s and beyond.

I look at people in their early to mid 30s having kids and I think it's crazy. Who wants to take care of a kid in their 40s and 50s?
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: SchecterShredder on August 29, 2017, 03:01:13 PM
Where's the option for people who already have kids but don't want them?


I look at people in their early to mid 30s having kids and I think it's crazy. Who wants to take care of a kid in their 40s and 50s?

Spoken like a true individual without kids lol.

I just had my first a little over a year ago (I'm 34 now), and it's been the greatest addition to my life. All the sappy stuff they say about the happiness of having kids is completely true, and you just can't appreciate it until you have some of your own. The wife and I waited to have kids due to getting married in our late 20's, and then deciding to get grad degrees before doing the whole family thing. I'm glad we waited though because it's been a breeze doing this as actual adults, as opposed to 20 year old's who think they're mature adults. The only downside to waiting is that I likely won't be alive or will just be too damn old to enjoy any grandchildren.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: Stadler on August 29, 2017, 03:27:23 PM
Where's the option for people who already have kids but don't want them?


I look at people in their early to mid 30s having kids and I think it's crazy. Who wants to take care of a kid in their 40s and 50s?


Spoken like a true individual without kids lol.

I just had my first a little over a year ago (I'm 34 now), and it's been the greatest addition to my life. All the sappy stuff they say about the happiness of having kids is completely true, and you just can't appreciate it until you have some of your own. The wife and I waited to have kids due to getting married in our late 20's, and then deciding to get grad degrees before doing the whole family thing. I'm glad we waited though because it's been a breeze doing this as actual adults, as opposed to 20 year old's who think they're mature adults. The only downside to waiting is that I likely won't be alive or will just be too damn old to enjoy any grandchildren.

I was 33 when I had my first (and only) and now I'm 49 and have three more by marriage (all great, great kids, ranging from 23 to 9).  I wouldn't do it any other way.   I'm still young, healthy and in shape* and now with a grandson (23 year old just had his first), I find it very rewarding.  The three step kids have a total douche for a father (older two don't speak to him) and I am helping son renovate his house (the one my wife lived in before we married) and just helped daughter (19) buy a car.   Things "dad's" should do.  I don't at all think I'm replacing their dad, nor do they think that, but they ought to know - for when they decide if they want to be parents - what parenting is about. 


*depending, greatly, on your leniency of "in shape"
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: Cable on August 29, 2017, 06:32:49 PM
Where's the option for people who already have kids but don't want them?


I look at people in their early to mid 30s having kids and I think it's crazy. Who wants to take care of a kid in their 40s and 50s?

Spoken like a true individual without kids lol.



It's a valid opinion though. There is a quality of life concern, for older people that have kids. That being said, development and being "settled" is being pushed out further. And people will continue to live longer, so it's more and more normalized.  Energy levels might be a different story :), but I could argue having youthful outlets increases vitality.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: SchecterShredder on August 29, 2017, 09:37:09 PM
Yeah,  i won't disagree that there are advantages to having kids earlier. My sister had her first at 18, quite accidentally,  but she had a vibrant social life through her 30s. I just don't think it's difficult at all for us. My wife and i are both in good shape though,  so our every levels aren't an issue.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: Dellers on August 31, 2017, 09:27:22 AM
I always kind of wanted kids. Couldn't really find a suitable girlfriend - until a short while ago. Now I really want kids, and truly think I have found the right woman (who also wants to have kids). Within a few years I'm fairly sure I'll be a dad. I hope I'm right.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: black_biff_stadler on August 31, 2017, 04:39:53 PM
Not only do I not want kids, I'm also gonna make sure my kids don't have kids.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: SeventhDegree on September 07, 2017, 08:23:05 PM
No kids... don't want any, don't plan to have any... I have enough trouble taking care of myself to worry about that. :)

Me too!

I do however have three nieces and a nephew.  I adore all of them to death and I don't mind spoiling them at Christmas and on their birthdays but the fact is at the end of the day someone else is responsible for keeping food in their stomachs, a roof over their heads, clothes on their backs, getting them ready for school every morning, etc., etc., etc...


Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: Skeever on September 08, 2017, 05:06:19 AM
Have no desire to have kids, but feel some guilt about it. The rest of the family in my age bracket are reproducing like bunnies and I've never loathed get togethers more than I do today, what the hell happened? It used to be a good time, now it's 4 hours of talking about so and so's toddler, so and so is pregnant again... ugh  :lol

Pretty much agree with this:

I have always left open the possibility of a child later in life, but right now I absolutely do not want one. And while there are a few close friends and family with kids I like or tolerate, in most cases I don't like being around children. I am also constantly annoyed by the public and private push to have kids.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: SeventhDegree on September 09, 2017, 08:58:41 AM
Have no desire to have kids, but feel some guilt about it. The rest of the family in my age bracket are reproducing like bunnies and I've never loathed get togethers more than I do today, what the hell happened? It used to be a good time, now it's 4 hours of talking about so and so's toddler, so and so is pregnant again... ugh  :lol

I share your pain.

Ever since my two (younger) sisters got married and had kids, whenever we all get together, most of the time all that's talked about is is their kids.  I just sit there silently.  No one in my family is interested on how the last Dream Theater concert that I attended was.
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: gmillerdrake on September 09, 2017, 09:07:21 AM
Have no desire to have kids, but feel some guilt about it. The rest of the family in my age bracket are reproducing like bunnies and I've never loathed get togethers more than I do today, what the hell happened? It used to be a good time, now it's 4 hours of talking about so and so's toddler, so and so is pregnant again... ugh  :lol

I share your pain.

Ever since my two (younger) sisters got married and had kids, whenever we all get together, most of the time all that's talked about is is their kids.  I just sit there silently.  No one in my family is interested on how the last Dream Theater concert that I attended was.

I can only tell you from experience that the reason you're encountering this is because once you have kids they consume pretty much all your time....your thoughts and energy. So, that's really all 'we' have to talk about  :lol   
Title: Re: Do you want kids, don't want to have kids or have kids
Post by: TAC on September 09, 2017, 06:29:55 PM
One of my son's best friend's father is exactly my age and is totally into music. We had a cookout last weekend, and all we did was talk about music and metal. In fact in the early 90's, his band actually opened for Dream Theater (way down on the local bill).