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General => General Discussion => Topic started by: JayOctavarium on March 11, 2011, 03:38:24 AM
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Ok DTF.... I need some advice... or just some calming words. And yes it is about relationship type shit...
Ok... a little background: I am 20, living with my gf... and her family... been together 4 years... her family is pretty much my family... I ave no family. Well, I also have an anger..err... issue. I dont get violent towards other people (only towards myself... my finger braces arent just for bowling... I punch hard objects...).. I just got pissed off and yell. I have a short fuse. Well I have been told to fix it... or else I am shit out of luck. She will break it off, and the family will move out of state w/out me, and the life i have spent 3 years building will be gone. I have no job (been lookin for a year and a half, no luck...) been living off of an income that is quickly drying up.
Does anyone have any suggestions beside the whole count or breathe things? also any suggestions on how to calm myself down? for the past 6 hours I have been in a slight panic attack... as in if i lose the little bit of control i have I will be hyperventilating. Thats just how I am. I really dont want to lose this. I have nothing else. No one else. idk where I would go or what I would do.
dont wanna sound like I am whining or bitching... I am just... blarghdgkldgj
editz: also I have been calming my nerves with some Captian Morgan... not something I usually do
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What do you think you should do about it?
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It's not written anywhere that you should get angry at anything in life. Anger's the big deal. What causes it isn't the big deal. Just convince yourself it's not worth getting flustered over whatever it is you're dealing with.
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Why do you get angry?
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go sign up to a gym and kick the crap out of a sand bag, that's what i do, it makes me very happy.
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Well, there's always the therapy route. That's probably the best way to show your GF that you're really serious about making progress.
I'd second signing up at a gym and working out frequently. Exercise has positive affects of many aspects of life, including mood as well as health.
As far as what to do "in the moment" I can't really help you there. I know you're likely not thinking rationally at that time, so telling you to think about something in particular is likely not going to work.
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Drinking certainly isn't going to help. If this is really important to you, I recommend atleast TRYING therapy. It doesn't work for everyone, but if it works for you than that should take care of a huge chunk of your problem.
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Drinking certainly isn't going to help. If this is really important to you, I recommend atleast TRYING therapy. It doesn't work for everyone, but if it works for you than that should take care of a huge chunk of your problem.
I cannot strees this enough, you will do irrational things when under the influence of alcohol, it may mask the stress for a bit, but in no way should ever be used as a cure for it. Having no disposable income kinds of negates any therapy/gym memberships . Do you have any hobbies you enjoy? Something that you do that can help when felling stressful, what causes the situations that make you feel stressed/angry? Get away from these situations, take a walk or bike ride in a park or a quiet road
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Therapy all the way. Bring you girl with you so she can understand what you're going through.
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Exercise is certainly good advice, although I don't think I'd want to make beating the shit out of anything an outlet for anger.
Won't be of much help to you right now, but what resolved my (albeit very slight) issue with anger was the simple realization that most of the things that set me off were petty and trivial. Think back at the last few things that pissed you off. In retrospect, were any of them anything at all that should have angered you? The chances are that when you get angry about something it's a huge overreaction. When something starts to piss me off, I just try to think rationally for a second, just long enough to determine if I have a reason to be angry, and usually I don't.
And yeah, given the importance of not fucking up everything you have, therapy seems like a damn fine idea.
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Any physical activity will probably help channel that energy you're using violently. And I agree your girlfriend needs to know what you're going through. It's probably gonna be okay, considering you tell us you guys have been some while together and will probably support each other no matter what happens. Be mature and do what feels (and is) right.
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thanks all. I have been hitting the gym, and I bowl... but sometimes it just doesnt do it. And the drinking thing, I only drink once in a great while while sitting around about to go to bed. I am going to have to work on breathing and what not. I dont know why I was freaking out hard enough last night to spill it all onto you guys. thanks again though.
dammit give me the drummers name and I will have one less thing to think about
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I used to be a hot head when I was in high school. First - quit drinking, it will backfire on you in some way shape or form.
In my case, it was just a matter of mind over matter. I don't want to sound like Charlie Sheen, but I quickly took stock of what I was doing and realized that if I pulled the shit I was doing anywhere else besides around family and in school, I would likely end up in jail. I don't meditate, take breaths, or any of that other stuff, so if those activities don't work for you, try cold logic. So, next time you get pissed off, think about going to prison. I've never been, but I had a friend serve 15 days and he said it was pretty much the worst time in his life. Being unemployed will also likely get you a longer sentence. Exercise common sense and don't bottle things up.
Just think - dirty ass men living in close quarters, shitty food, very little to do...or hell, even a hospital bill if you broke a bone in your hand.
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>_> What else would you do besides going to a therapist/ psychologist? It's like the simplest and most effective solution because they'll give you the proper resources. I also have no idea why you wanted 'till now to do anything about your problem.
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Oh and relationship counseling. If you guys are regularly fighting it means you need it.
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Study up on things whenever you are angry. Just try to use that time to gain knowledge of something.
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As other people have said, therapy should be somewhere in the mix. In the OP, you stated as to having no family. No matter what happened there, I would say that that is a source for your anger, and your anger is most of the time directed inward. Wahtever happened with your real family has left you with a sense of inadequacy or shortcoming that manifest itself in said anger, which therapy would help you isolate and work through. If I am off target, please don't think I am preaching or anything, I just happen to have a lot of experience with these type of issues. Whatever the case is, taqke the time to work through it for the sole benfit of yourself, if it is done for anyone else, it won't be a complete thing, and will end up manifesting itself again and again, you must take ownership of it.
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Second the therapy advice. I knew a dude back in school that had serious anger issues, whenever he'd get angry he'd just explode out in expletives and then try and hide away under desks and stuff. He went to some anger management courses and now he's one of the coolest, most calm and happy dudes I know.
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Self control. If you can't exercise it get help like our other friends have said. Acting out in a violent manner is not an option. My best to you.
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Therapy. You sound like you have a rather aggressive neurosis. Drinking isn't going to solve it, nor is exercise or hitting a bag. You have to root out the cause for your anger and I have a feeling it's a deep neurosis you will need a therapist to dig out. It's going to take some time.
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Infact, I've heard that hitting a bag and training in a disciplined regime with can draw out shadows.